Up And Down With Alacrity

Captain Bruni and Captain Hawkins approach the Lighthouse.

The tourists are waiting outside.

This is outrageous! says one of the tourists.

I'm leaving, says another. And I'll demand a full refund!

Look! says a third tourist. Lobsters!

We're in luck! says Dad. One of those lobsters is our friend Captain Bruni. The other will be Captain Hawkins.

The tourists murmur. A lobster....how come...?

Sorry about this, folks, says Captain Hawkins. It rarely happens that a volunteer doesn't turn up. It's not my day, but I'll show you through the Lighthouse.

Cool, says Jerry. Can we go up to the top first?

No, says Captain Hawkins. It's a lighthouse. We start at the bottom. Now, where are my keys?

He fumbles in his pockets. Pretends he can't find them.

He usually does this. It's funny. But today's not the day.

Hurry up, says Captain Bruni. Their mood's turning nasty.

Captain Hawkins finds the keys and opens the door to the Lighthouse. The tourists shuffle in.

Gather round, says Captain Hawkins.

You are standing in the second oldest extant lighthouse tower in Australia. For one hundred and fifty eight years it was constantly manned. I myself was its longest serving keeper, from 1877 to 1914.

Manned? says a tourist. You mean lobstered.

That is not what I mean, says Captain Hawkins. How do you think I could get up and down these stairs with alacrity, as a lobster?

Good question, says Dad.

Which brings me to the stairs, says Captain Hawkins.

Can we go up them? asks Terence.

Not yet, says Captain Hawkins. The stairs are cast iron, and replace the original staircase.....

Terence nudges Jerry. Come on. Let's sneak up.

He makes for the staircase. Jerry follows.

Clang clang. Terence 's cement feet make an obvious sound on the cast iron staircase.

But someone has asked about sperm oil, and when did it stop being used, and what did they use as a replacement, and Captain Hawkins wishes to answer this question, so he nudges his friend Captain Bruni, indicates Terence and answers:

In 1892 sperm oil was replaced by colza oil, which is otherwise known as rapeseed.

Sperm oil replaced by rapeseed! The tourists are impressed by this fact.

At last it is time to ascend the circular staircase.

What a good view there will be from the top.

Terence and Jerry are up there already, looking out, when a parrot lands on the railing.