The Lie Of The Heron

Classical Philology, repeats Emma. All the more reason.

For what? asks Nietzsche, adjusting his carapace hat.

For knowing bird names, says Emma. You should actually know them in Latin.

I gave up Classical Philology, says Nietzsche.

I thought you were a professor, says Emma. You must have taught something. What did you do?

My doctoral thesis was to be on the Sources of Diogenes Laertes, says Nietzsche. But it was never presented. I switched to Philosophy.

So you know nothing, says Emma.

Nothing? says Nietzsche.

Nothing useful about birds. You see a bird, and you can't identify it.

I beat it to the carapace, says Nietzsche. That's all I need to know.

No it isn't, says Emma. And you do know something. Think for a minute.

Nietzsche wonders where this is going.

You know it was a crab eater, says Emma. Not all coastal birds eat crabs. That narrows it down a bit. Was it a heron?

Yes, says Nietzsche. It was a heron.

What a lie. He has no idea if it was a heron.

Ageless lobster struts up.

He is looking for the Catcher.

Seen the Catcher? he asks.

He's in the back pack, says Nietzsche. He was having trouble walking in a straight line.

Come out, brother! says Ageless. You need to do strengthening exercises.

The Catcher comes out, and with him a whiff of banana.

Sit, says Ageless. Now which leg is it?

This one, says the Catcher.

All right. Lie back. No, turn over. Now lie back, says Ageless. Legs in the air. Now PEDAL!

The Catcher obeys the instructions.

Cycling is good for muscle building, says Ageless.

You'd know, says Emma. Ageless rode in the Tour down Under, she tells Nietzsche.

There's not much I don't know about cycling, says Ageless.

I had no idea, says Nietzsche. Tell me, what do you do with your superfluous legs?

Bind them, says Ageless. I find it gives me added impetus.

He didn't win though, says Emma.

Irma comes over.

We're all heading back to the boat now, says Irma.

I only just got here, says Nietzsche.

You missed out on seeing a whole heap of birds, says Irma. We saw a Black Fronted Dotterel, a Great Crested Grebe and a Japanese Snipe. Oh yes, and an Elegant Parrot.

Parrot! the Catcher stops pedalling.

On his back, legs in the air. Vulnerable. A heron might think so.