Annoyed With Himself

Terence is in the lead, with the torch.

Hold it steady, says Ageless.

Can't, says Terence. Unless I stop moving.

He stops. 

Why are you stopping? asks Ageless.

There's a window, says Terence.

He shines the torch at the window.

This is the second window, says Ageless. Three more to go to the top.

Okay, says Terence.

He keeps climbing.

Ageless follows.

The torchlight flickers on the curved walls. 

The circumference shortens.

Third window, says Ageless.

This is a very tall lighthouse, says Terence.

So sailors can see it, says Ageless.

From the sea, says Terence.

Yes, from the sea, says Ageless. 

Can the cuttlefish see it? asks Terence.

If they bother to look up, says Ageless.

Why would the sailors look up and not the cuttlefish? asks Terence.

Fourth window.

Think about it, says Ageless.

Terence thinks about it.

Sailors look ACROSS, says Terence. 

Across and up, says Ageless. To see the lighthouse. So they know where not to go.

Which is where? asks Terence. 

Onto the rocks below the lighthouse, says Ageless. And be shipwrecked.

Someone should tell the cuttlefish, says Terence.

They already know, says Ageless.

Fifth window. 

A big one, in a small round room with a decommissioned light in the centre.

Terence flashes his torch at the window.

Turn it off, says Ageless, or we won't see anything.

Terence turns the torch off.

They peer through the window. 

Blackness, blackness.....

Hear the ocean? asks Ageless.

Roooaaarrrshhoom! 

No, says Terence. Yes, maybe.

Well, I can, says Ageless. 

Terence's eyes are becoming accustomed to blackness. He sees white flashes rising and falling.

Sea foam, says Ageless. That's where the rocks are.

I'll warn the sailors, says Terence. What's the SOS signal?

No need for that, says Ageless. 

Captain Baudin does it, says Terence. 

He said he flashes the torch over the ocean, says Ageless. But not what for.

I'm going down to ask him, says Terence.

He turns and runs down the winding staircase with the torch.

Ageless is left in the dark.

Annoyed with himself.

 Baudin will think he doesn't know the Morse code.

Drawing The Line

All the accessible sardines have been eaten.

Gaius goes outside and returns with an apple.

Excellent! says Denis. The perfect thing for cleansing our palates.

I don't suppose you have a knife? says Gaius.

Every sea captain has a knife, says Captain Baudin.

He produces a knife from a tiny drawer set into the side of the table.

That knife would have been useful earlier, says Denis.

What for? asks Captain Baudin.

To prise the sardine tin open, says Denis.

I draw the line at that, says Captain Baudin.

I hope you don't draw the line at slicing an apple, says Gaius.

Not at all, says Captain Baudin. We sea captains are experts at slicing apples.

He tosses the apple in the air and catches it on the tip of his knife.

Woo-hoo! says Terence.

How many slices? asks Captain Baudin.

None for me, says Ageless.

None for Terence, says Gaius.

Can I go upstairs and look at the light? asks Terence.

Captain Baudin ignores him.

So, three slices, says Captain Baudin. One for me, one for Gaius, one for Denis.

He places the apple on the table in the puddle of sardine oil, and divides it into three equal pieces.

CAN I? asks Terence.

I'll take him, says Ageless. Is there anything special we should know?

The light has been decommissioned, says Captain Baudin.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

Darkness, says Ageless We may as well not bother.

Pas du tout! says Captain Baudin. Take my torch with you. Flash it over the ocean. That's what I do.

Yay! says Terence.

Captain Baudin hands Terence his torch.

Terence and Ageless proceed up the narrow stairway.

Leaving Gaius and Denis to eat (or not) their sardine-flavoured apple.

A Sea Of Holes

That leaves three tins of sardines, says Captain Baudin.

Let me do it, says Gaius. Watch this, Terence.

Gaius opens a second sardine tin.

Okay, says Terence. Give me the next one.

No, says Captain Baudin. I won't have you ruining another.

Do you have a tin opener? asks Denis. I'll try and open the one Terence ruined..

Captain Baudin goes back into the pantry and returns with a fork.

Try this, says Captain Baudin.

Denis is unsure how to proceed with a fork as a tool.

But surely it can't be beyond him.

Meanwhile Gaius has opened the third and fourth tins of sardines.

Fork! says Captain Baudin.

Denis hands him the fork.

Captain Baudin scrapes the sardines from the three opened tins onto a small wooden table.

Bon appetit! says Captain Baudin. Feel free to take turns with the fork.

He stabs the fattest sardine with the fork, and leaves it in situ.

I assume I'm to stop trying to open the first tin, says Denis.

Why so? asks Captain Baudin.

There is only one fork, says Denis.

You had your chance, says Captain Baudin.

Sorry, says Denis, but I couldn't see how to approach it.

Captain Baudin lifts the fork from the fattest sardine and stabs it into the tin that Terence has ruined.

Four jets of sardine oil spurt out.

That should do it, says Captain Baudin.

He returns the fork to the second fattest sardine, the fattest having already been snaffled by Ageless.

Tasty sardine, says Ageless

Gaius takes a sardine in his fingers.

Denis takes another in his.

No one wishes to use the fork? asks Captain Baudin.

Me, says Terence.

What for? asks Gaius.

Making more holes, says Terence.

Good lad, says Captain Baudin. 

Terence stabs the ruined sardine tin. 

Stab-stab-stab!

Soon the lid is a sea of holes with sardine oil oozing out.

It's coming! says Terence.

No sardines, though, says Denis. 

Terence whacks the sardine tin on the table.

More oil splatters out, and some tiny round balls of sardine.

Well done, boy! Dig in, everyone! says Captin Baudin.

Only Ageless takes up the invitation.

Pale Pink To Deep Purple

It's getting late. The sky is turning pale pink.

May I make a suggestion? asks Captain Baudin.

Go ahead, says Gaius.

Why not sleep in my lighthouse? says Captain Baudin.

A kind offer, says Gaius. But we're quite happy camping outdoors.

I want to camp in the lighthouse! says Terence. 

It would be more comfortable, says Denis.

Not that much more comfortable, says Captain Baudin. 

What about you, Ageless? asks Gaius. 

I'll follow your orders, says Ageless.

No need to be like that, says Gaius. I seek your opinion.

Then let us sleep in the not much more comfortable lighthouse, says Ageless.

Why is it not much more comfortable? asks Denis.

Rounded walls, says Captain Baudin. You get used to it, however.

Are the beds round? asks Terence.

No beds, says Captain Baudin. Just flooring.

What about a light? asks Terence.

It's a lighthouse, says Captain Baudin.

There'll be a light at the top, says Gaius. 

You may go up and look at it, later, says Captain Baudin.

Yay! says Terence. 

As for dinner, says Captain Baudin, I can offer sardines.

Excellent! says Gaius. Wait, are they tinned ones?

Of course they are tinned ones, says Captain Baudin. Why are you asking?

What do they come in? asks Gaius.

He is thinking of sauce.

Tins, says Captain Baudin. Tins with a ring pull.

I mean what kind of sauce? asks Gaius.

No sauce, just oil, says Captain Baudin. I don't hold with these sauces.

Gaius is scared of tomatoes, says Terence.

Not scared, says Gaius. But I believe they are poison.

I quite like sardines in tomato sauce, says Denis. Very tangy.

Nothing beats plain sardine oil, says Captain Baudin.

The sky has by now turned deep purple.

Shall we all go inside? asks Captain Baudin.

They all go inside.

As expected the walls are curved. There are narrow steps leading upwards.

You'll sleep up there, says Captain Baudin. But first let me feed you.

He enters a tiny pantry, and comes back with four tins of sardines.

Who'd like to open these tins? asks Captain Baudin, looking at Terence.

Me, says Terence. 

Have you ever opened a ring pull sardine tin before? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. But I've opened a Red Bull.

That didn't go well, says Denis.

I learned how to be careful, says Terence.

He tries lifting the ring pull on the first tin of sardines.

Everyone watches, as the ring pull breaks off in his hand.

What Are Bygones?

Lobster Girl! says Terence.

If you call me that again, I'll pinch you, says Ageless.

Lobster Lady! says Terence.

Ageless attempts to pinch Terence, to no avail.

You can't pinch me, says Terence. 

Then I'll do something worse, says Ageless.

That will do, says Gaius. 

Something worse? says Terence.

That is not what I meant, says Gaius. Let this be the end of it. No more threats, no more teasing.

Yes, no more teasing, says Denis. 

Captain Baudin returns with the tray, and four more hot toddies.

Hum, says Gaius. I think we've all had sufficient hot toddies.

Except for me, says Ageless. 

Ageless takes a hot toddy, and drinks it down fast.

Have another, says Captain Baudin. 

Ageless takes another.

Now we're all together, says Gaius, let's agree on an agenda.

Number one: stick together, says Ageless. 

That should go without saying, says Gaius.

It hasn't so far, says Ageless.

And whose fault is that? asks Denis.

De Freycinet's, says Captain Baudin. And he is not here. Let bygones be bygones.

What are by-gons? asks Terence.

Events that have gone by, says Denis. 

Like what? asks Terence.

Like when you teased Ageless, says Denis. That has gone by, because you let it.

I didn't let it, says Terence. I got told off by Gaius.

So did I, says Ageless. And I am his equal.

In this case, says Gaius, you are not my equal.

He's right, says Captain Baudin. 

Who's right? asks Gaius.

You, Gaius, says Captain Baudin. You are in charge of the mission, as I understand it. So your word prevails.

Remember I'm here on a voluntary basis, says Ageless.

And I'm here as a friend who has little better to do, says Denis. Yet, I'm quite prepared to take orders.

Me too, says Terence. Give me an order.

I already did, says Gaius. 

Another one, says Terence. I want to show Ageless.

How about helping Captain Baudin wash the dishes, says Gaius.

Hold it! says Captain Baudin. These are my precious hot toddy glasses. I'm not trusting them to a cement boy.

He could dry them, says Gaius. I'm sure he'd be careful.

I have to be careful if it's an order, says Terence.

Let me remind everyone that I'm the captain of this lighthouse, says Captain Baudin. No one will help me do the dishes. 

Boo! says Terence.

But the others, on reflection, are glad.

Lobsters Are Good at Puzzles

Terence has gone down the path as instructed.

He is looking for Ageless.

In the distance, something is moving towards him.

With two black dots on top.

Sunglasses! 

It has to be Ageless.

He runs towards Ageless and stops.

Guess what? says Terence. 

You went to the lighthouse without telling me, says Ageless. Is this how to treat a colleague?

Yes, says Terence. And we met Captain Bo Dan.

Captain Baudin, says Ageless.

That's him, says Terence. He made Gaius and Denis hot toddies. And me one without whiskers. But it didn't make me cough.

Ageless wisely ignores this.

Let's go, says Terence. You might get one.

Ageless resumes his journey to the lighthouse.

Did Roo-kai find you? asks Terence. 

He found me, says Ageless. I was at the marina, waiting for you.

Did he tell you where we were? asks Terence.

Yes, that's why I'm heading there now, says Ageless. It would have helped if we'd made an arrangement.

We did, says Terence. 

Without me, says Ageless.

You weren't there, says Terence.

Ageless considers the truth of this. 

But you are now, says Terence.

Yes, says Ageless. 

They are nearing the lighthouse.

They hear laughing voices.

Ha ha! Skydiving in the Canaries!

Ho! that's cheating!

Cheating why?

It's skydiving in a... not skydiving in the...

He's right. How about... skydiving in a tornado?

Hah-ha-ha, there's a challenge. Oh, here's Ageless!

Greetings all, says Ageless What's so funny?

Denis has received an email from Henriette, says Gaius. She has set us a puzzle.

Not US, says Denis. I should never have told you.

Hot toddy? asks Captain Baudin.

Thanks, I will, says Ageless, adjusting his sunglasses.

Captain Baudin goes inside.

What's the puzzle? asks Ageless.

Are you good at puzzles? asks Denis.

We lobsters are all good at puzzles, says Ageless.

Imagine you're Henriette, says Gaius. 

He can't, says Terence.

O yes I can, says Ageless. I'm Henriette. I'm in Brisbane sending emails to Denis to taunt him.

Very perspicacious of you, says Gaius.

Is that it? asks Ageless.

No, says Gaius. There's more. You're taunting Denis with a fantasy you have about skydiving, which you won't tell him.

I know exactly what it will be, says Ageless. 

Enlighten us, says Denis.

Best not, says Ageless. We girls have our secrets.

Ha ha! laughs Terence.

Ageless thinks he's a girl!

Skydiving In A....

Heard from Henriette? asks Gaius.

Not yet, says Denis. I've just sent her an email.

Your lady love? asks Captain Baudin.

A correspondent, says Denis.

A female, says Gaius, finishing his hot toddy.

Have another? asks Captain Baudin.

I will, thank you, says Gaius. 

And I'll have another, says Denis.

Captain Baudin goes inside and returns with three hot toddies, includimg one for himself.

What about me? asks Terence.

Why don't you go down the path and see if Ageless is coming, says Captain Baudin.

Okay, says Terence.

Denis takes a sip of his toddy before checking his emails.

Bien alors! He has received a reply.

So Denis, you've been thinking of me. I landed feet first, and kept running. I may go up again. I have this fantasy. I'm skydiving in a.... no, I won't tell you. You have your own fantasies. A lobster in a sea captain's hat, handing out hot toddies. How many have you had?

Humph! says Denis.

Did she go skydiving? asks Gaius.

She did, replies Denis.

A skydiving woman, says Captain Baudin, looking skywards.

She's in Brisbane, says Denis.

I was not looking for her, says Captain Baudin. I was using my imagination. How are her legs?

What do you mean how are her legs? asks Denis.

Legs are what you see first, says  Captain Baudin. 

Depends where you're standing, says Gaius.

As a matter of interest, says Denis, imagine you're her.

Both Captain Baudin and Gaius try to do it.

Now, says Denis. Complete this sentence: I'm skydiving in a....

Is that it? asks Gaius.

That's it, says Denis.

I'm skydiving in a clear blue sky says Gaius. 

Try something more fantastic, says Denis.

A clear blue sky full of chickens, says Gaius. How's that? What is the point of this exercise?

Perhaps Denis wants something more erotic, says Captain Baudin. 

Not necessarily, says Denis. 

I'm skydiving in a voluminous blue skirt, says Captain Baudin. As I float downwards it blows up like a balloon around me. I cannot see. My legs paddle wildly. How will I excecute a safe landing?

Very good! applauds Gaius. I see it all clearly.

Denis sees it all clearly as well.