Two and a Half Stars

It's your turn tonight, said the VeloDrone, bunny-hopping to a stop in front of his friend.

My turn for what? asked Le Bon David.

To go to a show and write the review, said the VeloDrone, grinning.

Why are you grinning like that? said Le Bon David sharply.

Because I'm glad that it's you and not me.

What is it? asked Le Bon David, shuffling through his handful of free tickets. Aha. "I've Been Watching You Australians - But Not in a Creepy Way." Good gracious! How will I know if it's funny?

You'll just have to watch the audience, David, but not in a creepy way.

Oh, it'll be fine, said Le Bon David. I can write a review with my eyes shut. Have you seen this review of our show, by the way?

He waved a newspaper in front of The VeloDrone's face. The VeloDrone grabbed it and began to read:

This somewhat eclectic show, performed by two of the most famous philosophers of the Enlightenment, seems to have been put together in a hurry. They attempt some very difficult tricks on their bicycles and occasionally topple over. This is a mixed blessing for the audience, who have as much trouble keeping up with the philosophical patter as they have keeping up with the bicycles. The impressions are the highlight of the show. David Hume's portly frame makes him an ideal Lou Costello and and even more believable Oliver Hardy. Voltaire needs to work harder on his Bud Abbott and Stan Laurel to overcome the fact that he looks nothing like either of them. Two and a half stars.

Two and a half stars! spluttered The VeloDrone. Outrageous! And they liked you better than me, simply because you are fat!

Steady on, my friend! said Le Bon David. They didn't like either of us very much. It seems we need to work harder on our act.

True, agreed The VeloDrone. We are philosophers, after all. We should take this with our usual equanimity. We must practice harder. I shall buy myself a Stan Laurel hat in order to look more like him.

Well said, smiled Le Bon David. And I shall earn us the money for the hat by writing the next review.