My Hovercraft Is Full Of Eels

It has not occurred to Gaius that Lavender will know about placoderms. But it makes perfect sense. After all the dear child is a fossil.

Lavender, I'm inclined to believe you, says Gaius, sipping his green tea. What has Margaret put in it? It's spicy.

Why? says Lavender.

Because you yourself are a fossil, says Gaius.

Wrong, says Lavender. I'm not a fossil. I'm a space in the shape of an auger. And I know the future.

But Lavender, says Margaret. The placoderm is not from the future.

Have we been to China to see it? says Lavender.

Not yet, says Margaret.

Ha ha, Margaret, says Gaius. Lavender's got you there.

Margaret doesn't think so. And she won't let Lavender wriggle out of a grilling.

Placoderms, says Margaret. What are they?

I went out with one, says Lavender. Millions of years ago.

Gaius is thrilled. For two reasons. Lavender will be a valuable addition to his entourage. And being tiny, she travels free.

..........

Arthur and Rosamunda Secunda are on the plane heading for Adelaide.

Arthur is eating a muffin.

Rosamunda is learning Chinese.

Qing man yong, says Rosamunda.

What does that mean? says Arthur. Qing man yong?

Please eat slowly, says Rosamunda.

When would you say it? says Arthur.

I don't know, says Rosamunda. I suppose I might say it to you.

Arthur stops chewing.

But I don't speak Chinese, says Arthur.

There's much less useful phrases than that one, says Rosamunda. Wo de qidianchuan zhuangman le shanyu. My hovercraft is full of eels.

It's not a hovercraft, says a flight attendant, in passing. It's a Boeing. And there are no eels. Is there anything else I can get you?

No thank you, says Rosamunda. I'm fine.

.............

It's endless night, on a long haul. Rosamunda can't sleep.

She pokes Arthur.

Are you happy I'm coming?

Yes, says Arthur. I am.

Why, says Rosamunda. Why are you?

Because you're dangerous, says Arthur.

Rosamunda had not thought she was dangerous.

Oh well, he can think what he likes.