Rest Day: Picnic with Professor Freud

It is the second rest day of the Tour. Team Philosophe, Team Bumptious, Belle et Bonne, Marie and Professor Freud have spread their picnic in a field of flowers outside Montpellier. All except Farky have already tossed down a few glasses of Blanquette de Limoux. Professor Freud is explaining the psychology of Yukio Mishima to anyone who cares to listen.

Professor Freud: Of course, it was all because his grandmother, a woman prone to morbid and violent outbursts, took him away from his family at a very young age, kept him out of the sunlight and only allowed him to play with his girl cousins and their dolls.

Belle et Bonne: You don't say! Here Professor, have a pebradou.

Professor Freud: Thank you my dear. What is this again? A stuffed bun?

Marie: No that's not the stuffed bun. That comes later. This is an aperitif cake. Have a splash more of Blanquette to go with it.

Le Bon David: I'll have more too, Marie. It's a jolly good drop.

Sweezus: This is brilliant! What a day! What a picnic! What's this yellow meat?

Farky: I already asked. It's Duck a la Limoux. Duck with saffron and garlic. Yucky duck.

Sweezus: But I thought you liked duck. Is it the garlic? You can eat a mint afterwards.

Gustave: Yes Farky, a mint will get rid of garlic breath.

Gaius: Yes it will, it's been a tried and true method since Roman times.

Farky: I know you humans think so, but it doesn't work for dogs. In fact, let me tell you something, it doesn't work that well for humans either....

Professor Freud: ....and then, when he went back to live with his family, his father, a strict military disciplinarian, used to hold him up to speeding trains, and raid his room to search for poetry. A classic case.....

Violetta: A classic case of what, Professor?

Professor Freud: Of someone who becomes fascinated by death of course.

Violetta: Who are we talking about?

The VeloDrone: Molly is it? The dachshund. May I try that Cremant, Belle dear?

Le Bon David: Me too, while you've got the bottle there, Belle.

Belle et Bonne: Molly isn't fascinated by death. She just got confused by the authorial voice.

Farky: Is that what it was? Did you and Marie think the same?

Violetta: The same as what?

Farky: That the text was written by a madman.

Violetta: I have to read this book.

Marie: We thought that it would have been best not to know anything at all about the author, either before or after reading it.

Violetta: Well, thank you Professor.

Professor Freud: What have I done? And when are we having this stuffed bun?

Stage 12: Cugnaux to Luz-Ardiden

The Tour has now reached the Pyrenees. Gustave and Gaius are toiling up the Col du Tourmalet, cursing the day they were born.

Gustave: Uh huh, uh huh, uuuuh, this is killing me!

Gaius: Courage my friend! It's killing me too.

Gustave: I don't have the legs!

Gaius: Think of France! Neither do I.

Gustave: My poor friend! Think of ancient Rome!

Gaius: I do! There were no bicycles then.

Gustave: Where is Violetta?

Gaius: Up the front somewhere. No one can say she hasn't the legs.

Gustave: She is like a machine, that woman. If only we could trust her....

Gaius: But we can't. You know the gendarmes are asking questions about you?

Gustave: Merde! About me?

......

Meanwhile, The VeloDrone and Le Bon David are even further behind, having decided to walk their bicycles up the Col.

The VeloDrone: After all, what does it matter? We don't want to kill ourselves.

Le Bon David: True, true. We don't want to die.

The VeloDrone: Not today, anyway.

Le Bon David: Ha ha! Naturally, I meant not today. But I can't help thinking about that Japanese chappie.

The VeloDrone: Yukio Mishima?

Le Bon David: Yes, him, and his seppuku.

The VeloDrone: But of course, with a grandmother like that, not allowing him sunlight....

Le Bon David: And a father like that, holding him up to speeding trains....

The VeloDrone: It's a wonder he achieved anything at all. And yet, he was undoubtedly a brilliant novelist.

Le Bon David: And how are the girls enjoying the book?

The VeloDrone: Belle et Bonne nearly gave up at the disembowelling of the kitten, but Marie persuaded her to go on.

Le Bon David: Good, good. By the way, I'm starving. Is there anything to nibble?

The VeloDrone: Let me see. Here, let's go halves in a Kit Kat.