Perfect Off-Getting

What to do? thinks Pierre-Louis. Why did I choose Terence? I really wanted Belle. She'd have come up with some wisdom.

His audience is becoming restive.

The friends of Hedley's mother are reaching under their seats for their things.

Attention! says Pierre-Louis. Can't you see how I'm suffering?

The audience quietens.

The suffering ends here, says Pierre-Louis. Terence, get off my bike.

Can't, says Terence. I only have perfect balance, not perfect off-getting.

Pierre-Louis lifts Terence off.

Thank you, Terence, says Pierre-Louis. A round of applause, please, for Terence.

A short round of applause.

Pierre-Louis gets back on his bike, keeping both feet on the stage.

He hopes inspiration will come from below.

Take that damn wig off! It's demeaning! comes an instruction.

From below!

Schopenhauer's spirit!

Pierre-Louis sweeps off his white wig, and throws it into the audience. 

Hedley catches it, but does not put it on.

His mother wouldn't like it.

She would say it could contain head lice.

Hedley pats it, like a guinea pig, or a poodle.

Let me explain, says Pierre-Louis, how my Principle of Least Action is related to stillness, as a means of relieving the world's suffering.

The audience perks up.

And how this bicycle is concentrating my thoughts, say Pierre-Louis.

That's like what happened to me, says Terence loudly.

Can we all have a turn? asks one of the friends of Hedley's mother.

Later, says Pierre-Louis. After I have explained that there is only one human error, which is that we exist in order to be happy.

Who doesn't know that? says Dart Blaster guy. 

All of you, says Pierre-Louis. 

Belle sees that Pierre-Louis is heading straight for more trouble.

What a pity, he had almost recovered.

May I have the first turn? asks Belle.

She steps up onto the stage.

She is still wearing her court lady outfit.

A voluminous skirt.

Pierre-Louis dismounts. Belle lifts her skirt up in order to get her leg over,

The bicycle makes an unbicycle-like sound.