Painful Logic

Early morning, Corrumbin.

The sand is cool, silky and greyish.

Where shall I drop you? asks Unni.

The Alley, says Barney. Where the river meets the ocean. Like you and me.

Nice, says Unni. You're a philosopher.

Everyone is, says Barney.

Not everyone, says Unni. My dad isn't. He's a pastor.

Shit, says Barney.

That wasn't a philosophical reaction, says Unni. Don't worry. I'm on top of dad.

Jeez! says Barney. Okay, so... thanks for the lift. Just drop me here at the Surf Club.

Is this where you'll be working? asks Unni.

Yeah. School holiday program instructor. In charge of the Frothing Grommets, says Barney.

That's such a cute name, says Unni. Frothing Grommets.

What's a Frothing Grommet? asks Terence, from the back seat where he has been training the Magpie to make parrot faces in the mirror.

Little kids learning to surf, says Barney. That's what we call them. I teach them surf safety awareness, stand up procedures, control and manoeuvres and surfboard technology.

What about surfing? asks Terence.

That IS surfing, says Barney. And when they're a bit more advanced they learn wave riding, turning and duck diving. It's cool. You'd like it.

Yay! says Terence. I would like it. Can we stay here?

No, says Unni.

Please! says Terence.

We have to meet Gaius, says Unni. We're already late. And Sweezus said no surfing.

He doesn't know anything, says Terence.

He knows the future, says Farky. Like me.

He does NOT! says Unni. It's impossible.

I guess he knows Terence would sink if he tried to go surfing, says Barney.

Why does everyone SAY that? says Terence.

Because you're made of cement, says Barney. Cheer up. I'll race you to the top of Elephant Rock.

Terence is distracted.

He looks up at Elephant Rock, which is next to the Surf Club, with steps up one side to a look out.

Okay! says Terence.

He gets out of the Mini and heads for Elephant Rock.

I'll give him a head start, says Barney.

Terence races up the steps to the top.

He looks out over the ocean.

There are no Frothing Grommets learning stand up procedures. Not yet.

Way out, he sees a surfer waiting for a wave. No, two.

Where's stupid Barney? Is he still in the car?

He's a rubbish racer.

As Terence watches, the Magpie flies out of the window and lands on the railing beside him.

It would be good if I had my camera, says Terence.

Why? asks the Magpie.

Because I could take a photo of Unni and Barney, says Terence. And a photo of the surfers out there.

What's a photo? asks the Magpie.

A picture, says Terence. Like when you look in the mirror.

This makes no sense to the magpie.

But he did promise Terence a camera. And Terence can't be a Frothing Grommet.

So he wants to be kind.

Cer-lick! says the Magpie. That's a camera.

Where? asks Terence.

The SOUND! says the Magpie. Remember the train noise?

Terence painfully follows the logic.