The Dangers Of Mathematical Analysis

Gaius enters the laboratory.

Did you catch up with the Rector? asks Kong.

I did, says Gaius. I introduced myself, and he has offered to take us out on a field trip, this weekend.

The Rector? says Diego. His field is mathematical analysis!

Is it? says Gaius. That's as may be. But he is taking us into the mountains of Anaga to see the local flora and fauna.

Will my new legs be ready? asks Daniel O'Connell.

No way, says Diego. I have to get permission. Then, if I get the permission... make a few moulds. I assume each of your three missing legs is different?

What's this? says Gaius.

Diego has been showing us a wonderful invention for balancing on dandelions, says Kong.

What the dickens use is it? says Gaius.

It's more complex than that, says Arthur. It's a new lightweight flexible metal.  And Diego knows how to make it.

And he's making me three new legs, says Daniel O'Connell, but they won't be ready by the weekend, unless things get a move on.

Fascinating, says Gaius. What was that about moulds?

Moulds of his legs, says Diego. It may be quite painful. And he may even lose a few more.

Argh! Daniel O'Connell is aghast at this prospect, as anyone would be.

Gaius, says Kong.

What? says Gaius.

The legs, says Kong. The ones you prevented the flight attendant from sweeping into a dustpan. Do you still have them?

I did until five minutes ago, says Gaius. But not to worry, the rector now has them.

You gave away my legs! says Daniel O'Connell.

So, proto-legs are potentially available, says Diego. This is good. This will fast track things.

I shall have to get them back from the rector, says Gaius. Pity. He was going to do an analysis.

Analysis my arse! cries Daniel O'Connell. And him a professor of Mathematical Analysis. Three legs, one, two, three. An infant could do it.

You misunderstand, says Gaius. He was extremely interested in their pale green colour, and the faint scent of absinthe, that hovers about them. He was taking them to the chemistry lab, I believe, for investigation. But when that is completed, I shall retrieve them.

It may be too late, says Diego.

Why so? asks Gaius.

Chemistry lab, says Diego. They might end up in the whizzer.