The Tour has now reached the Pyrenees. Gustave and Gaius are toiling up the Col du Tourmalet, cursing the day they were born.
Gustave: Uh huh, uh huh, uuuuh, this is killing me!
Gaius: Courage my friend! It's killing me too.
Gustave: I don't have the legs!
Gaius: Think of France! Neither do I.
Gustave: My poor friend! Think of ancient Rome!
Gaius: I do! There were no bicycles then.
Gustave: Where is Violetta?
Gaius: Up the front somewhere. No one can say she hasn't the legs.
Gustave: She is like a machine, that woman. If only we could trust her....
Gaius: But we can't. You know the gendarmes are asking questions about you?
Gustave: Merde! About me?
......
Meanwhile, The VeloDrone and Le Bon David are even further behind, having decided to walk their bicycles up the Col.
The VeloDrone: After all, what does it matter? We don't want to kill ourselves.
Le Bon David: True, true. We don't want to die.
The VeloDrone: Not today, anyway.
Le Bon David: Ha ha! Naturally, I meant not today. But I can't help thinking about that Japanese chappie.
The VeloDrone: Yukio Mishima?
Le Bon David: Yes, him, and his seppuku.
The VeloDrone: But of course, with a grandmother like that, not allowing him sunlight....
Le Bon David: And a father like that, holding him up to speeding trains....
The VeloDrone: It's a wonder he achieved anything at all. And yet, he was undoubtedly a brilliant novelist.
Le Bon David: And how are the girls enjoying the book?
The VeloDrone: Belle et Bonne nearly gave up at the disembowelling of the kitten, but Marie persuaded her to go on.
Le Bon David: Good, good. By the way, I'm starving. Is there anything to nibble?
The VeloDrone: Let me see. Here, let's go halves in a Kit Kat.
Showing posts with label Col du Tourmalet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Col du Tourmalet. Show all posts
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
A Basket of Pies
It is a rest day. Although they know they should go out and practice, the Team Philosophe riders have opted for a country-style picnic with a basket of pies and champagne.
Le Bon David: Ahh. Pies! I've always loved pies. Beef pies, chicken pies....
Simone de Beauvoir: You will all regret this, you know. Your bodies will go into recovery mode, and not take kindly to riding the Tourmalet again tomorrow.
The VeloDrone: That is true. But right now I don't care a jot.
Jean Paul Sartre: Nor I.
Le Bon David: Nor I. Sit down Simone. Have a glass of wine. You too, Belle et Bonne.
Belle et Bonne: Ahh, this is nice. It reminds me of Ferney.
The VeloDrone: What good times we had there, didn't we dear!
Le Bon David: I have often wondered how you two came to meet.
The VeloDrone: May I tell them, Belle et Bonne, or perhaps you would prefer...?
Belle et Bonne: No, tell them, papa. You always tell it so nicely.
The VeloDrone: I was very ancient at the time. It was 1776, I recall. I heard from friends about a young girl from a poor but noble family who had been sent to a convent because her family could not afford a dowry. So I rescued her, and brought her to live at Ferney, my estate near Lake Geneva. It turned out to be the best thing I have done in all my life.
Belle et Bonne: Thank you papa.
Jean Paul Sartre: But this sounds a little improper.
Simone de Beauvoir: Since when did you think such things improper?
Le Bon David: Nevertheless.....I too think it sounds somewhat improper.
The VeloDrone: You people! She was just eighteen, and the best and sweetest of girls, the delight of my old age. I remember I married you off to the Marquis de Villette, didn't I, dear?
Belle et Bonne: So you did! And we all lived together at Ferney. And Madam Denis too. And her husband. It was so pleasant.
Le Bon David: Well, what an eye opener! So you are married, my dear?
Belle et Bonne: Errr, no. Not now......
The VeloDrone: That was all hundreds of years ago, you idiot!
Le Bon David; Ooh sorry. It must be the champers speaking.....may I have another pie?
Le Bon David: Ahh. Pies! I've always loved pies. Beef pies, chicken pies....
Simone de Beauvoir: You will all regret this, you know. Your bodies will go into recovery mode, and not take kindly to riding the Tourmalet again tomorrow.
The VeloDrone: That is true. But right now I don't care a jot.
Jean Paul Sartre: Nor I.
Le Bon David: Nor I. Sit down Simone. Have a glass of wine. You too, Belle et Bonne.
Belle et Bonne: Ahh, this is nice. It reminds me of Ferney.
The VeloDrone: What good times we had there, didn't we dear!
Le Bon David: I have often wondered how you two came to meet.
The VeloDrone: May I tell them, Belle et Bonne, or perhaps you would prefer...?
Belle et Bonne: No, tell them, papa. You always tell it so nicely.
The VeloDrone: I was very ancient at the time. It was 1776, I recall. I heard from friends about a young girl from a poor but noble family who had been sent to a convent because her family could not afford a dowry. So I rescued her, and brought her to live at Ferney, my estate near Lake Geneva. It turned out to be the best thing I have done in all my life.
Belle et Bonne: Thank you papa.
Jean Paul Sartre: But this sounds a little improper.
Simone de Beauvoir: Since when did you think such things improper?
Le Bon David: Nevertheless.....I too think it sounds somewhat improper.
The VeloDrone: You people! She was just eighteen, and the best and sweetest of girls, the delight of my old age. I remember I married you off to the Marquis de Villette, didn't I, dear?
Belle et Bonne: So you did! And we all lived together at Ferney. And Madam Denis too. And her husband. It was so pleasant.
Le Bon David: Well, what an eye opener! So you are married, my dear?
Belle et Bonne: Errr, no. Not now......
The VeloDrone: That was all hundreds of years ago, you idiot!
Le Bon David; Ooh sorry. It must be the champers speaking.....may I have another pie?
Stage 16 - The Weasel
It is Stage 16 of the Tour de France. Everyone is losing body fat, even Le Bon David. They are fearful that they might not make it to the top of the Col du Tourmalet.
Le Bon David: Ahh! I feel I am fading away.
The VeloDrone: You are fading away? Not as much as me !
Jean Paul Sartre: A fat man has an advantage on the Col du Tourmalet.
Le Bon David: Let me tell you it is no advantage. Or let me say, it would be no advantage. I do not consider myself a fat man, merely stout.
The VeloDrone: You were merely stout. Now, you are almost normal size.
Le Bon David: Thank you. But I am looking forward to regaining my stoutness when this is all over.
Jean Paul Sartre: I too feel as though I am fading away. This is a very tough ride. At times I consider the unthinkable.
The VeloDrone: What is the unthinkable?
Jean Paul Sartre: Giving up.
The VeloDrone: That is not unthinkable.
Jean Paul Sartre: Really? So you have thought the unthinkable too?
Le Bon David: Oh, we can't give up now. What would the ladies think?
Jean Paul Sartre: They would be very happy, I suspect.
The VeloDrone: What! But they are our biggest supporters.
Jean Paul Sartre: Don't forget, they have to do this beastly ride as well, even though they may go slower. It can't be easy for them.
Le Bon David: Well, I am going on. Jean Paul Sartre, you are nothing but a weasel!
Le Bon David: Ahh! I feel I am fading away.
The VeloDrone: You are fading away? Not as much as me !
Jean Paul Sartre: A fat man has an advantage on the Col du Tourmalet.
Le Bon David: Let me tell you it is no advantage. Or let me say, it would be no advantage. I do not consider myself a fat man, merely stout.
The VeloDrone: You were merely stout. Now, you are almost normal size.
Le Bon David: Thank you. But I am looking forward to regaining my stoutness when this is all over.
Jean Paul Sartre: I too feel as though I am fading away. This is a very tough ride. At times I consider the unthinkable.
The VeloDrone: What is the unthinkable?
Jean Paul Sartre: Giving up.
The VeloDrone: That is not unthinkable.
Jean Paul Sartre: Really? So you have thought the unthinkable too?
Le Bon David: Oh, we can't give up now. What would the ladies think?
Jean Paul Sartre: They would be very happy, I suspect.
The VeloDrone: What! But they are our biggest supporters.
Jean Paul Sartre: Don't forget, they have to do this beastly ride as well, even though they may go slower. It can't be easy for them.
Le Bon David: Well, I am going on. Jean Paul Sartre, you are nothing but a weasel!
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