Sad Maths Story

Now what? asks Terence.

Your part's over, says Vello. The red sheep has been rescued. Give Belle the stick.

Is my potato's part over? asks Terence.

Virtually, says David. At the end of the voyage to France it goes to the Academy.

To do maths, says Terence.

No, to be the subject of an essay on why it is red, says Vello.

I know why it's red, says Terence. But I don't know why it can do maths.

It can't, says Vello unkindly.

Ninety nine, says the potato.

Belle unties the string from the potato.

Ninety nine's not the answer to everything, says Belle.

Ninety eight, says the red parrot potato.

See, says Terence. Tie him up again. And let me have a costume.

What did Terence wear last time? asks Vello.

A sleeve, says Belle. But we got rid of it.

Anyone? says Vello.

Katherine had a pair of red shorts, says Wittgenstein.

I'm not wearing her shorts, says Terence.

Of course not, says Belle. I'll find you something.

She opens a cupboard, and pulls out a purple silk shirt.

Why AM I red? asks the potato.

You know, says Terence. Red feathers.

I mean my CHARACTER, says the potato. Why is the sheep red? Were the other hundred red?

Ah! cries Vello. So you agree there were another hundred, and not ninety nine.

Leave him alone, says Belle. Just tell him the answer.

Yes, says Vello. Happy? Now stop wasting time.

Terence is trying on the purple silk shirt. It's too long, but otherwise it looks amazing.

Who can I be in this? asks Terence.

King Theodore, says Belle.

Don't encourage him, says Vello.

Does King Theodore have a potato? asks Terence.

No, he has a sad story, says Vello.

Terence looks at his potato. It looks kind of sad, having gone off maths completely.

Want to be my Sad Story? asks Terence.

Okay, nods the potato.

Should we allow this? asks David.

Let's work it, says Terence. Talk, Sad Story.

My name is King Theodore, says the potato. I lived in a bag of potatoes, with my subjects. Then I was accidentally cooked in a campfire. I was wrinkled beyond recognition. A young nobleman took pity on me and disguised me as a red parrot, with red feathers donated by Marxist sympathisers. I was for a while, splendid. I learned mathematics. But I got one sum wrong! And that marked the beginning of my second fall....

This is gold! says Belle.