Enjoy the Rest

This interminable fish and chip saga, said Pliny the Elder. Is it over?

Yes it's over, I said. Everyone went home.

Except Mrs Hume, who was home, said Pliny.

How did you know that? I asked.

What do you mean? asked Pliny. You said she was.

I mean how did you know she was Mrs Home? I asked.

I didn't know that, said Pliny. I thought she was Mrs Hume.

She was actually Mrs Home, I said. Le Bon David, or David Hume, changed his name from Home to Hume because the English couldn't pronounce it.

That is difficult to believe, said Pliny.

It is, until you know that the Scottish way to pronounce Home is Hume, I said.

Are you sure? asked Pliny. I have never heard a Scotsman pronounce Home as Hume. I thought they pronounced it Hame.

Gosh, Pliny, I said , so they do. I wonder why he didn't change his name to Hame?

Perhaps because the French wouldn't be able to pronounce it, said Pliny. Anyway, when are you leaving for Sydney?

Oh yes Pliny. Tomorrow. I'll be away ten days.

No doubt as usual you have left me nothing to eat, said Pliny.

On the contrary, I said. There is a large hairy melon, one third eaten, a bowl of ripe tomatoes, a can of organic baked beans, and some second hand bread.

I hate tomatoes, said Pliny. They are evil. But I shall enjoy the rest.