Stage 17: Gap to Pinerolo

Today the Tour is riding through the Alps, and passing into Italy. Belle et Bonne and Marie have hired a motor bike and a movie camera and are following the riders on the road. The first rider they catch up with is Sweezus.

Marie: Hi Sweezus! Looking good! Are you feeling better today?

Sweezus: Whoah! What are you two doing here? You aren't allowed to ride beside the peloton!

Belle et Bonne: Too bad, because we are. Would you like a Power Bar, Sweezus dear?

Sweezus: Thanks Belle. And yes, I'm feeling a lot better today although I've still got the runs. It was bad luck about that Duck a la Limoux. But do you know what Gustave is saying?

Belle et Bonne: No. What is he saying?

Sweezus: He reckons Violetta is at the bottom of it. He thinks that she somehow poisoned the Duck in order to give him and Gaius the runs so that they would ride faster.

Marie: Oh that's hilarious! Why would she poison herself as well?

Sweezus: Gustave thinks she's capable of anything.

Belle et Bonne: Well, that lets us off the hook then. But we're sorry, Sweezie darling. And about letting everyone drink too much as well.

Sweezus: Don't worry, Farky and I didn't drink too much. Farky didn't drink anything but water. By the way, Farky's made friends with Alberto Contador's dog at last. Could be handy. Well, better get my skates on. Bye girls, and thanks for the Power Bar!

Sweezus put his head down and started pedalling. Belle et Bonne and Marie zoomed up the road and soon drew alongside The VeloDrone and Le Bon David, who were pedalling furiously uphill.

The VeloDrone: Marie! Belle et Bonne! What are you doing on that motor bike?

Marie: Filming you! Smile!

Le Bon David: You naughty girls. As if you haven't caused enough trouble already.

Belle et Bonne: It wasn't us, it was Violetta.

Le Bon David: What was? Has there been another graffiti incident?

The VeloDrone: Another! Has there been one?

Le Bon David: I thought someone sploshed a blob of paint on the Virgin's nose back at Lourdes?

Belle et Bonne: That was just a rumour. Hey guess what we just heard? Farky has made friends with Alberto Contador's dog!

The VeloDrone: Brilliant! At last! We'll get some inside information on his race plan. Now girls, make yourselves useful!

Marie: How?

The VeloDrone: Give us a tow up this hill.

Belle et Bonne: Papa!

Stage 14: Saint-Gaudens to Plateau de Beille

There are six tough climbs in the Stage today, but at least two members of Team Bumptious have already exhausted themselves on the route to Lourdes, the day before.

Violetta: Come on guys, it was just a joke!

Gustave: It was no joke Violetta. The gendarmes were on our tail.

Gaius: Yes, and that wasn't all. We had to catch you up to try and prevent you from sploshing the shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes.

Violetta: Ha ha! As if I would really do that! But it made you go faster, yes?

Gustave: It did! But now look at us.

Violetta: Pooh! What slugs you two are!

She pedalled away.

Gaius: So, she wouldn't have done it.

Gustave: Maybe she wouldn't. But she must have already done something, since the gendarmes are after us.

Gaius: Yes, that's true. I wonder why they haven't caught up to us yet?

.......

Meanwhile Violetta had caught up to Sweezus and Farky, on the Col de Latrape.

Sweezus: Hi Violetta! Congratulations for yesterday! Where are the others?

Violetta: They've slowed down again. I'll have to come up with something else to get them moving. How are you two doing?

Farky: Wuh! Bike racing is hard for dogs.

Sweezus: It's hard for me too.

Violetta: It's meant to be hard. What's the matter with everyone?

Sweezus: Oh, I don't know. I'm not doing as well as I hoped. I wanted to win a stage, and I haven't even come close.

Violetta: It's not over yet. I didn't know you wanted to win a stage though. I thought you were just here to support The VeloDrone.

Sweezus: Oh that too. But I would like to make my mark in the world.

Violetta: I can help you there!

Sweezus: Really?

Farky: Don't listen to her!

Violetta: Why does nobody trust me?

Stage 13: Pau to Lourdes

It is now Stage 13 of the Tour de France, and Le Bon David and The VeloDrone are again walking their bicycles up a hill. Today it is the Col d'Aubisque, somewhere on the way to Lourdes.

The VeloDrone: These hills! I shall be glad to get to Lourdes.

Le Bon David: Me too.

The VeloDrone: Ah, Lourdes, the home of miracles. How was it that you used to describe a miracle, David?

Le Bon David: A violation of the laws of nature.

The VeloDrone: Yes, yes, that was it. I wonder what young Sweezus thinks of miracles. We should ask him.

Just then Sweezus appeared behind them, although this was not a miracle. He had made a comfort stop, and was now catching up.

Sweezus: Hi guys? Walking? How come?

The VeloDrone: We may walk all the way to Lourdes. We're quite knackered. Strangely, we were just talking about you.

Le Bon David: Yes, we were wondering about your thoughts on miracles.

Sweezus: Miracles? You're asking the wrong guy. I never paid attention in Religious Ed. That was when I used to catch up on my homework.

Le Bon David: But surely....aren't you supposed to have done a few yourself?

Sweezus; Am I? Don't think so. But if you want to hear a real miracle I have one for you.

The VeloDrone: What?

Sweezus: Team Bumptious are leading the breakaway. They're riding like the clappers. God knows why.