Famous Birds

Squawk!! tch tch tch! came a noise at the window.

It was Victor, the talking budgie! He was cross, as usual.

Tch tch! You think birds can't ask? We can ask! Squawk! My Betty, she was always asking. Victor! Victor! what if we get married? Victor! Victor, if you don't give me a kiss I bite you!

Extraordinary, Victor! What about your other friends?

Squawk! Famous birds! Famous Birds! Let me tell you. Pierre the Penguin! Tch. First penguin, he was, to have a wetsuit made for himself. Made to cover his bald spots. I tell you. He could speak in conditional! Tch. Tch. He said to his friend Pam, Pam, if you don't make it a black one, I'll be a laughing stock at the pool !

Good heavens! How complex! Have you any more stories like that?

Yesss!! Tch! Tch! Famous Cher Ami! Carrier pigeon shot down by the Germans in World War I. He saved a regiment. Was wounded. Blinded. Lost a leg. He said to them, Chaps! chaps! if you would make me a wooden leg, I should be as eternally grateful to you as you should be to me. So they did.

This is even more complex and amazing! Go on.

Famous birds !! Squawk! Herbie, skateboarding duck, my friend, my very good friend! He was famous. He skateboarded for 4 seconds in a BBC film in 1978. He said to them afterwards, If you like I could do it again. But they didn't want him to. So he said, if you don't let me do it again, I won't do any interviews.

Have you got any more of these wonderful friends ?

Tch. Yes! Yes! Mike the Headless Chicken. He lived for 18 months after his head was chopped off and a cat ate it. Brrr! Horrible!

Surely he couldn't talk!

Not afterwards! But before that. He used to say to me, Victor! Victor! If they ever chop off my head, I beg you, don't let them feed it to the cat!

But the cat got it! you just said.

Tch! If only Victor had got there in time. Squawk! The story of my life!! Tch Tch!