Spanish Bravado

Will you allow me to order some starters? asks the Rector.

Certainly, says Gaius.

The Rector orders fresh goat's cheese, and gofio escaldón.

The gofio is a sort of spiced meat paste, the fresh goat's cheese comes with a dollop of jam.

This is delightful, says Gaius, picking at the goat's cheese, and avoiding the jam.

Kong tries the gofio escaldón.

Very nice, says Kong, wiping his fingers.

I need a red drink, says Terence.

Water is the best drink for someone your age, says the Rector, pouring Terence a glass of cold water.

Terence knocks the glass over.

Water floods all around Daniel O'Connell, on the table.

Oops, says Terence.

Daniel O'Connell leaps onto the saucer of goat's cheese and jam, and straight off again.

Spluursh! Wonky-splot! Something is wrong with both of his landings.

Can someone please have a look at me? says Daniel O'Connell.

It's gloomy in the cave restaurant, but Gaius leans forward to examine Daniel O'Connell.

Kong? says Gaius. Rector? Opinion?

Kong and the Rector both lean in towards Daniel O'Connell.

Terence takes advantage of their inattention to mix the jam with the water in the saucer.

Red drink! Yay! Hyperactive!

But, yuck, it smells stinky and cheesy.

Bad news, Daniel, says Gaius. One of your back legs is missing.

O waley waley! says Daniel O'Connell. Where is it?

Ha ha! says Terence. It's in the red box, sailing over the water. Cannot but be!

Why did I not notice that it was missing? says Daniel O'Connell.

You were in my cupped hands says Kong. Then you were on Terence's shoulder.

Yes, says the Rector. Curved surfaces. That explains it.

Does it? Well, it will have to.

The main courses arrive. Albóndigas and ropa vieja.

Albóndigas are meatballs but what is ropa vieja?

It translates as 'old clothes', say the Rector. But don't worry. It's sweetcorn, pepper, carrots, onion, potato and shredded meat. It comes with chips, usually.

Here come the chips now.

Daniel O'Connell finds solace in eating one.

Are we to see this thousand year old Dragon Tree, while we're here? asks Gaius, wiping ropa vieja from his fingers.

Ah! Yes and no, says the Rector. The famed one is nowhere near here, but in Icod de Los Vinos.

And the one in Icod de Los Vinos is a thousand years old? says Kong.

No, says the Rector. It is said to be, but it is actually between two hundred and fifty and three hundred and sixty five years old. That's why I can show you a Dragon Tree in Chinamada, which is literally the same age as the thousand year old one.

Spurious reasoning, for a Professor of Applied Mathematics, laughs Gaius.

Ha ha, laughs Kong.

Ha ha, laughs the Rector.

(They are into their second jug of sangria).

I want to see the Dragon Tree, says Terence. So does Daniel O'Connell.

Not me, I'm in agony! says Daniel O'Connell.

The Rector picks up a knife from the table.