All Are Wrong

 I don't get your stupid lesson, says Alfonse.

Everyone else does, says Terence.

After you eat something, wash something, says Claudine. It makes sense to me.

It sounds like a Zen Buddhist koan, says Louisa.

Funny that a fur seal would know it, says Perrot.

We get a lot of tourists on KI, says Louisa.

Monks? says Perrot.

Not many, says Louisa. But anyway, even I know a few koans.

Would you like a peanut butter sandwich? asks Perrot. You must be hungry. 

I'd love one, says Louisa.

Go back with Claudine to the car, says Perrot. She'll make it.

Thanks, says Louisa.

She goes off with Claudine.

Perrot sits with Alfonse and Terence, beside the rock pool, waiting for them to come back.

Second Wrongly surfaces.

Okay? asks Second Wrongly.

Yes, says Terence. Now I'm waiting for a sandwich.

I don't do sandwiches, says Second Wrongly.

But you do stupid lessons, says Alfonse. Why would a fur seal tell anyone to wash something?

Such as a bowl? asks Second Wrongly.

Or their hands, if they hadn't used a bowl because they were having a sandwich, says Alfonse.

Did Terence come up with that? asks Second Wrongly.

Yes, says Alfonse.

Well done, Terence, says Second Wrongly. You are ready for the next lesson.

We all are, says Perrot.

You? says Second Wrongly. Have you understood the first one?

Yes, says Perrot. It's a Zen Buddhist koan as I understand it.

Good, says Second Wrongly. Now imagine a flag blowing in the wind. What is moving?

The flag is moving, says Alfonse.

The wind is moving, says Perrot.

It's your mind that is moving, says Louisa, returning with Claudine and a sandwich.

She remembers this answer.

When the mouth opens, all are wrong, says Second Wrongly.

He dives back into the rock pool.

All are wrong! Excellent! 

Terence wishes he'd said it.

Too Late Now

Perrot peers into the rock pool.

It's okay. He's coming up, says Perrot.

Terence's face breaks the surface.

Perrot grabs his hand.

Louisa grabs the other, and Terence is rescued.

Thank you, says Terence. What took you so long?

The fur seal dived in after you, says Louisa. We decided to wait, and see what happened.

And what happened? asks Terence.

He brought you up, says Louisa. But he took his time about it.

He wanted to teach me a lesson, says Terence. I had to stay down till I learned it.

What was it? asks Louisa.

Have you eaten your breakfast? asks Terence.

No, says Louisa. Remember we stayed in the park overnight? And we finished the oranges? And Arthur scoffed all the chocolate.

Isn't that forbidden? asks Perrot.

It was Arthur, says Louisa. We didn't mind.

I mean staying overnight in the park? says Perrot. It's not allowed until they fix the amenities.

We had special permission, says Louisa. 

Aren't you hungry? asks Claudine. Dad, have we got any snacks in the car?

HEY! says Terence. Remember my lesson?

Yes, says Louisa. You asked have I eaten my breakfast. And I haven't.

Not you, says Terence. Alfonse. Have you?

Yes, says Alfonse. I had a peanut butter sandwich.

In a bowl? asks Terence.

No, says Alfonse. Who has a sandwich in a bowl?

What then? asks Terence.

In my hands, says Alfonse.

Then wash your hands, says Terence. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Too late now, says Alfonse. 

What's this lesson? asks Perrot. 

Wrongly taught me, says Terence. He and me are natural teachers. It's a lesson. But it should be a bowl.

Everyone (except Alfonse) acts as though they have understood the lesson.

It should be a bowl.

Wash Your Bowl

Why do I deserve to stay down here longer? asks Terence.

Karma, says Second Wrongly. What goes around comes around.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

Like a whirlpool, says Second Wrongly.

The water's going in and out, says Terence. 

Maybe that was a bad image, says Second Wrongly.

Give me a good one, says Terence.

You insulted my friend Wrongly, says Second Wrongly. You said he'd sink. Then you sank. That's Karma.

Who are you? asks Terence.

Wrongly, says Second Wrongly. I'm the one that you waved at.

And, says Terence, you're the one who said I had to stay down here longer.

That's me, says Second Wrongly.

So you decide Karma, says Terence.

Of course not, says Second Wrongly. I get your point though.

What is it? asks Terence. 

You've been punished, says Second Wrongly. Who am I to prolong it?

That's good, says Terence. Did I think of it?

Yes, says Second Wrongly. It seems you're a natural teacher.

Ha ha, laughs Terence.

Water goes up his nose.

I like to think of myself as a natural teacher, says Second Wrongly.

Go on then, says Terence. 

Have you eaten breakfast? asks Second Wrongly.

No, says Terence. I just like red drinks.

You have ruined my lesson, says Second Wrongly.

Okay, yes, says Terence. I've eaten a Spew Ball.

Was it in a bowl? asks Second Wrongly.

No, says Terence. A crinkly packet.

You can't wash a crinkly packet, says Second Wrongly. Say it WAS in a bowl.

It WAS in a bowl, says Terence.

This is going well now. 

Then you should wash your bowl! says Second Wrongly. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Yes, says Terence. Wash my bowl. Spew Balls are sticky.

Second Wrongly's enigmatic teaching riddle has succeeded.

Terence has achieved understanding.

Two Watery Faces

Terence lies at the bottom of the rock pool, facing upwards.

He sees the watery face of Claudine, with a frowning expression.

It vanishes. 

He sees the watery face of Alfonse, grinning. 

Then it too goes.

Terence supposes that they will tell Louisa and Perrot, and one of them will reach in and pull him to the surface. 

He'll be rescued!

Time ticks by. It's slow in the water.

Sea water gurgles in and out of the rock pool.

Maybe the tide will go out. Then he'll stand up and climb out of the rock pool.

Like that time when he fell into Lake Geneva, off Oscar's bike.

And Oscar ( his blood brother) swam to the surface, but Terence couldn't.

And he had to wait at the bottom.

And who should come by but a Wall-eye, which was a fish that lived in Lake Geneva.

And it showed him the ladder.

And then asked more Wall-eyes to help Terence get to the ladder.

And Terence climbed up it.

And there was Oscar. With some Chinese tourists.

Who took him to the Palais de Nations, which was where Vello and David found him, being looked after, and dried.

That was a good sort of rescue.

But what about now?

No ladder. No Wall-eye. No Louisa. No Perrot. He might lie here forever, turning into a coral.

His little chin trembles.

But guess what? Wrongly has seen him fall in.

Not the first Wrongly, the second Wrongly, the one that he waved at.

The second Wrongly plops into the water.

Glides down gracefully.

Shoves a furry face right up against the little cement face of Terence.

Yay! Beam me up, says Terence.

You deserve to stay down a bit longer, says the second Wrongly.

Graceful Sink

 Alfonse hears his dad's voice, and Louisa's. 

They are standing under Admiral's Arch, admiring the stalactites.

Great stalactites, says Perrot.

This would have been a cave once, says Louisa.

No kidding! Yes, I guess it wasn't always an archway, says Perrot. 

Alfonse makes his way up from the rocks.

Terence talked to a fur seal! says Alfonse.

I hope he was polite, says Louisa.

All the fur seals are named Wrongly, says Alfonse.

Ha ha! laughs his father. Who says so?

They do, says Alfonse.

Actually, says Louisa, they have been named wrongly.

As in, wrongly? asks Perrot.

Yes, says Louisa. They're called New Zealand fur seals, even though they're native to Australia.

Blow me! says Perrot. So they're not New Zealand fur seals. How'd that happen?

Don't know, says Louisa. Maybe they look like their New Zealand cousins. But they're now called long-nosed fur seals.

I bet they don't know, says Alfonse.

He runs back to tell his sister, and Terence and Wrongly. 

What? says Terence.

They're called Long-Nose fur seals, says Alfonse.

Not so fast! says Wrongly. We've had that debate. We prefer the name Wrongly.

Why's that? asks Claudine. 

We object to Long-Nose, which is put-downish, says Wrongly. Whereas Wrongly reminds us every day of the ignoramus who named us.

Is Long-Nose put-downish? asks Claudine.

Only a short-nose would ask that, says Wrongly.

Ha ha, short-nose! says Alfonse to his sister.

Why not each have your own name? asks Claudine.

Like Fatso, says Terence. Or Slug.

Such names are highly offensive, says Wrongly. We may looks ungainly to you, but we're graceful in the water. You should watch us.

As you gracefully SINK to the bottom, says Terence.

This is not a good thing to say to a fur seal.

Wrongly shuffles to a nearby rock pool and plops in.  

Terence follows him to the rock pool.

Wrongly has disappeared, having exited to the ocean.

Terence leans over, too far, and falls in.

He gracefully sinks to the bottom.

Wrongly Named Wrongly

They are now on the boardwalk, where there are views.

Wonderful view, says Perrot to Louisa.

Yes, says Louisa. 

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Not yet, says Louisa. It's a natural rock arch. You can't miss it.

Terence starts running.

Alfonse follows.

Go with them, Claudine, says Perrot.

Okay dad, says Claudine. 

She races off after Terence, and her brother. 

She soon catches up. 

What's the big hurry? asks Claudine. It's not like a natural rock arch is going anywhere.

We want to see fur seals! says Terence. 

And whales, says Alfonse. 

Whales! You'll be lucky, says Claudine. 

They arrive at Admiral's Arch. It's true, you can't miss it.

The floor is smooth rock. Above, spiky stalactites frame the view, which is the sea and horizon.

No fur seals are visible.

Keep quiet and still, says Claudine.

Soon enough, a fur seal becomes visible.

And another, and another, enjoying the sun.

Terence heads down through the arch to the rocks.

He approaches a fur seal.

Have you seen me before? asks Terence.

The fur seal looks suspicious.

You haven't, says Terence. 

Silence from the fur seal.

I used to live on a palace, says Terence. There were all kinds of animals, but no fur seals. Now I know why.

The fur seal is intrigued now.

Why?

Your shape's way too easy, says Terence.  

Who ARE you? asks the fur seal.

Terence, says Terence. What's your name?

Wrongly, says the fur seal.

Wrongly, says Terence. That's a really weird name.

I was named Wrongly, says the fur seal. We all were.

You all have the same name? says Terence. 

He waves at a second Wrongly, nearby. Hey Wrongly!

The second Wrongly waves back at Terence, before flopping to a different position.

So it's true! All the fur seals are named Wrongly.

Alfonse and Claudine arrive.

Guess what! says Terence. They're all named Wrongly!

Alfonse believes him.

Claudine thinks there might be more to it.

Unforeseen

A lobster emerges from the door of the light house.

Another sea captain perhaps.

A lobster! says Perrot. What's it doing here?

It probably lives here, dad, says Claudine.

I bet it's a friend of Captain Baudin, says Louisa. Sea captains tend to know one another.

Correct! says the lobster. I am the best friend of Captain Baudin. Do you know him?

We left our baby-glossy with him, to learn English, says Louisa.

It won't be pure English, says the lobster. But never mind. What it learns will be colourful.

So you're a sea captain? says Perrot.

I am Charles Louis, Chevalier du Couedic de Kergoualer, says the lobster.

You're named after the lighthouse! says Alfonse.

You are young, so I won't take offence, says Charles Louis. The lighthouse is named for the cape it stands on, which is named after me.

That's cool, says Louisa. We've just been learning about the history of the lighthouse.

From the two knowledgeable Ears. I know, says Charles Louis. I too was listening.

The Ears turn bright red.

I have come out of the lighthouse to make them an offer, says Charles Louis.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

Wait, says Louisa. He'll tell us.

Perhaps the Ears would like to stay and assist me as tour guides, says Charles Louis. It's a fine life, out here. And no tourists are allowed in the lighthouse. We'd have it all to ourselves.

A fine life! The Ears look excited. 

The Ears belong to Alfonse and Terence, says Louisa. So it's their decision.

Do you want to? asks Terence.

Terence's Ear looks at Alfonse's Ear. 

Alfonse's Ear nods, then looks hesitant.

What? says Terence's Ear.

All those steps, says Alfonse's Ear.

They can't do steps, says Terence. Do you have a flying fox with a basket?

No I don't, says Charles Louis. But I'll take the upstairs and the Ears can remain on the ground floor, if they prefer it.

So there is no obstacle.

The Ears agree to be tour guides at the lighthouse. 

We'd best be off, says Perrot. Come on kids.

Do have a look at Admiral's Arch before leaving, says Charles Louis. It's at the end of the point that the lighthouse is on. There's a boardwalk around the cliff face. With any luck you'll see fur seals at play on the rocks.

Great! says Claudine.

Can we? asks Alfonse.

Okay, says Perrot. 

Can we go? asks Terence. 

Okay, says Louisa. I always love to see fur seals.

Me too, says Terence (who has never seen fur seals before).