All Round Big Cheese

Maria Palomino has salt on her fingers.

Why not try it? Who was that person who advised her not to consume it?

What would he know?

She licks a finger.

Yes, it tastes of sea salt.

She grimaces.

She hails a flight attendant and orders a cup of bespoke herbal tea.

She is drinking it when Gaius walks past on his way to the toilet.

He is escorting Saint Roley who ought not to have eaten the Laughing Cow cheese.

It was a far cry from a mollusc.

Saint Roley goes into the toilet, and locks the door.

Gurgling noises ensue. And the tap running.

Gaius strolls back to where Maria Palomino is relaxing.

You are the purchaser of the Sea Salt, if I'm not mistaken, says Gaius.

I am, says Maria Palomino. I have just tested a sample. It seems to be genuine sea salt.

I can attest to that, madam, says Gaius. Arthur and Sweezus are trustworthy colleagues of mine.

They seem like good types, says Maria Palomino.

While I can't attest to its prognosticating qualities, says Gaius, I do have evidence that supports it.

How wonderful, says Maria Palomino. What is it?

When a small quantity was sprinkled on my trousers, says Gaius, it formed the letter E. Or the letter R, I have now forgotten. It hardly matters, as E stands for Ecuador and R for Riobamba.

And that's where you're going? asks Maria Palomino. Riobamba?

Yes, says Gaius. But I did not know that then.

Then how did you take it as supporting evidence? asks Maria Palomino.

Because I was hoping to be invited to join Dr Clulow on his trip to Riobamba to assist in the translocation of endangered marsupial frogs, as well as further test the results of his study on the use of pool salt to reduce chitridiomycosis in the Green and Golden Bell Frog, says Gaius.

Maria Palomino looks stunned.

Forgive me for the excess information, says Gaius.

Not at all, says Maria Palomino. Would I be right in assuming you refer to the Marsupial Tree Frog, or Riobamba Pouched Frog, a member of the Hemifractidae family?

Indeed you would, madam, says Gaius. Would I be right in assuming you know a great deal about frogs?

I have relatives in Riobamba, says Maria Palomino. My son Pedro and his family. The children keep Riobamba Pouched Frogs as pets. Would you like Pedro's phone number?

I should appreciate it, says Gaius.

Saint Roley has left the toilet and is making his way back down the plane.

He draws level with Gaius.

Here you are, says Maria Palomino. Keep trying, if Pedro doesn't answer. He's a busy man. A scientist, astronomer, mathematician, topographer and geographer, and all round big cheese.

Big cheese.

Saint Roley turns pale and hops back to the toilet.