10 Comments:
Even I, the divine Dali, have never come up with a concept as slippery as your square root of B, where B may be B, or something else that starts with B ! Brilliantissimo, my astrophysical friend! Contact me if you wish to change the colours of the NanoStrings. I have many fine paints in my paintbox. Salvador Dali.
Congratulations on an interesting article Stephen! Have you looked at lower case b as a possible root? bxb=B. There are a lot more bs than Bs in the universe. Bill Bailey.
Stephen! It pains me to see that you collude with the rest of the world in attributing the 'bicycle-dream/going on a journey' connection to me. Professor Sigmund Freud.
The square root of B. Very existentialist! I like it. Simone De Beauvoir ( The Beaver ) xxx
Square root of Bicycle is wheel! Square root of Bang is Omm! Square root of Backwardness is Nirvana! Just a few random thoughts I had. Cheers! The Buddha.
We love you Stephen! You rock! Babar, Barbie, Bob the Builder, Britney, Bratx xxxxx
Dear Mr Hawking, I don't think your article made very much sense at all. Alice.
I think this magazine should only publish nice stories, such as the one my grandfather has written about me and my bicycle. We are still waiting to see it in print. Who wants to know about the square root of B? Sophie Freud.
Stephen! You seem to be turning into a prankster. Be squared, be very squared! LOL. Albert Einstein.
I do not appreciate being made into a figure of fun, even in an inconsequential magazine such as this. You will shortly be hearing from my lawyers. Real Stephen Hawking.
Showing posts with label Dali. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dali. Show all posts
Monday, November 9, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Stephen Hawking's Backwardness Bicycle
Readers, allow me to introduce myself. I am Stephen Hawking. It is an honour to have been asked by the editors of Velosophy to submit an article on the latest research into the use of bicycles in astrophysics.
I have long been interested in bicycles. I have often dreamed of riding one, but alas that is not to be. However, if you will excuse a jocular reference to a pet theory of Professor Sigmund Freud, I have been on a journey.
It is a journey into astrophysics and the secrets of Black Holes. Or more correctly, the secret of Black Holes, for current theory suggests that there is only one.
As you know, we scientists have come to many dead ends in this field. We are at one now, with the No Hair Theorem and the Black Hole Information Paradox.
In a nutshell, the No Hair Theorem attests that we can observe only three properties of Black Holes: their mass, their charge and their angular momentum. All other information disappears below the Black Hole horizon. Therefore all Black Holes are identical as far as we can see. That is, they have no other observable properties; in other words, No Hair! Quite comical, I'm sure you will agree.
I do not wish to bore my readers. I shall now come to the point. I have read with much interest Salvador Dali's brilliant article referring to his NanoString Bicycle. I too have been thinking along the lines of using bicycles as a way of discovering more about the entropy of Black Holes.
In particular I am interested in following up the String. That most intriguing green, blue and violet String. For the String represents a way of coming back from inside the hole. I am in the process of developing an equation to represent this backward movement. It involves finding the square root of B.
The square root of B ? you ask. Fascinating, but what is B ?
Readers, here is the sticking place. We are looking for suggestions. For as yet we do not know whether it is Bang, or Bicycle, or Backwardness, or, as some suggest, itself, the letter B. This last has some credibility, believe it or not. Astrophysics is agreed by many astrophysicists in their more reflective moments to be reliant on semantics, after all.
So dear cycling philosophers, let me know your ideas. The scientific world is always open to input from people like you.
I have long been interested in bicycles. I have often dreamed of riding one, but alas that is not to be. However, if you will excuse a jocular reference to a pet theory of Professor Sigmund Freud, I have been on a journey.
It is a journey into astrophysics and the secrets of Black Holes. Or more correctly, the secret of Black Holes, for current theory suggests that there is only one.
As you know, we scientists have come to many dead ends in this field. We are at one now, with the No Hair Theorem and the Black Hole Information Paradox.
In a nutshell, the No Hair Theorem attests that we can observe only three properties of Black Holes: their mass, their charge and their angular momentum. All other information disappears below the Black Hole horizon. Therefore all Black Holes are identical as far as we can see. That is, they have no other observable properties; in other words, No Hair! Quite comical, I'm sure you will agree.
I do not wish to bore my readers. I shall now come to the point. I have read with much interest Salvador Dali's brilliant article referring to his NanoString Bicycle. I too have been thinking along the lines of using bicycles as a way of discovering more about the entropy of Black Holes.
In particular I am interested in following up the String. That most intriguing green, blue and violet String. For the String represents a way of coming back from inside the hole. I am in the process of developing an equation to represent this backward movement. It involves finding the square root of B.
The square root of B ? you ask. Fascinating, but what is B ?
Readers, here is the sticking place. We are looking for suggestions. For as yet we do not know whether it is Bang, or Bicycle, or Backwardness, or, as some suggest, itself, the letter B. This last has some credibility, believe it or not. Astrophysics is agreed by many astrophysicists in their more reflective moments to be reliant on semantics, after all.
So dear cycling philosophers, let me know your ideas. The scientific world is always open to input from people like you.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
No Hair Theorem
Well, what does he say? Le Bon David asked impatiently. The VeloDrone cleared his throat.
The VeloDrone: ( reading in the tone of a voice-synthesizer ) Gentlemen. Perhaps you have heard of me. My name is Stephen Hawking....
Le Bon David: No need to do the voice, just read it.
The VeloDrone: Sorry, I can't help it. Gentlemen, de da de da.....I read with interest the recent article by your esteemed contributor Mr Salvador Dali, in which he describes a certain Nano String bicycle.
Le Bon David: Oh here we go. He's going to pull it to pieces.
The VeloDrone: No no, it doesn't look like it. Let me read on...... I feel I should point out that I too have been working on a Theory of NanoString Bicycles with particular reference to their usefulness in researching the Theory of Everything, as it relates to the Black Hole Information Paradox, the No Hair Theorem, and the No Boundary Universe, with which you gentlemen are no doubt familiar.
Le Bon David: Humpphh. I'm certainly not. Are you?
The VeloDrone: No, I'm not either.....But listen to this....... I am writing to let you know that I am willing , indeed more than willing, to contribute an article to your magazine Velosophy, upon these subjects. Gentlemen, I await your response. Yours faithfully, Stephen Hawking.
Le Bon David: Well! I suppose we should be grateful he isn't trying to blackmail us.
The VeloDrone: Isn't he? What does he mean by 'more than willing'? What choice do we really have? Reject the famous Stephen Hawking? I don't think so.
Le Bon David: I don't like it at all. How have we managed to lose control of our own magazine?
What's he going to write for goodness sake? What the devil is this No Hair Theory?
The VeloDrone: Theorem, David. No Hair Theorem. I don't know, but I suppose we are shortly to find out.
The VeloDrone: ( reading in the tone of a voice-synthesizer ) Gentlemen. Perhaps you have heard of me. My name is Stephen Hawking....
Le Bon David: No need to do the voice, just read it.
The VeloDrone: Sorry, I can't help it. Gentlemen, de da de da.....I read with interest the recent article by your esteemed contributor Mr Salvador Dali, in which he describes a certain Nano String bicycle.
Le Bon David: Oh here we go. He's going to pull it to pieces.
The VeloDrone: No no, it doesn't look like it. Let me read on...... I feel I should point out that I too have been working on a Theory of NanoString Bicycles with particular reference to their usefulness in researching the Theory of Everything, as it relates to the Black Hole Information Paradox, the No Hair Theorem, and the No Boundary Universe, with which you gentlemen are no doubt familiar.
Le Bon David: Humpphh. I'm certainly not. Are you?
The VeloDrone: No, I'm not either.....But listen to this....... I am writing to let you know that I am willing , indeed more than willing, to contribute an article to your magazine Velosophy, upon these subjects. Gentlemen, I await your response. Yours faithfully, Stephen Hawking.
Le Bon David: Well! I suppose we should be grateful he isn't trying to blackmail us.
The VeloDrone: Isn't he? What does he mean by 'more than willing'? What choice do we really have? Reject the famous Stephen Hawking? I don't think so.
Le Bon David: I don't like it at all. How have we managed to lose control of our own magazine?
What's he going to write for goodness sake? What the devil is this No Hair Theory?
The VeloDrone: Theorem, David. No Hair Theorem. I don't know, but I suppose we are shortly to find out.
Feedback
Le Bon David and the VeloDrone are sharing a stiff drink at the end of the day.
Le Bon David: Well, we published it. Now to be damned.
The VeloDrone: Maybe, maybe not. I wonder what the readers will make of it.
Le Bon David: Pseudo-scientific arty-farty claptrap I suppose. Typical Dali. Still, we hadn't any choice.
The VeloDrone: True. But I quite liked his nanostring bicycle idea, even though it wasn't scientific or reasonable or philosophical. Could it be we've had too strict a view of what Velosophy is all about?
Le Bon David: Perhaps. Maybe Dali is right. People love the new. Therefore they will love a pseudo-scientific arty-farty concept for a new and incredibly weird bicycle. Anyway, we'll soon find out.
The VeloDrone: Look. We've just got an email.
Le Bon David: Good! Feedback. Who's it from?
The VeloDrone: Ooh dear! You won't like this!
Le Bon David: Who? Who?
The VeloDrone: It's from Stephen Hawking!
Le Bon David: Crumbs! Surely he doesn't own a bicycle!
Le Bon David: Well, we published it. Now to be damned.
The VeloDrone: Maybe, maybe not. I wonder what the readers will make of it.
Le Bon David: Pseudo-scientific arty-farty claptrap I suppose. Typical Dali. Still, we hadn't any choice.
The VeloDrone: True. But I quite liked his nanostring bicycle idea, even though it wasn't scientific or reasonable or philosophical. Could it be we've had too strict a view of what Velosophy is all about?
Le Bon David: Perhaps. Maybe Dali is right. People love the new. Therefore they will love a pseudo-scientific arty-farty concept for a new and incredibly weird bicycle. Anyway, we'll soon find out.
The VeloDrone: Look. We've just got an email.
Le Bon David: Good! Feedback. Who's it from?
The VeloDrone: Ooh dear! You won't like this!
Le Bon David: Who? Who?
The VeloDrone: It's from Stephen Hawking!
Le Bon David: Crumbs! Surely he doesn't own a bicycle!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The Posse of Ants
When they had finally squashed all the ants the two editors sat back and looked at one another in dismay. Le Bon David picked up the envelope gingerly and peered inside.
Oh look, he said, here's a letter. Let's see what the old genius has to say for himself.
He pulled it out, unfolded it and began to read:
GENTLEMEN! Are you sweating? Are you alarmed? Surprised? Yes, the Divine Dali has more to say than can be conveyed by a posse of ANTS!
So! You let that old reprobate Freud loose on me in your magazine! Do you think I care? No! A Genius does not care what a spiteful old ex-dream interpreter has to say of him. I lie ? Dali does not lie! Dali is ABOVE LYING! And below-lying.
However, a SLUR has been cast upon me, and I shall use it.
I have a passion for bicycles. That much of what the old bumbler said is true. Therefore I demand that you give me equal space in your magazine to write my own column. It will illuminate the BICYCLE, the sweaty drippings, the impotent strivings and the flowing salivations that result when an ARTIST EXTRAORDINAIRE contemplates the bicycle.
If you will not, you may look forward to more Surrealistic outpourings from Daliesque envelopes containing less interpretable and squashable organisms than ANTS!
Now Gentlemen, I know you are going to LOVE,
the scribblings of
The Divine Dali xxx
Le Bon David looked up. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? he said to the VeloDrone.
We have opened up a can of worms, said the VeloDrone, nodding gravely. Goodbye order, goodbye reason, goodbye philosophy, unless we can come up with a plan.
Oh look, he said, here's a letter. Let's see what the old genius has to say for himself.
He pulled it out, unfolded it and began to read:
GENTLEMEN! Are you sweating? Are you alarmed? Surprised? Yes, the Divine Dali has more to say than can be conveyed by a posse of ANTS!
So! You let that old reprobate Freud loose on me in your magazine! Do you think I care? No! A Genius does not care what a spiteful old ex-dream interpreter has to say of him. I lie ? Dali does not lie! Dali is ABOVE LYING! And below-lying.
However, a SLUR has been cast upon me, and I shall use it.
I have a passion for bicycles. That much of what the old bumbler said is true. Therefore I demand that you give me equal space in your magazine to write my own column. It will illuminate the BICYCLE, the sweaty drippings, the impotent strivings and the flowing salivations that result when an ARTIST EXTRAORDINAIRE contemplates the bicycle.
If you will not, you may look forward to more Surrealistic outpourings from Daliesque envelopes containing less interpretable and squashable organisms than ANTS!
Now Gentlemen, I know you are going to LOVE,
the scribblings of
The Divine Dali xxx
Le Bon David looked up. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? he said to the VeloDrone.
We have opened up a can of worms, said the VeloDrone, nodding gravely. Goodbye order, goodbye reason, goodbye philosophy, unless we can come up with a plan.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Feedback
The VeloDrone: What's the feedback from the Freud story ? Did they like it?
Le Bon David: They loved it! We've got dozens of requests for Freud to analyse their dreams. I can't understand it. All that ridiculous symbolism. All those obvious interpretations.
The VeloDrone: I know! I laughed fit to pee myself when I read what he said to Dali. You are going on a journey indeed. No wonder Dali stormed out.
Le Bon David: Yes, very funny, but look at this.
The VeloDrone: What is it?
Le Bon David: It's an envelope, and it's addressed to us, see: To the Decomposing Editors of Velosophy. I suppose that means us.
The VeloDrone: Decomposing? What can it mean? Who is it from? Open it!
Le Bon David: Wait! Look at the back. It must be from Dali. See, he's drawn a little caricature of his face, the crazy moustache, the goggling eyes.
The VeloDrone: And he's written his name there as well. Dali, eh? I thought he'd gone on a journey.
Le Bon David: Well, he must have returned.
The VeloDrone: Open it.
Le Bon David: (opening it) Arghh! Eeeuw! Ants! Millions of ants coming out. Quick. Squash 'em!
The VeloDrone: Whack!Whack! Take that, you ants! Whack! Whack! Take that, and that! Whack! Whack!
Le Bon David: Do you get the feeling that the divine Dali is angry?
The VeloDrone: Yes. Oh cripes.
Le Bon David: They loved it! We've got dozens of requests for Freud to analyse their dreams. I can't understand it. All that ridiculous symbolism. All those obvious interpretations.
The VeloDrone: I know! I laughed fit to pee myself when I read what he said to Dali. You are going on a journey indeed. No wonder Dali stormed out.
Le Bon David: Yes, very funny, but look at this.
The VeloDrone: What is it?
Le Bon David: It's an envelope, and it's addressed to us, see: To the Decomposing Editors of Velosophy. I suppose that means us.
The VeloDrone: Decomposing? What can it mean? Who is it from? Open it!
Le Bon David: Wait! Look at the back. It must be from Dali. See, he's drawn a little caricature of his face, the crazy moustache, the goggling eyes.
The VeloDrone: And he's written his name there as well. Dali, eh? I thought he'd gone on a journey.
Le Bon David: Well, he must have returned.
The VeloDrone: Open it.
Le Bon David: (opening it) Arghh! Eeeuw! Ants! Millions of ants coming out. Quick. Squash 'em!
The VeloDrone: Whack!Whack! Take that, you ants! Whack! Whack! Take that, and that! Whack! Whack!
Le Bon David: Do you get the feeling that the divine Dali is angry?
The VeloDrone: Yes. Oh cripes.
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