You don't know who Lance Armstrong is? said Gustave, astonished.
Of course I do, replied Violetta. I merely meant to indicate that he is of no importance now. Our main rival in the Tour de France will be Alberto Contador.
True, said Gustave. I hear he is a little worried about the competition.
He should be, said Violetta. Not only because we are in it, but I believe that Team Philosophe is very strong this year.
I've heard the same, said Gaius. Very strong. They have a wonder dog, and a dark horse called Sweezus.
A dog and a horse! said Violetta. Bizarre!
He's not actually a horse, said Gaius.
........
Alberto Contador WAS worried by this year's competition. He had heard some alarming things about Team Philosophe. He mentioned his fears to his manager.
Alberto Contador: What is this I'm hearing about Team Philosophe? They are having a dog as a rider. Surely that is not allowed!
His Manager: Normally no. But they have produced a special permit signed by Nicolas Sarcozy. These French they stick together.
Alberto Contador: Madre de dios! And what if I was to wish to join my own personal dog to my team Saxobank Sungard? I think this would not be allowed, no way!
His Manager: It is not the dog you have to fear so much as this Sweezus.
Alberto Contador: Who is he this Sweezus?
His Manager: I hesitate to tell you.
Alberto Contador: Tell me nevertheless.
His Manager: His real name is Jesus. Sweezus is his Twitter name.
Alberto Contador: So what? Many men are called Jesus.
His Manager: Only in Spain, Alberto. Only in Spain.
Showing posts with label Lance Armstrong. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lance Armstrong. Show all posts
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Passage du Gois
Gustave is explaining the Passage du Gois to Gaius and Violetta.
It's a narrow passage between the mainland and the island of Noirmoutier. Twice a day it becomes flooded by the tide, he says.
Gaius' eyes open wide.
And we have to ride over it? I hope they have the timing right, he says.
Oh, if the tide is coming in, that makes it all the more fun, says Gustave. People drive over it in their cars all the time. There are foot races over the Passage too, beginning as the tide is receding. The runners start off running through the lapping waves.
This is crazy , says Violetta. I don't like it at all.
Don't worry, I'm sure it won't be like 1999, says Gustave.
What happened in 1999? asks Gaius.
A massive pileup of riders on the causeway, says Gustave. It created a six minute split in the peloton, dashing the hopes of some of the favourites.
Really? says Violetta. Who won?
Lance Armstrong, says Gustave.
Who? says Violetta.
It's a narrow passage between the mainland and the island of Noirmoutier. Twice a day it becomes flooded by the tide, he says.
Gaius' eyes open wide.
And we have to ride over it? I hope they have the timing right, he says.
Oh, if the tide is coming in, that makes it all the more fun, says Gustave. People drive over it in their cars all the time. There are foot races over the Passage too, beginning as the tide is receding. The runners start off running through the lapping waves.
This is crazy , says Violetta. I don't like it at all.
Don't worry, I'm sure it won't be like 1999, says Gustave.
What happened in 1999? asks Gaius.
A massive pileup of riders on the causeway, says Gustave. It created a six minute split in the peloton, dashing the hopes of some of the favourites.
Really? says Violetta. Who won?
Lance Armstrong, says Gustave.
Who? says Violetta.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Despondence
Despondence in the Team Gymnosophy camp! Gymnosopher Ten has not gained the ochre jersey at the end of Stage Four. To know why, we must return to Cibo's in Norwood yesterday morning, where Marie and Angel are chatting with Lance Armstrong over an expresso.
Lance Armstrong: So, hard answers eh? That's the wisest thing I've heard all week. If not all year. You are one smart cookie, Angel.
Angel: Thanks.
Marie: Ahem.
Lance Armstrong: Well, better be off, the race starts soon.
Marie: Hasn't it started already?
Lance Armstrong: No, that was the Community Challenge. They set off a couple of hours ago..
Marie: Oh dear. I must call my uncle. He and Gym Ten are riding in the wrong race!
Lance Armstrong: Hey, tough luck! I hope they get back in time for the start.
******
Stage Five, the next day, McLaren Vale to Willunga. Marie and Angel are riding at the front of the peloton. The Velodrone and Gym Ten are lagging towards the rear. Lance Armstrong is somewhere in the middle.
Angel: I can't help feeling responsible.
Marie: No, it was their own fault. They should have noticed that everyone was wearing yellow.
Angel: And looked like a different class of rider entirely.
Marie: Yes. They were too busy talking philosophy I bet. By the way Angel, can I ask you something? Do you answer all questions the same?
Angel: With hard answers? Yes.
******
Meanwhile, further back:
Lance Armstrong: And this guy said "Hard questions have hard answers". How brilliant is that?
Robbie McEwen: Man, that's awesome!
******
Meanwhile, even further back:
The VeloDrone: Don't look so grim.
Gym Ten: I feel like giving up.
The VeloDrone: Come, come, remember you are a Gymnosopher, and you are riding a magnificent bicycle, a gift from Alexander as a reward for your wisdom.
Gym Ten: Yes.......but I've lost the ochre jersey and now Angel is in front.
The VeloDrone: Exactly! So now, Gym Ten, it's time to use our noggins!
Lance Armstrong: So, hard answers eh? That's the wisest thing I've heard all week. If not all year. You are one smart cookie, Angel.
Angel: Thanks.
Marie: Ahem.
Lance Armstrong: Well, better be off, the race starts soon.
Marie: Hasn't it started already?
Lance Armstrong: No, that was the Community Challenge. They set off a couple of hours ago..
Marie: Oh dear. I must call my uncle. He and Gym Ten are riding in the wrong race!
Lance Armstrong: Hey, tough luck! I hope they get back in time for the start.
******
Stage Five, the next day, McLaren Vale to Willunga. Marie and Angel are riding at the front of the peloton. The Velodrone and Gym Ten are lagging towards the rear. Lance Armstrong is somewhere in the middle.
Angel: I can't help feeling responsible.
Marie: No, it was their own fault. They should have noticed that everyone was wearing yellow.
Angel: And looked like a different class of rider entirely.
Marie: Yes. They were too busy talking philosophy I bet. By the way Angel, can I ask you something? Do you answer all questions the same?
Angel: With hard answers? Yes.
******
Meanwhile, further back:
Lance Armstrong: And this guy said "Hard questions have hard answers". How brilliant is that?
Robbie McEwen: Man, that's awesome!
******
Meanwhile, even further back:
The VeloDrone: Don't look so grim.
Gym Ten: I feel like giving up.
The VeloDrone: Come, come, remember you are a Gymnosopher, and you are riding a magnificent bicycle, a gift from Alexander as a reward for your wisdom.
Gym Ten: Yes.......but I've lost the ochre jersey and now Angel is in front.
The VeloDrone: Exactly! So now, Gym Ten, it's time to use our noggins!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The Colour Question
The women sped up. They intended to catch up with Le Bon David and ask him his opinion on the colour question. As they pedalled they discussed how they might frame the question so as not to discompose the philosopher.
Simone de Beauvoir: It's easy really. The question can be framed thus: Can colour exist in the absence of light?
Belle et Bonne: Why yes! That's what we'll ask him.
It was lucky that the problem was so easily settled, because at that moment they needed to direct their attention towards the riders in front who were involved in a spill.
Simone de Beauvoir: Goodness me! It's Lance Armstrong! He has fallen off his bicycle! That's a piece of luck for Team Philosophe! Hurry up, Belle et Bonne!
They soon caught up with Team Philosophe, who were not as far advanced as Simone and Belle had supposed them to be.
Belle et Bonne: Hello, team! Guess what? Lance Armstrong has fallen off his bicycle!
The VeloDrone (glumly) : So has Cadel Evans, but he has got back on his bicycle and shot past us with his rainbow jersey all in tatters. I won't be surprised if he ends up wearing the yellow jersey at the end of the day.
Jean Paul Sartre: Hello Simone! No wonder you've caught up with us. We're pooped!
Simone de Beauvoir: Courage, mon petit !
Belle et Bonne: Uncle David! I have a philosophical question for you.
Le Bon David: My dear! I have a philosophical question for you too. Is this the time to be asking me a philosophical question, when my legs feel like jellyfish tentacles?
Belle et Bonne: Oh no. I'm so sorry, Uncle David. How thoughtless of me! Tomorrow is a rest day and my question must wait until then.
Simone de Beauvoir: It's easy really. The question can be framed thus: Can colour exist in the absence of light?
Belle et Bonne: Why yes! That's what we'll ask him.
It was lucky that the problem was so easily settled, because at that moment they needed to direct their attention towards the riders in front who were involved in a spill.
Simone de Beauvoir: Goodness me! It's Lance Armstrong! He has fallen off his bicycle! That's a piece of luck for Team Philosophe! Hurry up, Belle et Bonne!
They soon caught up with Team Philosophe, who were not as far advanced as Simone and Belle had supposed them to be.
Belle et Bonne: Hello, team! Guess what? Lance Armstrong has fallen off his bicycle!
The VeloDrone (glumly) : So has Cadel Evans, but he has got back on his bicycle and shot past us with his rainbow jersey all in tatters. I won't be surprised if he ends up wearing the yellow jersey at the end of the day.
Jean Paul Sartre: Hello Simone! No wonder you've caught up with us. We're pooped!
Simone de Beauvoir: Courage, mon petit !
Belle et Bonne: Uncle David! I have a philosophical question for you.
Le Bon David: My dear! I have a philosophical question for you too. Is this the time to be asking me a philosophical question, when my legs feel like jellyfish tentacles?
Belle et Bonne: Oh no. I'm so sorry, Uncle David. How thoughtless of me! Tomorrow is a rest day and my question must wait until then.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Gawler to Hahndorf
Professor Freud is brandishing a stone in front of Lance Armstrong.
All you have to do, mein Freund, is throw it in the air when you are passing the spot where I shall be standing.
Sorry, mein crazy Freund, says Lance Armstrong. I'm an amiable guy, but I won't do it. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.
Fine, says Freud, then I shall ask Cadel Evans. Perhaps he is less amiable than you.
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David have been listening. They decide it's time to intervene.
The VeloDrone: Well, hello, Professor Freud! What a surprise to see you here.
Professor Freud: Gotterdammerung! You are the last person I wish to see at the Tour Down Under!
The VeloDrone: Why so?
Professor Freud: Because I am here trying to double check the physics for the story I am writing for your magazine. I feel embarrassed.
The VeloDrone: No need to feel embarrassed. Perhaps David and I can help.
Le Bon David: Yes, my friend, we should be honoured.
Professor Freud: If you are here as members of Team Philosophe, then certainly you can be of some assistance.
The VeloDrone: No, unfortunately we are not. We forgot to get our entries in on time.
Professor Freud: Then I fail to see how you can help. I need the cooperation of some riders.
Le Bon David: Aha my friend! But we know something you don't know. Team Existentialist is here, and desperate for a sponsorship. I'm sure that whatever it is you wish them to do, they will do for a middling fee. And we will be only too happy to introduce you.
All you have to do, mein Freund, is throw it in the air when you are passing the spot where I shall be standing.
Sorry, mein crazy Freund, says Lance Armstrong. I'm an amiable guy, but I won't do it. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.
Fine, says Freud, then I shall ask Cadel Evans. Perhaps he is less amiable than you.
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David have been listening. They decide it's time to intervene.
The VeloDrone: Well, hello, Professor Freud! What a surprise to see you here.
Professor Freud: Gotterdammerung! You are the last person I wish to see at the Tour Down Under!
The VeloDrone: Why so?
Professor Freud: Because I am here trying to double check the physics for the story I am writing for your magazine. I feel embarrassed.
The VeloDrone: No need to feel embarrassed. Perhaps David and I can help.
Le Bon David: Yes, my friend, we should be honoured.
Professor Freud: If you are here as members of Team Philosophe, then certainly you can be of some assistance.
The VeloDrone: No, unfortunately we are not. We forgot to get our entries in on time.
Professor Freud: Then I fail to see how you can help. I need the cooperation of some riders.
Le Bon David: Aha my friend! But we know something you don't know. Team Existentialist is here, and desperate for a sponsorship. I'm sure that whatever it is you wish them to do, they will do for a middling fee. And we will be only too happy to introduce you.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The VeloDrone
No, I don't, said Pliny crossly. But I suppose you are going to tell me anyway.
Not unless you want me to, I replied.
Hmm, said Pliny. Alright then, tell me who was the winner of your absurd the Tour de France.
Alberto Contador, I said, followed by one of the Schlecks, and Lance Armstrong.
Yes of course, said Pliny, I know that, but what happened to the members of your Team Philosophe? Rousseau was last seen pedalling furiously up Mont Ventoux. Did he get to the top?
Oh yes, he did. And in record time. He would have been King of the Mountain, but he went flying down the other side and headed straight for Paris without stopping, so he was disqualified. He was livid. He claimed no one had told him he was meant to catch the train to Montereux.
What about Voltaire and Hume? asked Pliny. Did they finish well?
Well, they finished, I said. But not too well. They got into a very deep conversation about the cyclical nature of history and the cogs of human understanding, and they forgot all about trying to win the race. They were philosophical about it though. They're going to give up racing and publish a cycling and philosophy journal together.
Oh really? said Pliny, looking interested. I must watch out for it. What is it to be called?
Hume wants to call it Velosophy, but Voltaire thinks it will be more amusing to call it The VeloDrone.
Not unless you want me to, I replied.
Hmm, said Pliny. Alright then, tell me who was the winner of your absurd the Tour de France.
Alberto Contador, I said, followed by one of the Schlecks, and Lance Armstrong.
Yes of course, said Pliny, I know that, but what happened to the members of your Team Philosophe? Rousseau was last seen pedalling furiously up Mont Ventoux. Did he get to the top?
Oh yes, he did. And in record time. He would have been King of the Mountain, but he went flying down the other side and headed straight for Paris without stopping, so he was disqualified. He was livid. He claimed no one had told him he was meant to catch the train to Montereux.
What about Voltaire and Hume? asked Pliny. Did they finish well?
Well, they finished, I said. But not too well. They got into a very deep conversation about the cyclical nature of history and the cogs of human understanding, and they forgot all about trying to win the race. They were philosophical about it though. They're going to give up racing and publish a cycling and philosophy journal together.
Oh really? said Pliny, looking interested. I must watch out for it. What is it to be called?
Hume wants to call it Velosophy, but Voltaire thinks it will be more amusing to call it The VeloDrone.
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