Why We Have Laws In This Country

The Great Sage snoozes, in the late afternoon sunshine.

Victor comes out of the van, with a paintgun and paintballs.

Oi oi, says Victor. Wakey-wakey!

Uh? says Kong Fu-Zi.

I'm taking the bicycle, says Victor. Just letting you know. I'll be back in an hour or two.

Where to....? mutters Kong Fu-Zi.

Just round and about in the forest, says Victor. Firing paintballs, doing police jokes, keeping clear of the management. Yep. Looking forward to it. Any tips on the bicycle?

No, says Kong Fu-Zi. Just remember it's stolen.

Shit a brick! says Victor. You told me it wasn't. Oh wait, joking yeah?

Yes, says Kong Fu-Zi. I was joking. But that is unlike me. A thousand apologies. One should not be revengeful.

Revengeful? says Victor. Of course not.  That's why we have laws in this country.

He goes over to the police car opens the boot and lifts out the Platonic Ideal.

He gets on, adjusts his paintball gun and ball bag, and rides off in the direction taken by Baby Pierre.

Freud steps out of the camper.

Funny chap that Victor, says Freud. He just told me a corker!

About preserving disorder? says Kong Fu-Zi. I believe I heard it.

No, not that one, says Freud. This one's even better. Remember The Two Ronnies?

No, says Kong Fu-Zi. There are no Ronnies in China.

Of course not, says Freud.  I'll tell you now, see if you get it.

He clears his throat, and says, in a voice somewhat like Ronnie Corbett's :

Police arrested two kids today. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.

(Then, in a voice like Ronnie Barker's): They charged one and let off the other.

Freud looks at Kong Fu-Zi to gauge his reaction.

Kong Fu-Zi looks pained. Perhaps his ankle is hurting.

He says: Wasn't that Tommy Cooper?

Why yes! Fancy you knowing, says Freud.

........

Baby Pierre zooms through the forest on his tiny bicycle.

Headquarters. Where is Terence? He was supposed to be waiting.

He must have been captured already.

Baby Pierre dismounts and marches inside. Brad looks up from his paperwork.

I need a map, says Baby Pierre. This is serious.

Are you kidding? says Brad. Look at the size of you. Now look at the size of this map.

It seems the problem is insurmountable.

But then, in comes Victor. Isn't he supposed to be avoiding the management?

Honestly. Why can't people obey their instructions?