The Birds

Let me get this straight, said The Velodrone. Mephisto returned to Victor Harbor to rescue his friend.

That's right, said Sweezus.

Not quite in accordance with nihilism, said The VeloDrone.

It gets worse, said Sweezus. Turns out the friend doesn't need rescuing.

That's more like it, said The VeloDrone.

Is it? asked Sweezus.

It's more negative, said The VeloDrone.

Sweezus scowled.

Has anyone got any water? asked Le Bon David, catching up.

Here, said Sweezus. I've got a bit left.

I can't drink that, said Le Bon David. I only drink tap water. Carbon footprint, you know.

I'll finish it then, said Sweezus. And you can recycle the bottle.

I've got some water, said Belle et Bonne. Here you are, Uncle David.

Thank you my dear, said Le Bon David. I say, let's take a break.

They stopped under an olive tree.

So where will the story go now? asked The VeloDrone.

A fictional rescue, or whale-watching, said Sweezus. I haven't decided. What would you do?

As a philosopher, said The VeloDrone, I would advise you to stick to the truth.

Sweezus looked doubtful. He stood up.

I'm going for a walk, he said.

He wandered off into a field.

Moody chap, said Le Bon David.

There was a sound of angry birds squawking, and Sweezus came running back.

Freakin' BIRDS, said Sweezus. They swooped me!

Oh poor you, said Belle et Bonne. There's blood trickling all down your face.

Arrrghh! said Sweezus. I can't stand the sight of blood.

Lucky you can't see it then, said The VeloDrone.

Don't worry, Sweezie, said Belle et Bonne. I'll clean you up.

I hate birds, said Sweezus.

Suddenly he stood up, looking determined.

Right, he said. A rescue it is!

Loafing

The VeloDrone and Le Bon David were waiting outside.

Sweezus! said The VeloDrone. I thought you were in Victor Harbor already!

It's a long story, said Sweezus. I'm composing it now in my head. Unfortunately the plot keeps on changing.

Excellent, excellent, said the VeloDrone. You must tell us all about it on the way. I assume that you're coming?

Yes, said Sweezus. Mephisto returns to Victor Harbor! he added dramatically.

Mephisto? said Le Bon David, Who's he?

That's Sweezus, Uncle David, said Belle et Bonne. He's made up this wizard name for himself, in the story.

Hardly a wizard name, said Le Bon David. More like the devil! I'm surprised at you Sweezus!

I'm dabbling in nihilism, said Sweezus.

Then call yourself Nemo, said Le Bon David.

Nope, said Sweezus, that would be mega uncool.

They got on their bikes and rode down the hill from Mount Compass in the direction of Victor Harbor.

I'm looking forward to whale-watching, said The VeloDrone. I've not done it before. Does anyone know how it's done?

I know, said Belle et Bonne. I've been following Whale Watch. What you do is, you stand on a cliff and you look out to sea, and try to spot whales.

And then what? asked Le Bon David.

Simple, said Belle et Bonne. If you spot any whales, you try and identify them, then you log in to Whale Watch. You record where and when you saw them, and what they were doing. For example they might be loafing, or flipper-slapping, or blowing.

How do you know if they're loafing? asked Le Bon David.

That's just what I was going to ask, said The VeloDrone.

So was I, said Mephisto.

We'll have to ask Victor, said Belle et Bonne.

Revelation and Reconsideration

Sweezus stopped at Mount Compass for a bottle of spring water.

He reviewed his story so far. It had got away from him somehow. Mephisto had returned to Victor Harbor to rescue Nunghausen. Was that his own conscience telling him what to do?

Hmm, thought Sweezus. Maybe I'll....

Just then a young woman entered the cafe and walked up to him. It was Belle et Bonne!

Sweezus! she exclaimed. What are you doing here?

Escaping, said Sweezus. And reconsidering.

But haven't you heard? asked Belle et Bonne. There was no case to answer. And Gaius has gone whale watching with Victor the policeman. He phoned us to tell us the news.

Whoaa! said Sweezus. I'm escaping for nothing! Well, no, not for nothing. I'm writing this killer article in my head.

Oh Sweezus! that's wonderful, said Belle et Bonne. How's it going so far?

Gangbusters! said Sweezus. I've got names for my characters and everything. It's all about this escape, and the moral repercussions and philosophical implications. I call it the Nihilist Bicyclist.

Clever you, said Belle et Bonne. And what are the names of your characters?

Gaius is Nunghausen, and I'm called Mephisto, said Sweezus. Cool yeah?

Cool, said Belle et Bonne. But I wonder how Gaius will like being called Nunghausen. It makes him sound rather......German.

Does it? said Sweezus. It just popped into my head. I thought it sounded kind of intellectual.

Let's hope Gaius does, said Belle et Bonne. Now, are you wondering why I'm here?

No, said Sweezus. I assumed you'd come to look for me.

Not really, said Belle et Bonne. I'm with papa and Uncle David. We're going whale-watching with Gaius. Want to come back to Victor Harbor with us?

Alright, said Sweezus. I'll come if you're going. I'll think out the moral implications on the way.

Come on then, Mephisto, said Belle et Bonne. Let's get back on our bikes.

The Incompetent Policeman

Aren't you going after him? asked Gaius.

I don't think so, said Victor. I imagine he's innocent anyway.

You do, do you? said Gaius. And what about me?

You're probably guilty, said Victor. As the paper bag will no doubt prove.

It will prove just the opposite, said Gaius, hotly. Make sure you don't lose it.

I won't lose it, said Victor. I'm a policeman.

You're an incompetent policeman, said Gaius. First you let a suspect escape, then you say he was probably innocent. If I were to escape would you say the same about me? No doubt you would. No wonder I'm worried you'll lose the paper bag. Where is it, if you don't mind me asking?

It's here in my pocket, said Victor. At least it was. I'm sure it was. Now what can have happened to it?

You've lost it, said Gaius. I knew it. Next you'll say I'm free to go.

You are, said Victor. Now I've lost the evidence.

Nonsense, said Gaius. You still have to write a report. You are not just dealing with any old suspect you know. I am a citizen of ancient Rome. I know all about legalities.

Ancient Rome? said Victor, putting two and two together. Pliny? Don't tell me you are Gaius Plinius Secundus? Otherwise known as Pliny the Elder?

At last! said Gaius. A bit of recognition. Yes, I am he.

Well well, it's an honour Mr Pliny, said Victor. This explains the penguin pie very satisfactorily.

It does? said Gaius.

It does, said Victor. I assume you would have been used to eating such things in ancient Rome. My report will make that clear. You have no case to answer.

Thank you, said Pliny. Although your assumption is quite wrong. And now may I go?

You may, said Victor, unless.....would you like to stay on in Victor Harbor for a few days and come whale-watching with me?

I would, Victor, said Gaius. I would indeed.