Positive Thoughts

Jesus broke the silence first.

Well, everybody farts, he said.

That's not the point, said Marie. Why did Zola give that character your name?

He had long hair, said Belle et Bonne.

But what was the subtext? pursued Marie.

To show what sort of people the villagers were, said Belle et Bonne. Their sense of humour and their attitude towards religion. And also, perhaps, to bring some lightness and humour into a grim story of rape, murder, greed and extortion.

I always wanted to write a novel, said Jesus.

Why don't you? asked Marie.

No literary talent, said Jesus.

But you tweet beautifully, said Belle et Bonne. And I bet you keep a diary.

I do, said Jesus. I started one last Easter.

How about writing something for Velosophy, said Marie. Something philosophical.

I don't know, said Jesus. I don't really have anything philosophical to say.

Yes you do, said Belle et Bonne. You have Do Unto Others.

Oh that, said Jesus modestly. It's just simple game theory really.

It is, agreed Marie. And it doesn't always work. Anyway, think about it. You don't have to be wise. The only thing Uncle Vello and David insist on is that whatever you write, there has to be a bicycle in it.

Wow! said Jesus. I know as much about bicycles as the next man. I might just have a go. You know, I feel really positive now. You girls are a tonic. Let's stop and have a chocolate break.

I thought you'd eaten it all, said Belle et Bonne.

I bought some more, said Jesus.

Puisque les Odeurs....

We had tuna subs for lunch. The tuna oozed out of the sides and all over our faces and hands. We carried an odour of tuna with us into the Elder Hall.

No one would have noticed. For the Elder Hall was redolent of fumigants and farts. I'm not saying these could be attributed to any one in particular.

There should have been a scent of roses and violets. Rosalind Martin was to sing some lovely old French songs.

Old French songs are weird though. When you read the words, they aren't as lovely as you think.

The thief of the cheese is not here.... I should like to sew but a magnet attracts all my needles.... My corpse is as limp as a glove....

When your breath is stopped by astonishment there is nowhere for bad odours to go.