Want the good news, or the bad news?
The bite was not poisonous.
Gaius was moderately punctured.
But it was a shock.
And his immediate reaction was to lash out at Daniel O'Connell.
In the middle of his violent assault on Daniel O'Connell, Gaius came to his senses.
And so Daniel O'Connell only lost three of his legs.
(Which was the bad news).
Dear me, says the flight attendant. I'll go and find a dustpan.
She thinks she needs a dustpan, for the legs.
No, don't do that says Gaius. I'll keep them. They still have that pale green colour. I should like to perform certain tests to determine their chemistry.
Daniel O'Connell has been silent till now, stunned, as anyone would be, who had just lost three legs through no fault of his own, other than biting an overbearing third party.
YEEAHH! screams Daniel O'Connell.
Kong stops eating his sandwich.
Arthur wakes up from his reverie.
What happens now?
..........
Sweezus, Ying and Terence are at Barcelona Airport, waiting for the twelve o'clock Vueling flight to Tenerife.
It's nothing personal, says Ying.
I know, you just like Arthur better, says Sweezus. So do I.
Me too, says Terence.
You like me better, says Sweezus. Remember?
Terence tries to remember.
Sweezus's phone rings.
Ring-Ring!
Arthur, what's up? What? Shit man, how'd that happen? Fuck! Now what? Oh......yeah....okay.
What's happened? asks Ying.
Daniel O'Connell's on crutches, says Sweezus. Lost three legs, all in one go.
Those Ryanair flights can be dangerous, says Ying. I've heard about passengers fighting.
It was Gaius, says Sweezus. Daniel O'Connell bit him.
Did he die? asks Terence.
Didn't ask, says Sweezus. I guess not.
Crutches? says Ying. What the heck sort of crutches?
Dunno, says Sweezus. Toothpicks?
They both laugh, although it's not funny.
Monday, November 7, 2016
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Will It Be Poisonous?
Next morning early.
Gaius, Kong, Arthur and Daniel O'Connell board the Ryanair flight to Tenerife.
I'm glad you saw sense, Kong, says Gaius.
It wasn't sense that I saw, replies Kong.
We saw the low sun spotted with mystic horrors, says Arthur.
I didn't see that, says Kong.
Perhaps you should have eaten some breakfast, says Gaius.
You won't pique me, says Kong
Into what? asks Daniel O'Connell.
He knows Kong missed the buffet.
No doubt Ryanair will provide us with a sandwich, says Kong.
A reasonable expectation, says Gaius.
They sit down in their row.
Take off.
We must hire bicycles once we get there, says Gaius. Will you see to that, Arthur?
Arthur is slumped down in his seat, not listening.
Excuse me, says Daniel O'Connell. Where are we going, that we shall need bicycles?
Here and there, says Gaius, Poking about in warm dry sunny places. We might try the Parque Naturale.
My relatives will be urban dwellers, says Daniel O'Connell. I can assure you.
Leave the natural history to me, says Gaius.
Daniel O'Connell has had enough of Gaius's lofty attitude.
Count me out, says Daniel O'Connell.
He climbs into the Rooibos box, fetches his noble felt wide brimmed Don Quixote hat, plonks it on his head, and climbs out again.
Where are you going? asks Kong.
Nowhere, says Daniel O'Connell. And this hat is proof of that statement.
Representatively speaking, says Arthur, waking up from his dream of long violet clots of light on waves quivering far off....
You are on a plane, says Gaius. You cannot be not going anywhere. QED.
I think what he's trying to say is..... says Kong.
Sandwich, tea, coffee? asks the flight attendant.
Sandwich, says Kong.
The flight attendant produces a sandwich.
She leans over Arthur, to hand it to Kong.
She spots Daniel O'Connell in his Don Quixote hat, his pale green legs stiff with the decision not to go anywhere.
Is that a SPIDER? asks the flight attendant.
Yes, says Gaius. It is a registered specimen. We are scientists. OUCH!
It's the first time Daniel O'Connell has bitten a human.
Will it be poisonous?
Gaius, Kong, Arthur and Daniel O'Connell board the Ryanair flight to Tenerife.
I'm glad you saw sense, Kong, says Gaius.
It wasn't sense that I saw, replies Kong.
We saw the low sun spotted with mystic horrors, says Arthur.
I didn't see that, says Kong.
Perhaps you should have eaten some breakfast, says Gaius.
You won't pique me, says Kong
Into what? asks Daniel O'Connell.
He knows Kong missed the buffet.
No doubt Ryanair will provide us with a sandwich, says Kong.
A reasonable expectation, says Gaius.
They sit down in their row.
Take off.
We must hire bicycles once we get there, says Gaius. Will you see to that, Arthur?
Arthur is slumped down in his seat, not listening.
Excuse me, says Daniel O'Connell. Where are we going, that we shall need bicycles?
Here and there, says Gaius, Poking about in warm dry sunny places. We might try the Parque Naturale.
My relatives will be urban dwellers, says Daniel O'Connell. I can assure you.
Leave the natural history to me, says Gaius.
Daniel O'Connell has had enough of Gaius's lofty attitude.
Count me out, says Daniel O'Connell.
He climbs into the Rooibos box, fetches his noble felt wide brimmed Don Quixote hat, plonks it on his head, and climbs out again.
Where are you going? asks Kong.
Nowhere, says Daniel O'Connell. And this hat is proof of that statement.
Representatively speaking, says Arthur, waking up from his dream of long violet clots of light on waves quivering far off....
You are on a plane, says Gaius. You cannot be not going anywhere. QED.
I think what he's trying to say is..... says Kong.
Sandwich, tea, coffee? asks the flight attendant.
Sandwich, says Kong.
The flight attendant produces a sandwich.
She leans over Arthur, to hand it to Kong.
She spots Daniel O'Connell in his Don Quixote hat, his pale green legs stiff with the decision not to go anywhere.
Is that a SPIDER? asks the flight attendant.
Yes, says Gaius. It is a registered specimen. We are scientists. OUCH!
It's the first time Daniel O'Connell has bitten a human.
Will it be poisonous?
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Independence And Joy
Early start in the morning, says Ying.
How early? says Sweezus.
Six twenty, on Ryanair, says Ying. Or twelve mid day, flying with Vueling.
Do you mean to say you've split us again? asks Gaius.
Yes, says Ying. It's better that way. Now who wants to get up really early?
I do, says Gaius. And, no doubt, Kong will.
What about the buffet breakfast? asks Kong.
You'll miss it, says Gaius. But it will be worth it. More time to start looking for spider habitats.
Kong doesn't think so.
He decides to go for a walk on his own in Las Ramblas.
I'll go early, says Arthur. So I might as well stay up all night.
You stayed up all last night, says Ying. So did I. We need to sleep sometimes. I thought you, me and Daniel O'Connell could fly Vueling.
And me, says Sweezus.
No, not you, says Ying.
Arthur senses a conflict of interest.
Let them sort it out. He gets up from the table and heads off into the night life of Las Ramblas.
Bright lights and noise.
Temptations.
Isn't that the waiter who whipped away his Patatas Bravas too early?
Hey, says Arthur.
Hey, says the waiter, Alejandro.
They go into a bar. It's called Hudson's.
Hello boys, says Kong. This is the place to be, eh?
Okay. Not really.
You're the waiter, says Kong.
Alejandro, says Alejandro. Nice to meet you again. You are an old man, yet wise, eh?
Not so old, says Kong. I'm asserting my independence.
So am I, says Arthur.
This is good. Shall I order a jug of sangria? says Alejandro. My friend works here. It's cheap.
He heads off to order a jug of Spiced Rum and Vanilla Sangria.
Found any more postcards to add to the collection? asks Kong.
The collection, says Arthur. No I haven't.
I saw a stand on the street, outside a newspaper kiosk, says Kong. I picked up a handful.
He spreads them out on the table.
Parc Güell, Mont Juïc, Arc de Triomf, Plaça de Catalunya.
That makes five altogether, says Arthur.
Alejandro comes back with the brimming jug of sangria. Slop!
Wet spots on the postcards.
Kong goes to wipe them off with his finger.
He stops himself.
What does it matter?
Kong imagines this is how you feel about things when you're Spanish.
Much later....
Arthur is resting his head on the table, composing a poem.
I have seen archipelagos and islands
delirious eyes open to the sea wanderer...
in these bottomless nights you sleep and exile yourself
millions of golden birds......
Excelente! slurs Alejandro, poking holes in the postcards, with a black plastic straw.
Kong feels joy in the midst of these things.
How early? says Sweezus.
Six twenty, on Ryanair, says Ying. Or twelve mid day, flying with Vueling.
Do you mean to say you've split us again? asks Gaius.
Yes, says Ying. It's better that way. Now who wants to get up really early?
I do, says Gaius. And, no doubt, Kong will.
What about the buffet breakfast? asks Kong.
You'll miss it, says Gaius. But it will be worth it. More time to start looking for spider habitats.
Kong doesn't think so.
He decides to go for a walk on his own in Las Ramblas.
I'll go early, says Arthur. So I might as well stay up all night.
You stayed up all last night, says Ying. So did I. We need to sleep sometimes. I thought you, me and Daniel O'Connell could fly Vueling.
And me, says Sweezus.
No, not you, says Ying.
Arthur senses a conflict of interest.
Let them sort it out. He gets up from the table and heads off into the night life of Las Ramblas.
Bright lights and noise.
Temptations.
Isn't that the waiter who whipped away his Patatas Bravas too early?
Hey, says Arthur.
Hey, says the waiter, Alejandro.
They go into a bar. It's called Hudson's.
Hello boys, says Kong. This is the place to be, eh?
Okay. Not really.
You're the waiter, says Kong.
Alejandro, says Alejandro. Nice to meet you again. You are an old man, yet wise, eh?
Not so old, says Kong. I'm asserting my independence.
So am I, says Arthur.
This is good. Shall I order a jug of sangria? says Alejandro. My friend works here. It's cheap.
He heads off to order a jug of Spiced Rum and Vanilla Sangria.
Found any more postcards to add to the collection? asks Kong.
The collection, says Arthur. No I haven't.
I saw a stand on the street, outside a newspaper kiosk, says Kong. I picked up a handful.
He spreads them out on the table.
Parc Güell, Mont Juïc, Arc de Triomf, Plaça de Catalunya.
That makes five altogether, says Arthur.
Alejandro comes back with the brimming jug of sangria. Slop!
Wet spots on the postcards.
Kong goes to wipe them off with his finger.
He stops himself.
What does it matter?
Kong imagines this is how you feel about things when you're Spanish.
Much later....
Arthur is resting his head on the table, composing a poem.
I have seen archipelagos and islands
delirious eyes open to the sea wanderer...
in these bottomless nights you sleep and exile yourself
millions of golden birds......
Excelente! slurs Alejandro, poking holes in the postcards, with a black plastic straw.
Kong feels joy in the midst of these things.
Friday, November 4, 2016
The Hat Of Gandhi
Ying has returned to the hotel. She's in a better mood now.
Who wants to go to Zoo Barcelona?
I do, says Terence.
I do, says Baby Pierre
Not me, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm staying in, to bone up on spiders.
And indeed, he is sitting on the spider book, open at Loxosceles.
Zoo Barcelona? says Gaius. You'll enjoy that, Terence. If I remember correctly, it's the home of an albino gorilla, named Snowflake.
Ahem! coughs Ying. It died.
Luckily, Terence has not had enough time to get excited about Snowflake. While Baby Pierre is an atheist, and a free thinker.
So the expedition goes ahead, regardless.
They walk to Zoo Barcelona. Ying pays, and they enter.
An old Zoo, but modern, in that they have open enclosures.
Terence stares at an iguana.
The iguana stares back.
You can pat me, says the iguana.
Don't, says Ying.
Sorry, says Terence. I'm a morning person.
What does that mean? asks the iguana.
See this tee shirt? says Terence.
The connection is too deep for the iguana.
And Ying is not having it.
Not! says Ying. Not a morning person. You'll just have to accept it.
It's the afternoon, says Terence. Ha ha! I'm not what I'm not in the morning!
Terence looks at Baby Pierre. Did he hear that piece of cleverness?
No, his Sancho Panza hat has slipped down. He didn't hear it.
You look like a yellow hat walking, says Terence.
A train whizzes by.
.....
Later at dinner.
Everyone has met at La Rambla, a tapas bar.
Terence is full of the train.
We went on the train, says Terence.
Did you? says Kong, picking at his Bosquito (salami).
How did you like it? asks Gaius, chewing a lump of Monchego Viejo (sheep's milk cheese).
It went FAST, says Terence.
And did you see Snowflake? asks Daniel O'Connell, from behind a Jabali (wild boar chorizo).
It died, says Baby Pierre.
Tragic, says Daniel O'Connell.
In two thousand and three, says Ying, reaching for the Tapas Menu.
What did you think of the Zoo, Baby Pierre? asks Sweezus, poking at a plate of Albondigas de Cordero (Spanish meatballs)
Couldn't see it, says Baby Pierre. It was a choice of hat or no hat. Anyway I don't approve of animals enclosed in tight spaces.
Like your head was, says Terence. In your stupid hat
I'm not an ANIMAL, says Baby Pierre. And my hat is a noble hat.
Don Quixote wears the noble hat, says Arthur, who up to now has been silent, scoffing golden fried Patatas Bravas with spiced tomato sauce and aioli. Your hat belongs to his servant.
Did you have to say that? asks Ying. Haven't we had enough discord?
But Baby Pierre is not discombobulated.
There is a nobility in service, says Baby Pierre.
He is thinking of Gandhi.
De acuerdo! says the waiter, taking Arthur's plate away, before he has finished.
Who wants to go to Zoo Barcelona?
I do, says Terence.
I do, says Baby Pierre
Not me, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm staying in, to bone up on spiders.
And indeed, he is sitting on the spider book, open at Loxosceles.
Zoo Barcelona? says Gaius. You'll enjoy that, Terence. If I remember correctly, it's the home of an albino gorilla, named Snowflake.
Ahem! coughs Ying. It died.
Luckily, Terence has not had enough time to get excited about Snowflake. While Baby Pierre is an atheist, and a free thinker.
So the expedition goes ahead, regardless.
They walk to Zoo Barcelona. Ying pays, and they enter.
An old Zoo, but modern, in that they have open enclosures.
Terence stares at an iguana.
The iguana stares back.
You can pat me, says the iguana.
Don't, says Ying.
Sorry, says Terence. I'm a morning person.
What does that mean? asks the iguana.
See this tee shirt? says Terence.
The connection is too deep for the iguana.
And Ying is not having it.
Not! says Ying. Not a morning person. You'll just have to accept it.
It's the afternoon, says Terence. Ha ha! I'm not what I'm not in the morning!
Terence looks at Baby Pierre. Did he hear that piece of cleverness?
No, his Sancho Panza hat has slipped down. He didn't hear it.
You look like a yellow hat walking, says Terence.
A train whizzes by.
.....
Later at dinner.
Everyone has met at La Rambla, a tapas bar.
Terence is full of the train.
We went on the train, says Terence.
Did you? says Kong, picking at his Bosquito (salami).
How did you like it? asks Gaius, chewing a lump of Monchego Viejo (sheep's milk cheese).
It went FAST, says Terence.
And did you see Snowflake? asks Daniel O'Connell, from behind a Jabali (wild boar chorizo).
It died, says Baby Pierre.
Tragic, says Daniel O'Connell.
In two thousand and three, says Ying, reaching for the Tapas Menu.
What did you think of the Zoo, Baby Pierre? asks Sweezus, poking at a plate of Albondigas de Cordero (Spanish meatballs)
Couldn't see it, says Baby Pierre. It was a choice of hat or no hat. Anyway I don't approve of animals enclosed in tight spaces.
Like your head was, says Terence. In your stupid hat
I'm not an ANIMAL, says Baby Pierre. And my hat is a noble hat.
Don Quixote wears the noble hat, says Arthur, who up to now has been silent, scoffing golden fried Patatas Bravas with spiced tomato sauce and aioli. Your hat belongs to his servant.
Did you have to say that? asks Ying. Haven't we had enough discord?
But Baby Pierre is not discombobulated.
There is a nobility in service, says Baby Pierre.
He is thinking of Gandhi.
De acuerdo! says the waiter, taking Arthur's plate away, before he has finished.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Keeping On Top Of The Boys
Ying is fed up with all the complaining.
I'm going out, says Ying. See you at dinner.
She sweeps out, with her handbag.
On the street she calls Arthur.
Arthur doesn't answer.
She calls Sweezus. He does.
What's up? asks Sweezus.
Where are you? says Ying.
Escribà, says Sweezus. Down at the Platja. Still waiting for the freaking paella to be ready.
Good, says Ying. Wait for me.
....
Escribà.
Sweezus and Arthur are talking to two students from Barcelona University, who are also waiting for paella.
Tenerife, says Sweezus, in answer to a question.
Tenerife? says Santiago. Watch out for the spiders. They bite.
That's why we're going, says Arthur.
No kidding, says Mateo. Our professor's just discovered a new species. What was it... ?
Loxosceles, says Santiago.
Si, Loxosceles, says Mateo. They have a severe bite, and three pairs of eyes. That is all I remember.
Woa! says Sweezus. Scary. I caught a funnel web once. Wanna see the photo?
Ying comes in.
Hi guys, says Ying. Got your paella?
No, says Sweezus. Still waiting. Sit down. This is Santiago and Mateo. They know spiders.
Don't talk to me about spiders, says Ying. Everyone's gone mental!
That's just normal, says Arthur. Is Gaius all right?
He's a pain in the arse, says Ying. Trying to take over. Being bossy to Kong. And as for the others, Terence doesn't like his new tee shirt.
Not a morning person? says Arthur.
ARRRGH! says Ying. Don't remind me! It was my fault. I read it wrong in the first place. Bloody too-small phones! TERENCE decided he was a morning person. Then he found out the tee shirt said he wasn't.
What is this story? asks Santiago.
Never mind, says Ying. Then there's Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell. Faffing about with waistcoats, and hats. I even bought them new hats. But do they like them?
Do they? asks Sweezus.
Well, yes, says Ying. But that's not the point. I shouldn't have had to.
You've got the money, says Arthur.
Oh, that's what this is all about, is it? says Ying.
The paella arrives.
Mmm. It smells amazing.
Who is Daniel O'Connell? asks Santiago. I have heard this name from somewhere.
It's not him, says Ying, scooping up a handful of paella.
Hey. She eats it with her hands. This girl is awesome.
It's his pseudonym, says Ying. He's a crowd-funded spider.
Bueno, says Mateo. We have been talking about spiders, Our professor, Carles Ribera, has just recently discovered a new species, endemic to Gran Canaria.
Loxosceles, says Ying, wiping her fingers on her white cotton hankie.
How did you KNOW that? asks Sweezus.
Gaius, says Ying. And now he's talking about catching a ferry to Gran Canaria. We haven't even got to Tenerife yet.
Anyone want to play volleyball? asks Mateo.
Yeah, me, says Sweezus.
Me, says Arthur.
Me, says Santiago.
They get up from the table, and start walking off in the direction of the door, beyond which is the Platja Nova Icaria, its sandy beach, and its volleyball nets.....
Ying is left with the bill for paella.
Which is okay, since she has the money.
I'm going out, says Ying. See you at dinner.
She sweeps out, with her handbag.
On the street she calls Arthur.
Arthur doesn't answer.
She calls Sweezus. He does.
What's up? asks Sweezus.
Where are you? says Ying.
Escribà, says Sweezus. Down at the Platja. Still waiting for the freaking paella to be ready.
Good, says Ying. Wait for me.
....
Escribà.
Sweezus and Arthur are talking to two students from Barcelona University, who are also waiting for paella.
Tenerife, says Sweezus, in answer to a question.
Tenerife? says Santiago. Watch out for the spiders. They bite.
That's why we're going, says Arthur.
No kidding, says Mateo. Our professor's just discovered a new species. What was it... ?
Loxosceles, says Santiago.
Si, Loxosceles, says Mateo. They have a severe bite, and three pairs of eyes. That is all I remember.
Woa! says Sweezus. Scary. I caught a funnel web once. Wanna see the photo?
Ying comes in.
Hi guys, says Ying. Got your paella?
No, says Sweezus. Still waiting. Sit down. This is Santiago and Mateo. They know spiders.
Don't talk to me about spiders, says Ying. Everyone's gone mental!
That's just normal, says Arthur. Is Gaius all right?
He's a pain in the arse, says Ying. Trying to take over. Being bossy to Kong. And as for the others, Terence doesn't like his new tee shirt.
Not a morning person? says Arthur.
ARRRGH! says Ying. Don't remind me! It was my fault. I read it wrong in the first place. Bloody too-small phones! TERENCE decided he was a morning person. Then he found out the tee shirt said he wasn't.
What is this story? asks Santiago.
Never mind, says Ying. Then there's Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell. Faffing about with waistcoats, and hats. I even bought them new hats. But do they like them?
Do they? asks Sweezus.
Well, yes, says Ying. But that's not the point. I shouldn't have had to.
You've got the money, says Arthur.
Oh, that's what this is all about, is it? says Ying.
The paella arrives.
Mmm. It smells amazing.
Who is Daniel O'Connell? asks Santiago. I have heard this name from somewhere.
It's not him, says Ying, scooping up a handful of paella.
Hey. She eats it with her hands. This girl is awesome.
It's his pseudonym, says Ying. He's a crowd-funded spider.
Bueno, says Mateo. We have been talking about spiders, Our professor, Carles Ribera, has just recently discovered a new species, endemic to Gran Canaria.
Loxosceles, says Ying, wiping her fingers on her white cotton hankie.
How did you KNOW that? asks Sweezus.
Gaius, says Ying. And now he's talking about catching a ferry to Gran Canaria. We haven't even got to Tenerife yet.
Anyone want to play volleyball? asks Mateo.
Yeah, me, says Sweezus.
Me, says Arthur.
Me, says Santiago.
They get up from the table, and start walking off in the direction of the door, beyond which is the Platja Nova Icaria, its sandy beach, and its volleyball nets.....
Ying is left with the bill for paella.
Which is okay, since she has the money.
Size Of Space Matters
How big should the space be? asks Kong.
What space? asks Gaius.
The space for the list of possible habitats, says Kong.
E-huuh! sighs Gaius. A square inch would do.
Why don't we research it now? says Kong. Then there won't be an error.
All right, says Gaius. You do that, while I try and remember 'To Do' number four, which thanks to you, I have forgotten.
He sits down on the bed, heavily. Kong bounces up, and over to Gaius's spider book on the table.
I'm disappointed, says Baby Pierre.
Me too, says Terence. I wish NOT wasn't here. Why are you disappointed?
No hat, says Baby Pierre. And Daniel O'Connell hasn't given me his waistcoat.
Forgive me, says Daniel O'Connell. I meant to. I too am disappointed. This trip is supposed to be MY crowd-funded family discovery and dancing holiday. And I'm treated like an add-on.
What's the matter with you now? asks Ying.
Only Terence got something, says Baby Pierre. We didn't.
I have a surprise for you, says Ying.
She opens her handbag.
She takes out a boxed Don Quixote and Sancho Panza.
Opens the box, takes out the figures, removes their felt hats.
One hat for Daniel O'Connell (Don Quixote's) one hat for Baby Pierre (Sancho Panza's).
Now Terence is jealous, even though he has a sunhat.
Ah! says Kong. Here we are. Macaroeris nidicolens prefers bushes in warm, dry, sunny or half-shaded areas. You see, Gaius, how much space your square inch would have wasted!
Drat! says Gaius. Four was just on the tip of my tongue!
What about giving me the waistcoat? says Baby Pierre. It would look good with my Sancho Panza hat.
But then.... says Daniel O'Connell, I'd be a bare Don Quixote.
You can wear the rest of the outfit, if you can get into it, says Ying. The jerkin, and the slashed breeches.
Daniel O'Connell is sorely tempted, but he has been through the logistics before.
What if.....? What if he crammed four legs in each leg hole?
No, thank you. Too restrictive for dancing.
FERRY! says Gaius. Book a ferry.
Ferry? What for? asks Ying.
Have I not mentioned it? says Gaius. The Macaroeris nidicolens may turn out to be a red herring. If so, we should relocate to Gran Canaria, where a new endemic lineage of the spider genus Loxosceles has been found. They have a very nasty bite, and a volcanic connection.
Oh, really! snaps Ying.
What space? asks Gaius.
The space for the list of possible habitats, says Kong.
E-huuh! sighs Gaius. A square inch would do.
Why don't we research it now? says Kong. Then there won't be an error.
All right, says Gaius. You do that, while I try and remember 'To Do' number four, which thanks to you, I have forgotten.
He sits down on the bed, heavily. Kong bounces up, and over to Gaius's spider book on the table.
I'm disappointed, says Baby Pierre.
Me too, says Terence. I wish NOT wasn't here. Why are you disappointed?
No hat, says Baby Pierre. And Daniel O'Connell hasn't given me his waistcoat.
Forgive me, says Daniel O'Connell. I meant to. I too am disappointed. This trip is supposed to be MY crowd-funded family discovery and dancing holiday. And I'm treated like an add-on.
What's the matter with you now? asks Ying.
Only Terence got something, says Baby Pierre. We didn't.
I have a surprise for you, says Ying.
She opens her handbag.
She takes out a boxed Don Quixote and Sancho Panza.
Opens the box, takes out the figures, removes their felt hats.
One hat for Daniel O'Connell (Don Quixote's) one hat for Baby Pierre (Sancho Panza's).
Now Terence is jealous, even though he has a sunhat.
Ah! says Kong. Here we are. Macaroeris nidicolens prefers bushes in warm, dry, sunny or half-shaded areas. You see, Gaius, how much space your square inch would have wasted!
Drat! says Gaius. Four was just on the tip of my tongue!
What about giving me the waistcoat? says Baby Pierre. It would look good with my Sancho Panza hat.
But then.... says Daniel O'Connell, I'd be a bare Don Quixote.
You can wear the rest of the outfit, if you can get into it, says Ying. The jerkin, and the slashed breeches.
Daniel O'Connell is sorely tempted, but he has been through the logistics before.
What if.....? What if he crammed four legs in each leg hole?
No, thank you. Too restrictive for dancing.
FERRY! says Gaius. Book a ferry.
Ferry? What for? asks Ying.
Have I not mentioned it? says Gaius. The Macaroeris nidicolens may turn out to be a red herring. If so, we should relocate to Gran Canaria, where a new endemic lineage of the spider genus Loxosceles has been found. They have a very nasty bite, and a volcanic connection.
Oh, really! snaps Ying.
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Trials Of A Morning Person
Twelve midday.
Sweezus and Arthur are at Xiringuito Escribà, waiting for paella.
Sweezus looks at his Fitbit. Gets up. Walks round the chair.
You don't have to do what it tells you, says Arthur.
What's the point then? says Sweezus.
That is the point, says Arthur.
Brrp! Sweezus has a message, from Ying. And a photo.
Cool! says Sweezus. She bought Terence a new tee shirt. What's it say? I'm a morning person?
He shows Arthur, who is of the opinion that it says 'I'm not a morning person'.
.........
Gaius and Kong have checked into their room at Ibis Barcelona Centro.
Aah, says Kong, lying down on the bed with his feet up.
Don't get too comfy, says Gaius. There's work to do.
Is there? asks Kong. Can't I relax for a minute?
I'd find it hard to write notes lying down, says Gaius.
You're not lying down, says Kong.
You write the notes, says Gaius. I'll dictate them.
Kong sits up.
You're the dictator, says Kong.
Indeed, says Gaius. Write down TO DO, as a heading.
TO DO, writes Kong, in large letters.
One. Leave for Tenerife in the morning, says Gaius.
After breakfast, says Kong. Breakfast should be number one. There's a buffet.
As you like, says Gaius. Number one. Arthur would have used his initiative.
Don't compare me to Arthur, says Kong. We're very different. For one thing, I'm here and he isn't.
Knock! A knock on the door.
It's Ying.
Hello guys, says Ying. Are you ready for a fashion show?
It is the last thing they are ready for.
Come in, Terence, says Ying.
Terence comes in, in his new tee shirt. A morning person.
But Terence can't read very well.
'I'm not a morning person', reads Gaius. Oh, that's good. Ha ha. Not a morning person. And what's that he's doing?
Brushing his teeth, says Terence.
Eating corn flakes, says Kong.
See, says Baby Pierre. I told you. He's not brushing.
And I TOLD YOU, says Ying crossly, it doesn't MATTER.
Terence scowls, and rips off his tee shirt.
He looks hard at the picture. The character is wearing a mask. He is brushing his teeth with a spoon over a bowl of cornflakes. As for the writing.....
What does that say? asks Terence.
Not, says Kong.
Not, says Baby Pierre.
'Tis better betimes to be morning person, says Daniel O'Connell. But 'tis true, to be sure, you are only a morning person in the morning. Tiddly dee.
What? says Terence.
Good, says Ying. Everyone else can just get on with what they were doing.
Right, says Gaius. Three. Make a list of likely habitats for Macaroeris nidicolens. Leave a space for that, Kong. Four........
Sweezus and Arthur are at Xiringuito Escribà, waiting for paella.
Sweezus looks at his Fitbit. Gets up. Walks round the chair.
You don't have to do what it tells you, says Arthur.
What's the point then? says Sweezus.
That is the point, says Arthur.
Brrp! Sweezus has a message, from Ying. And a photo.
Cool! says Sweezus. She bought Terence a new tee shirt. What's it say? I'm a morning person?
He shows Arthur, who is of the opinion that it says 'I'm not a morning person'.
.........
Gaius and Kong have checked into their room at Ibis Barcelona Centro.
Aah, says Kong, lying down on the bed with his feet up.
Don't get too comfy, says Gaius. There's work to do.
Is there? asks Kong. Can't I relax for a minute?
I'd find it hard to write notes lying down, says Gaius.
You're not lying down, says Kong.
You write the notes, says Gaius. I'll dictate them.
Kong sits up.
You're the dictator, says Kong.
Indeed, says Gaius. Write down TO DO, as a heading.
TO DO, writes Kong, in large letters.
One. Leave for Tenerife in the morning, says Gaius.
After breakfast, says Kong. Breakfast should be number one. There's a buffet.
As you like, says Gaius. Number one. Arthur would have used his initiative.
Don't compare me to Arthur, says Kong. We're very different. For one thing, I'm here and he isn't.
Knock! A knock on the door.
It's Ying.
Hello guys, says Ying. Are you ready for a fashion show?
It is the last thing they are ready for.
Come in, Terence, says Ying.
Terence comes in, in his new tee shirt. A morning person.
But Terence can't read very well.
'I'm not a morning person', reads Gaius. Oh, that's good. Ha ha. Not a morning person. And what's that he's doing?
Brushing his teeth, says Terence.
Eating corn flakes, says Kong.
See, says Baby Pierre. I told you. He's not brushing.
And I TOLD YOU, says Ying crossly, it doesn't MATTER.
Terence scowls, and rips off his tee shirt.
He looks hard at the picture. The character is wearing a mask. He is brushing his teeth with a spoon over a bowl of cornflakes. As for the writing.....
What does that say? asks Terence.
Not, says Kong.
Not, says Baby Pierre.
'Tis better betimes to be morning person, says Daniel O'Connell. But 'tis true, to be sure, you are only a morning person in the morning. Tiddly dee.
What? says Terence.
Good, says Ying. Everyone else can just get on with what they were doing.
Right, says Gaius. Three. Make a list of likely habitats for Macaroeris nidicolens. Leave a space for that, Kong. Four........
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