Today the Tour is riding through the Alps, and passing into Italy. Belle et Bonne and Marie have hired a motor bike and a movie camera and are following the riders on the road. The first rider they catch up with is Sweezus.
Marie: Hi Sweezus! Looking good! Are you feeling better today?
Sweezus: Whoah! What are you two doing here? You aren't allowed to ride beside the peloton!
Belle et Bonne: Too bad, because we are. Would you like a Power Bar, Sweezus dear?
Sweezus: Thanks Belle. And yes, I'm feeling a lot better today although I've still got the runs. It was bad luck about that Duck a la Limoux. But do you know what Gustave is saying?
Belle et Bonne: No. What is he saying?
Sweezus: He reckons Violetta is at the bottom of it. He thinks that she somehow poisoned the Duck in order to give him and Gaius the runs so that they would ride faster.
Marie: Oh that's hilarious! Why would she poison herself as well?
Sweezus: Gustave thinks she's capable of anything.
Belle et Bonne: Well, that lets us off the hook then. But we're sorry, Sweezie darling. And about letting everyone drink too much as well.
Sweezus: Don't worry, Farky and I didn't drink too much. Farky didn't drink anything but water. By the way, Farky's made friends with Alberto Contador's dog at last. Could be handy. Well, better get my skates on. Bye girls, and thanks for the Power Bar!
Sweezus put his head down and started pedalling. Belle et Bonne and Marie zoomed up the road and soon drew alongside The VeloDrone and Le Bon David, who were pedalling furiously uphill.
The VeloDrone: Marie! Belle et Bonne! What are you doing on that motor bike?
Marie: Filming you! Smile!
Le Bon David: You naughty girls. As if you haven't caused enough trouble already.
Belle et Bonne: It wasn't us, it was Violetta.
Le Bon David: What was? Has there been another graffiti incident?
The VeloDrone: Another! Has there been one?
Le Bon David: I thought someone sploshed a blob of paint on the Virgin's nose back at Lourdes?
Belle et Bonne: That was just a rumour. Hey guess what we just heard? Farky has made friends with Alberto Contador's dog!
The VeloDrone: Brilliant! At last! We'll get some inside information on his race plan. Now girls, make yourselves useful!
Marie: How?
The VeloDrone: Give us a tow up this hill.
Belle et Bonne: Papa!
Showing posts with label Duck a la Limoux. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Duck a la Limoux. Show all posts
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Stage 16: Saint-Paul-Trois-Chateaux to Gap
It's now Stage 16 in the Tour de France, and the last day before the Alps. We are about to find out what sort of stuff Alberto Contador, Cadel Evans and Andy Schleck are made of. On the wet descent into Gap, Evans passes Contador, to become overall second in the race. The commentators are excited.
Phil Liggett: Look at that! Evans is showing that he really wants to win this race.
Paul Sherwen: He is indeed. But Contador is still a force to be reckoned with.
Phil Liggett: He is. But where's Andy Schleck? He certainly doesn't seem to be at his best today.
Paul Sherwen: No he doesn't. Perhaps he ate something that disagreed with him yesterday.
Phil Liggett: If he did he wouldn't be the only one. The story is that Team Philosophe and Team Bumptious are suffering nasty stomach cramps after eating some Duck a la Limoux at their rest day picnic.
Paul Sherwen: That's one version of the story, Phil. I've heard from other sources that they overindulged in some of the local wines as well, and that's the reason why they're a little bit under the weather this morning.
Phil Liggett: Well, well. At least they're still riding. And they're very fortunate that their best rider Farky MacTaggart doesn't seem to have been affected at all.
Paul Sherwen: No. I was chatting to his team mate Sweezus earlier, and he told me that Farky MacTaggart is tee total, and also that he will never knowingly eat garlic. Which is by the way one of the main ingredients of Duck a la Limoux.
Phil Liggett: Well, thanks for that information Paul. Now perhaps you'd like to tell us why the air here smells of lavender?
Paul Sherwen: But it doesn't, does it?
Phil Liggett: I was just testing you.
Paul Sherwen: It does in the spring.
Phil Liggett: There you have it, from the man who knows.
Phil Liggett: Look at that! Evans is showing that he really wants to win this race.
Paul Sherwen: He is indeed. But Contador is still a force to be reckoned with.
Phil Liggett: He is. But where's Andy Schleck? He certainly doesn't seem to be at his best today.
Paul Sherwen: No he doesn't. Perhaps he ate something that disagreed with him yesterday.
Phil Liggett: If he did he wouldn't be the only one. The story is that Team Philosophe and Team Bumptious are suffering nasty stomach cramps after eating some Duck a la Limoux at their rest day picnic.
Paul Sherwen: That's one version of the story, Phil. I've heard from other sources that they overindulged in some of the local wines as well, and that's the reason why they're a little bit under the weather this morning.
Phil Liggett: Well, well. At least they're still riding. And they're very fortunate that their best rider Farky MacTaggart doesn't seem to have been affected at all.
Paul Sherwen: No. I was chatting to his team mate Sweezus earlier, and he told me that Farky MacTaggart is tee total, and also that he will never knowingly eat garlic. Which is by the way one of the main ingredients of Duck a la Limoux.
Phil Liggett: Well, thanks for that information Paul. Now perhaps you'd like to tell us why the air here smells of lavender?
Paul Sherwen: But it doesn't, does it?
Phil Liggett: I was just testing you.
Paul Sherwen: It does in the spring.
Phil Liggett: There you have it, from the man who knows.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Rest Day: Picnic with Professor Freud
It is the second rest day of the Tour. Team Philosophe, Team Bumptious, Belle et Bonne, Marie and Professor Freud have spread their picnic in a field of flowers outside Montpellier. All except Farky have already tossed down a few glasses of Blanquette de Limoux. Professor Freud is explaining the psychology of Yukio Mishima to anyone who cares to listen.
Professor Freud: Of course, it was all because his grandmother, a woman prone to morbid and violent outbursts, took him away from his family at a very young age, kept him out of the sunlight and only allowed him to play with his girl cousins and their dolls.
Belle et Bonne: You don't say! Here Professor, have a pebradou.
Professor Freud: Thank you my dear. What is this again? A stuffed bun?
Marie: No that's not the stuffed bun. That comes later. This is an aperitif cake. Have a splash more of Blanquette to go with it.
Le Bon David: I'll have more too, Marie. It's a jolly good drop.
Sweezus: This is brilliant! What a day! What a picnic! What's this yellow meat?
Farky: I already asked. It's Duck a la Limoux. Duck with saffron and garlic. Yucky duck.
Sweezus: But I thought you liked duck. Is it the garlic? You can eat a mint afterwards.
Gustave: Yes Farky, a mint will get rid of garlic breath.
Gaius: Yes it will, it's been a tried and true method since Roman times.
Farky: I know you humans think so, but it doesn't work for dogs. In fact, let me tell you something, it doesn't work that well for humans either....
Professor Freud: ....and then, when he went back to live with his family, his father, a strict military disciplinarian, used to hold him up to speeding trains, and raid his room to search for poetry. A classic case.....
Violetta: A classic case of what, Professor?
Professor Freud: Of someone who becomes fascinated by death of course.
Violetta: Who are we talking about?
The VeloDrone: Molly is it? The dachshund. May I try that Cremant, Belle dear?
Le Bon David: Me too, while you've got the bottle there, Belle.
Belle et Bonne: Molly isn't fascinated by death. She just got confused by the authorial voice.
Farky: Is that what it was? Did you and Marie think the same?
Violetta: The same as what?
Farky: That the text was written by a madman.
Violetta: I have to read this book.
Marie: We thought that it would have been best not to know anything at all about the author, either before or after reading it.
Violetta: Well, thank you Professor.
Professor Freud: What have I done? And when are we having this stuffed bun?
Professor Freud: Of course, it was all because his grandmother, a woman prone to morbid and violent outbursts, took him away from his family at a very young age, kept him out of the sunlight and only allowed him to play with his girl cousins and their dolls.
Belle et Bonne: You don't say! Here Professor, have a pebradou.
Professor Freud: Thank you my dear. What is this again? A stuffed bun?
Marie: No that's not the stuffed bun. That comes later. This is an aperitif cake. Have a splash more of Blanquette to go with it.
Le Bon David: I'll have more too, Marie. It's a jolly good drop.
Sweezus: This is brilliant! What a day! What a picnic! What's this yellow meat?
Farky: I already asked. It's Duck a la Limoux. Duck with saffron and garlic. Yucky duck.
Sweezus: But I thought you liked duck. Is it the garlic? You can eat a mint afterwards.
Gustave: Yes Farky, a mint will get rid of garlic breath.
Gaius: Yes it will, it's been a tried and true method since Roman times.
Farky: I know you humans think so, but it doesn't work for dogs. In fact, let me tell you something, it doesn't work that well for humans either....
Professor Freud: ....and then, when he went back to live with his family, his father, a strict military disciplinarian, used to hold him up to speeding trains, and raid his room to search for poetry. A classic case.....
Violetta: A classic case of what, Professor?
Professor Freud: Of someone who becomes fascinated by death of course.
Violetta: Who are we talking about?
The VeloDrone: Molly is it? The dachshund. May I try that Cremant, Belle dear?
Le Bon David: Me too, while you've got the bottle there, Belle.
Belle et Bonne: Molly isn't fascinated by death. She just got confused by the authorial voice.
Farky: Is that what it was? Did you and Marie think the same?
Violetta: The same as what?
Farky: That the text was written by a madman.
Violetta: I have to read this book.
Marie: We thought that it would have been best not to know anything at all about the author, either before or after reading it.
Violetta: Well, thank you Professor.
Professor Freud: What have I done? And when are we having this stuffed bun?
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