Keeping On Top Of The Boys

Ying is fed up with all the complaining.

I'm going out, says Ying. See you at dinner.

She sweeps out, with her handbag.

On the street she calls Arthur.

Arthur doesn't answer.

She calls Sweezus. He does.

What's up? asks Sweezus.

Where are you? says Ying.

Escribà, says Sweezus. Down at the Platja. Still waiting for the freaking paella to be ready.

Good, says Ying. Wait for me.

....

Escribà.

Sweezus and Arthur are talking to two students from Barcelona University, who are also waiting for paella.

Tenerife, says Sweezus, in answer to a question.

Tenerife? says Santiago. Watch out for the spiders. They bite.

That's why we're going, says Arthur.

No kidding, says Mateo. Our professor's just discovered a new species. What was it... ?

Loxosceles, says Santiago.

Si, Loxosceles, says Mateo. They have a severe bite, and three pairs of eyes. That is all I remember.

Woa! says Sweezus. Scary. I caught a funnel web once. Wanna see the photo?

Ying comes in.

Hi guys, says Ying. Got your paella?

No, says Sweezus. Still waiting. Sit down. This is Santiago and Mateo. They know spiders.

Don't talk to me about spiders, says Ying. Everyone's gone mental!

That's just normal, says Arthur. Is Gaius all right?

He's a pain in the arse, says Ying. Trying to take over. Being bossy to Kong. And as for the others, Terence doesn't like his new tee shirt.

Not a morning person? says Arthur.

ARRRGH! says Ying. Don't remind me! It was my fault. I read it wrong in the first place. Bloody too-small phones! TERENCE decided he was a morning person. Then he found out the tee shirt said he wasn't.

What is this story? asks Santiago.

Never mind, says Ying. Then there's  Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell. Faffing about with waistcoats, and hats. I even bought them new hats. But do they like them?

Do they? asks Sweezus.

Well, yes, says Ying. But that's not the point. I shouldn't have had to.

You've got the money, says Arthur.

Oh, that's what this is all about, is it? says Ying.

The paella arrives.

Mmm. It smells amazing.

Who is Daniel O'Connell? asks Santiago. I have heard this name from somewhere.

It's not him, says Ying, scooping up a handful of paella.

Hey. She eats it with her hands. This girl is awesome.

It's his pseudonym, says Ying. He's a crowd-funded spider.

Bueno, says Mateo. We have been talking about spiders, Our professor, Carles Ribera, has just recently discovered a new species, endemic to Gran Canaria.

Loxosceles, says Ying, wiping her fingers on her white cotton hankie.

How did you KNOW that? asks Sweezus.

Gaius, says Ying. And now he's talking about catching a ferry to Gran Canaria. We haven't even got to Tenerife yet.

Anyone want to play volleyball? asks Mateo.

Yeah, me, says Sweezus.

 Me, says Arthur.

Me, says Santiago.

They get up from the table, and start walking off in the direction of the door, beyond which is the Platja Nova Icaria, its sandy beach, and its volleyball nets.....

Ying is left with the bill for paella.

Which is okay, since she has the money.