Sexual Cannibalism

The redback spider looks over the shoulder of Baby Pierre.

Or under his elbow. It's difficult to tell.

She is impressed with his artistic ability. Yes, the scribbles on the sea. He has nailed them exactly.

She sniffs him.

Mm, a male. Pity she's already eaten.

Baby Pierre feels something prickling. He turns around. Ach!

Cool it, says the spider. I've just eaten. You're safe for the moment.

I'm safe for ever, says Baby Pierre.

And arrogant, says the redback spider. But that is because you're an artist. Will you sketch me?

No, says Baby Pierre. My pencil is green.

You can label my red parts, says the spider. She lies down on her back in the grass and starts waving her legs.

It's disgusting.

It's about to get worse.

Burp! goes the spider. Ooh pardon! That tasted of Eric.

Who's Eric? asks Baby Pierre.

The little fool who just somersaulted onto my mouth parts, says the spider. He landed with his abdomen, and I swallowed the sperm from his palps. A long drawn out encounter, quite stimulating for me, and while he was doing the business I slowly consumed him.....How's the sketch coming along?

It's been coming along quite well considering that Baby Pierre only has a green pencil.

If you don't mind me asking, says Baby Pierre, what's in it for Eric?

Perhaps he would have got a straight answer, perhaps he would not, but he gets no answer.

Squelch! Margaret has stepped on the spider.

Nasty thing, says Margaret. Venomous. To think it was so close to my bottom all that time we were riding. Oh Baby Pierre, I'm so sorry! Were you drawing  the spider?

Yes, says Baby Pierre.

Never mind, says Margaret It looks like you'd pretty well finished.

What's happening? says Gaius.

I was asking the spider a question, says Baby Pierre.

Gaius will know the answer, says Margaret. Ask him.

The spider's just eaten her boyfriend, says Baby Pierre. Right while they were doing it. The question is, what's in it for him?

Ah, says Professor Xu Xing, who has been listening. Good question.

Yes, says Gaius. It is a good question, but the answer is unsuitable for ladies. I shall answer it later. Right now we must be going.

Leaving the redback spider smeared on the grass, they pick up their bicycles and head off in the direction of the Blanche Point Formation.

Poor spider, says Baby Pierre, as they are leaving. Her life is over.

It's not so bad, says Professor Xu Xing. After your death you will be what you were before your birth.

You mean, nothing? says Margaret.

I don't know what made me say that, when I specialise in fossils, says Professor Xu Xing.

It's Schopenhauer's bike, says Gaius. It seems to be haunted.

Shall we swap bikes? asks Professor Xu Xing. Test your theory?

All right, says Gaius, as long as you keep dinkying Margaret.

Margaret can't help thinking that dinkying sounds distinctly sexual.

Which isn't entirely a bad thing.