Shoving Your Arm In A Cow

All these towns look alike, says Arthur, as they roll into Thirsk.

Nice though, says Rosie. Cottages, river banks, old market squares......

Arthur dismounts and starts kicking a stone.

You picked it, says Rosie. The route. I suppose it was meant to be scenic.

What's there to do here? says Arthur. A vet museum?

Oh yes, says Rosie. Let's go there.

They find the Herriot Museum. It's not difficult. It's just down the road and turn right. The house with the blue plaque on the outside. Famous.

They go inside.

It's like going back in time. There are medicine bottles on shelves and old plumbing and armchairs with antimacassars.

A cow with a hole in its backside. Rosie puts her arm in.

Take a photo, Arthur, says Rosie.

No, says Arthur. That's the worst thing I've seen.

Put your arm in then, says Rosie.

Arthur glowers and sits down in the armchair.

Get up, says the manager. You can't sit there. It's part of the film set.

Arthur gets up, walks over to a row of bottles, picks up a bottle, takes the cork out, sniffs it.

The manager, who is burly, takes the cork from Arthur's hand and shoves it back into the bottle which Arthur then drops on the linoleum, where it shatters.

That's it, young man, says the manager. I'm afraid I must ask you to leave.

We're going, says Rosie. She pulls Arthur outside.

Outside the museum she turns on Arthur.

Why am I here? says Rosie.

Spying on me, says Arthur.

I thought you liked me, says Rosie.  You don't like me. You don't like anyone. Except maybe that... Gaius. So what is it about him?

Arthur thinks. It's true. He does like Gaius.

He thinks I'm reliable, says Arthur. No one else does.

Because you're not, says Rosie. Anyway, I'm leaving. Going home. Either that or....

What?  says Arthur.

I don't know, says Rosie. I could pretend I was Gaius.

Arthur laughs.

You laughed! says Rosie. You don't think I could. He's a natural historian, right.

He's a Roman, says Arthur. An old guy. A one off. Go on then. Pretend that you're him.

Right, says Rosie. She turns around and walks back to the Herriot Museum. Goes inside.

And doesn't come out for two hours.