The Wrong Cruise

In the minibus Tiny Sacrifice lies low.

Low as possible, coiled round the cement curls of Terence.

Does Terence know Tiny Sacrifice is up there?

No he doesn't.

Terence is asking, not for the first time: Are we there yet?

And Mrs Thomas-Hume, not for the first time, is answering: No.

This time, she glances down at Terence. OH!

Keep perfectly still, says Mrs Thomas-Hume. And don't panic. I'll ask the driver to stop....

The driver has stopped anyway.

Because they are now at Deep Water Harbour.

Everyone starts to get out.

What? says Terence.

She is holding him back from getting out of the minibus and on to the catamaran.

Snake on your head, says Mrs Thomas-Hume.

Yay! says Terence, reaching up.

Hello, says Tiny Sacrifice.

You know him? says Mrs Thomas-Hume. Why didn't you say so? I was petrified.

Terence looks at Tiny Sacrifice.

His look says: Grown ups! Unreasonable bum-plops. Even the nice ones.

Tiny Sacrifice tries to interpret the look.

He interprets the look as: Are you coming ?

I'm coming, says Tiny Sacrifice. Where are we going?

On a cruise, says Terence. To rescue a pirate.

This is so wrong it's laughable.

Mrs Thomas-Hume laughs.

Come on, you two. Look, there's our catamaran. What a beauty!

But Terence has seen the Jolly Roger, tied up alongside it.

The Jolly Roger does jolly pirate tours. They go out, the crew dressed as pirates. They sail up the west coast and stop above a shipwreck. There the tourists can dive. They eat pirate snacks afterwards, and drink rum punches. On the home stretch, they dance mad conga lines.

This is the tour that Terence is not going on.

We're probably going to see sea turtles, says Mrs Thomas-Hume.

See? says Terence.

Yes, says Mrs Thomas-Hume.

You said see see, says Terence.

No I didn't says Mrs Thomas Hume. I said see SEA TURTLES. Sea turtles are turtles that live in the sea. We can swim in amongst them. The grown ups. Not you.

This is a rubbish cruise, says Terence. We want to go on the Jolly Roger.

Yes, says Tiny Sacrifice. (What Terence wants, he wants too).

Terence stares hard at the Jolly Roger, as if something might happen.

It does. The Jolly Roger starts creaking, moving backwards.

Too late, the Jolly Roger sets sail.

Yoo hoo!

Faint on the breeze.

Yoo hoo!

Fainter.

Terence strains his eyes at the diminishing Jolly Roger. Something is moving, on the main mast.

A small figure waving.

A small figure, in pirate pantaloons.