Haysoos

The fish and chips were eaten and the plates were washed. Everyone was sitting around the table chatting. Mrs Hume had begun to warm to Sweezus.

You know, she said, I would be inclined to believe it, if you were Spanish.

Believe what? asked Sweezus, suppressing a burp of repletion.

You name being Jesus, said Mrs Hume. A lot of Spanish are called Jesus.

They are, but they pronounce it Haysoos, said Sweezus.

Do they really? said Mrs Hume. And do they pronounce Joseph Hoseph?

Hosay, I think, but I don't really know, said Sweezus, not being Spanish myself.

What a pity, said Mrs Hume. I like the Spanish. Except for that Alberto Contador.

We don't like him either, said Farky, butting in. He's our main rival in the Tour de France.

That's no reason for not liking him, said Le Bon David.

There you go, David, said Mrs Hume. Philosophising in that shallow Velosophy way.

Mother, said Le Bon David. I hadn't finished my argument.

Well, said The VeloDrone. It's been lovely, Mrs Hume, but we've all had a very long day, including, no doubt, yourself. I think it's time for us to be thinking of going.

Everyone stood up.

Well, thank you David dear, for picking me up and driving me home, said Mrs Hume. And good luck all of you in the Tour de France. Oh, and when you go out, would one of you mind turning my pot? The one in the corner with the tree? You look strong, she said, looking at Sweezus.

Alright, said Sweezus. No worries. Bye Mrs Hume!

Le Bon David grinned at The VeloDrone as they stepped out into the night.

That went pretty well, he said.

It did, agreed The VeloDrone.

The Competition

Oh Pliny! I said, surprised. You made a joke!

Yes, said Pliny, looking pleased with himself. I could not help myself.

Very funny, I said approvingly. By the way, did you know the Greeks thought Tuesday was unlucky, because the fall of Constantinople was on a Tuesday?

Yes, I did, said Pliny.

Don't you think that's a bit over the top? I asked.

It certainly is, he agreed. The Greeks are like that. The Spanish too. Did you know a Spaniard won't get married or begin a journey on a Tuesday?

Yes, I did know that, I said. We must have googled the same Tuesday.

Probably, said Pliny. Did you find anything different in Brewer's?

Brewer's isn't very good on Tuesday, I said. It just refers to Tiu, or Tiw, or Tyr, as the origin of the name, then suggests you look at Sunday.

Sunday? Is there a connection between Sunday and Tuesday.?

Only that it's a day of the week. I was quite disappointed in Brewer's.

Quite rightly. Its supposed to be 'a browser's delight'.

No Pliny, 'a browser's joy'. That's what it says on the back.

Oh yes, 'a browser's joy'. How could I forget? I used it in a competition recently.

What sort of competition?

It was a competition to win a packet of Fruchocs. You had to describe the taste of Fruchocs in three words. I just happened to be looking at the back of Brewer's Dictionary, where it says, 'A browser's joy!' and I thought, Here are three words! I shall adapt them and enter the competition!

And how did you adapt them, Pliny? And did you win?

My entry was: 'A sucker's joy'. And no, alas, I didn't.