Einstein's Unification Theory

Gentlemen! My mind is on fire! So many concepts to unify! Please find enclosed my first submission to your magazine entitled:


The Unification Theory of Bicycle-Photograffiti Appearances ( a working title).

I have long been a fan of graffiti. Imagine my surprise when I saw, appearing on various walls around our city, a series of graffiti depicting the famous photograph of myself on a bicycle. Is it really me? I wondered, at first. Many people commented that it looked more like a photo of a lady. When I looked hard at it I realised that this was true. It was an elderly lady wearing my trousers and my cardigan, her hair blown back in the wind, a shadow on her upper lip cast by the sun overhead, smiling joyfully as she sped toward the camera. On a carpark wall her message seemed to be: Get out of your cars you slackers, ride a bike like me! If I can do it so can you! On the other hand I knew very well that the photograph was of myself. Was I not wearing my own trousers and my own cardigan? My hair was blown back by the wind and my moustache was in full view for all to see. My message was clear: Yes people! I thought of the Law of Relativity while riding my bicycle!

So here we have a bicyclical instance of the unification of gender, of graffiti, of photography and to a certain extent, of message. Let us now call the bicycle BB. Let us call the message M.

Several weeks later the bicycle graffiti photographs were expunged by the city council workers, which was a shame as they had been quite popular. What then of BB? What of M? What indeed of P and G and the other G? ( which are what you think they are ).

This is where my attempt at a scientific unification meets the cutting edge of philosophy. What had we left after the council had done their work? Nothing. Zero. Equality. Unification of everything: man, woman, photograph, smile, moustache, trousers, cardigan, graffiti, bicycle, message. Thus I have come up with a working formula, BB =PGG= M= 0.

Of course I do not expect the general community to understaaaand it. Oh damn! Thee backspac butto is stuc ag !!! has a min of its own ....AEEEEEEEE

AlbertE

Le Bon David and The VeloDrone are checking their emails.

Le Bon David: Look! Einstein has got back to us already!

The VeloDrone: Talk about the speed of light! And look here, David. He's signed himself AlbertE.

Le Bon David: Hee hee ! A girl's name! I told you so.

The VeloDrone: Very funny, David, but remember, he was having trouble with his buttons.

Le Bon David: Of course. We must give him the benefit of the doubt. What else does he say? Oh good, he's going to write something for us......

The VeloDrone: Let's see. The unification of bicycles and graffiti ! What the dickens .......?

Le Bon David: You don't suppose he's gone loopy do you? He must be getting on a bit.

The VeloDrone: Well of course, he may have meant gravity, or photography or photographity or even photograffiti........

Le Bon David: That damn backspace button of his! He didn't seem to know himself. Do you think we should try and give him some guidance?

The VeloDrone: Why? Which would you prefer that he unified with bicycles?

Le Bon David: Gravity is more dignified.

The VeloDrone: Graffiti is more topical.

Le Bon David: Photography is popular, photographity is wacky.

The VeloDrone: Photograffiti has potential........

Le Bon David: Yes but he didn't actually suggest it ......Hmmm.... I vote......

The VeloDrone: Too late, David! Look! Another email from AlbertE!