No End To Our Wishes

Pierre-Louis's audience has grown to the size of Candide's, plus two.

Hedley's mother's second friend is on the bicycle, trying to order her thoughts.

What's this show about? asks a new audience member, loudly.

And when does it finish? asks another.

This show is about how I became what I am, says Pierre-Louis. But I've done that part. We're now in the last stage, where audience members try out Schopenhauer's bike.

What for? asks the new audience member.

Wise thoughts, says Pierre-Louis. I suggest you stop asking questions and listen.

Otherwise it'll never finish, says someone. And we won't get our seeds.

We shouldn't have to sit here, says another new audience member. We should just be given them.

The second friend of Hedley's mother is ready.

Attention! says she.

Each satisfaction lays the seeds of some new desire, so that there is no end to our wishes, she continues.

What did she say about seeds? whispers Hedley's mother.

Just what Schopenhauer said, whispers Belle. 

What a wonderful bicycle! whispers Hedley's mother. It should be in a museum.

Gaius keeps it in his garden shed, whispers Belle.

Unbelievable, whispers Hedley's mother. I hope he locks it.

He doesn't need to, whispers Belle. It's full of redback spiders.

Ugh! says Hedley's mother.

Anyone else? asks Pierre-Louis 

He looks around at the audience.

A few hands go up.

Pierre-Louis chooses an elderly person. 

Too late, Pierre-Louis realises it's Gaius, in his old man costume.

Gaius gets on the bike.

He pretends to be waiting for inspiration to arise from below.

A long pause.

Please remain in your seats, says Gaius, and you will each be given two free seeds. One will be a dried bean and the other will be a nasturtium. Plant them wisely.

The audience claps.

Dart Blaster guy comes forward with the box of seeds and walks along the front row. 

The friends of Hedley's mother take two seeds each. So does Hedley's mother.

Dart Blaster guy goes up and down the remaining rows until the seed box is empty.

Most of the audience have now drifted away.

Thanks a lot, Gaius, says Pierre-Louis. My show wasn't finished.

The bicycle was exhausted, says Gaius. 

How do you know? asks Pierre-Louis.

Nothing came to me when I sat on it, says Gaius. I did you a favour.

Fascinating show, says Hedley's mother. Never seen anything like it. Neither has Hedley.

Thanks for coming, says Pierre-Louis.

Bye, Terence, says Hedley.

Bye, Hedley, says Terence. 

Can I keep my red sheep shorts? asks Hedley.

Of course you can, Hedley, says Belle. But wear them the right way round in future.

Don't worry, he will, says Hedley's mother.

They leave. It's been a late night for Hedley

That went well, says Vello. Now to debrief at the bar.

He and Gaius, Belle and Terence head for the bar.

Pierre-Louis follows, wheeling the exhausted bicycle.

Dart Blaster guy throws the empty seed box back into the Dart Blaster arena.

And padlocks the gate.