The Picky Bike

Sweezus and Baby Pierre ride their bikes to the Kiln Park.

Choose a tree, says Sweezus. They're all pretty good here.

Baby Pierre's bike doesn't think so. 

Baby Pierre whizzes from tree to tree.

How about this one? shouts Sweezus.

Which one? shouts Baby Pierre.

He zooms across to the tree in question.

Photogenic bark, says Sweezus. Nice contrasts.

You may think so, says Baby Pierre, but my bike has different requirements.

Like, what? asks Sweezus.

Straight up and down, says Baby Pierre. No sticky-out bits. Especially at the bottom. And no bugs.

Why do you care about bugs? asks Sweezus.

It's not me, it's my bike, says Baby Pierre. I'm okay with bugs.

As a matter of interest, says Sweezus, how do you know what your bike thinks of bugs?

Watch this, says Baby Pierre. 

He leans his bike against the photogenic tree with the contrasts. And bugs.

The bike remains immobile.

What's meant to happen? asks Sweezus.

It's already happened, says Baby Pierre.

Sweezus can't see that anything has happened.

It must be kind of minimal, says Sweezus. But if you want to pick another tree, go ahead.

How about a lamp post? asks Baby Pierre. They're smooth. My bicycle loves them

Lamp posts? says Sweezus. How come?

Just does, says Baby Pierre. Want us to get behind this one?

Okay, says Sweezus. You get behind it. I'll stand here.

Baby Pierre wheels his tiny bicycle behind the lamp post.

Wheel out further! says Sweezus. No, not that far! Back a bit. Okay. Awesome.

He takes a photo.

How does it look? asks Baby Pierre

Cool, says Sweezus. You can just see the green curve of your front wheel.

Baby Pierre looks.

Good one! 

Oh shit! says Sweezus. I just thought of something.

What? asks Baby Pierre.

Lamp post, next to a lagoon in Melaleuca, miles from anywhere? says Sweezus. Dead giveaway.

Oo yes, says Baby Pierre. You'll have to fix it.

Like yeah, turn the lamp post into a tree, says Sweezus. You could've just got behind a real one.

Do they have toilets in Melaleuca? asks Baby Pierre.

He has just spotted the public toilets, next to the playground.

Dunno, says Sweezus.

But it hardly matters.

Baby Pierre's bike doesn't want to go near them.

When A Tree Is A Tree

Sweezus! says Baby Pierre.

Baby Pierre, says Sweezus. How're you going?

Great! says Baby Pierre.

Come in, says Pierre-Louis. 

Sweezus leaves his bike outside and enters.

Baby Pierre wheels his tiny bike into the house.

Gaius isn't here at the moment, says Pierre-Louis. He's gone off somewhere, training.

I know, says Sweezus. Just saw him. It's Baby Pierre I came to see.

Me? says Baby Pierre. I'm not joining your team!

Wasn't going to ask you, says Sweezus. You'd get us disqualified.

Ha ha! laughs Baby Pierre. Us free thinkers like to cut corners.

Yeah but you should wear a helmet, says Sweezus.

I NEVER wear a helmet! says Baby Pierre.

He's a pebble, says Pierre-Louis. What harm could he come to?

He could crack his skull, says Sweezus. Which is basically his whole body.

I do have legs, says Baby Pierre, showing them. 

They are short and skinny.

I came to ask you a favour, says Sweezus. Can I borrow your bicycle for a video I'm working on for Gaius?

Would I be in it? asks Baby Pierre.

Not exactly, says Sweezus. The bicycle will be ninety percent hidden behind a tree. But you could be on it.

Behind a tree? says Baby Pierre. Tell me more about this video.

Long story, says Sweezus.

I've got time, says Baby Pierre. 

Sweezus tells Baby Pierre about Gaius's Tzeet notes and the accompanying video only being published in Velosophy if there's a bicycle in it.

Why choose my bicycle? asks Baby Pierre.

Beause they decided to make it a readers' competition, says Sweezus. Find the hidden bicycle. So we reckoned the bike should be small. And with green wheels ideally.

Sticking out from behind a tree! says Baby Pierre. I like it. The answer is yes. Which tree do you want it behind?

Any tree. A tree's a tree, says Sweezus.

To you and me maybe, says Baby Pierre. But not to my bicycle.

Baby Pierre's bicycle had been thinking that same thought exactly.

Zooom-ruuurch!

Six o'clock in Norwood. 

Vello, David and Gaius sit outside Cibo's, drinking espressos.

They did not expect to see Sweezus turn up, on his bike.

Thought you'd be sleeping it off, this morning, says Vello.

No way, says Sweezus. After you guys left we had an idea for the hidden bicycle video. Anyone seen Baby Pierre?

He whizzed by five minutes ago, says David. Then zipped under a car.

Which way was he going? asks Sweezus. 

East, says Gaius. Probably back to my house.

Great, thanks, says Sweezus. 

He turns and heads up The Parade.

Sweezus seems keen on this hidden bicycle, says Vello. 

It's a good concept, says David. And we'll gain more readers.

For the wrong reasons, says Vello. Velosophy is aimed at intellectuals.

Lighten up, it's the holidays, says David. 

As long as he doesn't make it too easy, says Vello.

Baby Pierre's bicycle is almost invisible when in plain sight, says David. 

I suppose so, says Vello. But I'm having the last word on this competition.

I ought to have a say, says Gaius. It's my article and my reputation.

In my magazine, says Vello.

Our magazine, says David.

The three philosophers (or really, two philosophers and one natural historian) finish their coffee and head for Norton Summit Road.

Sweezus arrives at Gaius's front door, and rings the door bell.

Pierre-Louis answers.

Is Baby Pierre here? asks Sweezus.

Which one is he? asks Pierre-Louis.

Tiny pebble with legs, says Sweezus. Rides a bike with green wheels.

Not back yet, says Pierre-Louis.

Ting-zoooom-ruurrrch!. 

He is now.

Enigmatic Wheels

It's getting late. 

There's still lots of beer left, but the bubbly is finished.

I should be going, says Gaius. 

Thanks for coming, says Sweezus. 

Me too, says David. Coming Vello?

Yes, says Vello. Early start in the morning.

At the office? asks Lauren.

No, David and I need to get serious about training, says Vello. 

Very commendable, says Gaius. I shall join you.

Good, says Vello. Six o'clock in Norwood. We'll start with a coffee.

They go.

Now it's just Sweezus, Arthur, Surfing-with-Whales, Belle, Lauren and Terence at the party.

Anything to eat? asks Arthur.

No more pizza, says Lauren. But Gaius left some apples.

Green apples. Which no one has eaten.

But Sweezus is looking at the apples.

The hidden bicycle? says Arthur.

Yeah, says Sweezus. These apples remind me...

Of enigmatic wheels, says Arthur. 

Are you going to hide apples in the video? says Belle. That's a stupid idea. 

Yes, says Terence. Because they're real apples. 

I know what Sweezus is thinking, says Lauren.

What am I thinking? asks Sweezus.

If you hide an apple behind a tree.....begins Lauren, winking at Belle 

With a tiny curve visible, says Belle. It would look like a bit of wheel showing. 

A green one? says Surfing-with-Whales. Is that feasible?

No one eats wheels! scoffs Terence.

Feasible doesn't mean you can eat it, says Belle. It means reasonable.

Which it's not, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Ha ha! Which it's snot! laughs Terence. 

Not! says Belle. But it's true, no one uses green wheels.

Baby Pierre does, says Terence.

Woaah! Everyone had forgotten!

Baby Pierre has his own tiny bicycle, with green fluoro-elastane o-rings for wheels.

Coolissimo! says Sweezus. We'll ask him if we can borrow it tomorrow.

Problem solved. 

They crack open more beers.

And make a start on the apples, which are no longer required for the video.

Fishy Red Drink Adventure

Terence has followed Belle into the kitchen.

Where's my red drink? asks Terence.

I'm still looking, says Belle. What did everyone think of the pizza?

They got wisdom, says Terence.

Wisdom? says Belle. Wisdom how?

From the mosquito cheese, says Terence.

Mozzarella, says Belle. How did that give them wisdom?

Yellow string moustaches, says Terence. 

Made of cheese, says Belle.  They must all look funny.

Like wise men, says Terence. But with no presents.

Aw, says Belle. That reminds me, what happened to your wooden duck, Waca?

You'll be sad, says Terence.

Tell me anyway, says Belle.

He got forgotten, says Terence. I buried him in the sand at Saint Kilda. And then we left.

So he's still there, says Belle.

No, a nice little girl might have found him, says Terence. 

That's a good way to think about it, says Belle. She'll have washed him and put him in her bedroom.

He likes adventures, says Terence.

Don't we all, says Belle. Well, you're about to have a red drink adventure.

Yay! says Terence. 

Watch this, says Belle. 

She pours some of Gaius's spring water into a beaker.

Then she takes a teaspoon from Sweezus's cutlery drawer.

Next she finds an empty sardine tin.

'John West Sardines in Tomato Sauce'.

There is some fishy tomato sauce left in the bottom, rich red in colour.

She spoons some into the beaker and stirs it around.

It's not red enough.

But there were three sardine tins, all with remains in.

At last the drink is a dark red drink, smelling fishy.

Try this, says Belle.

Terence tries it.

It's not the best drink ever.

But it's in a cool beaker.

Mouldy Bits Of What

Awesome bro! says Sweezus. When did you order the pizzas?

Didn't, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

He made them himself, says Lauren. It's his new off-season business.

Sure is, says Surfing-with-Whales. Who wants to try one?

Me! says Terence.

Not happening, says Belle. I'll find you a red drink. 

She goes into Sweezus's kitchen

Everyone else takes a slice of pizza.

This is different, says Vello. What's on it?

Whatever I find in the fridge, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Your fridge? asks Sweezus.

No your fridge, says Surfing-with-Whales. Don't worry, I cut off the mouldy bits.

He's very careful says Lauren. After what happened before.

And I bring my own cheese, says Surfing-with-Whales. Real mozzarella.

Everyone is relieved about the cheese. And the lack of mouldy bits.

No one thinks to ask mouldy bits of what.

Except David.

Mouldy bits of what? asks David. I can't identify anything on this pizza.

All edible, says Surfing-with-Whales. The pink chunks are vegan sausage.

David takes a bite. You can't go wrong with vegan sausage. 

And that's grated carrot, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Woah! says Sweezus.

Its a long time since he bought a carrot. Or a vegan sausage.

But the mood remains festive, thanks to the beer and the bubbly, and a smooth change of subject.

Gaius, says Lauren, are you planning to ride in the Tour Down Under?

No, says Gaius. I'm planning to go to Queensland

Into the floods? says Lauren. 

What floods? asks Gaius. I knew there were fires, but ...

There are floods now, says Vello. 

Dear me, says Gaius. Perhaps not at Kroombit Tops.

What do you want to go there for? asks Vello, picking a chunk of vegan sausage from his pizza.

The Kroombit frogs, says Gaius. Are you going to eat that?

Probably not, says Vello. Would you consider delaying your trip if I asked you to join Team Philosophe?

Short of riders, are you? asks Gaius. 

Dismally short, says Vello. It's just David and me.

When is it? asks Gaius. 

In three weeks, says Vello.

Gaius weighs up the pros and cons of not going to Queensland just yet.

Pro: 1) he'll have time to finish his notes on the orange-bellied parrots. 2) and do some work in his garden.  3) and it was nice to be asked.

Con: 1) the Kroombit frogs are endangered.

Gaius is tempted. 

Hidden Bicycle

What is it? asks Arthur.

We need a bicycle in this video, says Sweezus. But where, do you reckon?

Roll it again, says Arthur. 

Sweezus replays the video.

A bicycle doesn't fit naturally into this story, says Arthur. 

That's why we need your imagination, says Gaius. The point is, Vello won't publish it otherwise.

Okay, says Arthur. What about if you hide it?

What's the point of that? asks Lauren. No one'll know that it's there.

Yes they will, says Belle. If we tell them.

Yeah, says Sweezus. I'll add, like, a caption: Find the hidden bicycle!

And where will it be? asks Gaius.

Behind a tree, says Sweezus.

Whose bicycle is it? asks David. Not the birds. Not the quoll.

The person who made the video, says Sweezus. 

Who was it? asks Lauren.

A lady, says Gaius. But I believe she used her daughter's inflatable canoe.

What for? asks Lauren.

She canoed to the middle of the lagoon to speak with Du Fresne, says Gaius. It was Du Fresne who located the missing Tzeet brother. Du Fresne is a sea-faring lobster.

Lauren puts down her glass. That's it. No more absinthe. A lobster?

Why isn't he in it, this sea-faring lobster? asks Vello.

I could add him, says Sweezus. Or a look-alike.

Let's concentrate on the bicycle, says Vello. What have we decided? 

I could mention a bicycle in my notes, says Gaius. Then all this nonsense could be avoided.

And what would you write? asks Vello. 

That I rode my bicycle to Saint Kilda, where the Tzeets were first spotted. And that when the Tzeets had been located in Melaleuca, I rode my bicycle home.

Let me be honest, says Vello. That sounds somewhat pedestrian. I prefer a hidden bicycle that readers can be enticed into spotting.

I'm on it, says Sweezus. But first, I need a beer, and a couple of sardines.

There are only a few sardines left now, but then...

Surfing-with-Whales comes out of the kitchen with two giant pizzas.

Doing An Imagination

They have all watched the video.

Are we to assume there are two endings? asks David.

Choose your own ending, says Vello. Original!

And two beginnings, says Lauren. 

Yeah, says Sweezus. That's what I had to work with.

What did you think of it, Gaius? asks Belle.

It does clarify my own notes on the subject, says Gaius. 

You need a video to clarify your notes? asks Vello.

I'm hoping to publish them online, says Gaius.

You should get Vello to do it, says Lauren. He has a magazine, what's it called, Bilosophy?

Velosophy says Vello. Thank you, Lauren. Unfortunately the video, and no doubt the notes, lack one essential ingredient.

Belle comes in with a plate of sardines, and little toothpicks.

Sardine anyone? asks Belle.

A bicycle, says Vello, spearing a sardine with a toothpick.

Would you publish the notes if a bicycle were to be mentioned? asks David.

Certainly, says Vello. After all, I owe Gaius a favour.

You do? asks Gaius. May I ask you what for?

The penguin pie episode, says Vello. You relented, and gave Camus your consent and the story was published.

I don't recall, says Gaius. But I suppose I must have. Was there a bicycle in it?

He framed the story with an amusing anecdote which included a bicycle, says Vello. 

I could add a bike to the video, says Sweezus. 

Why don't you? says Vello, taking another sardine, and washing it down with his third glass of bubbly.

How would it fit in? asks Lauren.

Ask Arthur, says Sweezus. He's the one with the imagination.

Where is Arthur?

He is coughing up bits of shiny red ( not real) apple into the icebox.

Yuck! says Terence. You shouldn't have ate that. Come on.

What's the hurry? coughs Arthur, grabbing hold of a beer, and straightening up.

You have to do an imagination, says Terence.

Arthur is not one to knock back doing an imagination.

He follows Terence back to the others.

Made It Fantastic

Arthur is the first to arrive at the party.

Nice bow, says Arthur.

Yeah thanks, says Sweezus. Come in.

Who else is coming? asks Arthur.

The boss, and David, says Sweezus. Surfing-with-Whales might. Yeah, and Gaius is back. Terence is here already. He put up the socks.

Arthur is impressed with the non-festive look of the socks.

He plonks a bottle of absinthe on the table.

Thanks, bro, says Sweezus. Help yourself to the beer in the ice box.

Hi Arthur, says Belle. I don't suppose you brought any nibbles?

No, says Arthur. I didn't.

Have an apple, says Terence.

Arthur picks up a shiny red apple by its loop of gold string.

He bites into the shiny red apple.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. It's not a real one!

I knew that, says Arthur. 

And you wrecked it, says Terence.

Arthur swallows the piece he bit out of the red shiny apple.

Did you swallow it? asks Belle. 

Arthur coughs, and heads for the icebox.

Ding dong! goes the doorbell.

It's Surfing-with-Whales, with Lauren Swales, his mother.

Hey bro! says Sweezus. 

All right if mum comes? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Sure! says Sweezus.

Hi Lauren ! says Belle.

How pretty those socks look, says Lauren Swales. And the Christmas lights on the window!

What would you like to drink? asks Belle.

Lauren has spotted the absinthe. She makes a beeline for it.

Ding dong! Gaius arrives with a bag of green apples and a bottle of spring water, followed by Vello and David.

Vello produces three bottles of bubbly.

David puts a large paper bag on the table.

Is that my present? asks Terence.

We didn't know you were coming. says David. This is dried fruit and chocolates.

Boo! says Terence. Have an apple.

But David, the great empiricist, can't be fooled by an apple.

How did you go with my video? asks Gaius.

Good, says Sweezus, cracking open a beer. Wanna see it?

Let's all see it, says Vello. What's it about?

I'd like to see it first, says Gaius.

It's about a quoll and some parrots, says Belle. But Sweezus has made it fantastic!

Oh, has he? says Gaius. 

Christmas Sardines

Terence starts decorating, using the socks.

Sweezus stops editing the video.

Where'd you find them? asks Sweezus. They're not the decorations.

They were in a box, says Terence. They're good decorations.

They're my socks, says Sweezus. 

Socks are good, says Terence, because .....you know.

I don't know, says Sweezus.

They get presents put in them, says Terence.

These won't, says Sweezus. And some of them've got holes in.

Oops, says Terence. The presents will fall out.

There's a box of real decorations somewhere, says Sweezus. 

He looks in the cupboard. 

Yep! There it is. 

He pulls down the box.

It's full of old batteries and light globes.

These are GREAT! says Terence. Can I...?

These aren't them either, says Sweezus. 

Ding dong.

The doorbell rings. It's Belle.

Hey Belle, says Sweezus. Come in. Terence is helping me decorate for the party.

But we can't find the true decorations, says Terence.

I see , says Belle. So you put up some socks.

She looks into the cupboard and pulls out a plastic bag, which rustles.

She opens it. Christmas lights are inside. And a several hard shiny red apples topped with loops of gold string.

These are for a Christmas tree, says Belle. Have you got one?

No, says Sweezus. 

Too bad, says Belle. Maybe just put them on the table. 

The lights? says Sweezus. 

The apples, says Belle. The lights can be taped to a window

Can I do it? asks Terence.

No, says Belle. You do the apples.

Terence starts doing the apples.

Shall I fix up the lights? asks Belle.

Before you do, take a look at this video, says Sweezus. I'm editing it for Gaius. 

Okay, says Belle.

She watches the edited video.

I like how you've done the animations, says Belle. 

Yeah, says Sweezus. I made the quoll look less sneaky. 

He looks heroic, says Belle. Like in Japanese manga.

What did you think of the girl parrot's back view turning into a front view,? asks Sweezus.

Brilliant, says Belle.  It looks like she turns herself inside out. I can't imagine how you did it!

Kinda fluked it, says Sweezus.

You're too modest, says Belle

Terence has finished doing the apples.

Have an apple, says Terence.

Ha ha! laughs Belle. They're not real ones.

But it reminds her to ask Sweezus...

Have you got food and drinks for the party? asks Belle.

It's BYO, says Sweezus. 

I brought these just in case, says Belle, producing three tins of sardines.

Red Bow

Sweezus is outside, tying a red bow to his screen door.

Gaius gets off his bike.

He lifts Terence down.

Terence runs towards Sweezus.

Guess what!

What, little buddy? asks Sweezus.

I'm staying with you, says Terence.

Only if it's convenient, says Gaius. 

How long? asks Sweezus.

Forever! says Terence.

Sweezus laughs. It won't be forever.

I've got a small job for you, says Gaius. Could you edit this video a friend in Tasmania has sent me?

It's a movie, says Terence. There's a quoll in it who looks sneaky.

Cool! says Sweezus.

Quoll, says Terence. You have to make him look friendly.

Might be hard to do that, says Sweezus, untying the red bow.

Re-thinking the bow? asks Gaius. 

Belle gave it to me, says Sweezus. 

There's always the back door, says Gaius. Less ostentatious.

Yeah right, says Sweezus. But my guests are coming in the front door.

A party? says Gaius. That's nice.

Wanna come? asks Sweezus, retying the bow lower down.

It has bells on. They jingle.

Yay! says Terence. Will I get a present from everyone?

They won't know you're coming, says Sweezus. So anyway, come in and show me the video.

They all go inside. Sweezus watches the video.

He frowns.

What's the matter? asks Gaius. 

Is this like, a nature video? asks Sweezus.

A renactment, says Gaius. A reward for the quoll.

What did he do? asks Sweezus. 

He found the missing Tzeet brother, says Terence. He's a hero. That's why he needs a good face.

And while we're on the subject, says Gaius, one female parrot needs her back view edited out.

Yeah, says Sweezus. I can guess which one. No worries.

And a front view added, if possible, says Gaius. 

Might be difficult, says Sweezus.

Don't go to too much trouble, says Gaius. You've got your party. Will Vello be coming?

Yep, says Sweezus. You coming?

I'll drop by, says Gaius. Should I bring anything? Spring water? Apples?

Whatever, says Sweezus. 

I'll be off then, says Gaius. I haven't been home yet. Must look at my garden.

See ya later, says Sweezus. 

What can I do? asks Terence.

Put up some decorations, says Sweezus. There's a box in the cupboard. I'll take another look at this video.

Terence opens a cupboard.

Woo! Hundreds of socks tumble out.

Not The Chocolate One

Can I watch it? asks Terence.

We'll watch it together, says Gaius. Then we'll go home.

They sit side by side on the sand at Saint Kilda.

Ready? says Gaius. 

Ready, says Terence. No wait, I'm not ready. 

He smoothes the sand, and picks a few sticks out.

Now he's ready.

Gaius plays the video, on his phone.

That's him! says Terence. The missing one!

No, says Gaius. That's his brother.

No it's him! says Terence. 

That one's him, says Gaius. The first one was his brother.

Why do they both say their brother is missing? asks Terence. Are they both missing?

Not as far as I know, says Gaius. 

What's THAT! asks Terence.

The quoll who joined Du Fresne's search party, says Gaius. 

He looks sneaky, says Terence.

He does, says Gaius. 

But he's supposed to be good! says Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. In spite of his natural instincts, he helped find the missing brother.

So he'll get a reward, says Terence.

All he asked was to be mentioned in my online notes, says Gaius. And of course, he features in the video.

He won't like looking sneaky, says Terence.

We could ask Sweezus to fix that, says Gaius. He probably could.

Yay! says Terence. Can we go straight to his house?

Why not? says Gaius. And you can stay there. You must be tired of the company of an old natural historian.

Who? asks Terence.

Me, says Gaius. You can be with Sweezus at Christmas. How does that sound?

Christmas! says Terence. Is that the chocolate one? Which I can't have?

No, says Gaius. It's the other one.

Yippee! I get a present! says Terence.

That will be up to Sweezus, says Gaius. 

The more he thinks about leaving Terence with Sweezus over Christmas, the more sensible the idea becomes.

It will free him up to write the online notes. And organise somewhere to post them. Perhaps Vello will agree to publish them in Velosophy. But no. He has that pedantic rule about bikes.  

Marvellous Whizz

She didn't film me flying towards her! says Skye.

Don't worry, says Sweetheart. Barb will come back.

And if she doesn't? says the missing Tzeet brother.

It won't matter, says Sweetheart. It's not like we're ever going to see ourselves in the movie.

What? says the quoll. 

Well, how would we? asks Sweetheart. Do you have a tablet? Or a phone?

The quoll had not considered that his online reward might be unavailable for personal viewing.

Come on, Sweetheart, says the Tzeet brother. We've got things to do. 

Ooh yes, says Sweetheart. Find a few more rotten woodchips.

We need them too, says the missing Tzeet brother.

Lots, says Skye. We haven't even started.

We do have one woodchip, says the missing Tzeet brother.

But nowhere to put it, says Skye. Where DID you put it?

I left it at their place, says the missing Tzeet brother. At least I think so.

Come back to ours, says Sweetheart. We'll find it.

The two pairs of orange-bellied parrots fly off together, chattering. 

The quoll is disgusted. 

Why didn't he just eat them all?

Barb has driven back to her house and returned the inflatable canoe to her daughter.

She is making a cup of green tea.

Her phone rings. It's Gaius.

I haven't received your photograph of the quoll, or the Tzeets, says Gaius. Is there a problem?

Don't even ask, says Barb. They wanted a video, which turned into a full scale renactment.

You have gone to a great deal of trouble, says Gaius. When will you send it?

It needs an edit, says Barb.

Don't worry about that, says Gaius. I'll get Sweezus to do it. He's a whizz at such things.

Great, says Barb. I'm sure he'll do a better job than I would.

Send it through, says Gaius. And thanks for your efforts.

Make sure you mention the Friends of Melaleuca, says Barb. 

Certainly, says Gaius.

And the second female orange-bellied parrot wasn't happy with her back view, says Barb. I was going to film her again from the front, but time got away from me.

I don't see how that can be easily corrected, says Gaius.

A whizz can do marvellous things, says Barb.

Mm, says Gaius.

Not that marvellous, surely?

They end the call. 

Barb sends the unedited video.

And settles back to drink her green tea. 

I Need It!

 It's a wrap! says Barb. 

She turns off the camera.

Can we see it? asks Skye.

Okay, says Barb. But it'll need editing.

Not my parts, says the quoll.

Not your parts, says Barb. You were good in that last scene. I did like your gesture.

What gesture? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

Didn't you see it? asks the quoll.

I saw it, says Sweetheart. He spread his front paws out like this.

I nearly fell out of the tree, says the quoll.

I thought so, says Sweetheart. But you recovered.

It brought the final scene together, says Barb. Shall I replay it?

Replay the whole thing, says the Tzeet brother.

They all gather round Barb's phone.

She presses play. 

First comes the scene where the Tzeet brother asks Sweetheart: Where is my brother? And flies off to look for some woodchips.

I thought I'd deleted that, says Barb.

Then comes the scene in which the missing Tzeet brother asks: Where is my brother? just as the quoll wanders by. The quoll offers to lead a search party, for ethical reasons, and his offer is accepted.

In the following scene, the quoll heads for the lagoon. Barb and Skye can be heard, discussing the fact the the missing brother is not there yet.

Must get rid of those voices, mutters Barb.

Then the scene where the quoll finds the missing Tzeet brother and goes off to find dinner, appearing in the next scene with a wet emu wren feather

Now the camera captures Skye flying stiffly with the emu wren feather stuck to her bottom.

I hate it! says Skye. I look gross and disgusting!

You look all right, says the missing Tzeet brother.

Is that all you can say? says Skye. I want to film that part again, without the feather.

But the feather's part of the narrative, says Barb. How about I film you flying towards me?

It'll look a lot nicer from the front, says Sweetheart.

Okay, says Skye. 

Let's watch the last scenes first, says Barb.

They watch the aerial reunion and the branch reunion, and the quoll's final theatrical gesture.

I wish we could keep both of those scenes in, says Sweetheart. They're both lovely.

True, says Barb. They are really lovely. 

Ring-ring! Barb gets a phone call from her daughter.

Mum! Where's my inflatable canoe? I need it!

Shit! says Barb. It's still in the boot! I'll be there in a jiffy.

She hurries off, turning only to say: Sorry, that was my daughter!

Looks like any subsequent filming is off.

O Temptation!

That was not my intention, says the quoll.

What then? asks Barb.

I brought the parrots together, says the quoll. My facial expression was meant to show joy.

Joy? says Barb. Then you should have been smiling.

But, I considered the effect of my teeth, says  the quoll.

How about a gesture? says Barb.

Yes, a gesture, says the quoll. Any suggestures?

What? Oh! Ha ha!, says Barb. Suggestures. Tzeets! Come down!

The Tzeet brothers and their partners descend from their airy reunion.

How did that look? asks Skye.

Very moving, says Barb. But the quoll wasn't in it.

And I should be in it, says the quoll.

He should, says the missing Tzeet brother. We could do it again on the ground.

That would look wrong, says Sweetheart. Bird reunions occur in the air.

Or amongst branches, says Skye.

Ding! says the quoll. I'm very agile at climbing.

That's an excellent suggesture, says Barb.

Huh? ask the Tweet brothers.

A joke the quoll made, says Barb. I suggested a gesture, and quick as a flash he came out with it.

A gesture? asks Skye.

No, a joke, says Barb. Never mind. A tree reunion is better than a gesture.

Okay, says the quoll. Which tree shall we use?

Preferably one with a good view from below, says Barb. Because I'm not good at filming while climbing.

That's fair, says Sweetheart.

The Tzeets select a suitable tree with suitable branches.

Barb is ready below.

And...action! says Barb.

The quoll whizzes up the tree to the suitable branch, and waits, looking joyful, insofar as he can without his teeth showing.

Sweetheart and the Tzeet brother alight beside him.

O temptation! 

It would be so easy to gobble up Sweetheart.

The missing Tzeet and Skye land on the quoll's other side.

The quoll makes a gesture.

What Face This Face

The quoll heads off, in the direction of the bird hide.

The missing brother and Skye fly above him.

Barb follows, filming and doing the voiceover.

The missing Tzeet has found himself a partner, says Barb. They appear to be leaving the lagoon. Note that the female, having adorned herself with an emu wren feather, flies stiffly.

Barb stops her voiceover. 

Perhaps that's not fair. Skye may be flying stiffly for any number of reasons. 

But it may not be due to the emu wren feather, says Barb. She may be about to lay eggs. Or she might be self-conscious.

Barb stops her voiceover again.

She should mention the quoll.

The relationship of the quoll to this pair of orange-bellied parrots, says Barb, is a strange one. One might expect that the quoll would have made short work of them. Yet they seem to be friends.

Barb is not sure she should have mentioned this either. But she continues.

It is possible the quoll doesn't like to eat colourful parrots, says Barb. But then, the females are less colourful. What's going on here?

Of course I'm no expert, adds Barb.

She is quiet, for several metres.

During which, the video lacks something.

Luckily, the Tzeet brother and Sweetheart appear at this juncture, flying towards them.

O look! says Barb, we're about to witness a parrot reunion!

The Tzeet brothers come face to face in the air, and in a moment of dramatic inpiration, touch wings.

Oh wow! says Sweetheart. That's like that movie you guys saw on the ferry.

How annoying, thinks Barb. I'll need to edit that out.

The quoll comes up to Barb.

Did you get a close up of my face then?

No, says Barb. I was filming the reunion.

It's not too late, says the quoll. 

Okay, says Barb. What face are you doing?

This face, says the quoll. 

He makes a face with big eyes.

What do you mean to convey with that face? asks Barb.

What did it look like? asks the quoll.

The face of a predator, says Barb. 

Why Anyone Does Anything

Barb washes the emu wren feather in the lagoon.

Happy? says Barb.

Happier, says the quoll.

Okay, roll camera, says Barb.

The red light comes on.

The quoll, with the wet emu wren feather in his mouth, approaches the missing Tzeet brother, and Skye.

Ith thith her? asks the quoll.

No it's another one, says the missing Tzeet brother. 

Nice feather, says Skye.

You can have it, says the quoll. Right, let's go folks, and claim our re...

Stop! says Skye. We weren't going to mention it.

Oops! says the quoll. Barb, can you cut that?

Right, says Barb. I'll cut it. But have you thought what you will say?

Yes, says the quoll. I'll say, let's go folks.

You'll have to give me a reason, says the missing Tzeet brother.

Yes, says Skye. He came here to be on his own.

Until he heard about the reward, says the quoll. 

No one has to know that, says Barb. Let's just pretend he was missing.

Or checking out the lagoon, says the missing Tzeet brother. 

For woodchips, says Skye. In case you met someone.

Which I did, says the missing Tzeet brother, I met you.

Happy ending, says Skye. But I'm not nesting near this lagoon. That paperbark canoe creeps me out.

Stop talking! says Barb. I think the best thing to do is cut out the sound altogether.

Then how will anyone know why anyone does anything? asks the quoll.

I'll do a voiceover, says Barb.

It's agreed.

Where's your brother? asks Barb. He's supposed to be at the reunion.

He flew off, says Skye. I think he went to get Sweetheart.

We can't wait all day, says Barb.

Let's start back to the bird hide, says the quoll. We'll probably meet them half way.

Good idea, says Barb. I'll film you all from behind.

Ooh! says Skye. My feather!

The missing Tzeet brother helps her to stick it back in.

Dining On Thrush

The Tzeet brother lands next to Barb.

What are you doing here? asks Barb.

Acting the part of my missing brother, says the Tzeet brother. 

He's acting himself now, says Barb.

But Sweetheart said he played my part, says the brother.

Only momentarily, says Barb. 

So I'm not needed, says the Tzeet brother. What a waste of a journey.

Not necessarily, says Barb. We need to wrap this up soon. We could make this the scene of the reunion.

But Sweetheart's not here, says the brother. Should I go back and get her?

No, says Barb, that would waste more time and energy.

What can I do then? asks the brother.

Go and see what the quoll's up to , says Barb. He went off to find something to eat. 

Okay, says the Tzeet brother.

He flies off to look for the quoll.

His missing brother flies over to Barb with the emu wren feather.

This is for the quoll when he comes back, says the missing brother.

Great, thanks, says Barb. Your brother's gone to look for him. 

What was he doing here? asks the missing brother.

He thought he might be needed to play your part, says Barb. Because you took his part.

Was he upset? asks the missing brother.

I don't think so, says Barb.

But it means he's not in it, says the missing brother.

He will be, at the end, says Barb. For the reunion. By the way, we'll be filming that here.

The reunion! says the missing brother. But Sweetheart's not with us.

I know, says Barb. but the film is about you two brothers.

I guess so, says the missing brother.

Yet it doesn't seem right.

The Tzeet brother has spotted the quoll who is on his way back to the lagoon, having dined on a careless grey shrike thrush.

He flies down. 

What's that in your mouth? asks the brother.

Phoot! say the quoll.

It doesn't look like a foot, says the brother. 

That's because it's a feather, says the quoll.

Barb's got the original feather, says the brother. The curly one. She wants you to use it.

The one Skye had stuck to her bottom? says the quoll. I don't think so.

They return to where Barb is waiting with the curly feather.

At last! says Barb. Are we ready to continue?  Now, I want you to... wait, what have you been eating?

A grey shrike thrush, says the quoll.

Get rid of it, says Barb. This is the feather you'll be using.

She hands him the curly emu wren feather.

I'm not putting that in my mouth, says the quoll.

Barb grinds her teeth. Is there no end to the problems?

The Other Brother

Barb follows the quoll, filming his progress.

Now what? says Sweetheart.

I guess he'll head for the lagoon, says Skye.

That's where he found me, says the missing brother.

You'd better go then, says Sweetheart. Or there'll be no one to find.

The missing brother flies back to the lagoon, by a circular route, to avoid being caught on camera.

You should go too, Skye, says Sweetheart. 

Okay, says Skye. 

She catches up with Barb, who is still filming.

I'm coming with you, says Skye.

Shh! says Barb. I'm filming.

Sorry, says Skye. Just letting you know that my partner's flown to the lagoon.

The missing one? says Barb.

Yes MY partner, says Skye. 

The one who played his brother just now? says Barb.

Yes him, says Skye. It won't matter, will it?

I suppose not, says Barb. But some bird watchers are sticklers for proper identification.

Well my partner IS the one who went missing, says Skye. So now he's playing himself.

Lovely, says Barb.

They reach the lagoon.

The quoll squelches round the edge until he comes to the tree where he first met the missing Tzeet brother.

The missing Tzeet brother is waiting.

Are you the missing Tzeet brother? asks the quoll.

Yes, says  the missing Tzeet brother. 

Wait here. I need to get something to eat, says the quoll. 

Why's he saying that? asks Barb.

Because he did say that, says Skye. And he ate a emu wren, and gave me the tail feather.

That's a nice detail, says Barb. So this must be where you met your new partner.

Yes, says Skye. It's my turn to be in it. How do I look?

Very pretty, says Barb.

Skye flies across to the missing Tzeet brother. 

Come back! cries Barb. You need to take off the tail feather.

Oops! says Skye, turning round.

Let me do it, says the missing Tzeet brother. 

He pulls it out from where Skye had wedged it.

Flup!

That won't do, says Barb. The quoll needs to have it.

Everyone is realising that filming a reenactment is not simple.

Tzeet! 

And to make matters worse, now the other Tzeet brother turns up!

Weird, Super Weird

Ready? says Barb.

Ready, says the Tzeet brother.

Go! says Barb. She presses VIDEO, on her phone camera. The red light goes on.

O no! My brother is missing! says the Tzeet brother.

That sounded over-dramatic, says Barb.

No it didn't, says Sweetheart. That's just what he said.

Okay, says Barb. Continue. I'll delete my comment.

And mine, says Sweetheart.

And yours, says Barb. Go!

O no! my brother is missing! says the Tzeet brother.

What a shame! says Sweetheart. Perhaps he's been eaten. But meanwhile we need more rotten woodchips.

Okay, says the Tzeet brother. I'll get some.

He flies away.

Then what happened? asks Barb.

The lobster arrived, says Sweetheart. He was looking for the two brothers.

We have a problem, says Barb. No lobster.

I'll play the lobster, says the quoll.

You can't play the lobster, says Sweetheart. If you do, you can't play the quoll.

There is no getting round it.

Can we reenact it without the lobster? asks Skye. 

How? asks the missing brother. The lobster was the main character.

No, you were the main character, says Skye. And the quoll found you. What did the lobster do?

Okay, says Barb. I'll stop filming until we get this sorted. 

How about this? says the quoll. I walk past just as they're saying the brother is missing. I say, why don't I form a search party? They say yes why don't you, but you should know there is no reward. I say, a good deed is its own reward, and I go off towards the lagoon, where I find him.

Sounds good, says the missing brother. But you did expect a reward.

So did you, says the quoll.

And me says Skye, until I realised it was selfish.

Selfish, says the quoll. So we don't need to mention it. 

And don't forget, says Barb, this video we're making is everyone's reward. You'll all end up famous.

She's right, says Sweetheart. We don't want to look like we had ulterior motives.

Good, says Barb. Now everyone knows what they're doing, we'll start again from the beginning.

We can't, says Sweetheart. My partner flew off to reenact finding woodchips.

I don't have all day, says Barb.

I'l play him, says the missing Tzeet brother. No one will know I'm not my brother. 

That's weird, says Skye.

Super weird, says Sweetheart.

Do it, says Barb.

O no! my brother is missing! says the missing Tzeet brother.

What a shame! says Sweetheart. Perhaps he's been eaten.

The quoll strolls by, and makes his exemplary offer.

Am I In It?

So I'll be famous, says the quoll.

Looks like it, says Barb. Let's take that photo.

Should I be smiling? asks the quoll.

I'll take one of you smiling and one of you looking serious, says Barb.

In here? asks the quoll.

People might wonder what you were doing in a bird hide, says Barb. 

True. So let's go outside, says the quoll.

They go outside.

Barb takes two photos.

In one the quoll is smiling, and showing his teeth.

In the other he isn't.

Let's see, says the quoll.

I think I prefer the serious you, says Barb.

Me too. Now what? says the quoll.

I'll send it to Gaius, says Barb. But he asked for a photo of the two orange-bellied parrots as well. I wonder if you could do something to attract them.

Like what? says the quoll.

They trust you don't they? asks Barb.

O yes, says the quoll.

They must be nearby, says Barb. I spotted them earlier. 

I could try calling out, says the quoll.

Go on, says Barb. I'll melt into the background.

The quoll calls out. Tzeet!

It doesn't sound very tzeetish. More kind of quollish. 

But it works.

The missing Tzeet brother flies down.

What's up, friend?

I'm getting my reward, says the quoll.

What is it? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

Online notes and a photo, says the quoll. Want to be in it?

What are online notes? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

A story about how I found you, says the quoll.

Am I in it? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

Of course you're in it, says the quoll. If you weren't, you'd still be missing.

Can we all be in it? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

Sure, says the quoll. Call the others.

The missing Tzeet brother calls his brother, his brother's Sweetheart, and Skye.

Yes they all want to be in it.

Barb comes out from the background.

How shall we do this? asks Barb. 

How about we reenact the moment I found him? says the quoll.

But we weren't there then, says Sweetheart.

I was, says Skye.

We need to make it longer, says the Tzeet brother. Start from when I noticed my brother had gone missing.

So, a series of photos, says Barb.

Or a movie! says the missing Tzeet brother.

I guess we could make a short video, says Barb.

In Pursuit Of Rash Promises

The quoll is in the bird hide, thinking bad thoughts.

A human comes in.

The quoll stiffens.

The human peers out through one of the openings.

Ah, says the human. A pair of orange-bellied parrots! I wonder if the male is the missing brother?

It is, says the quoll.

Eek! says Barb. A spotted-tailed quoll! Shoo! Get out of the bird hide!

I'm going, says the quoll. But first, what do you know about the missing brother?

Are you the quoll who joined the search party? asks Barb.

Who's asking? says the quoll.

Me, Barb, says Barb. I'm a Friend of Melaleuca. I've just helped the lobster out of the lagoon.

I wish to make a complaint about that lobster, says the quoll. 

Ooh, says Barb. That could be tricky. What is it?

He promised a reward but no reward was forthcoming, says the quoll.

So you found the missing brother, says Barb.

I did, says the quoll.

And you brought him back here? says Barb.

Along with his new partner, says the quoll. You can easily spot her, because of her tail.

Is it unusual? asks Barb.

It's an emu wren feather, says the quoll. Curly.

I know what they look like, says Barb. How did she get it?

From me, says the quoll.

Mm, says Barb. Well apart from that bit of info, the rest is good news.

And apart from my lack of reward, says the quoll.

You do deserve something, says Barb. How about I phone Gaius and see if he has a suggestion?

Gaius? says the quoll.

The lobster's colleague, says Barb. He seems like a reliable person.

Go on, says the quoll. 

Barb calls Gaius.

Good news! says Barb.

Has Du Fresne found the missing Tzeet? asks Gaius.

A quoll found him, says Barb. The quoll's with me now. It was promised a reward but Du Fresne has abruptly departed.

Dear me, says Gaius. That is unfair. Tell him I'll mention him in my notes. 

He says he'll mention you in his notes, says Barb.

Will they be published online? asks the quoll.

I suppose so, says Barb. Will your notes be published online, Gaius?

Errrmm..... they could be, says Gaius, although I don't normally....

It would be a fitting reward , says Barb. And great publicity for the Friends of Melaleuca. I'll send you a photo of the quoll, so you can use it.

And the Tzeets, if possible, says Gaius. 

No worries, says Barb.

Sulking In The Bird Hide

What now? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

You build a nest together, says Sweetheart.

Where? asks Skye. I bet all the good places are taken.

Would you like to see ours? asks Sweetheart. 

Yes please, says Skye.

They fly off to inspect Sweetheart's hollow.

This is so nice, says Skye. You've made it all comfy.

Rotten woodchips, says Sweetheart's Tzeet partner. That's the secret.

I must remember that, says his missing brother.

I'll lay my eggs soon, says Sweetheart. Right there, in the corner, I've decided.

Can I try it? asks Skye.

Sure, says Sweetheart. But maybe first you should....

Too late. Skye has sat down in the comfy corner, forgetting the curly emu wren feather that she had earlier stuck in her tail.

Ooh! Something's hurting my bottom!

You've sat on your curly feather! says Sweetheart. I hope it's not ruined!

Skye stands up. Sweetheart examines her bottom.

The Tzeet brothers both look away.

All good, says Sweetheart. But you might not be able to ....you know.... for a while.

Already done it, says Skye.

The missing brother looks embarrassed.

Good one bro, says his brother.

Where did you get the curly feather? asks Sweetheart.

The quoll, says Skye. He'd just eaten an emu wren. He gave me its feather.

Aw, says Sweetheart. By the way, where is he, the quoll?

He seems to have vanished.

But no, he hasn't vanished.

He's sulking in the bird hide nearby.

The Reward Is Woodchips

Barb rows to shore, and climbs out of the canoe.

She helps Du Fresne out.

Thank you, madam, says Du Fresne. Now, which way to the coast?

That way, says Barb. Or that way.  I take it you're done with the search party.

I am done with it, says Du Fresne. I never meant to form it in the first place.

So you're off, says Barb.

I am off, says Du Fresne.

Stick to the water, says Barb.

Du Fresne goes off.

Barb deflates the canoe.

....

Meanwhile the search party has returned to an area not far from the bird hide.

Sweetheart has been been watching, from her wood chip filled hollow.

Her partner's missing brother! And a female! And that quoll!

She leaves her wood chip filled hollow and flies out to meet them.

Sweetheart! cries the missing brother.

The other female looks sour

Is she your sweetheart? asks the other female.

No, my brother calls her Sweetheart, says the missing brother. YOU are my sweetheart.

We can't both be called Sweetheart, says Sweetheart.

No we can't, says the other female. I want my own name.

How about Skye? says the missing brother.

Cool, says Sweetheart. Skye's a good name for a parrot.

I love that name! says the other female. 

Where's my brother? asks the missing brother.

Yes, where is he? asks the quoll. We want the reward.

He's away finding more woodchips, says Sweetheart. What's this about a reward?

There's supposed to be one, says the quoll. It's the reason I joined the search party.

Didn't the lobster tell you? asks Sweetheart.

No, says the quoll.

Nor me, says the missing brother. He was about to, until he became poorly.

Poorly! says Sweetheart. Where is he now?

At the bottom of the lagoon as far as I know, says the missing brother.

He'll be fine, says Skye. He's a lobster.

Tzeet! 

(an alarm cry)

It's the missing Tzeet's brother

Darling! cries Sweetheart. Look who's here!

The Tzeet has returned, with a woodchip.

My missing brother! cries the Tzeet, dropping the woodchip. You've returned!

With a girlfriend, says Sweetheart. Her name is Skye.

The Tzeet looks at his brother.

Same old brother.

He looks at the girlfriend.

There is something odd about her.

What is it?

Something curly, sticking up from behind.

Best to ignore it.

They want a reward., says Sweetheart. At least the quoll does.

We all do, says Skye. We're going thirds in it.

That's so wrong! says Sweetheart. The missing one shouldn't be rewarded for finding himself.

And in fact, says the quoll, I should get all of it. SHE wasn't part of the search party. She just turned up at random.

Skye is outraged.

Calm down, says Sweetheart. You can have some of our woodchips. To help get you started.

Thanks, Sweetheart, says Skye.

Yes, thanks, says the missing brother.

Now it's the quoll's turn to be outraged.

The reward is just WOODCHIPS!

Not That I Know Of

Barb arrives at the lagoon.

She inflates the canoe she has borrowed from her daughter.

She gets in, and rows out to the middle.

She peers into the tea-coloured water.

What's that down there?

Looks like .....two lobsters!

But wait. Only one lobster is moving.

Rising towards her, in fact.

The lobster surfaces.

Stares at the inflatable canoe, and turns in a circle.

Stop! says Barb. 

A thousand pardons. I am somewhat confused, says Du Fresne.

Have you been in a fight with another lobster? asks Barb.

I'm the only one here, says Du Fresne.

What about that one down there? says Barb.

That is my old carapace, says Du Fresne. I have just moulted.

How thrilling, says Barb.

Permission to come aboard, says Du Fresne.

Take care, says Barb. This canoe is my daughter's. 

Very nice, says Du Fresne. I'm unlikely to harm it. 

He clambers on board the canoe, and lies back exhausted.

I suppose you are wondering why I'm here, says Barb.

To rescue me, says Du Fresne. Quite unnecessary.

Not at all, says Barb. To deliver a message from your colleagues. 

What might that be? asks Du Fresne.

They couldn't interpret your last message, says Barb.

I was underwater, says Du Fresne.

That was probably why, says Barb. They want you to resend it.

I can't do that, says Du Fresne. Not until my shell hardens.

So what was it? says Barb. Did you locate the missing orange-bellied parrot?

I believe so, says Du Fresne. The quoll was looking into it.

Quoll! says Barb. 

A trusted member of my search party, says Du Fresne.

Barb does not look convinced.

Your quoll has probably made a meal of the orange-bellied parrot, says Barb.

It assured me it wouldn't, says Du Fresne.

Hm, says Barb.

It was more interested in the reward, says Du Fresne.

There's a reward? says Barb.

Not that I know of, says Du Fresne.

Barb starts rowing, none the wiser concerning the whereabouts of the orange-bellied parrot.

But she has learned a few things about lobsters.

Come Out Of The Water

Gaius has at last found the number.

He calls Barb.

Friends of Melaleuca, says Barb. Barb speaking.

It's me, says Gaius. Secundus.

Oh yes, the lobster chap, says Barb. I was going to call you.

You have news of Captain Du Fresne? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Barb, and not good news. He made a second attempt to commandeer the paperbark canoe. The aunties tell me they found it mid-lagoon with no one in it.

Then how do they know Du Fresne was the culprit? asks Gaius.

They don't, says Barb. But they suspect him. He had formed a search party.

It could well be Du Fresne. says Gaius. My colleague Baudin received a garbled message from him a short time ago.

What was the message? asks Barb.

Something about a monsoon, says Gaius. But it may have been a lagoon. And blueshine, so we believe he may be underwater.

Well, he is a lobster, says Barb.

I wonder if I could prevail upon you to make a trip to the lagoon and see if you can find him, says Gaius. 

May I ask why? says Barb.

Certainly, says Gaius. Du Fresne is our only means of finding out whether the second Tzeet, who is currently missing, has been found. 

Tzeet? says Barb,

Orange-bellied parrot, says Gaius. Apologies. That's our pet name for them.

How sweet, says Barb. It sounds like their alarm cry.

It is based on their alarm cry, says Gaius. 

We Friends of Melaleuca love our little community of orange-bellied parrots, says Barb. We monitor them all though the summer. Dear little creatures. Did you know they were endangered?

Of course! says Gaius. Hence my concern.

Very well, says Barb. I'll go to the lagoon and look for your lobster. Is there a message?

Yes, says Gaius. Come out of the water, and get in touch. Your last message was garbled.

Simple enough, says Barb. Of course he may be out there in the middle. And I'm not entitled to use the paperbark canoe.

Pity, says Gaius.

I'll figure out something, says Barb. We Friends of Melaleuca are resourceful.

Gaius is relieved.

He imagines Barb borrowing an inflatable canoe from someone. Paddling out to the middle. Looking down into the tea-coloured water, seeing Du Fresne.......

Du Fresne surfacing, and clambering into the inflatable canoe. Barb making sure Du Fresne doesn't rip it....and so on.

So You're Lost

It's a female orange-bellied parrot.

Is it you? asks the Tzeet.

I might ask the same question, says the female orange-bellied parrot.

Doesn't she know?

You are not my brother's sweetheart? asks the Tzeet.

Brother? Sweetheart? says the female orange-bellied parrot, who appears not to know who he is, nor his brother, nor his Sweetheart.

Never mind, says the Tzeet. 

I just got here, says the female orange-bellied parrot. Was that you singing?

Yes, says the Tzeet. I'm trying to attract someone who knows me.

Does it have to be someone who knows you? asks the female orange-bellied parrot.

There's a search party looking for me, says the Tzeet. And a reward.

So you're lost, says the female. What an idiot!

She is about to fly off. Who wants to mate with someone who doesn't know where he is?

What chance would their children have of finding their way back to Adelaide in the winter?

She hesitates.

On the other hand, most of the orange-bellied parrots she's met so far already have partners.

And there is the reward to think of.

She turns back.

I'll wait with you, says she.

The quoll returns, his mouth full of brown feathers.

Ith thith ther? says the quoll, seeing the female.

No, says the Tzeet. It's a new one. She answered my call.

The quoll spits out a long curly feather.

What's that you've been eating? asks the female.

A plump tasty emu wren, says the quoll. What's it to you?

Nothing, says the female. Pretty feather.

Want it? asks the quoll. Take it.

She picks it up with her beak.

Does it suit me?

The Tzeet is shocked. What sort of female is she?

Come on, says the quoll. The reward awaits. Let's hope it divides into three equal parts.

They head off together, with confidence.

Unaware that there is no reward.

Where I Last Saw Sweetheart

Monsoon? says Gaius. In Tasmania?

That does seem strange, says Baudin.

What else could Du Fresne have been saying? asks Gaius. What is blueshine?

Let's look at this from a nautical angle, says Baudin. 

Yes, says Gaius. Blueshine is possibly water. What is the monsoon?

A lagoon? suggests Baudin. Perhaps he is in one.

The paperbark canoe! says Gaius. Surely he hasn't tried to commandeer it again.

He decides to call Barb, of the Friends Of Melaleuca.

What was her number?.....

Drat! He doesn't have it. 

This may take some time.

....

Meanwhile the quoll and the Tzeet are making their way to the spot where the quoll last saw Sweetheart.

She was here, says the quoll.

Should we wait? asks the Tzeet. Did she say she'd be returning?

No, says the quoll. But I don't think she'd come far. How about singing loudly?

Singing? says the Tzeet. Okay.

He doesn't start singing.

Go on, says the quoll.

What to sing? says the Tzeet.

Do you have a mating song? asks the quoll.

That would be inappropriate, says the Tzeet.

Huh? says the quoll. 

If she comes, says the Tzeet. She'll think I....

So what, says the quoll. Don't overthink things, that's my motto.

I like that, says the Tzeet.

He sings a mating song loudly.

Twiddly-dee!

Nice, says the quoll. Now we wait and see what happens.

Nothing happens.

Maybe it's me, says the quoll. I'll head off and look for some dinner.

What about me? says the Tzeet.

Don't push your luck, says the quoll. I'll be back shortly.

He goes off to look for something brown, plump and tasty.

The Tzeet sings again.

Twiddly-dee!

Flutter flutter!

O! Look who's coming!

 

Out Of Blueshine

Du Fresne, at the bottom of the lagoon, rubs his soft parts.

He watches the unexpected stone move away.

How can this happen?

Is it not a stone? Is it a turtle?

No it's a stone, tied with....yes!... familiar string.

The work of the aunties!

He looks up. 

The paperbark canoe is still above him. 

Plonk! 

The canoe moves slowly away.

Perhaps the aunties are simply trying to recover the canoe.

And are unaware he is under it, moulting

Mais alors! He has quite enough problems.

His discarded carapace lies beside him and it is crackling.

Not crackling, bloobling.

No doubt Baudin is trying to get through.

He reaches out to fiddle wih a protuberance. 

Damn thing never worked well under water.

Blooble-bloo.

He hears something faintly.

Du Fresne, where are you?

He pulls the cracked carapace towards him, and speaks:

Du Fresne here. I'm out of action temporarily. The search party has gone on without me. More news soon.

Baudin, in the Adelaide International Bird Sanctuary with Gaius, receives the following message:

Booble boo here out of blueshine bomblearily blub blub without me monsoon.

At last says Baudin. A message from Du Fresne.

Excellent, says Gaius. What is it?

He is out of blueshine bomblearily, says Baudin. Due to the monsoon.

Are you sure? asks Gaius. It sounds garbled.

He may be transmitting underwater, says Baudin. 

 

Easing Soft Parts Through Cracks

The Tzeet flies back to the quoll, who is waiting at the edge of the lagoon.

Game over, says the Tzeet. The lobster is moulting.

How long will that take? asks the quoll.

Beats me, says the Tzeet. I know little about lobsters.

Goodbye reward, says the quoll.

But it wasn't the lobster who was offering it, says the Tzeet. Someone else was.

O yes! says the quoll. We need to find out who it was.

Any ideas? asks the Tzeet.

Your brother's partner knew something, says the quoll.

Where did you meet her? asks the Tzeet.

Back there, says the quoll, pointing.

Let's go, says the Tzeet.

What about the canoe? asks the quoll. We can't leave it floating.

Yes, we can, says the Tzeet. 

They head off in the direction that the quoll has just pointed.

rustle rustle crack! shh!

A sound! (as of three aunties walking through the bush, softly) 

The quoll shoots up a tree. The Tzeet is there already.

Auntie Doreen: You girls see what I see?

Auntie Leena: Told you we couldn't trust that lobster.

Auntie Flora: I see the canoe, but no lobster.

Auntie Doreen: You still got that string?

Auntie Leena: Yep! 

Auntie Doreen: Everyone look for a stone.

Auntie Flora: How about this one?

Auntie Doreen: Good. Now tie the string round it and chuck it into the canoe. Then we'll be able to drag it back to its proper position.

Auntie Leena: Ready. Here goes! Aw! Missed it.

Auntie Doreen: Pull it back. Have another go! 

Auntie Leena: Okay!

Auntie Flora: Good one, Leena!

The aunties begin dragging the canoe to the shore.

The quoll and the Tzeet, seeing the aunties are occupied, continue their journey.

This is all good so far.

Except, under the water, Captain Du Fresne, in the process of easing his soft parts out through the cracks in his carapace, has been struck by an unexpected stone, attached to a string. 

 

I Was Oooh Hurrr Wurrr

 I'd better go, says the spotted-tailed quoll. I need to collect my reward.

What's it for? asks the Tzeet.

Finding you, says the quoll.

What is it and who's giving it? asks the Tzeet.

It was a ride in the canoe, says the quoll, but it's something else now.

That's not how rewards work, says the Tzeet.

You'd better be wrong, says the quoll.

So who's giving it? asks the Tzeet. That lobster?

The quoll realises he doesn't have that information.

Call him over, suggests the Tzeet.

He has to wait for a breeze, says the quoll. You're a bird. Why don't you fly over?

Okay, says the Tzeet.

This will give him something to do.

He flies to the middle of the lagoon and lands on the prow of the paperbark canoe.

It rocks gently.

Du Fresne has been dreaming of high winds and hornpipes, and feeling tight in the tummy.

He opens his eyes.

Looking for me? asks the Tzeet.

To know that, I need to question you further, says Du Fresne.

Go ahead, says the Tzeet.

Did you arrive in Tasmania by ferry? asks Du Fresne.

I came to Tasmania by ferry, then flew here, with my brother, says the Tzeet. Soon after that, he found a partner and began to fit in.

He did? says Du Fresne. I assume then, you didn't.

I didn't, says the Tzeet, as I explained to your crew member, with the teeth.

And then you went missing, says Du Fresne. That is understandable.

So I'm the one you are looking for? asks the Tzeet.

You are, says Du Fresne.

And there's a reward for finding me? says the Tzeet.

Not that I know of, says Du Fresne. 

Then your crew member was lying, says the Tzeet. 

He may be referring to something I said, says Du Fresne.

The Tzeet is determined to get to the bottom of this.

After all, he may be entitled to a reward for returning.

It's not a ride in this canoe, is it? asks the Tzeet. 

Who would want that? says Du Fresne, shifting uncomfortably. 

No one, says the Tzeet. 

I had no intention of seeking you, says Du Fresne, after I'd located your brother. 

What? says the Tzeet. But you're here, aren't you?

You ruined everything by going missing, says Du Fresne. My mission was over. I was oooh hurrr wurrrr.

Are you all right? asks the Tzeet.

Nurrrr, says Du Fresne. Ooogg. I suspect my annual moult is beginning. 

He clambers out of the canoe and slips gently into the water.

The Tzeet watches the bubbles as they rise to the surface and pop.

More Than My Teeth

But no. It's not a lobster.

It's a spotted-tailed mammal with teeth.

What is it saying?

Don't fly off! 

When I see teeth I fly off, says the Tzeet.

I'm more than my teeth, says the quoll. 

What more? asks the Tzeet.

I'm a crew member, says the quoll. Didn't you see me leap out of that paperbark canoe?

No, says the Tzeet. I wasn't looking. I was thinking.

About your brother? asks the quoll. 

You were sent by my brother? says the Tzeet.

No, says the quoll. But his partner is looking for you.

The Tzeet peeps out between leaves.

There is the lagoon. There is the paperbark canoe in the middle. There is a lobster with his dominant claw in the air, checking for breezes.

Where is she? asks the Tzeet.

Who? asks the quoll.

My brother's partner, says the Tzeet. The one who was looking for me.

She didn't come, says the quoll. WE came.

In fact, only you came, says the Tzeet.

It looks that way, says the quoll.

You with the teeth, says the Tzeet.

You with the feathers, says the quoll.

What's that supposed to mean? asks the Tzeet.

If I was going to eat a bird, says the quoll, it wouldn't be one with orange, green and yellow feathers.

Good to know, says the Tzeet. That's one of the things I've been thinking about, in my solitude.

Whether you'd get eaten? asks the quoll.

Why I am like I am, says the Tzeet. 

The colours?  asks the quoll. 

No, the reasons I can't seem to fit in, says the Tzeet. My brother fitted in. But after the trip on the ferry and the movie and the trip here, I felt restless.

What was the movie? asks the quoll.

The Tzeet recounts the story of the movie he watched on the ferry, with the puppies in colourful uniforms and the magical crystals.

By the time he has finished, the quoll also feels restless.

His Adventure Truncated

The tree the quoll is watching moves slightly.

Feel that? says Du Fresne. We're moving.

The tree moved, says the quoll.

Relative to our position, says Du Fresne. Remember, we're on the water.

So we moved, says the quoll.

I said that, says Du Fresne.

At the same time as the tree, says the quoll.

Relatively, says Du Fresne. 

It seems a bit wasteful, says the quoll.

Not at all, says Du Fresne. The wheels of natural motion are not wasteful

Wheels? says the quoll.

Metaphorically speaking, says Du Fresne. Anyway, motion is the concern of a captain. Not the crew member.

Which is me, says the quoll. 

Yes, says Du Fresne. And as the wind is getting up, we'll soon reach the far shore where you spotted the so-called orange flash. 

The canoe floats towards the far shore of the lagoon, and bumps up against it.

Bump!

Now we disembark, says Du Fresne.

You first, says the quoll.

No, you first, says Du Fresne. Captain last. In fact, if the vessel is sinking, the captain remains with it.

How stupid is that? says the quoll.

We need not debate it, says Du Fresne. Our task is to look for that parrot.

The quoll leaps out.

Du Fresne pushes off again.

Hey! says the quoll.

Au revoir! says Du Fresne.

He floats back to the middle of the lagoon.

(the breeze must have dropped)

The quoll is not happy to have his adventure truncated.

And it need not be!

He climbs up the now stationary tree.

Stealthily.

What does he think he can see?

Through the leaves.....

Orange belly feathers? An orange belly? Telltale yellow underparts?

Tzeet! squawks the Tzeet. ( It is he!)

Steady on! says the quoll, in a voice he hopes sounds like a lobster.

The Tzeet is puzzled. What's a lobster doing up here in the tree?

Watch The Tree

I know that look, says Du Fresne.

Sorry, says the quoll. I'm sure we'll be back on dry land before dinner.

As am I, says Du Fresne.

Are we moving at all? asks the quoll.

Watch that tree, says Du Fresne. It will tell you if we're moving.

The quoll watches the tree.

It's not telling me anything, says the quoll.

That's because were not moving, says Du Fresne.

Clever, says the quoll. And what if we were?

The tree would appear to move, relative to our position, says Du DFresne.

Can all trees do that? asks the quoll. 

Only the ones you can see from your vessel, says Du Fresne.

What is that called? asks the quoll. 

Common sense, says Du Fresne.

The quoll is offended.

Of course, says Du Fresne, it's only common sense for sailors. 

Are you a sailor? asks the quoll.

A sea captain, says Du Fresne. Privateer and explorer. That was some time ago.

How come you've ended up here? asks the quoll.

I ask myself the same question, says Du Fresne. I was in the vicinity when my old friend Baudin called and sent me on this fool's errand.

To find a missing parrot, says the quoll. You do know they go missing all the time?

I know little about parrots, says Du Fresne. 

They are not very tasty, says the quoll. It may be something to do with their colourful feathers.

You eat parrots? says Du Fresne. 

As a last option, says the quoll. I prefer little plump brown birds, or possums.

It occurs to me that you are not the best person to be in my search party, says Du Fresne.

I joined for the reward, says the quoll.

But you are likely to eat the missing parrot, should we locate him, says Du Fresne. 

Not very likely, says the quoll. It depends if this breeze you predicted gets up.

Du Fresne licks his dominant claw and points skywards.

Aha! I detect a faint stirring, says Du Fresne.

That is impressive, says the quoll.

The quoll keeps on watching the tree.

Flash Of Orange

Wait here, says the spotted-tailed quoll.

What for? asks Du Fresne.

Me, says the quoll. I won't be long.

He is an agile climber.

He climbs up the peppermint gum.

Not surprisingly, there are no birds in the peppermint gum.

The quoll comes down again.

Looks like it's just you and me, says the quoll.

Did you spot anything useful while you were up there? asks Du Fresne.

No, says the quoll. But I wasn't looking.

Go back up, says Du Fresne.

The quoll speeds up the peppermint gum again, and looks out through the peppermint branches.

What kind of thing would count as useful? calls the quoll.

Signs of a struggle, says Du Fresne. Feathers. Or the bird itself, in the distance.

The quoll comes back down.

I thought I saw a flash of orange on the far side of the lagoon, says the quoll.

That is unlikely, says Du Fresne.

I have good eyesight, says the quoll.

But the orange patches are small, says Du Fresne. You are more likely to have seen a flash of green or yellow.

I saw a flash of orange, says the quoll. Why don't we use the canoe to float over?

Du Fresne doesn't fancy being in the canoe with the quoll.

It's quite a large quoll.

But he overcomes his qualms, and scrambles into the paperbark canoe.

The quoll leaps in after him.

The canoe bobs and almost tips over.

Steady! says Du Fresne. Find a spot to sit down and don't wriggle

This is good, says the quoll. But how do we move it?

Oars would be ideal, says Du Fresne. But as we have no oars, we'll push off, and take our chances.

He reaches out with his dominant claw, and pushes off from the embankment.

The canoe floats out into the lagoon.

This was meant to be our reward, says the quoll.

I know, says Du Fresne. We'll have to think of another one.

How about oars? says the quoll.

A pertinent suggestion.

The canoe has stopped dead in the middle of the lagoon.

I suppose you can swim? says the quoll.

No need, says Du Fresne. A light breeze is getting up. We just need to be patient.

The quoll is not usually patient.

He now regrets joining the search party. 

What if there is no light breeze getting up (he can't feel it)  and the two of them are stuck in the middle of the lagoon for a very long time?

What will he eat?

Could he see himself eating a lobster?

The Right To Make Rules

Sweetheart flies to a low branch near the spotted-tailed quoll.

Ooh! says the quoll. A parrot!

Just a quick question, says Sweetheart.

Fire away, says the spotted-tailed quoll.

That lobster who just passed you, says Sweetheart.

Without saying a word, says the quoll.

That's the one, says Sweetheart. He's supposed to be forming a search party. 

Searching for what? asks the quoll.

For whom, not what, says Sweetheart. My partner's missing brother.

What does he look like? asks the quoll.

A bit like me, says Sweetheart, but brighter green, with yellow underparts and an orange patch on his belly. 

Should be easy, says the quoll. Is there a reward?

Um... yes, says Sweetheart. 

What is it? asks the quoll.

The lobster will tell you, says Sweetheart.

I'll catch up with him, says the quoll.

It hurries off after Du Fresne.

Du Fresne has reached the lagoon. Ha! Yes ! There is the paperbark canoe. Someone has replaced it.

He is about to climb in when the spotted-tailed quoll calls out: Hey!

Yes? says Du Fresne.

Is there a reward? asks the quoll.

For? asks Du Fresne.

For finding the missing brother, says the quoll.

Err... yes, says Du Fresne. A ride in this paperbark canoe.

The quoll is disappointed.

Does that mean you've already found him? asks the quoll.

Not yet, says Du Fresne. 

Great, says the quoll. I'm joining the search party.

Good for you, says Du Fresne.

Should we stick together? asks the quoll.

No, says Du Fresne. You go that way, and I'll wait here in the canoe.

No way! says the quoll. No canoe ride until we've found him.

Du Fresne is annoyed. Who is this quoll and what gives it the right to make rules?

It might not be easy, says the quoll.

I know, says Du Fresne.

Unless it's dead, says the quoll.

Mm-hm, says Du Fresne.

But if it's alive it could be anywhere, says the quoll.

I know, says Du Fresne.

It would be good if we had a bird in our search party, says the quoll.

So it would, says Du Fresne. Why don't you go and recruit one?

The quoll looks up into a nearby peppermint gum.

Perhaps Sweetheart has followed?

She hasn't. 

We Can't Trust Him

Nothing at all, says Du Fresne, in answer to Baudin's crackling question.

Did I hear something about a missing crackle? asks Baudin. Should I inform Gaius?

No need, says Du Fresne. A search party will find him.

You have formed a search crackle? says Baudin. Well crackled!

The least I could do, says Du Fresne.

Be sure to keep me incrackled, says Baudin.

I shall, says Du Fresne.

Du Fresne turns to the Tzeet.

You haven't formed a search party, says the Tzeet.

Correct, says Du Fresne.

But you intend to? says the Tzeet.

I don't have time, says Du Fresne. I have things to do, voyages to make, aunties to keep out of the way of....

You said it was the least you could do, says the Tzeet. 

There was a very bad connection, says Du Fresne.

But I'm here at your end, says the Tzeet. I heard you say it was the least you could do. Referring to forming a search party.

All right, says Du Fresne. I shall form a search party, but I won't be part of it. The search party will report back to you.

And if the search party finds my brother, who will tell Gaius? asks the Tzeet. 

I will, says Du Fresne. But right now I'm off to set up the search party.

He goes off, towards the lagoon.

The Tzeet looks at his orange-bellied sweetheart.

What will he tell Gaius, if he's not even in the search party? he asks his sweetheart.

We can't trust him, says his sweetheart. 

I should have joined his search party, says the Tzeet.

Why didn't you? asks his sweetheart.

Too much to do, says the Tzeet. Collecting rotten wood chips and so on.

I'll go, says his orange-bellied sweetheart

(let's call her Sweetheart)

O Sweetheart! says the Tzeet. That's why I love you!

She flies off, in the wake of Du Fresne.

She flits between peppermint and swamp gums, remaining unseen.

Du Fresne passes a spotted-tailed quoll. 

Sweetheart notes that Du Fresne does not ask it to do anything.

Crots Crappkl-up?

Du Fresne thinks he might forget about the brother.

Desolé, says Du Fresne. But now, I must be going.

What does dessolay mean? asks the female orange-bellied parrot. 

Desolé, repeats Du Fresne. Means I'm sorry.

About my missing brother? asks the Tzeet

About going, says Du Fresne. But yes, also about your missing brother.

He may have been taken by a fox or a cat, says the Tzeet.

Or eaten a noxious weed, says the female.

Failing that, says Du Fresne, he may be off on a fine adventure.

Not him, says the Tzeet.

No, not him, says the female. Not you either.

No dear, says the Tzeet. No more fine adventures for me.

Not until we return to Saint Kilda in the autumn, says the female. With our new family.

The Tzeet looks apprehensive.

Perhaps you could return on the ferry, says Du Fresne.

The female looks disapproving.

What kind of message will that send to our babies? says she.

I'll be heading off then, says Du Fresne.

What will you tell Gaius? asks the Tzeet.

I'll tell him you're in the family way, says Du Fresne. He'll be glad to hear it.

About my brother? asks the Tzeet.

Du Fresne is about to say that he will convey the bad news about the brother when, as bad luck would have it.....

crackle crackle

A communication. Excuse me, says Du Fresne.

He shuffles off behind the swamp gum.

Any cracklews? asks Baudin.

Cracklews? says Du Fresne.

Crenny news? repeats Baudin.

Sorry, bad reception, says Du Fresne. There is good news, one of the Tzeets is here with his sweetheart. They are starting a family. All is well. And I shall be leaving.

Crony cron of crem? crackles Baudin.

Yes but I imagine... begins Du Fresne.

May I butt in? asks the Tzeet, who has followed Du Fresne round the swamp gum, and is listening.

No, says Du Fresne. This is private.

But, is it Gaius? asks the Tzeet. Why haven't you told him about my missing brother?.

Missing brother?

It appears Baudin has heard him.

Crots crappkl-up? asks Baudin.

We Like Them Rotten

So where is your partner? asks Du Fresne.

Coming, says the female orange-bellied parrot.

Mind if I wait? asks Du Fresne.

Please yourself, says the female.

This ...kiss, says Du Fresne. 

Yes? says the female.

Perhaps I shouldn't ask, says Du Fresne.

It's how we mate, says the female. Cloaca to cloaca. Over in no time. I'll be laying eggs soon. 

I see, says Du Fresne. I assume your nest is nearby?

In this swamp gum, says the female.

Du Fresne looks up at the swamp gum. 

He is still looking (where is the nest? he can't see it) when a male orange-bellied parrot descends, bearing a wood chip.

That's a nice one, says the female.

I wasn't sure, says the male orange-bellied parrot. It's a bit rotten.

We like them rotten, says the female. 

But I wasn't sure how rotten, says the male.

Exactly this rotten, says the female. Go and put it in with the others. Then come out and talk to this lobster. He thinks he might know you.

The male orange-bellied parrot looks at Du Fresne.

He drops the wood chip.

He's called Marion, says the female.

That's a girl's name, says the male.

Apparently it isn't, says the female. And he knows someone who knows someone else who wants to find out if we've mated.

Why? asks the male orange-bellied parrot. 

The penny drops.

You must know Gaius!

I do, says Du Fresne. And you must be one of the Tzeets.

My brother and I did go by that name, back in Saint Kilda, says the Tzeet.

Trés bien, says Du Fresne. My mission is accomplished.

Don't you want to ask about my brother? asks the Tzeet.

Surely his story is the same, says Du Fresne. He met a nice girl, they kissed (in a way we do not need to mention) and are now building a nest out of wood chips, in the same manner as you and your sweetheart.

Sadly no, says the Tzeet.  My brother has gone missing.

That's bad news, says Du Fresne.

Curses! Now he will have to tell Baudin that the second Tzeet has gone missing. And Baudin will tell Gaius. And Gaius will expect him to investigate.

And to do that he will have to remain in Melaleuca.

While avoiding the aunties.

The Cloacal Kiss

Right, says Auntie Leena. What are we looking for?

Orange-bellied parrots, says Du Fresne.

There's not many of them about these days, says Auntie Doreen.

I know, says Du Fresne. And I'm looking for two in particular.

That's even harder, says Auntie Doreen. Unless they look different.

They don't look different, says Du Fresne. 

What does everyone reckon? says Auntie Flora. Split up and look around?

Let's have another cup of tea first, says Auntie Doreen.

I'll start now, says Du Fresne.

Don't go too far, says Auntie Leena.

I can't go too far, says Du Fresne. It would help if I didn't have this string on.

All right, says Auntie Leena. I'll undo it.

Alors! Du Fresne is now free.

He makes his way slowly out of the bird hide.

And edges away.

He passes some eucalypts. He does not notice the hollows inside.  

Therefore he does not notice the rotten wood chips inside the hollows.

On which a bird sits.

The bird is a female orange-bellied parrot. 

She is waiting for her new partner to come back.

He's a strange one, her new partner, and so is his brother.

They seem timorous and yet.....they tell such stories. 

She pokes her head out of the hollow.

A lobster, what's he doing here?

She withdraws, so the lobster won't see her.

But then, why not be bold? 

She emerges.

Hello stranger!

Du Fresne stiffens. And turns. 

An orange-bellied parrot!

Well met! says Du Fresne. I don't suppose you are one of the orange-bellied parrots who came here on a ferry?

No, says the female.

Or that you know of them? says Dr Fresne.

Who's asking? asks the female.

Captain Du Fresne, says Du Fresne. On behalf of my fellow sea captain, Baudin, who asked me to check on their mating successes.

Why would he care? asks the female.

He would not, says Du Fresne. He asked me on behalf of an acquaintance, who does.

And he is...? asks the female.

Gaius Plinius Secundus, says Du Fresne. 

Long name, says the female.

It's not so unusual, says Du Fresne. I myself am called Marc-Joseph Marion Du Fresne.

Isn't Marion a girl's name? asks the female.

No it isn't, says Du Fresne. So, do you have information, or am I wasting my time?

I'm the partner of one of them, says the female. And...we've done it.

Done what? asks Du Fresne. 

The cloacal kiss, says the female.

Cloacal kiss! Ahem!

Du Fresne is startled by her candour.

Not Necessarily A Pickle

What did you learn? asks Gaius.

Du Fresne's in a pickle, says Baudin. 

Elaborate, says Gaius.

In a bird hide with the aunties, says Baudin. 

That is not necessarily a pickle, says Gaius. 

He's being re-educated, says Baudin.

Even that may not be the worst thing, says Gaius. 

And what would be? asks Baudin.

If he were to lose sight of why he went there in the first place, says Gaius.

Good point, says Baudin. But he may well have lost sight of it.

Perhaps you could get in touch again and remind him, says Gaius. 

I can but try, says Baudin.

After all he is in a bird hide, says Gaius. 

Baudin tries. 

Crackle crackle swup crackle phee!

The attempt at communication reaches the bird hide.

Du Fresne fiddles with a protuberance on the side of his head.

That's your Old People again! says Auntie Doreen. Turn it up, so we can hear them.

Yes, says Auntie Leena. But make sure they know that we're listening.

Du Fresne makes another attempt to tune in.

Crackle swee! Du Fresne can you hear me? 

You Old People! says Auntie Flora. We're listening in!

That was Auntie Flora, says Du Fresne. The aunties want to ask if they might listen in.

Respectfully, says Auntie Doreen. We respect you Old People.

Crackle? says Baudin (or so it sounds in the the bird hide).

Speak up! says Du Fresne. 

Craaaackle! says Baudin unhelpfully.

I'll have to go outside, says Du Fresne. If the aunties will let me.

Sure we'll let you, says Auntie Leena. But this time we're coming as well.

Speak for yourself, Leena, says Flora.

You two coming? asks Flora. 

The aunties stand up, and follow Du Fresne out of the bird hide, where reception is better.

Just a reminder that you're there to follow up on the orange-bellied parrots, says Baudin. Have they found partners? Mated? Built their nests yet? Gaius is keen to know.

Apologies, says Du Fresne. I had forgotten. There's been a lot going on.

Keep your eyes open and stay in touch, says Baudin. Crackle crackle.

Du Fresne looks at the aunties. 

The aunties look back at Du Fresne.

The Old People have spoken, says Auntie Doreen. We'd best go back inside and finish off this bird business.

Du Fresne allows himself to feel somewhat encouraged.

The Old People

Du Fresne is in the bird hide, with the aunties.

The aunties are sharing tea from a flask.

Did anyone bring any biscuits? asks Auntie Flora.

Crackle crackle.

What's that sound? asks Auntie Leena.

It's coming from the lobster, says Auntie Doreen.

Someone is trying to contact me, says Du Fresne. 

One of your Old People? asks Auntie Leena.

I know not, says Du Fresne. Reception is bad.

Go outside then, says Auntie Doreen.

Shouldn't one of us go with him? asks Auntie Leena.

Are you volunteering? says Auntie Doreen.

Tie a string on him, suggests Auntie Flora.

Good thinking, Flo, says Auntie Doreen.

The aunties cackle.

Leena produces a string.

Du Fresne skitters out of the bird hide, attached to a string.

Crackle crackle.

Yes? says Du Fresne.

Baudin here, says Captain Baudin. Are you all right? We heard you've been taken by aunties.

Not so loud, says Du Fresne. They think you're one of the Old People.

Old people? says Captain Baudin. We are old lobsters, potentially immortal.

No need to explain it to me, says Du Fresne. 

Sorry, says Baudin. We've been worried. Why did you steal their canoe?

To see if it was seaworthy, says Du Fresne. 

I thought you were at a lagoon? says Baudin. 

Yes, all right, says Du Fresne. Lagoon-worthy.

And was it? asks Baudin.

I never found out, says Du Fresne. And now I'm to be re-educated by the aunties.

Where are you? asks Baudin.

In the bird hide, says Du Fresne. The aunties are drinking their tea. 

Auntie Doreen pokes her head out of the bird hide.

Time's up! says Auntie Doreen, yanking his string. 

Du Fresne scrapes his way back into the bird hide.

C'est humiliant!

How has his carefree seafaring life boiled down to this?

Taken By Aunties

I would have called earlier, says Gaius. But my phone needed recharging.

Isn't it always the way, says Barb.

Indeed, says Gaius. But why am I too late to put in a good word for the captain?

We have handed him over to the aunties, says Barb.

The Needwonnees? asks Gaius.

No, not the Needwonnees, says Barb, There are none of them left. These are aunties who helped build the Needwonnee Walk. 

Is it possible to speak with the aunties? asks Gaius.

I'll make some enquiries, says Barb.

Thank you, says Gaius. You see, Captain Du Fresne was doing us a favour.

Stealing a paperbark canoe? says Barb.

No, says Gaius. He should not have done that. He went off on a tangent.

What was he supposed to be doing? asks Barb.

Checking on the two orange-bellied parrots we sent over to Melaleuca from here, says Gaius. 

Sent over? says Barb. Don't they fly here by by instinct?

These ones lacked the courage, says Gauius. So we sent them by ferry.

Ha ha! laughs Barb. You sent them by ferry! From Saint Kilda?

Our parrot guided them to Geelong, says Gaius. And arranged for an albatross to meet them.

No kidding, says Barb. I have to say, none of this sounds plausible.

True, nonetheless, says Gaius. 

Fine, says Barb. I'll see what the aunties make of it. 

Except, adds Gaius, that although I described our parrot as a parrot, 'parrot' is his function, not his species. 

What are you saying? asks Barb.

He is an oystercatcher, says Gaius.

Why didn't you say so? asks Barb.

I should have, says Gaius. So as not to confuse you.

Mm, says Barb. Well, I'll go and see if I can find the aunties. They often drink tea in the bird hide.

Then I'll call you back later, says Gaius. 

You do that, says Barb.

The call ends

Dear me, says Gaius.

What has happened? asks Captain Baudin.

Du Fresne has been taken by some aunties, says Gaius. 

Baudin is alarmed. He moves to the other side of the dinghy.

And attempts to get through to Du Fresne.

Crackle crackle slurp crackle crunck phee!

There seems to be some interference.

The Nice Little Girl

Where have you been? asks Baudin.

Delivering a message to Terence's duck, says Roo-kai.

Did he like it? asks Terence. Did he answer?

He asked what the dinghy was made of, says Roo-kai. And when I told him, he said he hoped you wouldn't come to his rescue.

The prickles! says Baudin.

Yes, says Roo-kai. In fact he sent Terence a message.

What is it? asks Terence.

Ditch the prickles, says Roo-kai.

Why did he care? asks Terence. 

Empathy, says Roo-kai. Something you lack.

Ho ho! laughs Captain Baudin. What type of duck is it? 

He's called Waca, says Terence. And he used to have wheels and a brother.

A wooden duck, says Roo-kai. Terence left him at Saint Kilda, half-buried in sand.

What had he done to deserve it? asks Baudin.

Nothing, says Terence. 

And he's resigned to his fate? asks Baudin.

I thought so, says Roo-kai, but it seems he has hopes that someone will find him and want him.

Who? asks Terence.

A random person, says Roo-kai. Perhaps a nice little girl.

Terence adds another prickle to his dinghy, even though he had said it was finished.

No one says anything.

But they are all thinking about the nice little girl.

At last! Here comes Gaius.

Sorry I took so long, says Gaius. It takes time to recharge a phone. What has happened in my absence?

I made a dinghy, says Terence. 

Gaius looks at the dinghy.

Are you going to get in it? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. It's for Captain Baudin.

I see, says Gaius.

He could pursue this. Why the prickles? etcetera. But there are more pressing tasks.

He turns to Baudin. 

What was that number again, for the Friends of Melaleuca? 

Baudin gives him the number.

Gaius calls it. Someone answers.

Hello, This is Barb. How may I help you?

Hello, this is Gaius Plinius Secundus, calling to put in a good word for Captain Du Fresne.

The lobster who made off with the Needwonneee paperbark canoe? says Barb. You should have called sooner. I'm afraid you're too late.

And See Me And Want Me

Back again? says Waca.

Yes, says Roo-kai. Terence has sent you a message.

What is it? asks Waca.

He's building a dinghy, says Roo-kai.

What with? asks Waca.

Sticks and prickles, samphire, a few pebbles, says Roo-kai.

What's on top? asks Waca.

The prickles, says Roo-kai.

I hope he's not thinking of coming to my rescue, says Waca.

He is and he isn't, says Roo-kai.

Meaning? says Waca. 

Meaning he was but he isn't, says Roo-kai. 

That's okay, says Waca. Does he know I'm resigned to my fate?

I did mention it, says Waca. Is that still the case?

Yes, says Waca. Of course my fate may turn out to be unexpected.

As fates often do, says Roo-kai.

Someone may come along, says Waca.

At any time, says Roo-kai.

And see me and want me, says Waca.

Sure, says Roo-kai. That could easily happen.  

You've been a good friend, says Waca.

Got a mesage for Terence? asks Roo-kai.

Ditch the prickles, says Waca. 

Roo-kai laughs and flies off, back to Terence.

Baudin has joined Terence.

He is inspecting the dinghy.

This is the world's worst dinghy, says Baudin. And you are the world's worst ship's boy.

You haven't tried it, says Terence. Get in.

There are prickles on top, says Baudin. Do you think I am stupid?

You're a lobster, says Terence. You won't even feel them.

Irrelevant, says Baudin. What is the point of these prickles?

Terence is about to explain the point of the prickles, when Roo-kai lands next to the dinghy.

Fine Cracks In His Head

No point feeling bad about Waca, says Roo-kai.

But I forgot him, says Terence. And you said he was sad.

I said he was resigned to his fate, says Roo-kai. 

What IS his fate? asks Terence.

You tell me, says Roo-kai.

Terence thinks about the fate that awaits Waca.

The tide will come in. 

He'll get washed away, says Terence.

He's in very soft sand, says Roo-kai. Far from the water.

So why doesn't he dig himself out? asks Terence.

He can't, says Roo-kai. Remember what he's made of?

Wood, says Terence. 

He'll soon become weathered, says Roo-kai. His paint will fade and his surface will lose its lustre. Fine cracks will appear in his head.

Wah! cries Terence.

Shall I take him a message? asks Roo-kai.

Yes, says Terence. Take him a message.

Roo-kai waits for Terence to come up with a message.

Terence continues building his dinghy. 

That dinghy's not going anywhere, says Roo-kai.

It's pretend. says Terence.

So, what's the message? asks Roo-kai.

Is it my message? asks Terence. I thought it was yours.

No it's your message, says Roo-kai. What should I tell Waca?

Tell him I'm building a dinghy, says Terence.

He'll like that, says Roo-kai. But he might get the wrong idea.

What idea? asks Terence.

That you're coming to the rescue, says Roo-kai.

That's a good idea, says Terence. Tell him I'm coming to the rescue.

But you're not, says Roo-kai.

Don't tell him that part, says Terence.

Roo-kai nods and flies off. 

He might have to work on that message.