Einstein's Unification Theory

Gentlemen! My mind is on fire! So many concepts to unify! Please find enclosed my first submission to your magazine entitled:


The Unification Theory of Bicycle-Photograffiti Appearances ( a working title).

I have long been a fan of graffiti. Imagine my surprise when I saw, appearing on various walls around our city, a series of graffiti depicting the famous photograph of myself on a bicycle. Is it really me? I wondered, at first. Many people commented that it looked more like a photo of a lady. When I looked hard at it I realised that this was true. It was an elderly lady wearing my trousers and my cardigan, her hair blown back in the wind, a shadow on her upper lip cast by the sun overhead, smiling joyfully as she sped toward the camera. On a carpark wall her message seemed to be: Get out of your cars you slackers, ride a bike like me! If I can do it so can you! On the other hand I knew very well that the photograph was of myself. Was I not wearing my own trousers and my own cardigan? My hair was blown back by the wind and my moustache was in full view for all to see. My message was clear: Yes people! I thought of the Law of Relativity while riding my bicycle!

So here we have a bicyclical instance of the unification of gender, of graffiti, of photography and to a certain extent, of message. Let us now call the bicycle BB. Let us call the message M.

Several weeks later the bicycle graffiti photographs were expunged by the city council workers, which was a shame as they had been quite popular. What then of BB? What of M? What indeed of P and G and the other G? ( which are what you think they are ).

This is where my attempt at a scientific unification meets the cutting edge of philosophy. What had we left after the council had done their work? Nothing. Zero. Equality. Unification of everything: man, woman, photograph, smile, moustache, trousers, cardigan, graffiti, bicycle, message. Thus I have come up with a working formula, BB =PGG= M= 0.

Of course I do not expect the general community to understaaaand it. Oh damn! Thee backspac butto is stuc ag !!! has a min of its own ....AEEEEEEEE

Backspace

Einstein checks his inbox.

What's this? An invitation!

He reads it aloud:

Dear Albert,
As the editors of Velosophy, the well-known and prestigious philosophy/cycling magazine, we have much pleasure in inviting you to submit an article for publication. The article may be on any subject that interests you and which you think may be of interest to our readers. We would ask, however, that you include some reference to bicycles and ensure the tone is philosophical in nature. Please let us know as soon as possible if you are interested.
Yours sincerely,
Le Bon David and The VeloDrone.

Einstein is enchanted.

Goodness gracious! he says to himself. This is just the sort of project I've been looking for. I'll answer right away!

And he begins to type:

Dear Gentlemen,
It is with the greatest of pleasure that I accept your invitation to submit an article to your magazine, Velosophy. As you know, one of the great themes throughout my life and career has been the unification of concepts such as space and time, energy and mass, electric and magnetic forces, quantum physics and gravity, and even science and religion. But these concepts are now of little interest to me. I have long been searching for new concepts to unify. I have in mind, bicycles and graffiti. Oh pardon me, my backspace button is not working. I meant, bicycles and gravity.....no wait... I meant bicycles and photographity....oops no, not that, but wait, now that I think about it, perhaps the former would be infinitely more interesting.... or the latter for that matter...... Gentlemen, please await my further correspondence,
Yours faithfully,
AlbertE

And Einstein hits the send button.