Awake And Wet

Vello returns to the stage and addresses the audience:

At the inn, our heroes dine on soup, boiled vulture, roast monkeys, and luscious pastries...

Boo! shouts an audience member.

You must remember, says Vello, this is about different days. 

Yes shut up, says the person sitting beside the person who expressed disapproval. It's about different days.

Thank you, says Vello. To continue. Our heroes try to pay for their meal with two gold nuggets, but are laughed at. The innkeeper directs them to the home of an old man who is well qualified to tell them about Eldorado.

Vello holds up a sign.

SCENE 2: The old man's house.

He goes off.

There is a sound of loud knocking.

Gaius, in his old man suit, enters and mimes opening a door.

Candide and Cacambo enter.

Welcome, strangers, says Gaius. 

The innkeeper sent us, says Candide. He said you would answer our questions about this strange country.

Come, sit on my couch stuffed with hummingbird feathers, says Gaius.

Boo! shouts the person in the audience who doesn't understand these are different days.

May I offer you liqueurs? Excuse the humble diamond glasses, says Gaius.

Candide and Cacambo accept the imaginary diamond glasses.

I am one hundred and seventy two years old, says Gaius. Ask me anything.

Tell us about your form of government, your local customs, behaviour towards women, public ceremonies and the arts, says Cacambo.

And your religion, adds Candide. I've always had an interest in metaphysics.

Gaius embarks on his long old man speech about the sensible cutoms of Eldorado.

The audience looks interested at first, but their eyes soon glaze over. 

From the sidelines, Belle has noticed.

She asks Hedley's mother where the squirt bottles are.

In my bag, whispers Hedley's mother.

We need them, whispers Belle.

Hedley's mother takes the two squirt bottles out of her bag. 

Thanks, says Belle. Where are Terence and Hedley?

Getting into their sheep shorts, whispers Hedley's mother.

Already? says Belle.

She goes back stage to find them.

Boys, run out into the audience and squirt them! But don't wet anyone too much.

Yay! says Terence, grabbing a bottle.

Yay! says Hedley.

They run out in their sheep shorts, squirting.

Arrgh! cry the audience members who were dozing.

Ahh! sigh some others, who were hot.

Why are you wearing red shorts now? asks someone who has noticed.

Because we're going to be sheep next, says Terence.

Great! Sheep next! says the person.

Everyone is awake now. And wet. Thanks to Belle's intervention.