You Will Doubt Your Perceptions

Sweezus and Arthur have good intentions.

They will cycle out to Willunga, and ride up Willy Hill.

But for now they are in Norwood, drinking espressos at Cibo's.

To get in the mood.

Roland from the Bike Shop is sitting at a nearby table.

Guys! says Roland. Got something for you.

Yeah? says Sweezus. Can it wait? We're out training.

It's not big, says Roland. You could stick it in your rear pocket. And it's heaps light.

Did we order something? asks Sweezus.

No, says Arthur. Maybe it's a freebie.

It's not for you guys, says Roland. It's for the little dudes. Team Claw.

Okay, says Sweezus. Let's see it.

Roland takes a miniscule paint tube out of his pocket.

Man, that looks weird, says Sweezus. Where's the middle?

Arthur pokes the middle of the tube with his finger.

It's there.

Cool, yeah? says Roland. This is Vantablack coating.

Really cool, says Sweezus. How's it work?

It makes you doubt your perceptions, says Roland. Solid 3D objects suddenly look like flat voids.

Like holes in the space continuum, says Arthur.

You got it, says Roland. Imagine.

Sweezus and Arthur imagine black holes in the Tour de France continuum.

An advantage.

Can you get more? asks Sweezus.

No way, says Roland. It costs a motza. But the good thing is, it's 99 percent air, so it goes a long way.

Who's paying? asks Arthur.

Their manager, Ageless, says Roland. Here's the invoice.

He hands Arthur an invoice.

Arthur shoves the invoice into his rear pocket.

Sweezus takes possession of the tube.

........

An hour later, Sweezus and Arthur are cycling the Coast to Vines trail, in the bright winter sunshine.

They are discussing the seven types of ambiguity, to pass the time.

Sweezus: It's kind of nuts. There must be a shitload more than seven.

Arthur: See what you said there?

Sweezus: No, what?

Arthur: An example of number six.

Sweezus: Which is?

Arthur: When a statement says nothing, and the readers are forced to invent their own statement.

Sweezus: What did I say?

Arthur: That it was nuts.

Sweezus: And what did you invent that to mean?

Arthur: That it was snack time.

Sweezus: You're pretty good at this. You should've written that novel.

Arthur: About the barbecue?

Sweezus: That unending fucking barbecue.

Arthur: Never wanted to write a novel

Sweezus: Me either. Want to win at least one Tour de France stage, though.

Arthur: This could be the year, now we've got the secret weapon.

Sweezus: You mean, Gaius?

Arthur: No, I don't mean Gaius. I mean the black hole flat void paint.

Sweezus: Yeah, but it's Team Claw's paint.

Arthur mutters something ambiguous.

Sweezus fails to enquire what it is.