Le Bon David and The VeloDrone are checking their emails.
Le Bon David: Look! Einstein has got back to us already!
The VeloDrone: Talk about the speed of light! And look here, David. He's signed himself AlbertE.
Le Bon David: Hee hee ! A girl's name! I told you so.
The VeloDrone: Very funny, David, but remember, he was having trouble with his buttons.
Le Bon David: Of course. We must give him the benefit of the doubt. What else does he say? Oh good, he's going to write something for us......
The VeloDrone: Let's see. The unification of bicycles and graffiti ! What the dickens .......?
Le Bon David: You don't suppose he's gone loopy do you? He must be getting on a bit.
The VeloDrone: Well of course, he may have meant gravity, or photography or photographity or even photograffiti........
Le Bon David: That damn backspace button of his! He didn't seem to know himself. Do you think we should try and give him some guidance?
The VeloDrone: Why? Which would you prefer that he unified with bicycles?
Le Bon David: Gravity is more dignified.
The VeloDrone: Graffiti is more topical.
Le Bon David: Photography is popular, photographity is wacky.
The VeloDrone: Photograffiti has potential........
Le Bon David: Yes but he didn't actually suggest it ......Hmmm.... I vote......
The VeloDrone: Too late, David! Look! Another email from AlbertE!
Showing posts with label gravity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gravity. Show all posts
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Backspace
Einstein checks his inbox.
What's this? An invitation!
He reads it aloud:
Dear Albert,
As the editors of Velosophy, the well-known and prestigious philosophy/cycling magazine, we have much pleasure in inviting you to submit an article for publication. The article may be on any subject that interests you and which you think may be of interest to our readers. We would ask, however, that you include some reference to bicycles and ensure the tone is philosophical in nature. Please let us know as soon as possible if you are interested.
Yours sincerely,
Le Bon David and The VeloDrone.
Einstein is enchanted.
Goodness gracious! he says to himself. This is just the sort of project I've been looking for. I'll answer right away!
And he begins to type:
Dear Gentlemen,
It is with the greatest of pleasure that I accept your invitation to submit an article to your magazine, Velosophy. As you know, one of the great themes throughout my life and career has been the unification of concepts such as space and time, energy and mass, electric and magnetic forces, quantum physics and gravity, and even science and religion. But these concepts are now of little interest to me. I have long been searching for new concepts to unify. I have in mind, bicycles and graffiti. Oh pardon me, my backspace button is not working. I meant, bicycles and gravity.....no wait... I meant bicycles and photographity....oops no, not that, but wait, now that I think about it, perhaps the former would be infinitely more interesting.... or the latter for that matter...... Gentlemen, please await my further correspondence,
Yours faithfully,
AlbertE
And Einstein hits the send button.
What's this? An invitation!
He reads it aloud:
Dear Albert,
As the editors of Velosophy, the well-known and prestigious philosophy/cycling magazine, we have much pleasure in inviting you to submit an article for publication. The article may be on any subject that interests you and which you think may be of interest to our readers. We would ask, however, that you include some reference to bicycles and ensure the tone is philosophical in nature. Please let us know as soon as possible if you are interested.
Yours sincerely,
Le Bon David and The VeloDrone.
Einstein is enchanted.
Goodness gracious! he says to himself. This is just the sort of project I've been looking for. I'll answer right away!
And he begins to type:
Dear Gentlemen,
It is with the greatest of pleasure that I accept your invitation to submit an article to your magazine, Velosophy. As you know, one of the great themes throughout my life and career has been the unification of concepts such as space and time, energy and mass, electric and magnetic forces, quantum physics and gravity, and even science and religion. But these concepts are now of little interest to me. I have long been searching for new concepts to unify. I have in mind, bicycles and graffiti. Oh pardon me, my backspace button is not working. I meant, bicycles and gravity.....no wait... I meant bicycles and photographity....oops no, not that, but wait, now that I think about it, perhaps the former would be infinitely more interesting.... or the latter for that matter...... Gentlemen, please await my further correspondence,
Yours faithfully,
AlbertE
And Einstein hits the send button.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Dark Matter
I'm walking up Jetty Road in Brighton on Sunday afternoon. I'm just about to turn a corner, on to The Crescent. I'm thinking about dark matter.
Not a dark matter, but dark matter itself. What is it? I've been reading a book called Thirteen Things That Don't Make Sense. The first Thing is dark matter. There must be dark matter because of the rotational speeds of galaxies. The outer stars of galaxies rotate at the same speed as the inner ones, but they should rotate slower, according to the law of gravity. Unless dark matter permeates the galaxies.
Here on Jetty Road I'm just about to turn a corner. I'm with my mum, and Nostradamus is a little way ahead. It's half past four and very cold and we are heading home for a cup of tea. We are, temporarily, not talking. The void fills with dark matter. Suddenly I'm aware of what it is. I look down at the pavement. There it is in the cracks, black and peanutty. I look up. The sky is unusually high, and the clouds are expanding. I turn the corner. There is a church on my left. It is set further back than normal. A man comes out to have a look. He is dark grey and stout.
The colour of the sky is strange for the hour. It is the same colour as the air. The colour is water or steel with a trace of pink. We are now past the church. The houses have immensely high walls, with no windows. The trees on The Crescent stretch upwards and the gardens are planted with great spaces between the aloes and the palms.
It's everywhere.
Not a dark matter, but dark matter itself. What is it? I've been reading a book called Thirteen Things That Don't Make Sense. The first Thing is dark matter. There must be dark matter because of the rotational speeds of galaxies. The outer stars of galaxies rotate at the same speed as the inner ones, but they should rotate slower, according to the law of gravity. Unless dark matter permeates the galaxies.
Here on Jetty Road I'm just about to turn a corner. I'm with my mum, and Nostradamus is a little way ahead. It's half past four and very cold and we are heading home for a cup of tea. We are, temporarily, not talking. The void fills with dark matter. Suddenly I'm aware of what it is. I look down at the pavement. There it is in the cracks, black and peanutty. I look up. The sky is unusually high, and the clouds are expanding. I turn the corner. There is a church on my left. It is set further back than normal. A man comes out to have a look. He is dark grey and stout.
The colour of the sky is strange for the hour. It is the same colour as the air. The colour is water or steel with a trace of pink. We are now past the church. The houses have immensely high walls, with no windows. The trees on The Crescent stretch upwards and the gardens are planted with great spaces between the aloes and the palms.
It's everywhere.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Second Question
What is your second question? I asked Pliny. And please make it short. I have things to do.
My question is not short, replied Pliny. You may need to think about your answer and I shall not mind if you do not reply immediately.
I bet it is about pine trees, I hazarded, hoping to stump him.
It is indeed about pine trees but further, it is about all trees. You appear to be suffering from a kind of delusion in regard to the direction in which the branches of trees generally grow. You give the impression that you think Norfolk Island Pines are unusual in having upward growing branches. Can this really be so? You seem to be claiming that they do this in defiance of gravity.
Would you like to explain your position?
That is 2 questions, I said sulkily. I know very well that tree branches generally grow upwards. I just think it's funny that's all. Our own legs and arms and hair all grow downwards. Anyhow, what I wrote was less to do with trees than with the difficulty of drawing them. I challenge you to sit down right now and draw me a pine tree.
You will regret this, said Pliny, looking for a pencil.
My question is not short, replied Pliny. You may need to think about your answer and I shall not mind if you do not reply immediately.
I bet it is about pine trees, I hazarded, hoping to stump him.
It is indeed about pine trees but further, it is about all trees. You appear to be suffering from a kind of delusion in regard to the direction in which the branches of trees generally grow. You give the impression that you think Norfolk Island Pines are unusual in having upward growing branches. Can this really be so? You seem to be claiming that they do this in defiance of gravity.
Would you like to explain your position?
That is 2 questions, I said sulkily. I know very well that tree branches generally grow upwards. I just think it's funny that's all. Our own legs and arms and hair all grow downwards. Anyhow, what I wrote was less to do with trees than with the difficulty of drawing them. I challenge you to sit down right now and draw me a pine tree.
You will regret this, said Pliny, looking for a pencil.
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