The Pelican In Her Piety

Arthur has been lucky. He has not been spotted by the store detective.

The store detective is in the ladies hosiery department, keeping a suspicious eye on David. Why is a gentleman of his age peering so intently at the little lacy socks?

Arthur likes the feeling of his new shorts. They rustle. That means they will dry quickly when his knees bleed.

He retrieves his bike. Wheels it down the footpath until he sees a phone shop. Enters the phone shop. Buys a smart phone. So what if he has spent one of his gold coins? The new Arthur knows that money is for spending. And anyway, there was plenty of change.

Now to head for London. He consults his smart phone for an app. Ah yes, here is a route for cycling from Edinburgh to London. First stop Brampton.

He stops to buy himself some snacks.

At last he is on his way to Brampton. It should take him about three days to get to London.

The orange shorts rustle rhythmically as he pedals down the road.

.........

Shush, shush, go the orange shorts.

It is getting dark in the  country. Arthur can see the moon.

What was that Rosie said about Sweezus? He tweets descriptions of the moon.

It strikes Arthur that now he has a smart phone he too can be a tweeter.

He stops under a roadside tree. He downloads the Twitter app. No, this is stupid. All he really wants to do is talk to someone. Someone who is smart enough to understand him but isn't quite as clever. Sweezus would be ideal, if he only had his number.

.......

Ring ring! The phone rings in the office of Velosophy.

Sweezus picks up the phone.

Man! says Sweezus. Pffft!  This phone is covered in DUST! Hello, this is Velosophy, can I help you?

It's me, says Arthur. Arthur. I've got a phone now.

Awesome, says Sweezus. Next time call my mobile. Where are you? In the city? Come on over. I could use some help.

I'm in Scotland, says Arthur. On my way to London.

Fuck, says Sweezus. I know someone who won't be happy.

Who? says Arthur.

Gaius, says Sweezus. He's here now. I'll put him on.

Arthur! says the voice of Gaius Plinius Secundus. Where are you now?

On my way to Brampton, says Arthur. On a bicycle.

Brampton in Cumbria? says Gaius. Goodness me! I thought you might be nearer. You are no use to me there. But wait, on the other hand, do you have a camera?

Yes, says Arthur. I've just bought myself a smart phone.

Excellent, says Gaius. You won't regret it. Now just do this for me will you, Arthur. When you get to Brampton, be sure and take a picture of the Pelican In Her Piety.

The phone crackles gently, and cuts out.