Status Quo Unravels

Griff knocks on Gaius's front door.

Arthur opens. A blast of warm air issues out.

Keeping it nice and hot are you? says Griff.

Yes, says Arthur. Come in. How was Barbados?

Fine, says Griff. I'm not staying. I'm just dropping these miscreants off, and delivering a message.

Come in, says Arthur. Because I'm closing the door.

Griff enters, and follows Arthur down the long passage, to the kitchen.

Hey, says Sweezus, who is sitting at the table, reading a paperback novel.

This is Griff, says Arthur. He's got a message.

The message can wait, says Griff. First of all, these two.

He opens his back pack, and Nose and Third Sister jump out.

Phew! says Nose.

Phew! says Third Sister.

Holy shit! says Sweezus. How'd you get them through customs?

We pretended! says Nose.

We pretended, says Third Sister.

You guys twins? asks Sweezus.

Yes, says Third Sister.

No, says Nose.

I love her, says Third Sister. I want to be her.

See what I mean? says Griff.

About what? says Arthur.

Miscreants, says Griff. It's not natural.

Gaius said they were coming, says Arthur. Did he say what to do with them?

No, he didn't, says Griff.

So what's the message? asks Arthur.

Kobo has the message, says Griff. Where is Kobo?

He rummages down low in his back pack.

Lifts out Kobo, who has been dreaming of invisible wheels.

Ah! says Kobo. Hello Arthur, hello Sweezus. Shouldn't you be out training?

Yeah, says Sweezus. I'm just finishing this Liane Moriarty.

Which one is it? asks Kobo.

Truly Madly Guilty, says Sweezus.

Any good? asks Kobo.

Page turner, says Sweezus, turning a page.

Where's Baby Pierre? asks Kobo. I've got a message for him, from Ageless.

Here! squeaks Baby Pierre. I mean, here, he says slightly more deeply.

Ageless says get some Vantablack coating, says Kobo.

I already told him that, says Arthur. But no one knows what it is. What is it?

Yes, what is it? asks Baby Pierre.

For the bike wheels, says Kobo. It makes them invisible. And where is Ouvert?

Weee! Here! says Ouvert.

Who are you? he says, seeing Nose and Third Sister sitting very close together.

Pirates, says Third Sister. Why have you got two mouths?

One for eating and one for talking and one for blowing gas out , says Ouvert.

That's three, says Third Sister.

The third one's at the back, says Ouvert. It's an anus. Why has she got pirate pantaloons and you haven't?

I'm getting some, says Third Sister.

Why don't you get bike knicks? asks Ouvert. You could wear them. She couldn't. She's got a big bottom.

Order! says Griff. That's enough! I'm leaving. But before I go, a word to the wise:

You boys, turn the heating off. Sweezus, put that book down. Get your bikes out and start training. You others, sort yourselves out. Find out what Vantablack is and buy some. Nose, check hills bus time tables, and get yourself back to where you came from. Third Sister, bike knicks!

What about us? says Ouvert.

Let her join your team. says Griff. It will do her good to be independent of Nose.

It's MY team, says Baby Pierre. And she hasn't got legs.

I'm flexible, says Third Sister.

She performs a flexible movement.

The status quo as we know it begins to unravel........