More Than My Teeth

But no. It's not a lobster.

It's a spotted-tailed mammal with teeth.

What is it saying?

Don't fly off! 

When I see teeth I fly off, says the Tzeet.

I'm more than my teeth, says the quoll. 

What more? asks the Tzeet.

I'm a crew member, says the quoll. Didn't you see me leap out of that paperbark canoe?

No, says the Tzeet. I wasn't looking. I was thinking.

About your brother? asks the quoll. 

You were sent by my brother? says the Tzeet.

No, says the quoll. But his partner is looking for you.

The Tzeet peeps out between leaves.

There is the lagoon. There is the paperbark canoe in the middle. There is a lobster with his dominant claw in the air, checking for breezes.

Where is she? asks the Tzeet.

Who? asks the quoll.

My brother's partner, says the Tzeet. The one who was looking for me.

She didn't come, says the quoll. WE came.

In fact, only you came, says the Tzeet.

It looks that way, says the quoll.

You with the teeth, says the Tzeet.

You with the feathers, says the quoll.

What's that supposed to mean? asks the Tzeet.

If I was going to eat a bird, says the quoll, it wouldn't be one with orange, green and yellow feathers.

Good to know, says the Tzeet. That's one of the things I've been thinking about, in my solitude.

Whether you'd get eaten? asks the quoll.

Why I am like I am, says the Tzeet. 

The colours?  asks the quoll. 

No, the reasons I can't seem to fit in, says the Tzeet. My brother fitted in. But after the trip on the ferry and the movie and the trip here, I felt restless.

What was the movie? asks the quoll.

The Tzeet recounts the story of the movie he watched on the ferry, with the puppies in colourful uniforms and the magical crystals.

By the time he has finished, the quoll also feels restless.

His Adventure Truncated

The tree the quoll is watching moves slightly.

Feel that? says Du Fresne. We're moving.

The tree moved, says the quoll.

Relative to our position, says Du Fresne. Remember, we're on the water.

So we moved, says the quoll.

I said that, says Du Fresne.

At the same time as the tree, says the quoll.

Relatively, says Du Fresne. 

It seems a bit wasteful, says the quoll.

Not at all, says Du Fresne. The wheels of natural motion are not wasteful

Wheels? says the quoll.

Metaphorically speaking, says Du Fresne. Anyway, motion is the concern of a captain. Not the crew member.

Which is me, says the quoll. 

Yes, says Du Fresne. And as the wind is getting up, we'll soon reach the far shore where you spotted the so-called orange flash. 

The canoe floats towards the far shore of the lagoon, and bumps up against it.

Bump!

Now we disembark, says Du Fresne.

You first, says the quoll.

No, you first, says Du Fresne. Captain last. In fact, if the vessel is sinking, the captain remains with it.

How stupid is that? says the quoll.

We need not debate it, says Du Fresne. Our task is to look for that parrot.

The quoll leaps out.

Du Fresne pushes off again.

Hey! says the quoll.

Au revoir! says Du Fresne.

He floats back to the middle of the lagoon.

(the breeze must have dropped)

The quoll is not happy to have his adventure truncated.

And it need not be!

He climbs up the now stationary tree.

Stealthily.

What does he think he can see?

Through the leaves.....

Orange belly feathers? An orange belly? Telltale yellow underparts?

Tzeet! squawks the Tzeet. ( It is he!)

Steady on! says the quoll, in a voice he hopes sounds like a lobster.

The Tzeet is puzzled. What's a lobster doing up here in the tree?

Watch The Tree

I know that look, says Du Fresne.

Sorry, says the quoll. I'm sure we'll be back on dry land before dinner.

As am I, says Du Fresne.

Are we moving at all? asks the quoll.

Watch that tree, says Du Fresne. It will tell you if we're moving.

The quoll watches the tree.

It's not telling me anything, says the quoll.

That's because were not moving, says Du Fresne.

Clever, says the quoll. And what if we were?

The tree would appear to move, relative to our position, says Du DFresne.

Can all trees do that? asks the quoll. 

Only the ones you can see from your vessel, says Du Fresne.

What is that called? asks the quoll. 

Common sense, says Du Fresne.

The quoll is offended.

Of course, says Du Fresne, it's only common sense for sailors. 

Are you a sailor? asks the quoll.

A sea captain, says Du Fresne. Privateer and explorer. That was some time ago.

How come you've ended up here? asks the quoll.

I ask myself the same question, says Du Fresne. I was in the vicinity when my old friend Baudin called and sent me on this fool's errand.

To find a missing parrot, says the quoll. You do know they go missing all the time?

I know little about parrots, says Du Fresne. 

They are not very tasty, says the quoll. It may be something to do with their colourful feathers.

You eat parrots? says Du Fresne. 

As a last option, says the quoll. I prefer little plump brown birds, or possums.

It occurs to me that you are not the best person to be in my search party, says Du Fresne.

I joined for the reward, says the quoll.

But you are likely to eat the missing parrot, should we locate him, says Du Fresne. 

Not very likely, says the quoll. It depends if this breeze you predicted gets up.

Du Fresne licks his dominant claw and points skywards.

Aha! I detect a faint stirring, says Du Fresne.

That is impressive, says the quoll.

The quoll keeps on watching the tree.

Flash Of Orange

Wait here, says the spotted-tailed quoll.

What for? asks Du Fresne.

Me, says the quoll. I won't be long.

He is an agile climber.

He climbs up the peppermint gum.

Not surprisingly, there are no birds in the peppermint gum.

The quoll comes down again.

Looks like it's just you and me, says the quoll.

Did you spot anything useful while you were up there? asks Du Fresne.

No, says the quoll. But I wasn't looking.

Go back up, says Du Fresne.

The quoll speeds up the peppermint gum again, and looks out through the peppermint branches.

What kind of thing would count as useful? calls the quoll.

Signs of a struggle, says Du Fresne. Feathers. Or the bird itself, in the distance.

The quoll comes back down.

I thought I saw a flash of orange on the far side of the lagoon, says the quoll.

That is unlikely, says Du Fresne.

I have good eyesight, says the quoll.

But the orange patches are small, says Du Fresne. You are more likely to have seen a flash of green or yellow.

I saw a flash of orange, says the quoll. Why don't we use the canoe to float over?

Du Fresne doesn't fancy being in the canoe with the quoll.

It's quite a large quoll.

But he overcomes his qualms, and scrambles into the paperbark canoe.

The quoll leaps in after him.

The canoe bobs and almost tips over.

Steady! says Du Fresne. Find a spot to sit down and don't wriggle

This is good, says the quoll. But how do we move it?

Oars would be ideal, says Du Fresne. But as we have no oars, we'll push off, and take our chances.

He reaches out with his dominant claw, and pushes off from the embankment.

The canoe floats out into the lagoon.

This was meant to be our reward, says the quoll.

I know, says Du Fresne. We'll have to think of another one.

How about oars? says the quoll.

A pertinent suggestion.

The canoe has stopped dead in the middle of the lagoon.

I suppose you can swim? says the quoll.

No need, says Du Fresne. A light breeze is getting up. We just need to be patient.

The quoll is not usually patient.

He now regrets joining the search party. 

What if there is no light breeze getting up (he can't feel it)  and the two of them are stuck in the middle of the lagoon for a very long time?

What will he eat?

Could he see himself eating a lobster?

The Right To Make Rules

Sweetheart flies to a low branch near the spotted-tailed quoll.

Ooh! says the quoll. A parrot!

Just a quick question, says Sweetheart.

Fire away, says the spotted-tailed quoll.

That lobster who just passed you, says Sweetheart.

Without saying a word, says the quoll.

That's the one, says Sweetheart. He's supposed to be forming a search party. 

Searching for what? asks the quoll.

For whom, not what, says Sweetheart. My partner's missing brother.

What does he look like? asks the quoll.

A bit like me, says Sweetheart, but brighter green, with yellow underparts and an orange patch on his belly. 

Should be easy, says the quoll. Is there a reward?

Um... yes, says Sweetheart. 

What is it? asks the quoll.

The lobster will tell you, says Sweetheart.

I'll catch up with him, says the quoll.

It hurries off after Du Fresne.

Du Fresne has reached the lagoon. Ha! Yes ! There is the paperbark canoe. Someone has replaced it.

He is about to climb in when the spotted-tailed quoll calls out: Hey!

Yes? says Du Fresne.

Is there a reward? asks the quoll.

For? asks Du Fresne.

For finding the missing brother, says the quoll.

Err... yes, says Du Fresne. A ride in this paperbark canoe.

The quoll is disappointed.

Does that mean you've already found him? asks the quoll.

Not yet, says Du Fresne. 

Great, says the quoll. I'm joining the search party.

Good for you, says Du Fresne.

Should we stick together? asks the quoll.

No, says Du Fresne. You go that way, and I'll wait here in the canoe.

No way! says the quoll. No canoe ride until we've found him.

Du Fresne is annoyed. Who is this quoll and what gives it the right to make rules?

It might not be easy, says the quoll.

I know, says Du Fresne.

Unless it's dead, says the quoll.

Mm-hm, says Du Fresne.

But if it's alive it could be anywhere, says the quoll.

I know, says Du Fresne.

It would be good if we had a bird in our search party, says the quoll.

So it would, says Du Fresne. Why don't you go and recruit one?

The quoll looks up into a nearby peppermint gum.

Perhaps Sweetheart has followed?

She hasn't. 

We Can't Trust Him

Nothing at all, says Du Fresne, in answer to Baudin's crackling question.

Did I hear something about a missing crackle? asks Baudin. Should I inform Gaius?

No need, says Du Fresne. A search party will find him.

You have formed a search crackle? says Baudin. Well crackled!

The least I could do, says Du Fresne.

Be sure to keep me incrackled, says Baudin.

I shall, says Du Fresne.

Du Fresne turns to the Tzeet.

You haven't formed a search party, says the Tzeet.

Correct, says Du Fresne.

But you intend to? says the Tzeet.

I don't have time, says Du Fresne. I have things to do, voyages to make, aunties to keep out of the way of....

You said it was the least you could do, says the Tzeet. 

There was a very bad connection, says Du Fresne.

But I'm here at your end, says the Tzeet. I heard you say it was the least you could do. Referring to forming a search party.

All right, says Du Fresne. I shall form a search party, but I won't be part of it. The search party will report back to you.

And if the search party finds my brother, who will tell Gaius? asks the Tzeet. 

I will, says Du Fresne. But right now I'm off to set up the search party.

He goes off, towards the lagoon.

The Tzeet looks at his orange-bellied sweetheart.

What will he tell Gaius, if he's not even in the search party? he asks his sweetheart.

We can't trust him, says his sweetheart. 

I should have joined his search party, says the Tzeet.

Why didn't you? asks his sweetheart.

Too much to do, says the Tzeet. Collecting rotten wood chips and so on.

I'll go, says his orange-bellied sweetheart

(let's call her Sweetheart)

O Sweetheart! says the Tzeet. That's why I love you!

She flies off, in the wake of Du Fresne.

She flits between peppermint and swamp gums, remaining unseen.

Du Fresne passes a spotted-tailed quoll. 

Sweetheart notes that Du Fresne does not ask it to do anything.

Crots Crappkl-up?

Du Fresne thinks he might forget about the brother.

Desolé, says Du Fresne. But now, I must be going.

What does dessolay mean? asks the female orange-bellied parrot. 

Desolé, repeats Du Fresne. Means I'm sorry.

About my missing brother? asks the Tzeet

About going, says Du Fresne. But yes, also about your missing brother.

He may have been taken by a fox or a cat, says the Tzeet.

Or eaten a noxious weed, says the female.

Failing that, says Du Fresne, he may be off on a fine adventure.

Not him, says the Tzeet.

No, not him, says the female. Not you either.

No dear, says the Tzeet. No more fine adventures for me.

Not until we return to Saint Kilda in the autumn, says the female. With our new family.

The Tzeet looks apprehensive.

Perhaps you could return on the ferry, says Du Fresne.

The female looks disapproving.

What kind of message will that send to our babies? says she.

I'll be heading off then, says Du Fresne.

What will you tell Gaius? asks the Tzeet.

I'll tell him you're in the family way, says Du Fresne. He'll be glad to hear it.

About my brother? asks the Tzeet.

Du Fresne is about to say that he will convey the bad news about the brother when, as bad luck would have it.....

crackle crackle

A communication. Excuse me, says Du Fresne.

He shuffles off behind the swamp gum.

Any cracklews? asks Baudin.

Cracklews? says Du Fresne.

Crenny news? repeats Baudin.

Sorry, bad reception, says Du Fresne. There is good news, one of the Tzeets is here with his sweetheart. They are starting a family. All is well. And I shall be leaving.

Crony cron of crem? crackles Baudin.

Yes but I imagine... begins Du Fresne.

May I butt in? asks the Tzeet, who has followed Du Fresne round the swamp gum, and is listening.

No, says Du Fresne. This is private.

But, is it Gaius? asks the Tzeet. Why haven't you told him about my missing brother?.

Missing brother?

It appears Baudin has heard him.

Crots crappkl-up? asks Baudin.

We Like Them Rotten

So where is your partner? asks Du Fresne.

Coming, says the female orange-bellied parrot.

Mind if I wait? asks Du Fresne.

Please yourself, says the female.

This ...kiss, says Du Fresne. 

Yes? says the female.

Perhaps I shouldn't ask, says Du Fresne.

It's how we mate, says the female. Cloaca to cloaca. Over in no time. I'll be laying eggs soon. 

I see, says Du Fresne. I assume your nest is nearby?

In this swamp gum, says the female.

Du Fresne looks up at the swamp gum. 

He is still looking (where is the nest? he can't see it) when a male orange-bellied parrot descends, bearing a wood chip.

That's a nice one, says the female.

I wasn't sure, says the male orange-bellied parrot. It's a bit rotten.

We like them rotten, says the female. 

But I wasn't sure how rotten, says the male.

Exactly this rotten, says the female. Go and put it in with the others. Then come out and talk to this lobster. He thinks he might know you.

The male orange-bellied parrot looks at Du Fresne.

He drops the wood chip.

He's called Marion, says the female.

That's a girl's name, says the male.

Apparently it isn't, says the female. And he knows someone who knows someone else who wants to find out if we've mated.

Why? asks the male orange-bellied parrot. 

The penny drops.

You must know Gaius!

I do, says Du Fresne. And you must be one of the Tzeets.

My brother and I did go by that name, back in Saint Kilda, says the Tzeet.

Trés bien, says Du Fresne. My mission is accomplished.

Don't you want to ask about my brother? asks the Tzeet.

Surely his story is the same, says Du Fresne. He met a nice girl, they kissed (in a way we do not need to mention) and are now building a nest out of wood chips, in the same manner as you and your sweetheart.

Sadly no, says the Tzeet.  My brother has gone missing.

That's bad news, says Du Fresne.

Curses! Now he will have to tell Baudin that the second Tzeet has gone missing. And Baudin will tell Gaius. And Gaius will expect him to investigate.

And to do that he will have to remain in Melaleuca.

While avoiding the aunties.

The Cloacal Kiss

Right, says Auntie Leena. What are we looking for?

Orange-bellied parrots, says Du Fresne.

There's not many of them about these days, says Auntie Doreen.

I know, says Du Fresne. And I'm looking for two in particular.

That's even harder, says Auntie Doreen. Unless they look different.

They don't look different, says Du Fresne. 

What does everyone reckon? says Auntie Flora. Split up and look around?

Let's have another cup of tea first, says Auntie Doreen.

I'll start now, says Du Fresne.

Don't go too far, says Auntie Leena.

I can't go too far, says Du Fresne. It would help if I didn't have this string on.

All right, says Auntie Leena. I'll undo it.

Alors! Du Fresne is now free.

He makes his way slowly out of the bird hide.

And edges away.

He passes some eucalypts. He does not notice the hollows inside.  

Therefore he does not notice the rotten wood chips inside the hollows.

On which a bird sits.

The bird is a female orange-bellied parrot. 

She is waiting for her new partner to come back.

He's a strange one, her new partner, and so is his brother.

They seem timorous and yet.....they tell such stories. 

She pokes her head out of the hollow.

A lobster, what's he doing here?

She withdraws, so the lobster won't see her.

But then, why not be bold? 

She emerges.

Hello stranger!

Du Fresne stiffens. And turns. 

An orange-bellied parrot!

Well met! says Du Fresne. I don't suppose you are one of the orange-bellied parrots who came here on a ferry?

No, says the female.

Or that you know of them? says Dr Fresne.

Who's asking? asks the female.

Captain Du Fresne, says Du Fresne. On behalf of my fellow sea captain, Baudin, who asked me to check on their mating successes.

Why would he care? asks the female.

He would not, says Du Fresne. He asked me on behalf of an acquaintance, who does.

And he is...? asks the female.

Gaius Plinius Secundus, says Du Fresne. 

Long name, says the female.

It's not so unusual, says Du Fresne. I myself am called Marc-Joseph Marion Du Fresne.

Isn't Marion a girl's name? asks the female.

No it isn't, says Du Fresne. So, do you have information, or am I wasting my time?

I'm the partner of one of them, says the female. And...we've done it.

Done what? asks Du Fresne. 

The cloacal kiss, says the female.

Cloacal kiss! Ahem!

Du Fresne is startled by her candour.

Not Necessarily A Pickle

What did you learn? asks Gaius.

Du Fresne's in a pickle, says Baudin. 

Elaborate, says Gaius.

In a bird hide with the aunties, says Baudin. 

That is not necessarily a pickle, says Gaius. 

He's being re-educated, says Baudin.

Even that may not be the worst thing, says Gaius. 

And what would be? asks Baudin.

If he were to lose sight of why he went there in the first place, says Gaius.

Good point, says Baudin. But he may well have lost sight of it.

Perhaps you could get in touch again and remind him, says Gaius. 

I can but try, says Baudin.

After all he is in a bird hide, says Gaius. 

Baudin tries. 

Crackle crackle swup crackle phee!

The attempt at communication reaches the bird hide.

Du Fresne fiddles with a protuberance on the side of his head.

That's your Old People again! says Auntie Doreen. Turn it up, so we can hear them.

Yes, says Auntie Leena. But make sure they know that we're listening.

Du Fresne makes another attempt to tune in.

Crackle swee! Du Fresne can you hear me? 

You Old People! says Auntie Flora. We're listening in!

That was Auntie Flora, says Du Fresne. The aunties want to ask if they might listen in.

Respectfully, says Auntie Doreen. We respect you Old People.

Crackle? says Baudin (or so it sounds in the the bird hide).

Speak up! says Du Fresne. 

Craaaackle! says Baudin unhelpfully.

I'll have to go outside, says Du Fresne. If the aunties will let me.

Sure we'll let you, says Auntie Leena. But this time we're coming as well.

Speak for yourself, Leena, says Flora.

You two coming? asks Flora. 

The aunties stand up, and follow Du Fresne out of the bird hide, where reception is better.

Just a reminder that you're there to follow up on the orange-bellied parrots, says Baudin. Have they found partners? Mated? Built their nests yet? Gaius is keen to know.

Apologies, says Du Fresne. I had forgotten. There's been a lot going on.

Keep your eyes open and stay in touch, says Baudin. Crackle crackle.

Du Fresne looks at the aunties. 

The aunties look back at Du Fresne.

The Old People have spoken, says Auntie Doreen. We'd best go back inside and finish off this bird business.

Du Fresne allows himself to feel somewhat encouraged.

The Old People

Du Fresne is in the bird hide, with the aunties.

The aunties are sharing tea from a flask.

Did anyone bring any biscuits? asks Auntie Flora.

Crackle crackle.

What's that sound? asks Auntie Leena.

It's coming from the lobster, says Auntie Doreen.

Someone is trying to contact me, says Du Fresne. 

One of your Old People? asks Auntie Leena.

I know not, says Du Fresne. Reception is bad.

Go outside then, says Auntie Doreen.

Shouldn't one of us go with him? asks Auntie Leena.

Are you volunteering? says Auntie Doreen.

Tie a string on him, suggests Auntie Flora.

Good thinking, Flo, says Auntie Doreen.

The aunties cackle.

Leena produces a string.

Du Fresne skitters out of the bird hide, attached to a string.

Crackle crackle.

Yes? says Du Fresne.

Baudin here, says Captain Baudin. Are you all right? We heard you've been taken by aunties.

Not so loud, says Du Fresne. They think you're one of the Old People.

Old people? says Captain Baudin. We are old lobsters, potentially immortal.

No need to explain it to me, says Du Fresne. 

Sorry, says Baudin. We've been worried. Why did you steal their canoe?

To see if it was seaworthy, says Du Fresne. 

I thought you were at a lagoon? says Baudin. 

Yes, all right, says Du Fresne. Lagoon-worthy.

And was it? asks Baudin.

I never found out, says Du Fresne. And now I'm to be re-educated by the aunties.

Where are you? asks Baudin.

In the bird hide, says Du Fresne. The aunties are drinking their tea. 

Auntie Doreen pokes her head out of the bird hide.

Time's up! says Auntie Doreen, yanking his string. 

Du Fresne scrapes his way back into the bird hide.

C'est humiliant!

How has his carefree seafaring life boiled down to this?

Taken By Aunties

I would have called earlier, says Gaius. But my phone needed recharging.

Isn't it always the way, says Barb.

Indeed, says Gaius. But why am I too late to put in a good word for the captain?

We have handed him over to the aunties, says Barb.

The Needwonnees? asks Gaius.

No, not the Needwonnees, says Barb, There are none of them left. These are aunties who helped build the Needwonnee Walk. 

Is it possible to speak with the aunties? asks Gaius.

I'll make some enquiries, says Barb.

Thank you, says Gaius. You see, Captain Du Fresne was doing us a favour.

Stealing a paperbark canoe? says Barb.

No, says Gaius. He should not have done that. He went off on a tangent.

What was he supposed to be doing? asks Barb.

Checking on the two orange-bellied parrots we sent over to Melaleuca from here, says Gaius. 

Sent over? says Barb. Don't they fly here by by instinct?

These ones lacked the courage, says Gauius. So we sent them by ferry.

Ha ha! laughs Barb. You sent them by ferry! From Saint Kilda?

Our parrot guided them to Geelong, says Gaius. And arranged for an albatross to meet them.

No kidding, says Barb. I have to say, none of this sounds plausible.

True, nonetheless, says Gaius. 

Fine, says Barb. I'll see what the aunties make of it. 

Except, adds Gaius, that although I described our parrot as a parrot, 'parrot' is his function, not his species. 

What are you saying? asks Barb.

He is an oystercatcher, says Gaius.

Why didn't you say so? asks Barb.

I should have, says Gaius. So as not to confuse you.

Mm, says Barb. Well, I'll go and see if I can find the aunties. They often drink tea in the bird hide.

Then I'll call you back later, says Gaius. 

You do that, says Barb.

The call ends

Dear me, says Gaius.

What has happened? asks Captain Baudin.

Du Fresne has been taken by some aunties, says Gaius. 

Baudin is alarmed. He moves to the other side of the dinghy.

And attempts to get through to Du Fresne.

Crackle crackle slurp crackle crunck phee!

There seems to be some interference.

The Nice Little Girl

Where have you been? asks Baudin.

Delivering a message to Terence's duck, says Roo-kai.

Did he like it? asks Terence. Did he answer?

He asked what the dinghy was made of, says Roo-kai. And when I told him, he said he hoped you wouldn't come to his rescue.

The prickles! says Baudin.

Yes, says Roo-kai. In fact he sent Terence a message.

What is it? asks Terence.

Ditch the prickles, says Roo-kai.

Why did he care? asks Terence. 

Empathy, says Roo-kai. Something you lack.

Ho ho! laughs Captain Baudin. What type of duck is it? 

He's called Waca, says Terence. And he used to have wheels and a brother.

A wooden duck, says Roo-kai. Terence left him at Saint Kilda, half-buried in sand.

What had he done to deserve it? asks Baudin.

Nothing, says Terence. 

And he's resigned to his fate? asks Baudin.

I thought so, says Roo-kai, but it seems he has hopes that someone will find him and want him.

Who? asks Terence.

A random person, says Roo-kai. Perhaps a nice little girl.

Terence adds another prickle to his dinghy, even though he had said it was finished.

No one says anything.

But they are all thinking about the nice little girl.

At last! Here comes Gaius.

Sorry I took so long, says Gaius. It takes time to recharge a phone. What has happened in my absence?

I made a dinghy, says Terence. 

Gaius looks at the dinghy.

Are you going to get in it? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. It's for Captain Baudin.

I see, says Gaius.

He could pursue this. Why the prickles? etcetera. But there are more pressing tasks.

He turns to Baudin. 

What was that number again, for the Friends of Melaleuca? 

Baudin gives him the number.

Gaius calls it. Someone answers.

Hello, This is Barb. How may I help you?

Hello, this is Gaius Plinius Secundus, calling to put in a good word for Captain Du Fresne.

The lobster who made off with the Needwonneee paperbark canoe? says Barb. You should have called sooner. I'm afraid you're too late.

And See Me And Want Me

Back again? says Waca.

Yes, says Roo-kai. Terence has sent you a message.

What is it? asks Waca.

He's building a dinghy, says Roo-kai.

What with? asks Waca.

Sticks and prickles, samphire, a few pebbles, says Roo-kai.

What's on top? asks Waca.

The prickles, says Roo-kai.

I hope he's not thinking of coming to my rescue, says Waca.

He is and he isn't, says Roo-kai.

Meaning? says Waca. 

Meaning he was but he isn't, says Roo-kai. 

That's okay, says Waca. Does he know I'm resigned to my fate?

I did mention it, says Waca. Is that still the case?

Yes, says Waca. Of course my fate may turn out to be unexpected.

As fates often do, says Roo-kai.

Someone may come along, says Waca.

At any time, says Roo-kai.

And see me and want me, says Waca.

Sure, says Roo-kai. That could easily happen.  

You've been a good friend, says Waca.

Got a mesage for Terence? asks Roo-kai.

Ditch the prickles, says Waca. 

Roo-kai laughs and flies off, back to Terence.

Baudin has joined Terence.

He is inspecting the dinghy.

This is the world's worst dinghy, says Baudin. And you are the world's worst ship's boy.

You haven't tried it, says Terence. Get in.

There are prickles on top, says Baudin. Do you think I am stupid?

You're a lobster, says Terence. You won't even feel them.

Irrelevant, says Baudin. What is the point of these prickles?

Terence is about to explain the point of the prickles, when Roo-kai lands next to the dinghy.

Fine Cracks In His Head

No point feeling bad about Waca, says Roo-kai.

But I forgot him, says Terence. And you said he was sad.

I said he was resigned to his fate, says Roo-kai. 

What IS his fate? asks Terence.

You tell me, says Roo-kai.

Terence thinks about the fate that awaits Waca.

The tide will come in. 

He'll get washed away, says Terence.

He's in very soft sand, says Roo-kai. Far from the water.

So why doesn't he dig himself out? asks Terence.

He can't, says Roo-kai. Remember what he's made of?

Wood, says Terence. 

He'll soon become weathered, says Roo-kai. His paint will fade and his surface will lose its lustre. Fine cracks will appear in his head.

Wah! cries Terence.

Shall I take him a message? asks Roo-kai.

Yes, says Terence. Take him a message.

Roo-kai waits for Terence to come up with a message.

Terence continues building his dinghy. 

That dinghy's not going anywhere, says Roo-kai.

It's pretend. says Terence.

So, what's the message? asks Roo-kai.

Is it my message? asks Terence. I thought it was yours.

No it's your message, says Roo-kai. What should I tell Waca?

Tell him I'm building a dinghy, says Terence.

He'll like that, says Roo-kai. But he might get the wrong idea.

What idea? asks Terence.

That you're coming to the rescue, says Roo-kai.

That's a good idea, says Terence. Tell him I'm coming to the rescue.

But you're not, says Roo-kai.

Don't tell him that part, says Terence.

Roo-kai nods and flies off. 

He might have to work on that message.

Resigned To His Fate

Do we have to come? asks Terence.

I suppose not, says Gaius. You and Captain Baudin can wait here.

I'll supervise Terence, says Captin Baudin.

Thank you, says Gaius. And Roo-kai will be hovering nearby.

I'm sorry about this thing with Du Fresne, says Baudin.

Not at all, says Gaius. You are not Du Fresne's keeper.

Gaius cycles back to Two Wells, to recharge his phone.

Terence is alone with Baudin.

He can't see Roo-kai anywhere. Where is he?

I'm going to look for Roo-kai, says Terence.

No, you're not says Baudin. You'll stay here with me.

You're not my keeper, says Terence.

I am, currently, says Baudin. You're the ship's boy, I'm the captain.

Where's our ship? asks Terence.

Anchored out there at sea, says Baudin.

Is this a pretend? asks Terence.

Yes, says Baudin. A pretend. Go and build me a dinghy.

Okay! says Terence. What with?

Whatever's at hand, says Baudin. Look sharp, boy!

Terence runs off to see what's at hand.

Sticks and prickles, low red and green smelly stuff, pebbles.

No proper wood.

But wait, if it's just a pretend, he will build a pretend dinghy. 

He sets to work gathering sticks and prickles, red and green smelly stuff  and pebbles to go on the top.

No, on the bottom.

The prickles can go on the top. And Baudin can sit on them.

Terence is busy, building the dinghy.

Roo-kai flies down.

What are you doing? asks Roo-kai.

Building a dinghy, says Terence. But there's no proper wood. Where have you been?

I flew back to see Waca, says Roo-kai.

WACA! cries Terence. Where is he?

Where you left him, says Roo-kai. He's a little bit sad.

Where did I leave him? scries Terence. 

Back at Saint Kilda, half-buried , says Roo-kai. I thought you knew that.

NOOOO! cries Terence. Was he crying?

He was resigned to his fate, says Roo-kai. But he appreciated my visit.

Terence feels bad.

Glitch In The System

I do hope Du Fresne is all right, says Gaius.

He'll be fine, says Baudin. If he boarded the paperbark canoe, he would not have capsized it.

Of course not, says Gaius. A competent sea captain would keep his balance. But...we did hear a burble.

Probably a glitch in the system, says Baudin.

If he contacts you again....begins Gaius.

I shan't ask him if he fell into the lagoon, says Captain Baudin.

Can I ask him? asks Terence.

Certainly not, says Captain Baudin.

Gaius has reached the coast road. 

He stops cycling, and looks at the sea.

Why have we stopped? asks Terence.

To enjoy the moment, says Gaius. And listen.

Weeershsh! (the sound of the sea)

Tinkle tinkle! (which could be an elegant parrot)

An elegant parrot! says Gaius. 

Crackle crackle!

That will be Du Fresne, says Captain Baudin. Let me off here.

Gaius helps Baudin down.

What did you want me to ask him? asks Baudin.

Ask him how the orange-bellied parrots are doing, says Gaius.

Crackle crackle.

Captain Baudin shuffles away, and disappears behind a thornbush. 

Sluuuurphhfff! Terence finishes his Ribena.

Gaius takes a bottle of water from his back pack, and takes a few sips.

Captain Baudin comes out from under the thornbush.

Du Fresne sends his apologies, says Captain Baudin.

What for? asks Gaius.

He has been detained by the Friends of Melaleuca, says Baudin. It seems they did not appreciate him commandeering the paperbark canoe, which was for exhibition purposes only.

Dear me, says Gaius. Will they detain him for long?

He is being questioned as we speak, says Baudin. He would appreciate a word from you, in his favour.

Certainly, says Gaius. But how will that work? Do I speak into your head?

Ha ha! laughs Terence. You have to go under a prickle bush!

No need to make fun of lobster communications, says Captain Baudin. The system is unsuited to humans. Du Fresne has given me a number for you to call.

Excellent, says Gaius. I shall call them at once. What is the number?

Baudin gives him the number.

Gaius takes out his phone.

Curses! says Gaius. Low battery. We'll have to go back to Two Wells.

An Offensive Supposition

We shall now return to the coast road, says Gaius. 

Can I have my red drink? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. Open it before I lift you onto my bicycle.

Terence opens his red drink the proper way.

Straw in mouth, insert straw into foil-covered hole, start sucking.

I like how you did that, says Captain Baudin.

It's science, says Terence.

I can respect that, says Captain Baudin.

Gaius heads for the coast road, Terence behind him, Baudin in between.

What did Du Fresne say about the Needwonnee Walk? asks Gaius. 

I wasn't really listening, says Captain Baudin.

Yes you were, says Terence. The means was M bedded.

What does that mean? asks Captain Baudin.

Inside your head, says Terence. 

What is he talking about? asks Baudin.

He thinks you must have heard what Du Fresne was saying, says Gaius. 

I heard it. That doesn't mean I was listening, says Baudin. But if you insist, I'll replay it.

Yay! says Terence. He can replay it!

Your system is more sophisticated than I suspected, says Gaius.

It's a natural science, says Baudin.

He fiddles with something on the side of his head.

Whirr. Clunk. Crackle crackle.

Ready? says Baudin.

He presses a protuberance.

The voice of Du Fresne is heard droning:

Scraape...here I am on the Needwonnee Walk...it's a long boardwalk through scraaape.... through the forest...aha what is this? a dome-shaped hut, a traditonal basket ...scraape... no a nest full of eggs let me.... oops... not real ones... scraape.... now I'm in moorland....very scraaaaape....marvellous...a lagoon .....that's my kind of scraaape...and a paperbark canoe... I wonder if... burrbbble...

Sorry about the poor quality, says Captain Baudin. 

Not at all, says Gaius. Most interesting. What did you think of it Terence?

It was good at the end, when he burbled, says Terence

If somewhat alarming, says Gaius. Do you suppose he attempted to get into the paperbark canoe, and capsized it?

An offensive supposition, says Baudin. 

Everything In Itself

Captain Baudin has eaten the last of the prawn chips.

He can no longer drown out the crackle crackle.

You do have a message, says Gaius. Why not answer it?

Maybe he needs to go under a rock, says Roo-kai.

It will just be Du Fresne, says Baudin.

With news of the Tzeets, says Gaius. 

Possibly, says Baudin. All right, I will answer.

He skitters away round the corner.

Must be some kind of secret device he's got, says Roo-kai.

Indeed. says Gaius. Perhaps it's embedded.

What's embedded? asks Terence.

Inside his head or his body, says Gaius..

Like the prawn chips, says Terence.

Not like the prawn chips, says Gaius. The prawn chips will make their way through him.

Won't the message go through him? asks Terence.

You are confusing the medium with the message, says Gaius.

What's a medium? says Terence. Wait! Don't tell me. I know.

I don't think you do, says Gaius. It means a means of communication

Ha ha, laughs Terence. It means a means!

A means of...., begins Gaius.

But Baudin has returned.

I knew it, says Baudin. Du Fresne has gone off on a tangent.

Dear me, says Gaius. What does that mean?

It means a means, says Terence.

I mean in terms of the Tzeets, says Gaius. 

He has gone on the Needwonnee Walk, says Baudin. 

With the Tzeets? asks Gaius.

No such luck, says Baudin. The Tzeets are not with him.

Did he describe the walk? asks Gaius. Perhaps it's of interest per se.

What's persay? asks Terence. 

In itself, says Gaius.

Like everything, says Terence.

Exactly, says Gaius.

Except the for the prawn chips, says Terence. They're in Captain Baudin.

Eating, Loudly

In the IGA store, Gaius and Terence are shopping.

Gaius has chosen cheese and apples for himself, and Ribena for Terence.

Can I get something for Roo-kai? asks Terence.

I suppose so, says Gaius. Any suggestions?

He likes molluscs, says Terence.

Hmm, says Gaius. They may not sell molluscs here.

Ask, says Terence.

Gaius goes over to the counter.

I don't suppose you sell molluscs, says Gaius.

Yeah we do, says the guy behind the counter. Pipis. Going fishing?

A treat for our parrot, says Gaius.

Parrots don't eat pipis, says the guy behind the counter.

Not as a rule, says Gaius. Wait! Are they frozen?

Yeah, says the guy behind the counter.

Any fresh oysters? asks Gaius.

All gone, says the guy behind the counter. We've got jars of smoked ones.

Gaius is considering a jar of smoked oysters when he sees a large packet of prawn chips on the counter.

I'll take these, says Gaius.

Up to you, says the guy behind the counter.

Gaius pays.

What did you get for Roo-kai? asks Terence.

These prawn chips, says Gaius. And if he doesn't like them, I know someone who will.

Me! says Terence.

Not you, says Gaius. Captain Baudin.

And me, says Terence. Can I open the packet?

No, says Gaius. Come on, we're leaving.

Outside the store Roo-kai is still hearing the crackling.

Captain Baudin is humming loudly, to drown out the sound.

Guess what! says Terence. We got you something!

Very kind, says Roo-kai. What could it be?

All they had was these prawn chips, says Gaius. 

I've never tried prawn chips, says Roo-kai.

I have, says Captain Baudin. In Chinese restaurants.

I thought you didn't go into shops, says Gaius.

Restaurants, I will sometimes enter, says Baudin. 

Try one, Roo-kai, says Terence.

Later, says Roo-kai. 

I'll try one, says Captain Baudin.

Crackle crackle. 

What's that? asks Gaius. Are you receiving a message from Captain Du Fresne?

Of course not, says Captain Baudin. It's the crackle crackle of the packet.

Crackle crackle. He tears open the packet with his mouth and his dominant claw.

Crunch crunch.

He eats several prawn chips, loudly.

Answer The Crackle

Do you need assistance? asks Gaius.

No thanks, I'll manage, says Captain Baudin.

He climbs slowly up Gaius's back wheel, via the spokes.

And hoists himself into position in front of Terence.

What do I hold onto? asks Terence.

My carapace, says Captain Baudin. Fear not, you can't hurt me.

But in fact Terence can.

Uh! Try to avoid that part, says Captain Baudin.

Sorry, says Terence. 

Ready? says Gaius. Then let us proceed. 

I'll fly overhead, says Roo-kai.

Gaius cycles north.

By the way, says Gaius, how do you keep in touch with Du Fresne?

The usual way, says Baudin.

Roo-kai is listening.

He disappears under a rock, says Roo-kai.

Does that mean you can't keep in touch while we're travelling, says Gaius.

Unfortunately yes, says Baudin.

We'll stop for lunch soon, says Gaius.

Yay! says Terence. What can I have?

Water, says Gaius. 

Boo! says Terence. I need a red drink.

Want me to fly ahead and look for a shop? asks Roo-kai.

If you would, says Gaius. I need to stock up.

Roo-kai flies inland, and arrives in Two Wells.

He looks about. Turns and flies back again. 

Any luck? asks Gaius.

We're quite near Two Wells, says Roo-kai.

Excellent, says Gaius. We'll go there, if everyone's agreeable.

Yes! says Terence. I'm agreeable!

Aye, says Baudin. But I don't enter shops.

You can wait outside with Roo-kai and the bicycle, says Gaius. 

They arrive in Two Wells.

Gaius and Terence go into the IGA supermarket to stock up on supplies.

Baudin remains on the bicycle, outside the store.

Crackle crackle.

What was that? asks Roo-kai. 

Nothing, says Baudin.

No, says Roo-kai. I know a communication type crackle when I hear one. But how does it work?

A lobster secret, says Baudin. Evolved over many aeons.

To what advantage? asks Roo-kai.

Crackle crackle.

Baudin doesn't answer Roo-kai.

And nor does he answer the crackle.

What's Not Wonderful?

Crackle crackle.

Captain Baudin sighs.

He slides under his crusty black rock.

What is it? asks Captain Baudin.

Just to say, says Du Fresne, I'll be keeping you posted.

There's really no need, says Baudin.

Thought I'd follow up on the breeding exploits of the two subjects, says Du Fresne.

Don't do that, says Baudin. 

Crackle crackle, says Du Fresne. 

Once again, Baudin edges out from under his rock.

Sorry about that, says Baudin. Du Fresne's breaking up.

Gaius will be interested to hear the news, says Roo-kai. And he'll be here soon. Let's go up to the road.

They make their way up to the road.

I see a bicycle approaching, says Baudin.

You have a sea captain's eye, says Roo-kai.

Baudin is pleased that his sea captain's eye has been acknowledged.

Gaius cycles closer, and draws to a halt.

Greetings, says Roo-kai.

Ahoy! says Captain Baudin.

A red knitted hat...let me guess...Captain...umm... begins Gaius.

Captain Baudin, says Roo-kai. He has news of the Tzeets.

Wonderful! says Gaius. Is that not wonderful, Terence?

What's not wonderful? asks Terence, who had been sitting behind Gaius, and not listening.

Captain Baudin has news of the Tzeets, says Gaius.

They made it to Melaleuca, says Roo-kai.

Excellent, says Gaius. Your efforts have been rewarded. Did the albatross assist them? 

Yes, says Baudin. But minimally. They flew to Melaleuca on their own.

And how do you know this? asks Gaius.

Captain Du Fresne has been keeping me posted from Melaleuca, says Baudin.

Doubly excellent, says Gaius. Did you ask him to follow up on the breeding activities?

Err..mmm....yes, says Baudin. 

Then you must join us, says Gaius. We are heading to the far end of the bird sanctuary.

Oh I couldn't, say Baudin.

Of course you could, says Gaius. Climb up behind me. There's room between me and Terence.

Terence is about to say no there isn't when he remembers 

It's no fun behind Gaius's bottom.

A Dark And Stormy Night

A Tzeet addresses the unusual gathering:

It was a dark and stormy night. We perched on top of the ferry. The ferry started moving and we thought we were done for. But we slid down a funnel and into a movie theatre, where it was all bright and loud. The movie was about puppies that wore uniforms and drove machinery and found magic crystals. 

Wo-aah! gasps the unusual gathering. Magic crystals!

One of them asks: Did you get supper? 

Another: Did you sleep on the ferry?

The Tzeet answers: No to both questions. 

Another asks: What did you do when you landed?

The second Tzeet takes up the story: We flew off the ferry and looked for the albatross. The albatross was waiting. He asked if we knew the way to Melaleuca. We didn't. He pointed south west. Then he left, though we'd hoped he would guide us. So we flew south west, the length of Tasmania, until we reached Melaleuca.

Well done, you two, says one of the gathering. You will enjoy Melaleuca. There is lots to do here.

Like what? ask the Tzeets. 

Breeding, says another. You'll soon get the hang of it. And there is the Needwonnee Walk, and also a fine Heritage Museum.

Wow-ee! say the Tzeets.

Du Fresne decides he's heard enough to satisfy Captain Baudin.

Crackle crackle.

Yes? says Captain Baudin.

I hardly know where to start, says Du Fresne. 

Keep it brief, says Baudin. 

Du Fresne does not wish to keep it brief. He tells Baudin about the storm, the funnel, the puppies, the magic crystals, the lack of supper, the albatross who only partly fulfilled his duty, the breeding activities on offer, the Needwonnee Walk and the Heritage Museum.

Thank you Du Fresne, says Baudin. That is more than enough information.

What did you learn? asks Roo-kai, when Baudin emerges.

Looks like they made it, says Baudin.

These Are Them!

Melaleuca.

Du Fresne is in the bird hide, on his own.

He is watching for orange-bellied parrots.

He has already spotted a few.

But how to tell if they have made their way here on a ferry?

A human enters the bird hide.

Du Fresne melts into the shadows. Something lobster sea captains do well.

The human takes out a pair of binoculars.

And looks through them.

The human takes out a note pad, and writes something down.

He places the notepad on the ledge of the bird hide, and continues watching.

What has he written? 

Du Fresne risks a look.

To do this he must emerge from the shadows, leave the bird hide, find a stick, return to the bird hide, and quietly poke at the notebook until it falls softly outside.

Plop.

Du Fresne goes outside. There on the ground is the notebook.

The binoculars of the human are visible at the window of the bird hide.

The human has not noticed the loss of the notebook.

Du Fresne reads what the human has written.

UNUSUAL GATHERING OF O-B P's. 

Aha! This could mean only one thing.

Or, maybe more than one thing. 

But it is worth reporting.

......

Crackle crackle.

Baudin slides back under his rock.

Re-emerges.

Any more news? asks Roo-kai.

Promising, says Baudin. A human bird watcher has reported an unusual gathering of O-B P's.

They may be gathering to hear the Tzeets tell their story, says Roo-kai.

They may, says Baudin. Of course there could be multiple reasons.

Is Du Fresne able to get any closer? asks Roo-kai.

He is currently trying, says Baudin. 

......

Du Fresne has tried.

He is now as close as he can get without being spotted by the unusual gathering.

They are gathered around two very small ones.

The gathering falls silent. 

What can we tell you? asks one of the small ones.

What was it like on the ferry? asks a bigger one.

YES! thinks Du Fresne. These are them!

We Don't Own Light Planes

His egg? asks Captain Baudin.

A joint egg, of course, says Roo-kai. Run over by a four wheel drive vehicle.

How sad, says Captain Baudin. Especially after what happened to his brother.

Yes, says Roo-kai. I believe he has given up searching.

Sometimes that is best, says Captain Baudin. One must look to the future.

Crackle crackle.

Excuse me, says Captain Baudin.

He slips under the rock, to receive the new message.

He emerges.

Du Fresne is on his way to Melaeuca, says Captain Baudin. 

Is it far? asks Roo-kai.

Not for him, says Baudin. He knows someone with a light plane who can take him.

Another lobster? asks Roo-kai.

Ha ha, no, laughs Baudin. A human. We lobsters are seafarers. We don't own light planes.

Why doesn't he sail there? asks Roo-kai.

He's doing you a favour, says Baudin. Light plane is faster.

I hope you thanked him, says Roo-kai.

I thanked him, says Baudin. He should be there shortly. Have some more mussels, if you're still hungry.

I'm done, says Roo-kai. Tell me about the last time you saw Saint Roley.

Ah, says Baudin. We were sailing together, west of Stokes Bay. We sang French sea shanties together.

I love it! says Roo-kai. Can you sing me one now?

How about Ti ti lariti tonton? says Baudin. 

He sings:

Petite a la ti ti lariti tonton lariton......

I'd like to learn it, for the sentimental connection, says Roo-kai.

All right, says Baudin. Try it on your own while I beat out the tune. 

Bom bom bom bom bom bombom

Roo-kai sings: Petite ti ti lariti ton ton.

That's good, for a beginner, says Baudin.

Crackle crackle.

Excuse me.

Roo-kai continues singing. Baudin goes back under his rock.

He emerges.

Du Fresne's there! says Baudin. He's heading for the walkers' hut now.

Ti ti lariti ton ton! sings Roo-kai.

There he will ask someone to show him the way to the bird hide, says Baudin. And there he will hide, looking for the two orange-bellied parrots that you have described.

Described? says Roo-kai. He's only been given their nicknames.

You forget, says Baudin. He also knows they are the only orange-bellied parrots to have reached Tasmania by ferry. 

Yes, of course, says Roo-kai.

How well this is going. It is almost as if events are being guided by the spirit of Saint Roley.

Ti ti lariti ton ton!

Bom bom.

Red Bespoke Hat

Roo-kai has not gone far when he spots a red hat.

It's poking out from under a crusty black rock in the shallows.

He lands near it.

Mm. Shiny black mussels. 

The red hat emerges. Ahoy!

Under the red hat is a lobster.

You look familiar, says the lobster.

So do you, says Roo-kai. At least your hat does.

It's bespoke, says the lobster.

I know a lobster who has one just like it, says Roo-kai. Ageless Lobster.

An old friend of mine! says the lobster. How is he?

Same old, says Roo-kai. At least I suppose so. I haven't seen him lately. And you are...?

Captain Baudin, says the lobster. Sea-captain. 

You must know Gaius, says Roo-kai.

I do, says Roo-kai. He's camping just south of here.

Alors! says Captain Baudin. Now I know why you look familiar. You're the spit of Saint Roley!

Thanks for the compliment, says Roo-kai. He's a hero of mine. 

And what brings you here? asks Baudin.

I'm trying to find out what happened to two young orange-bellied parrots I left in Geelong, says Roo-kai.

You left them in Geelong? says Captain Baudin. What did you do that for?

They were on their way to Tasmania, says Roo-kai. I saw them safely onto the ferry. An albatross promised to meet them in Devonport.

An albatross! says Captain Baudin. Don't you think that was risky?

Mm, says Roo-kai. It promised to point them in the direction of Melaleuca. Not much to ask.

Captain Baudin shakes his head.

His red knitted hat scatters drops over Roo-kai and the mussels.

I could ask around, says Captain Baudin. I have contacts. 

He withdraws, under the crusty black rock.

Crackle crackle.

He emerges.

Did they have nicknames, these parrots?

Tzeets, says Roo-kai.

Captain Baudin withdraws again.

Crackle crackle.

Emerges.

Du Fresne is in the vicinity, says Baudin. He'll make enquiries.

Excellent, says Roo-kai. Shall I wait here for news?

I could do with some company, says Captain Baudin. 

So could I, says Roo-kai. 

He picks at the tiny black mussels.

Help yourself, says Captain Baudin. By the way, what happened to Saint Roley? I've not seen him for ages.

A broken heart, I believe, says Roo-kai. His egg was run over.

Captain Baudin is intrigued.

Good Luck Bad Luck Who Gets It?

What did he say? asks Camus.

Watch out for the fires, says Gaius.

What fires? asks Camus.

I don't know, says Gaius. Bushfires, I imagine, in Queensland. I haven't kept up with the news.

Nor have I, says Camus. And that's not like me. 

He starts to google the news.

Wars here and there... and someone has been arrested for feeding her elderly relatives death cap mushrooms, says Camus. Nothing unusual.....ah, here we are, bushfires in Queensland.

Wherabouts? asks Gaius. Any near Gladstone?

Camus googles 'fires near Gladstone'.

Some are still burning, says Camus.

Hum, says Gaius. 

Now we can't go, says Terence.

Perhaps we should wait, says Gaius. Meanwhile we'll keep looking for orange-bellied parrots.

Again? says Terence.

There may be more here, needing a safe route to Melaleuca, says Gaius.

It wasn't that safe, says Roo-kai. We don't know if the Tzeets even got there.

I thought they were meeting an albatross, says Gaius.

Yes, but you know what they're like, says Roo-kai. They can bring good luck or bad luck. 

What's the good luck? asks Terence. 

If sailors spot an albatross, it's good luck, says Roo-kai.

What's the bad luck? asks Terence.

If they kill the albatross, it's bad luck, says Roo-kai.

Who gets it? asks Terence.

The albatross, says Gaius. But I don't wan't to go all the way to Melaleuca. Is there a way we can contact the albatross?

There's always a way, says Roo-kai.

Wonderful, says Gaius. I'll leave that to you then. Meanwhile Terence and I will continue north towards Thompson's beach, by bicycle. You others can do what you like.

Roo-kai flies off, via the carpark.

He lands on the bonnet of Victor's police car. Scrapes his feet a few times. Takes off again.

I'll head back to Adelaide, says Camus. I'm free now.

He goes.

I'll leave too, says Victor.

Safe journey, says Gaius.

Victor heads for the carpark.

Camus is examining the bonnet of the police car.

What are you doing? asks Victor.

Just looking, says Camus. See this? Terence's knee scratches look more like bird scratches than I remember.

Victor looks.

Great! So they do.

Identifying Mister Snappy

Ring-ring.

Camus answers. It's Vello.

Any news? asks Vello.

We found a couple of orange-bellied parrots, says Camus.

Other news? asks Vello. Regarding the penguin pie story? 

Yes, says Camus. You'll be pleased to know Gaius has agreed to its publication.

Excellent, says Vello.

With one provision, says Camus.

Spit it out, says Vello. 

He insists on a pseudonym, says Camus.

Does he? says Vello. Is he there? 

Yes, says Camus. 

Put him on, says Vello.

Camus hands Gaius his phone.

It's Vello, says Camus.

I gathered that, says Gaius. Good morning, Vello.

What's this about a pseudonym? asks Vello.

Surely you of all people understand the need for a pseudonym, says Gaius. You use one yourself.

Yes but everyone knows who I am, says Vello.

Look, says Gaius. I simply want to get Camus out of my hair.

Understood, says Vello. All right. Choose your pseudonym.

Umm, says Gaius. A pseudonym...hmm.... not Mister Poo-brain.

What? asks Vello.

Terence's suggestion, says Gaius. 

Ha ha, laughs Vello. But I see why you don't like it.

Something snappy, says Gaius. Not associated with me or my writings.

Snappy, says Vello. Done. Mister Snappy.

Gaius thinks. Mister Snappy. What does it signify?  Short sharp and shiny? Or simply sharp? Of course the main thing is to identify the person ( Mister Snappy) as a person who might eat penguin pie, while at the same time not a person who might be (or is) a widely-read and oft-quoted natural historian.

Well? asks Vello.

Would a Mister Snappy eat penguin pie, in your opinion? asks Gaius.

Most certainly, says Vello.

And would you guess Mister Snappy was me? asks Gaius.

If I didn't know? asks Vello.

Of course if you didn't know, says Gaius. If you know, it's a different matter entirely.

I'll ask David, says Vello. He's right here in the office.

Mutter mutter ha ha mumble huh!.....

David says no, says Vello. So you can be assured on that count.

What did you ask him? asks Gaius. 

Who of your acquaintance might use the pseudonum Mister Snappy? says Vello.

And what did he answer? asks Gaius.

Me, says Vello.

David's never snappy, says Gaius.

ME! snaps Vello.

Dear me, says Gaius. I don't want readers thinking it was you who ate it.

It might add a certain frisson to the story, says Vello. 

You weren't even there at the time, says Gaius.

That's why Mister Snappy is perfect, says Vello. I have an alibi.

Indeed, says Gaius. Things rarely work out so well.

True, says Vello. How are things otherwise?

Fine, says Gaius. I'm thinking of going up to Central Queensland. 

Watch out for the fires, says Vello.

Mister Poo-brain

I'm thinking of going to Central Queensland, after this, says Gaius.

Me too, says Terence.

What for? asks Victor.

See the Kroombit tinker frogs for myself, says Gaius. 

Oh yes, says Victor. Any particular reason?

Twenty eight captive-bred Kroombit tinker frogs are soon to be released, says Gaius. 

Frogs, says Victor. Mm.

I have the feeling you're not really listening, says Gaius.

I am listening, says Victor. 

He is, but not for frog information. 

Has he heard a car?

Is it Camus returning?

It is. Camus parks his electric car in the car park and walks down to the beach with a brown paper bag labelled M.

Anyone for a burger? asks Camus. Or a Macmuffin?

Good that you chose to come back, says Victor. I'll have a Macmuffin.

Nothing for me, thanks, says Gaius.

Is there anything for me? asks Terence.

No, says Camus. . 

I was beginning to think you'd done a runner, says Victor.

Decided against it, says Camus. You'd have traced me.

I wouldn't, says Victor. The case is now closed. Roo-kai has volunteered to take the blame for the scratches.

Good for him, says Camus. 

He unwraps a Big Mac.

Gaius is thinking of going to Central Queensland, says Victor.

Why? asks Camus. 

To count Krummy frogs, says Terence.

Kroombit tinkers, says Gaius.

Count me out, says Camus.

You're not even a frog, says Terence.

He is, says Victor.

Camus scowls. This is poor form from a policeman.

I might ask Pierre-Louis, says Gaius.

So I'm free, says Camus. I don't suppose you've reconsidered?

Reconsidered? asks Gaius. 

The penguin pie, says Camus. The reason I came with you in the first place.

You have been helpful, excluding one or two mis-steps, says Gaius, but I won't admit to something I haven't done.

No, you mustn't, says Roo-kai.

YOU did, says Terence.

Birds are different, says Roo-kai.

Not that different, says Camus.

How about this? says Gaius. You may publish your story about me eating a penguin pie if you use a pseudonym.

What's that? asks Terence.

A fake name, says Victor. 

Like a Poo-brain pie? asks Terence.

Not the pie, says Camus. The eater.

Mister Poo-brain, says Terence. 

Certainly no one would ever guess that was me, says Gaius.

I'm not calling you Mister Poo-brain, says Camus. It's a serious article. Vello would never approve it.

Wouldn't he? We're about to find out.

Camus's phone rings.

Buzz. You Hadn't.

Victor walks back to the beach.

Spring water? asks Gaius.

No thanks, says Victor. 

Of course, says Gaius. You already have some. Did Terence persuade you not to use it for cleaning the car?

He did. We used tap water, says Victor.

And the scratches? asks Gaius. How's Camus going?

Going is the word, says Victor. Camus has left the vicinity.

He's probably just gone to buy himself a nice breakfast, says Gaius.

I doubt it, says Victor. I shouldn't have given him his car keys. The touch-up kit was a ruse.

This is all my fault, says Roo-kai.

Not at all, says Victor.

Kind of you to say so, says Roo-kai. But it was my inadvertent defecation that started this saga.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

A long story, says Gaius. 

Meaning a long police report, says Victor.

You realise you didn't even need to come here, says Gaius.

I wish I hadn't, says Victor.

I shall grant that wish, says Terence. Buzz! You hadn't.

That would require the disappearance of the scratches, says Victor.

And Victor, says Roo-kai.

And Terence's ability to grant wishes, says Gaius. 

I have an idea, says Roo-kai. Let's say I made the scratch marks. 

But they're my scratch marks, says Terence.

True, says Victor, but if you made them, who lifted you onto the bonnet? Camus did. Why did I let him? and so on. Whereas if Roo-kai made the scratch marks when he landed on the bonnet, that's a natural occurrence. Bird lands on bonnet. Bird shits. Bird makes scratches. Only a maintenance request is required.

Hold your horses. The scratches won't match, says Gaius. There's a difference between oystercatcher feet scratches and Terence's cement knee scratches.

Shall I make some more scratches? asks Roo-kai.

Not yet, I need to weigh up the options, says Victor. 

Yes, says Gaius. There's no hurry, and Camus might come back with a touch-up kit while we're waiting.

Aren't you sick of waiting? asks Victor. I thought you were here for bird-spotting.

I am indeed, says Gaius. But I haven't been wasting my time. I've been reading about the Kroombit tinker frogs of whom there are only one hundred and fifty left in the wild.

You don't say, says Victor. I'm not into frogs. Unless they've been smuggled.

Nevertheless Gaius continues to expound on the Kroombit tinker frogs. 

Blah blah blah.

Turns out they live in the rainforest gullies in Kroombit Tops National Park south west of Gladstone in Central Queensland.