It is Stage Three of the Tour Down Under. The VeloDrone and Gymnosopher Ten are doing well, thanks to the Power Bar. So well are they doing, that Gymnosopher Ten now wears on his back the red number signifying Most Aggressive Rider. They are riding up a hill towards Stirling.
The VeloDrone: This is more like it. Have another Power Bar.
Gymnosopher Ten: Thanks.
The VeloDrone: You've changed your tune a bit since yesterday.
Gymnosopher Ten: Wisdom consists of being wise.
The VeloDrone: Well said. So it does. It is reasonable to try and win, if one finds oneself in a competition.
Gymnosopher Ten: Of course, one should also ask oneself why one has entered the competition.
The VeloDrone: And have you asked that of yourself? If you have, my friend, I am interested to know the answer.
Gymnosopher Ten: Well, Alexander gave me this bicycle. It seems a pity to waste it.
The VeloDrone: Very true.
They pedal on, meditatively, but with great effort.
Meanwhile Marie and Angel are riding at the very back of the peloton, forgetful of everything. So far back are they, that the police car following the last riders has passed them and normal traffic has resumed. They are forced to stop at traffic lights. They find themselves next to Mark Cavendish, who is wearing a bandage over one eye.
Mark Cavendish: Ohhh! Why is this happening to me?
Madam Denis: Everything happens for a reason. You should ask my friend Angel.
Angel: Don't worry Mark Cavendish. Remember, day is older than night, by one day.
Mark Cavendish: What's that supposed to mean?
Angel: Hard questions have hard answers.
Mark Cavendish: I see. Thanks, mate.
The lights turn green. They pedal on, meditatively.
Showing posts with label Madam Denis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Madam Denis. Show all posts
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Falling on Angel
Team Gymnosophy is riding in a group near the back of the peloton. They are lucky to be riding at all.
The VeloDrone: I still can't believe we missed Stage One entirely.
Madam Denis: At least we aren't disqualified.
The VeloDrone: Yes, that was a brilliant defence of yours, Marie. "My name is Denis. I'm riding as a man."
Gymnosopher Five: And ours! "We are riding as men who wear clothes". That confused them a bit. But they had to concede, because they'd allowed Madam Denis.
Madam Denis: Oh, do call me Marie.
Gymnosopher Ten: Where are we?
The VeloDrone: Somewhere near Mannum. Not far to go now, put some legs into it!
Gymnosopher Ten: I can't.
Gymnosopher Five: I told you you should eat something.
Madam Denis: Haven't you eaten anything? Here, have a Power Bar.
Gymnosopher Ten: No, thank you. Oh no, wait. Alright, I will. Must move with the times.
The VeloDrone: Good man! Eat it up and we'll go to the front.
Madam Denis: Yes, off you go! I'll stay back here with Gymnosopher Five.
Gymnosopher Five: Call me Gym.
Madam Denis: Then you'd both be called Gym. Wouldn't that be confusing? No, I shall call you Angel.
The VeloDrone: Marie! I don't know if I ought to be leaving you back here with this naked young man.
Madam Denis: Don't worry about me, uncle.
The VeloDrone: I'm more worried about him.
Gymnosopher Ten: Ohhhh! Watch out everyone! There's a spill up ahead!
And it was true. Mark Cavendish was down. So were many others. Team Gymnosophy, unable to slow down or circumnavigate the pile-up, tumbled off their bicycles as well.
Marie was happy that she had fallen on top of Angel.
The VeloDrone: I still can't believe we missed Stage One entirely.
Madam Denis: At least we aren't disqualified.
The VeloDrone: Yes, that was a brilliant defence of yours, Marie. "My name is Denis. I'm riding as a man."
Gymnosopher Five: And ours! "We are riding as men who wear clothes". That confused them a bit. But they had to concede, because they'd allowed Madam Denis.
Madam Denis: Oh, do call me Marie.
Gymnosopher Ten: Where are we?
The VeloDrone: Somewhere near Mannum. Not far to go now, put some legs into it!
Gymnosopher Ten: I can't.
Gymnosopher Five: I told you you should eat something.
Madam Denis: Haven't you eaten anything? Here, have a Power Bar.
Gymnosopher Ten: No, thank you. Oh no, wait. Alright, I will. Must move with the times.
The VeloDrone: Good man! Eat it up and we'll go to the front.
Madam Denis: Yes, off you go! I'll stay back here with Gymnosopher Five.
Gymnosopher Five: Call me Gym.
Madam Denis: Then you'd both be called Gym. Wouldn't that be confusing? No, I shall call you Angel.
The VeloDrone: Marie! I don't know if I ought to be leaving you back here with this naked young man.
Madam Denis: Don't worry about me, uncle.
The VeloDrone: I'm more worried about him.
Gymnosopher Ten: Ohhhh! Watch out everyone! There's a spill up ahead!
And it was true. Mark Cavendish was down. So were many others. Team Gymnosophy, unable to slow down or circumnavigate the pile-up, tumbled off their bicycles as well.
Marie was happy that she had fallen on top of Angel.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tour Down Under
The Tour Down Under is on again in Adelaide. Let's see if anyone we know is here.
Yes! Over there is The VeloDrone, with an attractive young lady. Oh! It's Marie, his niece, otherwise known as Madam Denis. They have new bicycles, and a new team, judging by the colours. Let's get nearer. Team Gymnosophy, well there's a surprise. They seem to be looking for someone.
The VeloDrone: Where are they?
Madam Denis: I'm sure they'll be here in a minute. Don't fuss.
The VeloDrone: I'm not fussing, but well..... yes I am! I knew it was a mistake to team up with Gymnosophers. They don't have that killer instinct. They may not turn up at all.
Madam Denis: Anyone would think you had a killer instinct.
The VeloDrone: I like a good contest, that's all. Where are they?
Madam Denis: Here they come now! Oh my! Look at them!
The VeloDrone: For heaven's sake!
Enter two Gymnosophers, wheeling their bicycles and not wearing any clothes.
Gymnosopher Ten ( for it is he): Hello! Are we late? Sorry!
Gymnosopher Five: ( for it is he): Yes, my fault entirely. I couldn't find my drink bottle.
The VeloDrone: Never mind that! Haven't you forgotten something?
Madam Denis: Pockets, for example?
Gymnosopher Ten: We do without pockets. And may I ask why you are clothed in luxurious Lycra?
The VeloDrone: There is nothing luxurious about it. In fact it is quite uncomfortable. Mine feels particularly tight this year.
Madam Denis: That is because you have not done your preparation.
Gymnosopher Five: He hasn't?
Madam Denis: No, he hasn't.
The VeloDrone: Yes I have, I have been eating carrots all week.
Gymnosopher Ten: Luxuriousness!
Madam Denis: Well, now gentlemen, if we are going to be an effective team, we must all work together, don't you think?
Gymnosopher Five: Hear, hear!
Madam Denis: I'm glad to hear you say that.
Gymnosopher Five: I am more flexible, being the younger of the two.
Madam Denis: I can see that!
The VeloDrone: Marie! Behave yourself! Come on! Let's get over to the starting line. Nice bicycles you Gymnosophers have, by the way.
Gymnosopher Ten: Thanks. They're Alexanders.
Yes! Over there is The VeloDrone, with an attractive young lady. Oh! It's Marie, his niece, otherwise known as Madam Denis. They have new bicycles, and a new team, judging by the colours. Let's get nearer. Team Gymnosophy, well there's a surprise. They seem to be looking for someone.
The VeloDrone: Where are they?
Madam Denis: I'm sure they'll be here in a minute. Don't fuss.
The VeloDrone: I'm not fussing, but well..... yes I am! I knew it was a mistake to team up with Gymnosophers. They don't have that killer instinct. They may not turn up at all.
Madam Denis: Anyone would think you had a killer instinct.
The VeloDrone: I like a good contest, that's all. Where are they?
Madam Denis: Here they come now! Oh my! Look at them!
The VeloDrone: For heaven's sake!
Enter two Gymnosophers, wheeling their bicycles and not wearing any clothes.
Gymnosopher Ten ( for it is he): Hello! Are we late? Sorry!
Gymnosopher Five: ( for it is he): Yes, my fault entirely. I couldn't find my drink bottle.
The VeloDrone: Never mind that! Haven't you forgotten something?
Madam Denis: Pockets, for example?
Gymnosopher Ten: We do without pockets. And may I ask why you are clothed in luxurious Lycra?
The VeloDrone: There is nothing luxurious about it. In fact it is quite uncomfortable. Mine feels particularly tight this year.
Madam Denis: That is because you have not done your preparation.
Gymnosopher Five: He hasn't?
Madam Denis: No, he hasn't.
The VeloDrone: Yes I have, I have been eating carrots all week.
Gymnosopher Ten: Luxuriousness!
Madam Denis: Well, now gentlemen, if we are going to be an effective team, we must all work together, don't you think?
Gymnosopher Five: Hear, hear!
Madam Denis: I'm glad to hear you say that.
Gymnosopher Five: I am more flexible, being the younger of the two.
Madam Denis: I can see that!
The VeloDrone: Marie! Behave yourself! Come on! Let's get over to the starting line. Nice bicycles you Gymnosophers have, by the way.
Gymnosopher Ten: Thanks. They're Alexanders.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The Invitations
Of course it was Belle et Bonne who opened the email. She read it once and then she read it again.
Pliny the Elder, she said to herself. Who does he think he is?
She read it a third time.
Two professors with the same name, she thought. It could be a laugh.
She consulted Madam Denis.
What do you think? she said. Should I write to them inviting them to contribute something?
Madam Denis looked dubious.
Classics! she sniffed. And Ugaritic studies! These professors are hardly philosophers.
But how do you know? And you know papa and Uncle David don't really care as long as there are bicycles. I think I will.
Perhaps you should ask your papa first.
No Marie, it will be better as a surprise.
And so it was that later that day the two professors received the following invitations:
Dear Professor John F Healy,
On behalf of Le Bon David and The VeloDrone, editors of Velosophy, it is my great pleasure to invite you to contribute a short article on the subject of bicycle philosophy, as it relates to Ugaritic studies.
Yours sincerely,
Belle et Bonne.
( for the Editors )
Dear Professor John F Healey
On behalf of Le Bon David and The VeloDrone, editors of Velosophy, it is my great pleasure to invite you to contribute a short article on the subject of bicycle philosophy, as it relates to Classical studies.
Yours sincerely,
Belle et Bonne
( for the Editors )
Only Belle et Bonne knows whether she has mixed them up on purpose.
Pliny the Elder, she said to herself. Who does he think he is?
She read it a third time.
Two professors with the same name, she thought. It could be a laugh.
She consulted Madam Denis.
What do you think? she said. Should I write to them inviting them to contribute something?
Madam Denis looked dubious.
Classics! she sniffed. And Ugaritic studies! These professors are hardly philosophers.
But how do you know? And you know papa and Uncle David don't really care as long as there are bicycles. I think I will.
Perhaps you should ask your papa first.
No Marie, it will be better as a surprise.
And so it was that later that day the two professors received the following invitations:
Dear Professor John F Healy,
On behalf of Le Bon David and The VeloDrone, editors of Velosophy, it is my great pleasure to invite you to contribute a short article on the subject of bicycle philosophy, as it relates to Ugaritic studies.
Yours sincerely,
Belle et Bonne.
( for the Editors )
Dear Professor John F Healey
On behalf of Le Bon David and The VeloDrone, editors of Velosophy, it is my great pleasure to invite you to contribute a short article on the subject of bicycle philosophy, as it relates to Classical studies.
Yours sincerely,
Belle et Bonne
( for the Editors )
Only Belle et Bonne knows whether she has mixed them up on purpose.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
A Basket of Pies
It is a rest day. Although they know they should go out and practice, the Team Philosophe riders have opted for a country-style picnic with a basket of pies and champagne.
Le Bon David: Ahh. Pies! I've always loved pies. Beef pies, chicken pies....
Simone de Beauvoir: You will all regret this, you know. Your bodies will go into recovery mode, and not take kindly to riding the Tourmalet again tomorrow.
The VeloDrone: That is true. But right now I don't care a jot.
Jean Paul Sartre: Nor I.
Le Bon David: Nor I. Sit down Simone. Have a glass of wine. You too, Belle et Bonne.
Belle et Bonne: Ahh, this is nice. It reminds me of Ferney.
The VeloDrone: What good times we had there, didn't we dear!
Le Bon David: I have often wondered how you two came to meet.
The VeloDrone: May I tell them, Belle et Bonne, or perhaps you would prefer...?
Belle et Bonne: No, tell them, papa. You always tell it so nicely.
The VeloDrone: I was very ancient at the time. It was 1776, I recall. I heard from friends about a young girl from a poor but noble family who had been sent to a convent because her family could not afford a dowry. So I rescued her, and brought her to live at Ferney, my estate near Lake Geneva. It turned out to be the best thing I have done in all my life.
Belle et Bonne: Thank you papa.
Jean Paul Sartre: But this sounds a little improper.
Simone de Beauvoir: Since when did you think such things improper?
Le Bon David: Nevertheless.....I too think it sounds somewhat improper.
The VeloDrone: You people! She was just eighteen, and the best and sweetest of girls, the delight of my old age. I remember I married you off to the Marquis de Villette, didn't I, dear?
Belle et Bonne: So you did! And we all lived together at Ferney. And Madam Denis too. And her husband. It was so pleasant.
Le Bon David: Well, what an eye opener! So you are married, my dear?
Belle et Bonne: Errr, no. Not now......
The VeloDrone: That was all hundreds of years ago, you idiot!
Le Bon David; Ooh sorry. It must be the champers speaking.....may I have another pie?
Le Bon David: Ahh. Pies! I've always loved pies. Beef pies, chicken pies....
Simone de Beauvoir: You will all regret this, you know. Your bodies will go into recovery mode, and not take kindly to riding the Tourmalet again tomorrow.
The VeloDrone: That is true. But right now I don't care a jot.
Jean Paul Sartre: Nor I.
Le Bon David: Nor I. Sit down Simone. Have a glass of wine. You too, Belle et Bonne.
Belle et Bonne: Ahh, this is nice. It reminds me of Ferney.
The VeloDrone: What good times we had there, didn't we dear!
Le Bon David: I have often wondered how you two came to meet.
The VeloDrone: May I tell them, Belle et Bonne, or perhaps you would prefer...?
Belle et Bonne: No, tell them, papa. You always tell it so nicely.
The VeloDrone: I was very ancient at the time. It was 1776, I recall. I heard from friends about a young girl from a poor but noble family who had been sent to a convent because her family could not afford a dowry. So I rescued her, and brought her to live at Ferney, my estate near Lake Geneva. It turned out to be the best thing I have done in all my life.
Belle et Bonne: Thank you papa.
Jean Paul Sartre: But this sounds a little improper.
Simone de Beauvoir: Since when did you think such things improper?
Le Bon David: Nevertheless.....I too think it sounds somewhat improper.
The VeloDrone: You people! She was just eighteen, and the best and sweetest of girls, the delight of my old age. I remember I married you off to the Marquis de Villette, didn't I, dear?
Belle et Bonne: So you did! And we all lived together at Ferney. And Madam Denis too. And her husband. It was so pleasant.
Le Bon David: Well, what an eye opener! So you are married, my dear?
Belle et Bonne: Errr, no. Not now......
The VeloDrone: That was all hundreds of years ago, you idiot!
Le Bon David; Ooh sorry. It must be the champers speaking.....may I have another pie?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Affection
All is chaos in the Velosophy office. Belle et Bonne is Skyping with The VeloDrone, who is in Brussels.
Belle et Bonne: O papa! Did you hurt yourself? Let me see your bruises!
The VeloDrone: Calm yourself, my dear, I am perfectly alright. They are very small bruises. But David came a nasty cropper on the cobblestones. He's going to have to spend the day in bed.
Belle et Bonne: I knew I shouldn't have let you go! You're both too old to be riding in the Tour De France!
The VeloDrone: Nonsense my pet! It takes more than a catastrophic pile-up to get the better of Team Philosophe ! Now tell me, how are things going in the office ? Have you and Madam Denis found more lady philosophers?
Belle et Bonne: Oh yes, papa. Marie has made a list. Let me see, we have Hypatia of Alexandria, Teresa of Avila, Hildegard of Bingen, Mary Wollestonecroft, Margaret Cavendish, George Eliot, Ayn Rand, Simone de Beauvoir......
The VeloDrone: Did you say Simone de Beauvoir?
Belle et Bonne: Yes, papa.
The VeloDrone: What a coincidence! I saw her just this morning. She's here with Jean Paul Sartre, who is riding with our team. Or should I say, he was....
Belle et Bonne: Did he come a cropper as well?
The VeloDrone: Unfortunately, yes.
Belle et Bonne: And is Simone de Beauvoir looking after him?
The VeloDrone: Yes dear. She's being very kind to David too. And me.
Belle et Bonne: Well Papa, I have just decided something.
The VeloDrone: What's that?
Belle et Bonne: I'm coming over.
Belle et Bonne: O papa! Did you hurt yourself? Let me see your bruises!
The VeloDrone: Calm yourself, my dear, I am perfectly alright. They are very small bruises. But David came a nasty cropper on the cobblestones. He's going to have to spend the day in bed.
Belle et Bonne: I knew I shouldn't have let you go! You're both too old to be riding in the Tour De France!
The VeloDrone: Nonsense my pet! It takes more than a catastrophic pile-up to get the better of Team Philosophe ! Now tell me, how are things going in the office ? Have you and Madam Denis found more lady philosophers?
Belle et Bonne: Oh yes, papa. Marie has made a list. Let me see, we have Hypatia of Alexandria, Teresa of Avila, Hildegard of Bingen, Mary Wollestonecroft, Margaret Cavendish, George Eliot, Ayn Rand, Simone de Beauvoir......
The VeloDrone: Did you say Simone de Beauvoir?
Belle et Bonne: Yes, papa.
The VeloDrone: What a coincidence! I saw her just this morning. She's here with Jean Paul Sartre, who is riding with our team. Or should I say, he was....
Belle et Bonne: Did he come a cropper as well?
The VeloDrone: Unfortunately, yes.
Belle et Bonne: And is Simone de Beauvoir looking after him?
The VeloDrone: Yes dear. She's being very kind to David too. And me.
Belle et Bonne: Well Papa, I have just decided something.
The VeloDrone: What's that?
Belle et Bonne: I'm coming over.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Madam Denis
The next morning, Madam Denis appeared at the door of the editors' office.
Marie Louise! cried Belle et Bonne. Come in!
You must be Madame Denise said Le Bon David, courteously. Welcome to our little office, Madame. Belle et Bonne has told us all about you.
Nonsense! replied Madam Denis. I doubt she has told you anything at all. And perhaps it is just as well, she added, looking pointedly at The VeloDrone.
Hello, Marie Louise, said The VeloDrone sheepishly. It has been a long time. Marie Louise, this is Le Bon David, David this is Marie Louise, my .... er ....niece.
And lover, said Marie Louise, loudly. Ex-lover, I should say.
Oh, ahem, I say, said Le Bon David. May I call you Marie Louise?
No, I prefer Madam Denis, said Marie Louise crisply. And certainly not Madame Denise, as you called me earlier. Madam Denis suits me. It is post-modernist, referencing the past but with an edginess more suited to today.
It's kind of masculine, said Belle et Bonne, helpfully.
It isn't meant to be, said Madam Denis. Now shall we get on with it? First we must draw up a list of female philosophers.....
Uncle David said......interrupted Belle et Bonne.
Nothing! said Le Bon David quickly. And I am not really her uncle.
Madam Denis looked at The VeloDone. The VeloDrone looked at Madam Denis.
Right, he said decisively, if this is going to work, we must put the past behind us and treat each other as platonic friends and equals. Do we all agree?
We do, said Madam Denis.
Marie Louise! cried Belle et Bonne. Come in!
You must be Madame Denise said Le Bon David, courteously. Welcome to our little office, Madame. Belle et Bonne has told us all about you.
Nonsense! replied Madam Denis. I doubt she has told you anything at all. And perhaps it is just as well, she added, looking pointedly at The VeloDrone.
Hello, Marie Louise, said The VeloDrone sheepishly. It has been a long time. Marie Louise, this is Le Bon David, David this is Marie Louise, my .... er ....niece.
And lover, said Marie Louise, loudly. Ex-lover, I should say.
Oh, ahem, I say, said Le Bon David. May I call you Marie Louise?
No, I prefer Madam Denis, said Marie Louise crisply. And certainly not Madame Denise, as you called me earlier. Madam Denis suits me. It is post-modernist, referencing the past but with an edginess more suited to today.
It's kind of masculine, said Belle et Bonne, helpfully.
It isn't meant to be, said Madam Denis. Now shall we get on with it? First we must draw up a list of female philosophers.....
Uncle David said......interrupted Belle et Bonne.
Nothing! said Le Bon David quickly. And I am not really her uncle.
Madam Denis looked at The VeloDone. The VeloDrone looked at Madam Denis.
Right, he said decisively, if this is going to work, we must put the past behind us and treat each other as platonic friends and equals. Do we all agree?
We do, said Madam Denis.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Queen of Philosophers
Belle et Bonne was bored. The VeloDrone and Le Bon David were not making use of her considerable talents. She decided to do something about it.
David, Papa, she said to them one evening, I think Velosophy has become rather dull lately. I think we ought to look at modernising.
Modernising! The Velodone looked surprised. But we are extremely modern. We publish online. We allow all sorts of nonsense in the name of philosophy. We promote bicycling. How could we be more modern?
Papa, said Belle et Bonne, I have been looking at our back copies, and do you know, they were all written by men!
The Velodrone shot a significant look at Le Bon David.
Well, my dear, said Le Bon David, not noticing the significant look, that is because all the best philosophers are men.
Uncle David! cried Belle et Bonne. You are so old fashioned!
Maybe so, said Le Bon David, but I am correct. And please, dear, don't call me Uncle David.
I will call you Uncle David, because you deserve it, said Belle et Bonne. And I shall call you Uncle David until you take back what you've just said.
Dear, dear, said Le Bon David, looking helplessly at The VeloDrone. I daresay there are some very fine women philosophers these days. It was just that in the old days, well, it wasn't the thing, for ladies...... he trailed off.
The VeloDrone smirked.
So what is it you are suggesting, my dear? he asked solicitously.
I am suggesting that we ask some women cycling philosophers to contribute to Velosophy. Imagine papa, it will be sure to at least double our circulation.
Why not, my dear, I wholeheartedly agree. After all was not my beloved friend Catherine the Great the very queen of philosophers? Although the idea of her riding a bicycle is somewhat unsustainable......
Oh good, papa, I'm so happy that you agree. And we shall be so busy, we will need some extra help. I have already asked an old acquaintance of ours to come in tomorrow and help.
Have you indeed? said The VeloDrone indulgently. And who might that be, may I ask?
It is Madam Denis, announced Belle et Bonne.
At the name of Madam Denis, The VeloDrone turned pale.
David, Papa, she said to them one evening, I think Velosophy has become rather dull lately. I think we ought to look at modernising.
Modernising! The Velodone looked surprised. But we are extremely modern. We publish online. We allow all sorts of nonsense in the name of philosophy. We promote bicycling. How could we be more modern?
Papa, said Belle et Bonne, I have been looking at our back copies, and do you know, they were all written by men!
The Velodrone shot a significant look at Le Bon David.
Well, my dear, said Le Bon David, not noticing the significant look, that is because all the best philosophers are men.
Uncle David! cried Belle et Bonne. You are so old fashioned!
Maybe so, said Le Bon David, but I am correct. And please, dear, don't call me Uncle David.
I will call you Uncle David, because you deserve it, said Belle et Bonne. And I shall call you Uncle David until you take back what you've just said.
Dear, dear, said Le Bon David, looking helplessly at The VeloDrone. I daresay there are some very fine women philosophers these days. It was just that in the old days, well, it wasn't the thing, for ladies...... he trailed off.
The VeloDrone smirked.
So what is it you are suggesting, my dear? he asked solicitously.
I am suggesting that we ask some women cycling philosophers to contribute to Velosophy. Imagine papa, it will be sure to at least double our circulation.
Why not, my dear, I wholeheartedly agree. After all was not my beloved friend Catherine the Great the very queen of philosophers? Although the idea of her riding a bicycle is somewhat unsustainable......
Oh good, papa, I'm so happy that you agree. And we shall be so busy, we will need some extra help. I have already asked an old acquaintance of ours to come in tomorrow and help.
Have you indeed? said The VeloDrone indulgently. And who might that be, may I ask?
It is Madam Denis, announced Belle et Bonne.
At the name of Madam Denis, The VeloDrone turned pale.
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