The Bell Jar

dear ageless, don't be creepy, mmmm i know what mmmm means and i do not like it you are not mmy boyfriend just mmy friend i know i said you were mmmy boyfriend but that was before you got all creepy ageless cut it out.

i was sad to hear you thought of jumping in the water because i was dead.

no really i was glad.

do you really think mmmy stories beautiful ? here's a sad one for you ageless . i read a book about a girl it was called the bell jar. the girl was clever but she was unhappy. she sat on the roof of a tall building in new york and threw her clothes out over the sleeping city one by one. all she had left then was a black evening dress which she was wearing on the roof. the next day she had to go back to the country. she borrowed a green skirt from a friend and had to wear it all the summmer long. immagine that ageless. it was funny but it was sad and it gets sadder do you like sad stories ageless?

ageless have you looked at any mmmmaps? the satellite mmaps? baby pierre says you should go into a library. i did not tell himmm that you called himm a smmarty pants and a clever clogs, his mmummmy pierre used to call him that. it is why he hates his mmummmy.

don't be jealous he is beautiful. his mmummmy looks like a mmouse with bulbous eyes but he looks like a precious angel. and guess what? you will like this ageless!! he has a special mmmarking on his head, the mmmark of lobster claws. you see you mmmust be mmmeant to be his daddy.

hurry up and get to a library ageless hurry. i hope you are not wasting timmmme mmmoooning by the water.

kissy kiss mmmy boyfriend NO not mmy boyfriend, but mmmaybe

yours

kobo clammm

Two and a Half Stars

It's your turn tonight, said the VeloDrone, bunny-hopping to a stop in front of his friend.

My turn for what? asked Le Bon David.

To go to a show and write the review, said the VeloDrone, grinning.

Why are you grinning like that? said Le Bon David sharply.

Because I'm glad that it's you and not me.

What is it? asked Le Bon David, shuffling through his handful of free tickets. Aha. "I've Been Watching You Australians - But Not in a Creepy Way." Good gracious! How will I know if it's funny?

You'll just have to watch the audience, David, but not in a creepy way.

Oh, it'll be fine, said Le Bon David. I can write a review with my eyes shut. Have you seen this review of our show, by the way?

He waved a newspaper in front of The VeloDrone's face. The VeloDrone grabbed it and began to read:

This somewhat eclectic show, performed by two of the most famous philosophers of the Enlightenment, seems to have been put together in a hurry. They attempt some very difficult tricks on their bicycles and occasionally topple over. This is a mixed blessing for the audience, who have as much trouble keeping up with the philosophical patter as they have keeping up with the bicycles. The impressions are the highlight of the show. David Hume's portly frame makes him an ideal Lou Costello and and even more believable Oliver Hardy. Voltaire needs to work harder on his Bud Abbott and Stan Laurel to overcome the fact that he looks nothing like either of them. Two and a half stars.

Two and a half stars! spluttered The VeloDrone. Outrageous! And they liked you better than me, simply because you are fat!

Steady on, my friend! said Le Bon David. They didn't like either of us very much. It seems we need to work harder on our act.

True, agreed The VeloDrone. We are philosophers, after all. We should take this with our usual equanimity. We must practice harder. I shall buy myself a Stan Laurel hat in order to look more like him.

Well said, smiled Le Bon David. And I shall earn us the money for the hat by writing the next review.