No Hair Theorem

Well, what does he say? Le Bon David asked impatiently. The VeloDrone cleared his throat.

The VeloDrone: ( reading in the tone of a voice-synthesizer ) Gentlemen. Perhaps you have heard of me. My name is Stephen Hawking....

Le Bon David: No need to do the voice, just read it.

The VeloDrone: Sorry, I can't help it. Gentlemen, de da de da.....I read with interest the recent article by your esteemed contributor Mr Salvador Dali, in which he describes a certain Nano String bicycle.

Le Bon David: Oh here we go. He's going to pull it to pieces.

The VeloDrone: No no, it doesn't look like it. Let me read on...... I feel I should point out that I too have been working on a Theory of NanoString Bicycles with particular reference to their usefulness in researching the Theory of Everything, as it relates to the Black Hole Information Paradox, the No Hair Theorem, and the No Boundary Universe, with which you gentlemen are no doubt familiar.

Le Bon David: Humpphh. I'm certainly not. Are you?

The VeloDrone: No, I'm not either.....But listen to this....... I am writing to let you know that I am willing , indeed more than willing, to contribute an article to your magazine Velosophy, upon these subjects. Gentlemen, I await your response. Yours faithfully, Stephen Hawking.

Le Bon David: Well! I suppose we should be grateful he isn't trying to blackmail us.

The VeloDrone: Isn't he? What does he mean by 'more than willing'? What choice do we really have? Reject the famous Stephen Hawking? I don't think so.

Le Bon David: I don't like it at all. How have we managed to lose control of our own magazine?
What's he going to write for goodness sake? What the devil is this No Hair Theory?

The VeloDrone: Theorem, David. No Hair Theorem. I don't know, but I suppose we are shortly to find out.