The Gathering

Later that night.

Terence returns to the Max Brown hotel with Arthur and Sweezus.

You go in, says Sweezus. We'll be back later.

Much later, says Arthur.

Terence goes in. He stomps up the stairs to find Tiny.

Tiny is sitting in a circle, outside Gaius's room.

Snakes can do this.

Guess what? says Terence.

What? says Tiny. My own sister's a Tour de France rider?

No, about water, says Terence. Sweezus pours water into a teacup and it flushes down the toilet.

No way! says Tiny.

It's tactics, says Terence.

My sister's team has better tactics, says Tiny. They have black hole paint.

Poo! says Terence. All that will do is.....make them look like their brains are missing.

Tiny had been thinking it might help them pass others unnoticed, and sprint to the finish.

But perhaps Terence is right.

He brightens. Not that he has anything against the success of Third Sister.

Guess what else? says Terence. The race starts tomorrow, and it goes past the canal. We're allowed to watch it.

Me too? asks Tiny.

You too, says Terence. You can watch out for clowns.

What do I do if I see one? asks Tiny.

Bite it, says Terence. And warn me. And we'll run away.

.......

Belle is on an Emirates flight from Adelaide to Düsseldorf. She is cutting it fine.

She wonders if Gaius has received his bicycle.

She wonders if Baby Pierre, Ouvert and Third Sister have found the Freddos.

She wonders if Sweezus is getting on all right with Gaius.

She wonders if Vello and David have bonded with Jacobi.

Of course they will have. They are philosophers first and foremost.

She bites down on a complimentary pretzel.

Ouch! She cracks a filled tooth.

.......

The next morning, in Düsseldorf.

Belle is seeing a dentist.

Vello is fussing.

What will we do about snacks?

Have faith, says Jacobi.

There you go, says David. Faith will not produce snacks.

I'm not denying there must be a process, says Jacobi.

That's not what you say, says David. You say belief means immediate conviction. I take that to mean you expect snacks to materialise, if you believe in them strongly.

You trivialise my faith, says Jacobi. I don't actually believe in snacks.

Then why...? begins David

Stop this! says Vello. It's the time trials, this afternoon. Are we ready? No. Do we have snacks ? No. Where is my daughter? At the dentist.

Calm down Vello, says David. One of us just needs to go down to the Altstadt and buy snacks.

I'll go, says Jacobi.

He wanders down to the Altstadt.

On the way, he passes several clowns.

Water Does What It Wants

Sweezus munches the chocolate.

Now that you're here, says Gaius, you can take charge of Terence.

Sure, right, says Sweezus. Where is he?

Gaius doesn't know.

Where is he, Ageless? asks Gaius.

Ask Freddie, says Ageless.

Outside, says Freddie. With his little snake friend.

Tiny! cries Third Sister. Is it Tiny?

Yes, says Freddie. He looks like you. Is he your brother?

But Third Sister has run quickly outside.

Terence and Tiny are returning from the canal, where they have been playing Cannot But Bee.

Third Sister! cries Tiny, as soon as he sees her.

Tiny Sacrifice! cries Third Sister.

They entwine, like snake brother and sister. Then they withdraw to regard one another.

Nice bike knicks, says Tiny.

Thanks, says Third Sister.

A coolness descends. A gulf divides them.

They go inside.

Terence runs to Sweezus! Yay! Sweezus is here!

Scheisse! says Sweezus. What's that on your hand?

A parrot wing, says Terence. He waves it about a bit.

Sweezus does not look impressed.

......

Later. At a cool bar in the Altstadt. A meeting of Team Condor, re tactics.

I'm just saying, says Sweezus.

Another weissbier? asks Arthur

Yeah, says Sweezus. Gaius's round.

I won't have another, says Gaius.

It's still your round, says Sweezus.

Water, says Gaius.

Yeah, says Sweezus. What was I saying? Yeah... pour water into a tea cup, it takes the shape of the tea cup.

Terence is under the table. He is not allowed to say anything.

He thinks about Sweezus's teacup.

That is all very well, says Gaius. But pour water into a toilet, it takes the shape of the toilet, that does not make it a desirable quality to emulate. You need to convince me.

A toilet! says Sweezus.

He is taken aback.

Terence is snorting with suppressed laughter under the table. He can't wait to tell Tiny.

My own preference as to tactics, says Gaius, is PUSH ON.

Water does that too, says Sweezus.

Terence nearly wets himself, thinking of pushing on the toilet. And afterwards flushing. Hilarious.

It seems you think it will do what you want it to do, says Gaius. Let me assure you it won't. Have you ever been to the seaside and tried to make a moat round a sand castle?

Luckily Sweezus is saved from the riddle of the moat by the return of Arthur with two weissbiers, one glass of water, and an acquaintance.

Richie! says Sweezus. Good to see you! When did you get here?

Today, says Richie.

Same, says Sweezus. Sit down. Gaius's round. What're you having?

I'm all right, says Richie. Arthur was just saying about Team Trek Segafredo's new outfits.

Sweezus grimaces.

All right for some, says Sweezus. Team Condor can't afford new outfits. Contadors's team looks heaps good though. White pinstripe jersey and pinstripe bib shorts. Red helmets and shoes, customised white Trek bikes with red details.

You know what, man, says Richie. There's this good philosophy.

What? says Sweezus.

All your sorrows have been wasted on you if you have not yet learned how to feel rat shit, says Richie.

That's WRETCHED, says Gaius.

Nothing Like Motivation

The plane lands in Dubai. The flat pack is unloaded.

Three hours later a plane leaves Dubai for Düsseldorf.

The plane lands in Düsseldorf.

The flat pack is again unloaded, picked up by a courier, and delivered to the Max Brown hotel.

(Just thought I should speed up the action).

Gaius comes downstairs.

Your flat pack is here, says Freddie.

Ageless wakes up. He was only half asleep anyway.

Gaius prises open the flat pack.

Freddie, a spanner!

Freddie looks for a spanner. There should be one under the desk.

Ageless spies the cloth bag.

He loosens the drawstring with his dominant claw.

Out tumble Baby Pierre, Ouvert and Third Sister.

Welcome to Düsseldorf, says Ageless. Croaakkkk! What happened!

Nothing, says Baby Pierre.

There's a black hole in your head, says Ageless.

Ouvert jumps up and down.

Yes! Yes! It's the secret weapon!

Ageless kicks him. Shut your mouths, Ouvert. Both of them. Other teams may be listening.

Black hole? cries Baby Pierre.

Let me see, says Third Sister. Oh dear. It's your Sign of the Claw. But it's still the right shape though.

How was your journey? asks Ageless, realising he has not greeted Third Sister.

Good, and bad, says Third Sister. I ate the head of my Freddo. It was smiling. I felt really bad. But Baby Pierre said to think of it inside me, smiling. Like, you know, motivation.

Good for Baby Pierre, says Ageless. I won't point out that the Freddo can no longer be smiling.

You did! says Ouvert.

Reverse psychology, says Ageless.

Muh! says Ouvert.

My light doesn't work, says Gaius. Belle must have left the light on. How annoying.

Where are our team bikes? asks Ageless.

In the lunch box, says Baby Pierre.

Ageless pulls out the three tiny bicycles, one by one. It looks as though parts of them are missing.

Ageless groans.

No, says Baby Pierre It's just ... we had a paint spill.

Ageless is learning that being a manager is not all plain sailing.

Gaius is still bending over his bicycle, muttering, when Sweezus and Arthur wheel their bikes in.

Cool hotel! says Sweezus.

Knew you'd like it, says Arthur.

Arthur! says Gaius. At last! I'm in a bit of a pickle. My light's not working.

You probably won't need it, says Arthur.

Gaius beams with relief. No doubt Arthur will also be able to lay his hands on a spanner.

Training session this afternoon? asks Gaius. We need to talk about tactics.

Yeah, okay, says Sweezus. We've been working on some pretty awesome tactics. Remember Bruce Lee?

No, says Gaius. Wait, yes, the kung fu man?

Yep, Bruce Lee, says Sweezus. Be like water. Nothing will alter its way. Brilliant.

Doesn't Sweezus realise he has revealed his new tactic to Ageless, and the whole of Team Claw?

Team Claw and Ageless retire to the social space to discuss how being like water might help them with their paint spill.

Be like water? says Gaius. I have a few questions.

Then something distracts him. What's this?

He has found the heroic co-Freddo, melted into an unsmiling lump inside its wrapper.

Anyone want this old chocolate? asks Gaius.

I'll have it, says Sweezus.

Heroic Demises

I smell chocolate, says Third Sister.

That will be us, say the Freddos.

I'm only going to eat one of you, says Third Sister. Which one will it be?

The plane lurches, due to turbulence.

Baby Pierre clutches the paint tube.

Help me! cries Baby Pierre. It doesn't have a lid on.

Has the paint all come out? asks Ouvert.

How do I know? says Baby Pierre.

Squeeze it, says Ouvert.

Then it will, says Baby Pierre.

Gently, says Ouvert. Does it feel fat?

Baby Pierre squeezes the Vantablack tube, gently.

Splurt. Gurgle.

It sounds like drops of paint oozing out of a gently squeezed paint tube.

Has it gone on you? asks Third Sister.

I don't think so, says Baby Pierre.

We need some light, says Third Sister. Is there a light on Gaius's bicycle?

YES! cries Ouvert. Who's going to crawl out and find it?

Not us, says the Freddo.

Me, says the co-Freddo.

The brave Freddo can go, says Third Sister. I'll eat the coward.

And that's why the co-Freddo doesn't get eaten.

The downside is, he has to find the light on Gaius's bicycle, all by himself.

Go! says Ouvert.

The co-Freddo goes, not sure of where he is meant to be going.

Come here, says Third Sister, to the cowardly Freddo. Are you wrapped in foil?

Yes, says the Freddo. But inside I am smiling.

Smiling? asks Third Sister.

Smiling, says the Freddo. I'll smile all the way down.

I ate chocolate in Barbados, says Third Sister, But it didn't have a face that was smiling.

Eat him! says Ouvert.

Ouvert is excited. He hopes that the light comes on soon.

I think I might have paint on me, says Baby Pierre.

So what? says Ouvert. That was the plan.

That wasn't the plan, says Baby Pierre.

Third Sister has decided to just eat the feet of the Freddo.

Chomp!

Click!

The co-Freddo has succeeded in finding the light on the bicycle, and turned it on. After which he has fainted.

He is melting, inside the foil wrapper.

His smiling face melting..... his smiling face..... melting....

....inside the wrapper.

A heroic demise.

And not worth it.

Oh! I've eaten his head! says Third Sister.

Portal To The Dark Side

The Freddos bounce up and down in the lunch box.

Stop that! cries Baby Pierre.

How else are we going to get the lid off? asks the Freddo.

Normally, says Baby Pierre, I would agree with you. But Third Sister says the lid's come off the black paint tube.

Paint? Is it paint? asks the Freddo.

We didn't know it was paint, says his co-Freddo.

What did you think it was? asks Baby Pierre.

We didn't know. Some kind of portal, says the Freddo.

This is a bit close for comfort.

Baby Pierre doesn't want the Freddos knowing his game plan. Even for the short time they have left.

Think about that, Baby Pierre.

That's stupid.

Okay, says Baby Pierre. It's a portal to the dark side. So you need to stop bouncing.

What do we do? asks the Freddo.

Are there three bikes in there? asks Baby Pierre.

Yes, says the Freddo.

Wedge and climb, says Baby Pierre.

It's not hard to see why he is captain.

The Freddos wedge and climb, and the top Freddo loosens the lid of the lunch box.

Now help us out! say the Freddos.

Not yet. I'm coming in, says Baby Pierre. I need to replace the lid of the paint tube.

Stay there. We'll bring it with us, says the Freddo.

And before Baby Pierre can figure out how he is going to get into the lunch box ( answer: it wouldn't be easy ), he is showered with dropping Freddos and a paint tube, with the lid off.

Where's the LID! shouts Baby Pierre.

We don't know, admit the Freddos.

What a disaster.

Holding the paint tube gingerly upright, Baby Pierre struggles back towards the cloth bag.

What do we do? asks the Freddo.

Follow him, says his co-Freddo.

Straight into the teeth of death, says the Freddo.

Or go back to the lunch box, says the co-Freddo. With three bikes and a harmless lid.

It's tempting, says the Freddo, but we ARE slowly melting.

They look at one another.

Or would do, if it wasn't so dark.

And also, they are still wrapped in their Freddo foil wrappings.

It's amazing they saw anything, really.

Baby Pierre has entered the cloth bag.

Have you got the chocolate? asks Third Sister.

It's coming, says Baby Pierre. Meanwhile we have a disaster. Look here.

Of course, they don't see anything.

He explains the situation.

Freddos out. But not here yet. Lid in the lunch box.

Where are they? asks Third Sister.

Here we are, croaks the first Freddo.

The dark side, croaks the co-Freddo

What Are We Here For?

Where are you? shouts Third Sister.

To your left! shouts the Freddo.

I still can't find you, says Third Sister. Bang on the lunch box!

The two Freddos bang on the lunch box.

Third Sister moves closer.

What's that rattling? asks Third Sister.

Bicycles, shouts the Freddo.

And a tube of black stuff, says his co-Freddo.

Whoops, says Third Sister. That's a secret. And how come you know that it's black?

A good question. It's dark in the flat pack.

It's blacker than black, says the Freddo. It's like a black hole. We're actually scared of it.

We are, agrees his co-Freddo.

Wait, says Third Sister. What you're saying is, it's too good?

Too bad, says the Freddo. And the top's come off.

Bugger and poo! says Third Sister.

You could say that, says the Freddo.

But we're the ones in here, says his co-Freddo.

And the bicycles! says Third Sister. I must tell Baby Pierre.

She wriggles herself into a returning position, and heads towards the cloth bag.

So much for that, says the Freddo.

We blew it, says his co-Freddo.

We gained time, says the Freddo.

I thought we made a decision, says his co-Freddo. A fast death is better than a slow one.

We may have saved the bicycles, says the Freddo.

What's the point of that? asks his co-Freddo.

The bigger picture, says the Freddo. What are we here for, and all that?

We're here to be eaten, says co-Freddo.

Glass half full, says the Freddo. Anyway, I hear something.

He does hear something. It's Baby Pierre, rapping on the lid of the lunch box.

This is the Captain. Open up, Freddos!

Do we have to answer to him? asks the co-Freddo.

Sadly, yes, says the Freddo.

........

Meanwhile......

Meanwhile, everything else in the universe.......

But let's pick on one.

Vello and David are admiring the world's most beautiful coal mine, in Essen

Beautiful, thanks to the fact that it is no longer a coal mine, and is heritage listed.

This is much more attractive than I expected, says David. The architecture has a pleasant modern feel with appealing symmetry.

Bauhaus, says Jacobi.

The will of the epoch, translated into space, says Vello.

They are such intellectuals.

The Consolations Of Sport Psychology

Adelaide airport.

A flat pack is loaded onto an Emirates  plane.

Inside the flatpack is Gaius's bicycle, a cloth bag and a lunchbox.

Inside the lunchbox are three tiny bicycles, a tube of Vantablack coating, and two chocolate frogs.

Inside the cloth bag is Team Claw.

Ouvert can't get comfy. Third Sister is hungry.

It is all up to Baby Pierre.

If we're going to do this, says Baby Pierre, we may as well do it like professionals.

I agree, says Third Sister. How do we do it like them?

We think of a plan, says Baby Pierre. A way of making the time seem to go faster.

I have a plan, says Third Sister. We could set a task for ourselves. A hard one. Like when you have to solve clues to escape from a locked room.

Good thinking, Third Sister, says Baby Pierre. This cloth bag is like a locked room.

No it isn't, says Ouvert. I can get out any time I want to.

Go on then, says Third Sister.

I need a reason, says Ouvert.

Good thinking, Ouvert, says Baby Pierre. Here's a reason. Third Sister is hungry. The chocolate frogs are packed in the lunch box. The lunch box is closed.

Is it? says Third Sister. That's outrageous! How am I supposed to eat them?

You stupid girl, says Ouvert. That's the TASK.

Don't call her stupid, says Baby Pierre.

I didn't, says Ouvert.

You did, says Third Sister.

Come on guys! says Baby Pierre. Let's make a time line.

Yes, a time line, says Third Sister. First, get the chocolate.

That's at the end of the time line, says Baby Pierre. First, get out of the bag.

Why did Belle pack the chocolate in the lunch box? moans Third Sister.

Think! says Baby Pierre.

Okay, says Third Sister. She did it to occupy me. Right! Step one. I'm going to get out of this stinky old bag.

Stinky, says Ouvert. She said stinky!

Leave it, says Baby Pierre She's using sports psychology.

Am I? asks Third Sister.

Visualising your goal, says Baby Pierre. And creating a spur. It's okay if you want to pretend that it's stinky.

But it is, in fact, hot and stinky.

The plane has taken off, and the baggage compartment is nowhere as nice as the cabins.

........

Third Sister has made it to the top of the cloth bag which is closed with a cord drawn up tight but not knotted.

She pokes and eases, until a gap forms, just wide enough for her to squeeze through.

Now she is in the flat pack proper.

It is dark in the flat pack. She feels the spokes of Gaius's bicycle wheel. She sniffs.

No sweet smell of chocolate, because the damn lunch box is closed. And where is the lunch box?

She visualises the lunch box.

It is totally no use whatsoever.

She doesn't even remember what it looks like.

Did it have a blue lid or what?

She cries out in frustration.

You chocolate frogs! Shout if you can hear me!

Inside the blue-lidded lunch box, two chocolate frogs now have a dilemma.

They know what their ultimate fate is, but they are slowly melting.

Which path to take?

A quick end or a slow one?

Make a decision.

Waaark! Waaark! cry two Freddos, in unison.