Stage 16: Saint-Paul-Trois-Chateaux to Gap

It's now Stage 16 in the Tour de France, and the last day before the Alps. We are about to find out what sort of stuff Alberto Contador, Cadel Evans and Andy Schleck are made of. On the wet descent into Gap, Evans passes Contador, to become overall second in the race. The commentators are excited.

Phil Liggett: Look at that! Evans is showing that he really wants to win this race.

Paul Sherwen: He is indeed. But Contador is still a force to be reckoned with.

Phil Liggett: He is. But where's Andy Schleck? He certainly doesn't seem to be at his best today.

Paul Sherwen: No he doesn't. Perhaps he ate something that disagreed with him yesterday.

Phil Liggett: If he did he wouldn't be the only one. The story is that Team Philosophe and Team Bumptious are suffering nasty stomach cramps after eating some Duck a la Limoux at their rest day picnic.

Paul Sherwen: That's one version of the story, Phil. I've heard from other sources that they overindulged in some of the local wines as well, and that's the reason why they're a little bit under the weather this morning.

Phil Liggett: Well, well. At least they're still riding. And they're very fortunate that their best rider Farky MacTaggart doesn't seem to have been affected at all.

Paul Sherwen: No. I was chatting to his team mate Sweezus earlier, and he told me that Farky MacTaggart is tee total, and also that he will never knowingly eat garlic. Which is by the way one of the main ingredients of Duck a la Limoux.

Phil Liggett: Well, thanks for that information Paul. Now perhaps you'd like to tell us why the air here smells of lavender?

Paul Sherwen: But it doesn't, does it?

Phil Liggett: I was just testing you.

Paul Sherwen: It does in the spring.

Phil Liggett: There you have it, from the man who knows.

Stage 15: Limoux to Montpellier

It is windy on the route from Limoux to Montpellier, but at least there are no steep climbs. Some of the riders are chatting amongst themselves.

Mark Cavendish: Hey, Contador! Do you ever feed your dog garlic?

Alberto Contador: Si! Claro! We eat lots of garlic.

Mark Cavendish: What about your dog, Cadel?

Cadel Evans: Pfffft! Never touch it. Why?

Mark Cavendish: Oh, nothing. Just wondered if it's good for dogs.

Thomas Voeckler: Hee Hee! It would be no good for yours.

Mark Cavendish: That's not funny, Thomas. Bugger off!

......

Meanwhile, Belle et Bonne and Marie are shopping in Limoux for the picnic tomorrow, when who should they see in the cake shop but their friend Professor Freud.

Belle et Bonne: Professor! It's lovely to see you again. How are you enjoying the Tour?

Professor Freud: There are too many fools on the sidelines.

Marie: That just makes it more fun.

Professor Freud: And none of my friends are here.

Belle et Bonne: Oh poor Professor Freud! Would you like to come to our picnic tomorrow?

Professor Freud: Picnic? Why thank you my dear. I should love to. Are these some of the things we will be having?

Belle et Bonne: Yes. We thought we'd buy lots of Limoux specialties. We'll start with some peradou, an aperitif cake, then we'll have some artichoke with salted liver, and some Limouxine duck, some Limos, which is a sort of stuffed bun, and finish off with some tap, which is chocolate.

Marie: And to drink, we'll have the local white wines, Blanquette de Limoux, and Crement de Limoux.

Professor Freud: I look forward to it. And perhaps we shall find time to discuss Yukio Mishima's book? Have you both finished it?

Marie: Yes we have. Now we understand how Molly the dachshund felt while she was reading it.

Professor Freud: A dog's view! That will be of great interest to me.

Stage 10: Aurillac to Carmaux

Farky, who had drunk water at the picnic, was riding up near the front of the peloton. The others were feeling a little under the weather, and kept towards the back.

Sweezus: What are Belle et Bonne and Marie doing today?

The VeloDrone: They're looking for a bookshop. They want to buy a copy of The Sailor Who Fell from Grace With the Sea.

Violetta: Sheesh! I wouldn't want to read it. Farky hasn't exactly been talking it up.

Sweezus: Yeah, funny isn't it. He keeps saying 'it gets worse'.

Le Bon David: I gather he means it gets worse for Molly. Poor Molly. She should never have googled the author.

Gustave: Yes, I agree. The story is gruesome enough, but what happened to the author was worse.

Violetta: You mean, when his friend failed to cut off his head? So another friend had to do it. And then the first friend had to do seppuku too.

Gaius: What's so terrible about that? We Romans....

Gustave: Button up Gaius! No, it was worse than that.

Sweezus: Now you sound like Farky.

Gustave: Well it was. Worse for Molly.

Le Bon David: Absolutely. When she read about Yukio Mishima's childhood.....

Sweezus: Yeah.

Just then Farky appeared, dropping back to ride with them.

Farky: Burrrp! Oooh! Pardon! What was in that aligot stuff we ate yesterday?

Violetta: Just Chantal cheese, mashed potato and garlic.

Farky: Yikes! Garlic! Molly hates garlic. I'm done for!