Becoming A Crack-up

I'm off, says Katherine. See you on opening night. When is it?

Tonight, says Vello. This is our one and only rehearsal.

Typical, says Katherine.

Now, says David, how's that string-and-stick device going?

It's going quite well. Wittgenstein has tied one end of the string to the stick and the other end to the potato.

Terence is holding the stick.

He raises and lowers the potato in the bowl of cold water..

The feathers drip when the potato goes up.

Are you crying? asks Terence.

The potato had not thought of crying.

He is trying to remember his lines.

Baa! Saave mee!

Right, says Vello. Cue Candide. That's me.

Candide (Vello): My sheep! I feel more joy at recovering you than all the grief I suffered at losing the other hundred.

That's not fair, says Terence.

Hush, says Belle. He has to say that.

Candide (Vello): No, that's all right. I like a bit of improv. Yes, my sheep, it does not seem fair. No doubt Martin will agree with you.

Martin (David): Yes. All is not for the best after all. What sort of god saves one sheep but drowns a hundred?

Red Sheep (Potato): Ninety nine!

Candide (Vello): Astonishing! My sheep attempts maths. This alone proves that god has his reasons.

Martin (David): How do we know the other hundred couldn't?

Candide (Vello): Perhaps you are right. But what was the world created for?

Martin (David): To drive us mad.

Wittgenstein: Ha ha!

Vello: You found that funny?

Wittgenstein: Wasn't I supposed to?

Belle: It was funny. And we should give most of the credit to Terence's potato. When he said ninety nine. What a crack-up!

The potato grows in his own estimation.

All he did was a simple subtraction. And now he's a crack-up