Fast Track To China

Something is niggling Arthur. He gets out his smartphone, which he has not yet ditched, and calls Gaius.

Arthur! says Gaius. I hope you are not with that woman.

I never was, says Arthur. But what's this about China?

Wonderful news! says Gaius. Professor Zhu Min has invited me to visit his Institute in Qujing to examine his Entelognathus.

What is it? says Arthur. A blobfish?

No, no, says Gaius. The blobfish fell through. Far too deep.This is a new kettle of fish.

He pauses, for Arthur to laugh. Arthur doesn't.

Ha, ha, says Gaius. Kettle of fish!

I might think it was funnier, says Arthur, if I knew what it was.

My dear boy, says Gaius. I thought everyone knew what it was. It's in all the newspapers and all over the net. It's a placoderm...... (silence from Arthur)....more plainly, a missing link between ancient placoderms and modern bony fishes....

Ha! says Arthur. Kettles, newspapers, nets, your wit kills me.

Dear boy, says Gaius. How well you understand me. If only you were not in the Wolds. I would take you to China.

You couldn't afford it, says Arthur.

The Chinese are paying. says Gaius. I may bring two companions. At least one must speak Mandarin. Thus I am forced to take Margaret......

And who else? says Arthur.

But Gaius has faded away.

.................

Where are we going? says Rosie.

To the station, says Arthur.

They race to the station. There are crowds of people on the platform with placards.

A train passes through at top speed. Only two carriages and already full.

The people are angry.

.........

Arthur and Rosie are at the racecourse. No point wasting free tickets.

 They are eating Homemade pie, Potato and Peas, and drinking a pint and a Pimm's.

A long red varnished fingernail pokes Arthur.

It is Ann!

I knew I'd find you here, says Ann Cox. There's been a mix up. Here's your gold coin. Do you have my Half Peny?

How lucky is that? And how logical.

........

Next morning, Arthur and Rosie are on the train heading to London.

We'll miss Kirton and Saint Ives, says Rosie.

Good, says Arthur. At least we won't miss China.

We? says Rosie.

I, says Arthur. You don't have a passport.

I do have a passport, says Rosie.