No Sauce In The Novel

The banquet table isn't horizontal, says David.

It doesn't matter, says Vello. There's nothing on it. Begin, Arthur. 

Welcome, visitors, says Arthur-king of Eldorado. 

Thank you most kindly, says David-Cacambo.  I believe it is customary to embrace you and kiss you on both cheeks.

Just do it, says Arthur-king of Eldorado. 

Sweezus and David embrace and kiss Arthur, on both cheeks.

That's enough, says Arthur-king of Eldorado. Please be seated, next to these beautiful ladies.

Are we supposed to be seated already? asks Belle.

Yes, says Vello. Just squat.

Everyone squats round the table.

And how do you find our country? asks Arthur-king of Eldorado.

Amazing, says Sweezus-Candide. There is only one simple religion, no priests, no need for law courts, and no prisons. You have estabished a Palace of Science. There are fountains of rosewater, in public squares, paving stones smelling of cinnamon and cloves, and children play football with gold nuggets.

You find it pleasant? asks Arthur-king of Eldorado. 

Yes, says Sweezus-Candide.

Of course, we who live here are used to it, says Hedley's mother. When is the food coming?

Right now, dear lady, says Arthur-king of Eldorado. He plonks an imaginary sauce bottle on the table.

See this sauce bottle? says Arthur-king of Eldorado. 

Vello is about to interrupt. There is no sauce bottle on the table in his novel. 

But Arthur is addressing the sauce bottle, in a kingly voice.

Quièn eres? asks Arthur-king of Eldorado.

A pause for effect.

Then Arthur-king of Eldorado answers, in the voice of the sauce bottle ( brown and sticky):

Soy sauce.

No one laughs, until Sweezus-Candide does.

Ha ha, your majesty, very witty.

It is, says Arthur-king of Eldorado. but you have to know Spanish.

That's why my joke is better, says Hedley's mother. You don't need to know Spanish.

I'm just filling in for Pierre-Louis,  says Arthur. 

Yes, it doesn't matter, says Vello. But would you care to explain it in English?

Quièn eres means what are you, says Arthur. And soy sauce means I am sauce.

Soy sauce, says David. Is sauce the same word in Spanish and English?

No. Sauce is salsa in Spanish, says Hedley's mother.

Nevertheless I like Arthur's joke, says Vello. We must find a way to use it.

Muchas gracias, says Arthur-king of Eldorado.