The Fastest Prawn

Throw your lunch at a seagull.

Terence's reasoning is sound.

But his first principle is faulty.

Terence's first principle: A crustacean is the part of the sandwich most people don't eat.

Ageless is not prepared to accept it.

Terence, how long have you known me?

How long are you? asks Terence. You used to be shorter.

In terms of time, says Ageless.

Sixty, says Terence.

(Sixty what? No matter. Terence is guessing).

And you still don't know that I'm a crustacean? says Ageless.

Yes, says Terence.

I am, says Ageless. So is a crab. So is a prawn.

Terence sees an opportunity.

A prawn sandwich, says Terence. At a seagull.

Sweezus has been listening, while Gaius and Humboldt do the dishes, and Arthur picks at his scabs.

He comes to Terence's rescue.

A crust is different from a crustacean, little buddy, says Sweezus. But they start off the same. You need to keep listening beyond the first syllable.

Guess what? says Terence. Ageless wants me to find a fast prawn!

If he does I'll be perpetually grateful, says Ageless.

I'll ask Gaius, says Sweezus. He'll know where to find a fast prawn.

It needs to be fast on a bicycle, says Ageless.

That changes the equation, says Sweezus. Yeah. There's a mantis shrimp, meant to be the fastest at punching.

I'd avoid him, says Ageless. Too small.

Gaius and Humboldt have finished doing the dishes. It took ages. Congealed egg on plates. No detergent.

They have been discussing their travel plans.

How did we get here? asks Gaius. I don't remember.

Coconut, says Humboldt. He gave us a lift from the airport.

Excellent, says Gaius. We'll ask him.

Gaius, says Sweezus. Which prawn is the fastest?

Prawn? says Gaius. The mantis.

On a bicycle, says Sweezus.

One that Peter Sagan has eaten for lunch, says Gaius.

Quick as a flash. A superb joke, he thinks.

He waits for the laughter.