What Happens Next Is Irrelevant

Gaius is informed of the death of Alexander-Curly.

Terence gives him the news.

Guess what? says Terence.

Just tell me! says Gaius, now on his third paper cup of rosé.

OKAY! says Terence.

Gaius waits.

Remember Alexander-Curly? says Terence.

Of course I do. You stepped on him, as you did Alexander-Times-Roman, says Gaius.

Who? says Terence.

He has forgotten he stepped on Alexander-Times Roman.

Never mind, says Gaius. What about Curly? I imagine he died.

YES! says Terence. He's dead in the salad bowl.

This calls for action, says Gaius. And a decision.

He goes over to Kierkegaard, who is eating a prawn summer roll, next to Lauren

Our low-dose crab has died, says Gaius. That leaves the mid-dose crab, and the control crab.

Two crabs, says Kierkegaard. I see the problem.

Tell me how you see it, says Gaius.

As I see it, says Kierkegaard, whatever happens next is irrelevant.

That's not how I see it, says Gaius. Finish your prawn roll and we'll talk further.

Very well, says Kierkegaard. But I have a board rash which needs seeing to.

He does, says Lauren. And I'll see to it.

All right, says Gaius. Meanwhile, I'll dispose of the crab.

He goes to the salad bowl in which the dead Curly is lying.

Picks him up, throws him into the sea.

Dead Curly floats lopsidedly, washing in and out with the wavelets.

He does not go away.

Sweezus and Arthur are looking out to sea. Should they go surfing?

Don't even think about it, says Belle.

Have a Monte Carlo, says Marie.

She hands them around.

Lauren has put down the knucklebones, to take a Monte Carlo.

Alexander-Red-Hook sidles over.

She is sure she could juggle.

She picks up two knucklebones. Then three.

.......

A policeman approaches. It's Victor.

What's this? asks Victor. A gathering?

No, says Lauren. Legitimate exercise.

Yes, says Belle. We've just had a potato race.

Then where are the potatoes? asks Victor.

We've eaten them, says Marie.

What's in the paper cups? asks Victor.

Nothing, says Arthur.

This is true, at the moment.

Victor is mollified...

UNTIL!

He spots Alexander-Curly floating in the shallows, dead, cracked and declawed.

Evidence!

He takes out his notebook and pen.