Loafing

The VeloDrone and Le Bon David were waiting outside.

Sweezus! said The VeloDrone. I thought you were in Victor Harbor already!

It's a long story, said Sweezus. I'm composing it now in my head. Unfortunately the plot keeps on changing.

Excellent, excellent, said the VeloDrone. You must tell us all about it on the way. I assume that you're coming?

Yes, said Sweezus. Mephisto returns to Victor Harbor! he added dramatically.

Mephisto? said Le Bon David, Who's he?

That's Sweezus, Uncle David, said Belle et Bonne. He's made up this wizard name for himself, in the story.

Hardly a wizard name, said Le Bon David. More like the devil! I'm surprised at you Sweezus!

I'm dabbling in nihilism, said Sweezus.

Then call yourself Nemo, said Le Bon David.

Nope, said Sweezus, that would be mega uncool.

They got on their bikes and rode down the hill from Mount Compass in the direction of Victor Harbor.

I'm looking forward to whale-watching, said The VeloDrone. I've not done it before. Does anyone know how it's done?

I know, said Belle et Bonne. I've been following Whale Watch. What you do is, you stand on a cliff and you look out to sea, and try to spot whales.

And then what? asked Le Bon David.

Simple, said Belle et Bonne. If you spot any whales, you try and identify them, then you log in to Whale Watch. You record where and when you saw them, and what they were doing. For example they might be loafing, or flipper-slapping, or blowing.

How do you know if they're loafing? asked Le Bon David.

That's just what I was going to ask, said The VeloDrone.

So was I, said Mephisto.

We'll have to ask Victor, said Belle et Bonne.

Stage 13: Pau to Lourdes

It is now Stage 13 of the Tour de France, and Le Bon David and The VeloDrone are again walking their bicycles up a hill. Today it is the Col d'Aubisque, somewhere on the way to Lourdes.

The VeloDrone: These hills! I shall be glad to get to Lourdes.

Le Bon David: Me too.

The VeloDrone: Ah, Lourdes, the home of miracles. How was it that you used to describe a miracle, David?

Le Bon David: A violation of the laws of nature.

The VeloDrone: Yes, yes, that was it. I wonder what young Sweezus thinks of miracles. We should ask him.

Just then Sweezus appeared behind them, although this was not a miracle. He had made a comfort stop, and was now catching up.

Sweezus: Hi guys? Walking? How come?

The VeloDrone: We may walk all the way to Lourdes. We're quite knackered. Strangely, we were just talking about you.

Le Bon David: Yes, we were wondering about your thoughts on miracles.

Sweezus: Miracles? You're asking the wrong guy. I never paid attention in Religious Ed. That was when I used to catch up on my homework.

Le Bon David: But surely....aren't you supposed to have done a few yourself?

Sweezus; Am I? Don't think so. But if you want to hear a real miracle I have one for you.

The VeloDrone: What?

Sweezus: Team Bumptious are leading the breakaway. They're riding like the clappers. God knows why.

Stage 9: Issoire to Saint-Flour

The following day, Le Bon David was still smarting from Gustave's remark. Dodging fallen riders, he manoeuvred his bike into the space beside his new team mate.

Le Bon David: I've been thinking, Gustave, about what you said yesterday.

Gustave: Have you, David? Remind me, what did I say?

Le Bon David: You said, 'And you call yourself a philosopher'.

Gustave: Oh yes, you don't seem a very ethical one. Nor do any of your so-called Team Philosophe.

Le Bon David: Well, I just wanted to say, I think that's rich coming from you.

Gustave (shocked): Why so?

Le Bon David: One word, Gustave, one word: Grafitti.

Gustave (even more shocked): Mon dieu! You don't think it was ME!

.....

Meanwhile Farky, riding slowly uphill with Sweezus and The VeloDrone, was telling them all about Molly.

Farky: And to make matters worse, she googled the author Yukio Mishima, and discovered a terrible thing.

Sweezus: What?

Farky: When Yukio Mishima had completed his masterpiece, a tetrology called The Sea of Fertility, he committed seppuku.

The VeloDrone: Good gracious, how dreadful!

Sweezus: What's that? What's seppuku?

The VeloDrone: It's ritual suicide.

Farky: Yes. Ritual suicide. Yukio always said he would die when he finished it. But it gets worse.

Sweezus: How can it get worse?

Farky, Well what you do is, you kill yourself and then your friend cuts off your head.

Sweezus: Euuggh!

Farky: No, it gets even worse.

Sweezus: I don't want to hear it.

The VeloDrone: Save it for tomorrow, Farky old chap. We're having a rest day, and I'm inviting Team Philosophe and Team Bumptious to a grand picnic.

Sweezus: Yeah, save it, Farky. A picnic! That's cool!

Stage Five: Carhaix to Cap Frehel

Stage Five from Carhaix to Cap Frehel is being dogged by a series of crashes, but Gustave and Violetta are safe at the rear of the peloton. Gustave is ticking off Violetta.

Gustave: I thought you promised not to bring your paints. What's this rumour I hear?

Violetta: I didn't promise. You said 'I trust you are not going to bring your paints'. And I said 'Yes', meaning 'Yes I realise that you trust I am not going to bring my paints but that doesn't mean I'm not going to bring them.

Gustave: That is excessively deceptive of you Violetta. I'm very disappointed.

Violetta: Chill out Gustave. You'll probably end up being glad I brought them.

Gustave: I doubt it, Violetta.

........

Meanwhile, Le Bon David, The VeloDrone, Sweezus and Farky are riding together past some wind turbines.

Le Bon David: Look! Wind turbines!

The VeloDrone: Wonderful things, wind turbines. Clean renewable energy.

Sweezus: Yeah, but listen....

The VeloDrone: Yes, they are a bit noisy.

Sweezus: No I mean, listen, we have to talk about the dog situation.

Farky: What dog situation?

Sweezus: You know. How are you going to make friends with Contador's and Cadel Evans's dogs with people watching your every move?

Farky: Don't worry, it's all under control. I'm eating out tonight with Molly.

Le Bon David: Oh good man!

Farky: Watch it!

Stage 2 - Les Essarts to Les Essarts

Why was Alberto Contador grinning yesterday, as he passed Team Philosophe? Was it because he had passed Team Philosophe?

That is not very likely.

Was it because he had spied Farky's customised panda racing hat?

That is a little more likely.

Was it because he has seen his most feared rival Sweezus bobbing around in the sea back at the Passage du Gois?

That is even more likely.

Or was it because he was unaware that soon he would be involved in a pileup that would lose him well over a minute at the end of the day?

He stopped smiling after that.

.....

It was day two of the Tour. The Team Time Trials. Team Philosophe was in a pickle.

The VeloDrone: What can we do? We have only four riders and it's the fifth rider's time that counts.

Le Bon David: What we usually do. Join up with someone.

Sweezus: If only Marie and Belle et Bonne were here.

Farky: But we don't need them. Let's ask Team Bumptious. They're in the same boat.

So they asked Gustave if Team Bumptious would consider teaming up for the time trials. Gustave conferred with his team.

Gustave: Well what do you say?

Gaius: I say let's do it.

Violetta: I say so too. That Sweezus is hot.

Gustave: No he isn't. Did you hear what he did yesterday? He stopped riding and went for a swim.

Violetta: So romantic!

Gaius: Tch!

Stage One - to Mont des Alouettes

With the Passage du Gois well behind them, The VeloDrone and Le Bon David were in the middle of the main peloton, riding through the Vendee, on their way to Mont des Alouettes.

Any idea where Sweezus and Farky have got to? asked Le Bon David.

No, said The VeloDrone. But I hope they're somewhere in front.

Just then Farky came up behind them, resplendent in his Team Philosphe jersey and his customised panda racing hat.

Farky! said Le Bon David. How goes it? We thought you were up at the front.

Whoooo!! said Farky. No. This racing is hard. And Sweezus is way behind me.

Have a drink, said The VeloDrone, handing him an electrolytic sports drink.

Yuk, said Farky. Got any water?

No, said The VeloDrone. You'd better drink this. And what's wrong wih Sweezus?

He's missing the girls, said Farky.

The girls! said Le Bon David, shocked. There are lots of girls here.

He knows, said Farky. But he's missing Marie and Belle et Bonne. When we were riding along the Passage du Gois he got quite emotional, and wanted to stop for a bit. He sent them both a text and then decided to go for a dip. He's still in the water as far as I know.

Good heavens! said The VeloDrone. I hadn't anticipated this.

At that moment Albert Contador rode past, grinning widely.

Easy Beats

Gustave was not without influence in Paris. In a matter of hours Team Bumptious found itself booked on a flight to France, flying business class, with their bicycles professionally packed.

Now Violetta, said Gustave. I trust you will not be bringing your paints.

Yes, said Violetta.

Gustave left it at that.

The VeloDrone too was not without influence. He had secured a free flight for Team Philosophe including four bicycles on the same plane as Team Bumptious.

There was a tricky moment at the boarding gate when it was noticed that one of the team members was a dog.

May I see your ticket? asked the flight attendant.

Certainly, said Farky, showing his ticket, and a letter from Nicholas Sarkozy.

Welcome aboard, Mr MacTaggart, said the flight attendant. I hope you enjoy your flight.

Look over there, whispered Sweezus. Who's that?

Where? said Farky, looking around.

There, said Sweezus. Fat man with the mo, with the skinny guy in the toga and the woman with the massive bag.

I know who that is, said Le Bon David. That's Gustave Flaubert, the well-known writer. And that's his team, Team Bumptious. They're riding in the Tour.

They look like easy beats, said Sweezus.

Don't underestimate them, said The VeloDrone.

Enjoy the Rest

This interminable fish and chip saga, said Pliny the Elder. Is it over?

Yes it's over, I said. Everyone went home.

Except Mrs Hume, who was home, said Pliny.

How did you know that? I asked.

What do you mean? asked Pliny. You said she was.

I mean how did you know she was Mrs Home? I asked.

I didn't know that, said Pliny. I thought she was Mrs Hume.

She was actually Mrs Home, I said. Le Bon David, or David Hume, changed his name from Home to Hume because the English couldn't pronounce it.

That is difficult to believe, said Pliny.

It is, until you know that the Scottish way to pronounce Home is Hume, I said.

Are you sure? asked Pliny. I have never heard a Scotsman pronounce Home as Hume. I thought they pronounced it Hame.

Gosh, Pliny, I said , so they do. I wonder why he didn't change his name to Hame?

Perhaps because the French wouldn't be able to pronounce it, said Pliny. Anyway, when are you leaving for Sydney?

Oh yes Pliny. Tomorrow. I'll be away ten days.

No doubt as usual you have left me nothing to eat, said Pliny.

On the contrary, I said. There is a large hairy melon, one third eaten, a bowl of ripe tomatoes, a can of organic baked beans, and some second hand bread.

I hate tomatoes, said Pliny. They are evil. But I shall enjoy the rest.

Haysoos

The fish and chips were eaten and the plates were washed. Everyone was sitting around the table chatting. Mrs Hume had begun to warm to Sweezus.

You know, she said, I would be inclined to believe it, if you were Spanish.

Believe what? asked Sweezus, suppressing a burp of repletion.

You name being Jesus, said Mrs Hume. A lot of Spanish are called Jesus.

They are, but they pronounce it Haysoos, said Sweezus.

Do they really? said Mrs Hume. And do they pronounce Joseph Hoseph?

Hosay, I think, but I don't really know, said Sweezus, not being Spanish myself.

What a pity, said Mrs Hume. I like the Spanish. Except for that Alberto Contador.

We don't like him either, said Farky, butting in. He's our main rival in the Tour de France.

That's no reason for not liking him, said Le Bon David.

There you go, David, said Mrs Hume. Philosophising in that shallow Velosophy way.

Mother, said Le Bon David. I hadn't finished my argument.

Well, said The VeloDrone. It's been lovely, Mrs Hume, but we've all had a very long day, including, no doubt, yourself. I think it's time for us to be thinking of going.

Everyone stood up.

Well, thank you David dear, for picking me up and driving me home, said Mrs Hume. And good luck all of you in the Tour de France. Oh, and when you go out, would one of you mind turning my pot? The one in the corner with the tree? You look strong, she said, looking at Sweezus.

Alright, said Sweezus. No worries. Bye Mrs Hume!

Le Bon David grinned at The VeloDrone as they stepped out into the night.

That went pretty well, he said.

It did, agreed The VeloDrone.

No One Wants Bread

It wasn't long before they were all back in the Kia Rio, heading for Mrs Hume's apartment with an enormous serve of fish and chips wrapped up in white paper.

Ouch it's hot! said Farky, who had offered to hold the fish and chips on his lap. Only, as he soon discovered, he did not have a lap.

Ouch ! Ouch! he cried.

Give it to me, said The VeloDrone. I don't know why you wanted to hold it in the first place.

So I could smell it! whined Farky pathetically.

We can all smell it, wherever it is, said Mrs Hume. This is a very small car.

Soon they were inside Mrs Hume's apartment, with the lights and the heater on, and the table set with four plates for the fish and chips.

Where's my plate? asked Farky.

On the floor in the kitchen, said Mrs Hume.

Mother, said Le Bon David. I must insist that you treat Farky as one of us. He is a member of Team Philosophe.

Alright, David, said his mother. But I must say it is against all reason.

Farky sat up to the table and began to wolf down his fish and chips. Sweezus did the same. Le Bon David and the VeloDrone waited for Mrs Hume to begin eating.

Why have I got so many chips? asked Mrs Hume. Has someone put some of theirs on my plate when I wasn't looking?

No mother, said Le Bon David. Why would anyone do that?

Would anyone like any bread? continued Mrs Hume, spearing a chip with her fork.

No! said Team Philosophe.

For a time, a chomping silence reigned.

The Fish and Chip Shop at Last

Speaking of the Tardis, said Mrs Hume, squeezing into the passenger seat of the Kia Rio next to Le Bon David, did anyone see Doctor Who last week?

I did, said Sweezus, who was sitting in the back, squashed between Farky and The Velodrone.

Was it good? asked Mrs Hume. I missed it because my daughter and I went out to dinner and afterwards we went on to a birthday party at the Bowling Club.

Did you mother? said Le Bon David. The Bowling Club? Was it nice?

It was lovely, said Mrs Hume. It was all done up. All the young people were dancing. Do you enjoy dancing? she asked Sweezus.

No, said Sweezus, but I like watching Doctor Who.

Do you really? said Mrs Hume. What a coincidence. Now David, do you know the way to the Fish and Chip Shop?

Of course I do, mother, said David. Straight on until Brighton, then turn right and head towards the sea.

Good directions, sniggered Farky.

Ha ha! laughed The VeloDrone. We'll all end up in the sea!

Shut up, said Le Bon David. I need to concentrate on my driving. I'm not used to it.

Still riding your bicycle I suppose, said his mother. Have you done any proper philosophy lately David? He used to be such a brilliant philosopher, she added, turning round and glaring at The VeloDrone. Until he got mixed up with your magazine. David, I wish you would get rid of your bicycle and buy a car. Your sister has a big one.

Yes mother, said Le Bon David. I know.

A bit too big, added his mother. I could hardly climb up into it.

At last they pulled up at the Brighton Fish and Chip Cafe. It was night time and the stars were out. They piled out of the Kia Rio and stood for a moment looking at the gleaming black sea heaving and rolling under the Brighton Jetty. Then they went into the shop.

A Slight Delay

Fish and chips! shouted Farky, when they finally reached the bottom of the hill. And don't we deserve it!

Yes, well actually, said Le Bon David, there's just something we have to do first.

What's that? asked The VeloDrone.

We must go to the airport and pick up Mother, said Le Bon David. I promised I'd meet her when she flew in from the Gold Coast.

What! On our bicycles? What about her luggage? asked The VeloDrone.

Don't worry, I've hired a car, said Le Bon David.

They cycled to the car hire office and picked up Le Bon David's car. It was a white Kia Rio.

Bit small, muttered Sweezus. How are we all going to fit in?

Easily, said Le Bon David. Leave your bikes over there and pile in.

Why does she have to arrive at tea time? When are we going to eat? grumbled Farky, whose stomach was growling.

Soon, said Le Bon David, as he stepped on the gas.

They got to the airport in good time. Le Bon David's mother was just walking up the ramp into 'arrivals'.

Hello Mother! said Le Bon David. How was your holiday?

Never mind that, said his mother. Who are these PEOPLE!!? And what is this DOG!!?

Fish and Chips

He knew where the others would go to practice. Old Mount Barker Road. Sweezus pedalled off in that direction.

Soon he came to a wide bend at the base of the climb. Farky, The VeloDrone and Le Bon David were standing at the side of the road, deep in discussion. Sweezus stopped before they saw him and hid behind a tree to listen in.

Fish and chips, said Le Bon David. That's what we'll be having.

Good, said The VeloDrone. I like fish and chips.

Me too, said Farky.

Then you must come too, said Le Bon David.

Sweezus was intrigued. He was also a little annoyed. He had hoped to hear that Farky had been dropped from the team, due to his inability to ride a bike. But obviously Farky had already made it up to here.

Sweezus decide to go ahead with Plan Two. He wheeled his bike back a suitable distance, mounted it and started up the hill, riding past Team Philosophe at top speed.

Woohoo! said The VeloDrone. That's that young Sweezus fellow. Look at him go! Hey there! Sweezus! Stop a minute!

Sweezus stopped, and turned back.

Oh it's you, he said. What are you doing out here?

As if you didn't know, said Farky.

We're training for the Tour de France, said Le Bon David. Want to join our team? We call ourselves Team Philosophe.

Oh wow! said Sweezus. This is an honour! Thanks guys. Yes I will!

It's not that much of an honour, said The VeloDrone. But welcome on board. Right chaps, up the hill and down, and then it's fish and chips!

Sweezus and Farky

Just then Jesus popped his head around the door.

Hello everyone, said Jesus. Does anyone want to help me with an assignment?

What? A creative writing assignment? asked The VeloDrone. No thanks.

I'm really busy today, said Belle et Bonne.

Hello, I don't believe we've met, said Le Bon David.

It's Jesus, said Belle et Bonne. Jesus, meet Uncle David.

Hello, said Jesus. I've heard all about you.

And I've heard all about you, said Le Bon David. You're doing a creative writing course, and you're making a name for yourself on Twitter as Sweezus.

Jesus looked embarrassed.

No, no, said Le Bon David, don't be embarrassed. We all have to start somewhere.
What is your assignment, Sweezus?

I have to go to the Zoo, said Jesus, and write a story about the animals.

Woo hoo! said Farquhar, pricking up his ears. Animals! I'll go with you. I'll help you write your assignment. It'll be good practice for our collaboration.

Hum, said The VeloDrone. Our contributors don't usually need to practice.

Well, Sweezus does, said Farquhar. He is neither a philosopher, nor a writer.

Alright, said Sweezus. No need to rub it in. Coming Farky?

Yes! said Farky. Sweezus and Farky on assignment at the Zoo. See you later, everyone!

The Simplest Scenario

By taste, said Farquhar MacTaggart, chewing on a Meaty-Bite, I mean 'yum yum this tastes good', or 'yuk that tastes bad', or in the case of things which are rotten, 'yum yum, this tastes really amazing'.

I see, said Le Bon David. By taste, I mean the sorts of things one takes pleasure in for their own sake. Such as reading a wonderful and moving poem.

I am not averse to a good poem, said Farquhar, contemplatively. Farquhar! Farquhar! that's one of my favourites, and Here boy! Here boy! is another.

How do they go? asked Belle et Bonne.

That's them, there isn't any more, said Farquhar.

In what sense may they be considered poems? asked The VeloDrone, who had been listening with interest.

They rhyme, said Farquhar.

Poems should do more than that, observed Le Bon David. They ought to elicit some sort of emotional response.

They do, said Farquhar. When someone calls Farquhar! Farquhar! I leap and jump for joy, and then I run towards the person who recited the poem.

No you don't, said Belle et Bonne. I saw you that time on the beach. You ran away from your family.

I was only giving you the simplest scenario, said Farquhar.

Taste or Appetite

Just then, Le Bon David came into the office.

Good morning all, he said.

Seeing Farquhar MacTaggart, he opened his mouth to say something more.

Before you say anything, Uncle David, said Belle et Bonne, let me introduce you to Farquhar MacTaggart. He's writing a short article for Velosophy. Farquhar, this is David Hume, also known as Le Bon David. I call him Uncle David, although he's not my real uncle.

She does it to annoy me, said Le Bon David. But I do not mind.

David Hume, the famous Scottish philosopher? said Farquhar. Good morning Mr Hume. Pleased to meet you. I've long admired your essays on the subject of happiness.

Have you indeed? said Le Bon David, pleased. Do call me David. And I must say you have a very fine name for a dog. Are you named after the first Earl of Ross?

Aye, that I am, said Farquhar, in an unconvincing accent.

Well, well, and what is to be the subject of your article, besides bicycles of course? asked Le Bon David.

Happiness, as it relates to my species, said Farquhar MacTaggart. I should be interested to hear your views on the subject. I know you make a distinction between taste and appetite, for example. We dogs make no such distinction.

Indeed, said Le Bon David. I maintain a man will be made happier by what pleases his taste than by what gratifies his appetites.

I see, said Farquhar MacTaggart. Do you mean to say that the first bite is the sweetest?

No, I do not, said Le Bon David. Perhaps we should first set out what each of us means when we use the word taste.

I say, said Farquhar MacTaggart, I am having fun.

That's nice, said Belle et Bonne. Shall I get us some tea?

Yes please, said Farquhar MacTaggart. And do you have any snacks?

Positive Thoughts

Jesus broke the silence first.

Well, everybody farts, he said.

That's not the point, said Marie. Why did Zola give that character your name?

He had long hair, said Belle et Bonne.

But what was the subtext? pursued Marie.

To show what sort of people the villagers were, said Belle et Bonne. Their sense of humour and their attitude towards religion. And also, perhaps, to bring some lightness and humour into a grim story of rape, murder, greed and extortion.

I always wanted to write a novel, said Jesus.

Why don't you? asked Marie.

No literary talent, said Jesus.

But you tweet beautifully, said Belle et Bonne. And I bet you keep a diary.

I do, said Jesus. I started one last Easter.

How about writing something for Velosophy, said Marie. Something philosophical.

I don't know, said Jesus. I don't really have anything philosophical to say.

Yes you do, said Belle et Bonne. You have Do Unto Others.

Oh that, said Jesus modestly. It's just simple game theory really.

It is, agreed Marie. And it doesn't always work. Anyway, think about it. You don't have to be wise. The only thing Uncle Vello and David insist on is that whatever you write, there has to be a bicycle in it.

Wow! said Jesus. I know as much about bicycles as the next man. I might just have a go. You know, I feel really positive now. You girls are a tonic. Let's stop and have a chocolate break.

I thought you'd eaten it all, said Belle et Bonne.

I bought some more, said Jesus.

Adolf

The philosophers are walking back to their hostel after seeing Adolf.

The VeloDrone: Well now, what did you think of that, girls? I trust you thought it was brilliant and thought-provoking and relevant?

Belle et Bonne: It was lovely, and sad.

The VeloDrone: Lovely and sad? How was it lovely and sad?

Belle et Bonne: He wanted to marry Eva.

Le Bon David: That was Hitler, you do know that don't you, my dear?

Belle et Bonne: I though he was Adolf.

Le Bon David: Belle et Bonne, either you are being deliberately obtuse, or you weren't listening to the other half of what he said.

Marie: She's right. Adolf was alright. But when the actor took off his wig and started being himself, I was totally shocked by some of his racist remarks. Those silly accents. Outrageous.

The VeloDrone: You girls are hopeless! That was HITLER! It was HITLER!

Marie: It was just an actor.

Le Bon David: But he was saying the things that Hitler said, about ridding the world of Jews and Gypsies, and doing it for the good of the German people.

Belle et Bonne ( giggling ): We're only pulling your legs, papa and Uncle David.

Marie: Yes. Of course we thought it was brilliant. What more is there to say? I wish everyone in the world could see it. Not that it would have an effect on SOME people.

Belle et Bonne: Like that awful man in the front row. The big man with the cap. He kept coughing and sneezing.

Le Bon David: Yes, he should have stayed at home. I hope we don't catch anything.

The VeloDrone: I agree, he should have been thrown out.

Marie: I felt like wringing his neck!

Older Persons

The VeloDrone went over to the bar to buy another round of drinks. When he returned, Marie and Belle et Bonne were standing up and Le Bon David was on the floor with his head under the settee.

The VeloDrone: What's happening? Why is David down there?

Marie: An old lady asked us to stand up so she could look for her purse. She thought she might have lost it down the back of the couch.

Belle et Bonne: It wasn't there.

The VeloDrone: So what's David up to?

Marie: He thought it might have fallen underneath.

Le Bon David ( emerging from under the settee ): No, nothing there.

The VeloDrone: That old lady has made a fool of you!

Le Bon David: What! A fool of me! How?

The VeloDrone: I heard her talking to her friend over at the bar. They were rolling a die. The first one to throw a six had to persuade a random gentleman to stick his bottom in the air.

Le Bon David: I say! How mean!

The VeloDrone: Yes, but at least it proves my point that older persons are not averse to abandoning themselves to the vagaries of fortune once in a while. You see, girls?

Belle et Bonne: Well, I'm stunned.

Marie: If you believe him.

Le Bon David: This is all too much. Time to go. Where's the toilet?

The VeloDrone: There's only one. And there's a queue.

Le Bon David: What a place! I'm not coming here again. Where's our next show and what is it?

Marie: It's Adolf, at the Royalty Theatre.

The Six Sided Man

The philosophers are having a drink in the Higher Ground bar after catching a late night performance of The Six Sided Man.

Le Bon David: Well, well, that was excellent. Thought provoking. What did you think, Vello?

The VeloDrone: Yes, very good. The actors were superb. Hee hee! Imagine basing all your decisions on the fall of the dice. Did you like it, my dears?

Belle et Bonne: The actors were too old and fat for my liking.

Marie: Hear hear! I would have liked to see them performing it thirty years ago.

Belle et Bonne: I agree. It's a young man's play. An older person wouldn't want to abandon his life to chance like that. Life's chancey enough when you're old, don't you think, Uncle David?

Le Bon David: Old? Hum, hum.

The VeloDrone: Old? You girls are being ridiculous. A mature person might very well think his life was dull and want to spice it up a bit by the throwing of a dice. Or die.

Marie: Or die?

The VeloDrone: One die.

Le Bon David: My prince will come!

Marie: Now who's being ridiculous? Anyway, I knew you two would like it.

Le Bon David: Because we're old and fat?

The VeloDrone: I'm not fat!

Belle et Bonne: Because you like everything. That's why we love you.

Le Bon David: Oh.

The VeloDrone: Well said, dear Belle et Bonne. Now would anyone like another drink?